My last post was prompted by events that occurred over the weekend. The thing about social media is that no matter how big we think this world is, it really isn't. Someone inevitably knows someone, that knows someone, that knows you, that knows him or her -whatever the case may be. And so, no matter how very hard you have worked on yourself these past two years to get to a good place, one little picture, his face, that smile I adored is suddenly staring back at you -if only through a picture. And sadly, that's all it took for my emotions to knock me down. Suddenly I am listening to "make me cry" music which in turn urges my fragile mind to write sappy poetry. Hence my previous post. I wrote so much in the past two days I surprised even myself. Lucky for you, I only published one poem. Maybe later I will share more.
I know what I am going through is temporary and tomorrow is another day and all that. That's why I am allowing myself to feel every single emotion, feeling, tears that I have inside me right now. Because I know that I will be ok. I am ok. This weekend I kind of just brooded at home, in my thoughts, memories, wishful thinking, but no regrets.
Onward.
I hope your weekend was a great one. I hope you did something fun and laughed. Mine was good, despite the broken heart thing and I laughed. Alot. So there's that.
May sweet dreams guide you into the new week.
-peace.
they came like waves crashing unto the shore
flooding my mind with memories
of you
of us
i close my eyes and transport myself to the day we first met
how nervous we both were
the flirting
we loved to tease one another
our blossoming friendship
the spur of the moment trips to the book store for no reason
our countless and very opinionated conversations,
sitting together without speaking a word
yet feeling as if we just had the best conversation
the calmness
the ease with which our love grew
laughing incessantly at who knows what
good times
bad times
arguments
making-up
endless kisses
the best hugs
the ardent passion that we emitted
smoldering looks we often gave each other
my heart sighs
how very much i miss you
and crave you
and always will.
Greetings and salutations bloggies,
By now we are in full blown Thanksgiving mood am I right? But I still have October on my mind. Ahh yes, the month that for everyone except Texas, is the beginning of Fall. Color changing leaves, brisk air hugging our beings, Halloween parties, spooky stories and of course, my birthday to kick it off. I hope your 31 days of October were spectacular. Mine began bright and cheery and pretty much remained the same until the very last day of the month. -I will get to that later. Work consumed me but so did celebrating and post celebrating the day of my birth. There were lunch dates, dinner dates, getaways and plenty of good times. I have the best friends and family I tell ya. I'm a lucky gal.
Sadly, on the last day of the month, tragedy would strike a long time family friend. His eighteen year old daughter was fatally shot and killed while at a Halloween party. She was an innocent bystander. A beautiful, young and intelligent human being's life was cut short because some stupid kids were fighting and one of them thought that brandishing a gun and then shooting it, made him a bad ass. When in reality he is just a dumb-ass who is now a murderer. I swear I am so angry about this. It seems that human life is just thrown to the wind and given no regard to how precious it is. Some kids today and yeah, adults too, are heartless. I pray that all involved will be brought to justice. I know it will not bring our friend's daughter back. But at the very least, it will bring them closure.
Be Better, friends. Be better.
May the rest of November be happier, full of smiles and plenty of hugs for all of us.
-peace.
Another year
A new beginning
A clean slate
365 days of opportunities
to love
to be loved
to laugh
to dream
to fulfill my dreams
to live passionately
with purpose
to be kind
to listen
to inspire
to make amends
to celebrate
to start over
to try
to fail
to try again
I was gifted
another year of life.
This is fifty-five.
Texas froze. People froze to death, literally. A new variant emerged. Governor Abbott and a bunch of other imbeciles decided they know what's best for women in the state of Texas and took away our right to choose. (for the record, not that it is anyone's business, I'm pro-life. However, I take issue with those that want to decide what is best for any woman's body. Makes my blood boil. Oh but that is another post for another time. Nonetheless, I'm sure Ruth Bader Ginsburg is turning in her grave.
Where was I? Oh yes, mask vs. no mask fights. "...but my rights" assaults against airlines, grocery store employees, bank employees, hell, innocent bystanders. Let's see anything else? Oh yes, Hurricane Nicholas is wreaking havoc along our Texas coast as I type. -We are the popular state lately, eh? So I'm sitting here, having post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from the freeze back in February, because our power may or may not go out tonight. Currently, 52,000 are without power. Again. Still. Power grid be damned right Gregie? Anyway, my nerves are everywhere. I can't keep still. My thoughts are erratic and sleep is out of the questions at this point. I live in Houston. It seems that we will not receive the brunt of the rain as originally thought, but we will experience the winds. Hmm, flooding or wind damage? Which to choose?
I've lived here all of my life. Yet, every June 1st I cringe because it's the start of hurricane season. This was a tropical storm when I woke up this morning -err, yesterday morning now. By early evening it became a Cat-1 hurricane. No stranger to major storms at all, we ALL know what to do to prepare. Sometimes the meteorologists are spot on and other times they are not. Through no fault of their own of course. I mean, storms have their own agenda and change course constantly.
My heart goes out to all who are being directly affected. I pray that damage is minimal and no loss of life occurs. Send us your prayers, good vibes, good karma -we need anything we can get.
Oh yeah. Almost forgot. I was watching the news earlier and as the reporter was doing a live shot in Galveston, guess who walked by? Check it out.
Who says Texas has no sense of humor?
Getting older is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because we are alive and kicking. A blessing because we have opportunities to make a difference, to let our light shine, to be our best self and create our life in the manner we see fit. A blessing because we can right a wrong. Ah but the flipside of that coin is the curse. All of a sudden, a new day brings about a new body part that aches or cracks or just flat out gives out on you without any warning. It's so frustrating. But what are we going to do? The alternative is not an option -not for me and it better not be for you either.
I went to the doctor today to get knee injections. Yes, one for each knee. This is not new. I started getting them last year -pre-pandemic and then when doctors offices started seeing patients in person again. I normally get them every four months but this year has been a little crazy (as if you didn't know) so I am a little behind and a lot in pain. I was almost in tears when I begged the doctor to squeeze me in for an appointment. Mercifully, she did. My knees are full of arthritis and not in the best shape. The doctor has recommended weight loss to give me some relief and depending on how that goes, then she can rule out knee replacements.
Yuck.
Oh but that's not all. Come on now, you should know me and my dramatic self by now. In addition to the knees, I have also been having major hip pain. So major that some days it's debilitating. It limits how far I can walk or if I can even stand up. Those are my worse days. The doctor thinks hip replacement is a last resort and I wholeheartedly agree with her. I refuse to have that happen to me. But for this to happen, I have to change my entire way of life and make major changes. Nothing mind-boggling. It's the usual, what we ALL should be doing. Taking care of ourselves, watching what we eat, listening to our bodies -they talk to us all the time, we just tune them out sometimes. Or in my case, all the time.
It's hard y'all. But it's something that I have to do because I have so much living left to do. I don't have a choice and this is not up for discussion. I know the consequences if I don't act now.
Getting older. Gotta love it. And I do. Arthritis, cracked knees, wonky hips and all.
The bewitching hour is upon us. Sweet dreams bloggies.
my love,
i often wonder if you still think of me when you look up at night and see the beautiful, mystical moon illuminating your corner of the world.
or if, on a particularly beautiful day where the sky is as blue as the ocean but peppered with a few white, puffy clouds, i wonder if you try and form shapes out of them just like i used to do.
i wonder about alot of things.
but i try not to do that often because when i do, an overwhelming sadness wraps it's hold on me and the familiar pangs of longing for you begin to stir within me. and the tears begin to fall. i can taste the salty tears as they trickle down my face and over my lips.
it has been almost a year since i felt like this.
until today.
**I started writing this over a week ago. Right after the "big freeze". But I did not finish writing it until tonight.**
A week ago I woke up to a cold, wintry morning. No I was not dreaming and yes I was totally sober. Upon getting out of bed I immediately felt a draft that wasn't there the night before. There was a kind of an 'extra' chill in the air. I shrugged it off and started my way to the bathroom. What? You know you do it too. As I passed my bedroom window I decided to look out the blinds. I remembered that the news the night before, had said we were in for a few snow flurries and since it was colder than normal in the house, I was curious to see if there was anything to see outside. Now keep in mind, every newscast since Friday had warned us that a blast of artic air accompanied by freezing rain, sleet and snow (!) would pretty much paralyze the city. Don't laugh. This is Texas. We don't do winter here. Hell, we can barely drive on a sunny afternoon let alone on an icy, snowy road. Where was I? Oh yes, I peered out the window and was pleasantly surprised. There was actual snow on the ground, on the cars, on my neighbors' rooftops. It was like freaking winter wonderland outside! And this snow was not the kind we are used to getting. Normally, if they say "slight chance of flurries", they really mean slush. A combination of ice and rain. And if by chance there are actual snow flurries, well they don't stick. It melts before it even hits the ground.
Since I was working from home that day (remember the our city was already shutdown in anticipation of this storm), I quickly proceeded to get ready so I could go play outside. I'm not even kidding. I checked the temperature outside and it was a 16 degrees. Yeah, that's not a typo. Listen, when we say cold here, we're talking 40 to 50 degrees tops. There's nothing better than a cold morning, inhaling that crispy air and feeling your insides wake up quickly. Except this was not like any other typical cold morning. I realized that as I stepped foot outside my door. This cold air was wicked. I felt it from the top of my messy hair to the tip of my frozen toes. I felt it in my bones. I'd never experienced anything like it in my life. -Although, people insist that it froze like that here back in 1989, I would have been around 22 years old. I have tried to remember but I have no recollection of that happening.
The first thing I did was take my gloves off (yes I own a pair) and grab a handful of that beautiful, soft and fluffy snow. I tossed some of it in the air and tried to catch some flakes with my mouth. Ha. That was a sight to see. I was totally that kid. I made a snow angel for the first time ever and basically just enjoyed this awesomeness of the snow. Once I had satisfied my inner kid, I went back in the house and got down to work.
And then.
And then late that evening, about 6:00ish or so, just as I was thinking about what to make for dinner, all of a sudden, everything turned off. Everything. I wasn't too panicked because again, they had warned us that our power may go off because of the ice, but not to worry. So I didn't. Instead I went for the candles and the flashlights. Well, one hour turned into two hours and then three hours. What's a girl to do, right? I tried reading, using one of my flashlights for light. But funny thing, when it's freezing outside and there is no heat in your home, you kind of lose interest in doing anything else but staying warm. As the hours turned into more hours, and whatever glimmer of hope I had in the power being restored that night, I gave in to the realization that we were going to be in the dark until daylight broke. So I hunkered down in my bed, underneath countless blankets. My mind was racing. I kept thinking that I needed to go home. Home is where I feel safe. It quickly dawned on me that I was home. My anxiety was over the roof. Work stress, pandemic stress, being sick, my mom falling a few weeks ago and dislocating her shoulder, and now this.
And exhale.
I've noticed that I have been overeating way more than I normally do. I am also extremely short-tempered these days. Any little thing makes me snap and I don't like that. That is not me. I blame the pandemic for that but this freeze and subsequent blackout, has only escalated my distress.
The following morning we awoke to a very cold house, lower freezing temperatures, lots of rain mixed with snow and still no electricity. It would be three more days before power was restored. Three very long, very cold days. We didn't lose water until Wednesday and it would not return until Saturday. A funny take from this craziness is that in the middle of the storm and with literally thousands of people without water or electricity, the city was put under a "Boil water" notice. Freaking hilarious. What water was this that they spoke of?
On Thursday night at about 11:30ish or so, our house lit up like a Christmas tree. Praise God there was light! I jumped out of bed and quickly ran around turning off appliances that had been in use before the lights went out. When I heard the sound of the central heat turn on, my heart jumped in delight. That night I slept better than I had since Sunday night.
As the city slowly tries to recover from this madness, stories of people sleeping in their cars for warmth. Some of them though, tragically didn't make it. There was a family of five that slept in their cars, in a closed in garage and they died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Then there was a story of a man who had buried his mother the night before the storm, only to wake up the following morning going door to door in his neighborhood with his tool box in hand, offering whatever help he could and would not take anything for payment. He said in an interview, that it was something his mom would have wanted him to do. Stories like his is what keeps my faith in humanity alive.
There are still so many people who are still without any electricity and/or hot water. People's homes have broken water pipes due to the freezing temperatures, there are downed trees, wrecked cars and other weather related damage. There is something terribly wrong happening when an entire state fails to provide it's citizens with even the most essential of necessities: electricity and hot water. Regulation or not. This was a disastrous situation that should never have happened and was coupled by the lack of leadership from Austin. But that's another blog post for another day.
As Houstonians do in times of crisis, we sprang into action the minute we were able to Fundraisers, food drives, bottled water giveaways, neighbors helping neighbors, putting aside any differences or discord in order to help one another get through the aftermath of mother nature's reckoning. We have received help from all over the country and that alone makes my heart swell. It's a beautiful thing but there is still much left to do. If only we were always this nice to one another. If only we could all have differences yet still get along. If only we did not let the color of our skin, divide us. If only love could make hate go away.
If only.
*As many of us did, there were tons of picture sharing on social media last week. A couple of friends of mine gave me permission to use their pics in this post.
Thanks Melissa and Michael 💕
I wrote this a few years ago for Valentine's Day. I know February 14th is still weeks away but with so much negativity and hate being spewed these days, I decided to post it again -for old time's sake. And, to put the universe on notice that I am ready for love to find me. Maybe it will work this time. -Enjoy bloggies :)
_______________________________________
My dearest,
I write to you these words that are in my heart
I would say them aloud to the entire world if you let me
I never imagined I could be able to love so much
to give so much of myself to someone
and have them love me and give back to me with the same intensity,
the same passion.
You are the man I have been waiting for my entire life
You are the man made just for me
And I,
I am the woman made just for you,
that adores you with every fiber of her being
I am the woman that wants nothing more but to make you happy,
to fill your days with joy and laughter.
I am the woman that wants to spend the rest of her life with you
going through the good, the bad and the ugly together,
Beloved, I always said that my knight and shining armor was lost and probably never going to find me at this point in my life. But you know what? Deep down I knew, I just knew that all of this love I have inside of me to share, was not going to waste away. And I was right. We found each other just in time. At the right time.
Thank you for giving me so much. And you know that I am not talking about material things. Every day with you is an adventure. Even when we argue. Every night with you is full of fervor, enticement, desire, lust, love and so much more.
And for that and that alone, I am yours forever.
Last week three different friends lost their mom and dad. Covid being the reason for two of the deaths and the other one I am not sure what happened. Indeed, it was a very sad and painful start to the week. Two of those friends I've known since grade school and the other friend, I met her through work, over twenty years ago. I can't even begin to imagine the pain they must be going through. And even though they are adults, some with children of their own, it still does not diminish their grief. I pray for their comfort and strength to endure what they will be going through in the coming days and weeks ahead. And I pray for the souls of Mr. R, Mr. G and Mama Synthia. One of my biggest fears is losing a parent. I'm fortunate to still have both with me. But I worry for them every day.
I wish I could say that that was the end of tragedy last week but as most everyone knows, it was not. Last Wednesday, January 6, 2021, the United States Capitol was overtaken by domestic terrorists. In what has been one of the most disgusting acts of violence against Americans I have been witness to, I had not felt so helpless, sad and enraged since 9/11. As I watched in horror and disbelief at what was taking place, I feared for our country. For my country. How is it that the strongest, most dominant and revered countries in the world, could be reduced to our very own fellow Americans pitting themselves against one another? What kind of fabled reality were they living in?
I'm still disgusted. I am still angry and I'm still sad. There have been many an argument, many excuses, many lies also, as to what really happened, who was really behind it, etc. All I know is that I watched with my own eyes, a bunch of despicable, poor excuse of human beings, beat up police officers, each other, destroy property, steal, and ultimately cause the death of 5 people, one that included a police officer that was there doing his job. These savages had total disregard for law and order. It makes me sick. I hope and pray with every fiber of my being that they are all caught, thrown in jail and serve time.
And before anyone throws the "free speech" argument at me, don't. This had NOTHING to do with freedom of expression. This all came down to an outcry because the masses did not like the outcome of an election. An election that was ruled fair by the Supreme Court. An election that was legally won. That's how stuff gets done in America. At this point, I don't give a rat's ass if people are offended or appalled. I'm angry dammit. I'm ashamed. I'm frightened for not only our country, but the world we live in.
It was not enough to have this ridiculous virus come into our lives last year. Oh no. Now these ingrates want to destroy our country too? Yeah. Not on my watch. I will do everything I can to ensure this does not happen. And as so many people told me over and over and over again when Donald Trump won in 2016, "Leave this country if you don't like it" - I say the same thing to them. "Get out. You're not wanted here".
-peace.
In my head I had all the words that I wanted to write. But my heart is just not in it. Not this time. Today's events by the domestic terrorists/thugs, made me sick. Physically sick. Nothing about what happened was American or patriotic. Nothing.
America is broken and crying tonight.
-peace.
Greetings and Salutations Bloggies!
About a month ago I was asked by my friend, Jesse Sendejas, if I would be interested in participating in an upcoming article he was writing for the Houston Press, an online newspaper that features local news, entertainment and the like. I didn't hesitate to say yes. He was going to be writing about concerts -musical acts that we had seen more than once and what kept us going back and of course, how the pandemic put a stop to all concerts. I was given a set of questions to answer. The questions took me back to memories of my first concert at the ripe old age of 10 *gasp* I remembered things that I had not thought about in years and also brought back memories of some crazy things I did back then. (maybe even last year) Most of all, it brought back happier times and that made me smile. Click on the link. Maybe it will bring a smile to your face too.
-peace.
ps-Jesse did a bang-up job in this piece. Bravo to him.
I've Seen (Insert Band Name) 10 Times! | Houston Press
It's not that I purposely set out to stay up late. I don't. I just get this burst of energy around the same time every night. It's 12:40 a.m. right now but you couldn't even tell, the way my brain is juggling a million little things all at once. Yes even as I write. It's quite a party happening in my mind right now. Where was I? Oh yes. My weird sleeping habits. I don't know. I've tried just about everything I know to lull me to sleep but nothing seems to work. In the morning, I'll be groggy and kind of bitchy for a little bit, but soon my sunny disposition takes over and I'm fine. I blame 2020. Yeah, that's it. 2020.
Oh here's a thing I haven't talked about in a long time. Dating. Yeah remember that? I vaguely recall it. Anyway, on Thursday I will be interviewed by a local blogger extraordinaire who also happens to have a podcast about you guessed it, dating. She will ask me questions about my dating life (when I had one that is) and experiences, things like that. I'm kind of excited and kind of nervous. I'm curious about what she'll ask and how I will respond. Ha. I'm pretty sure I will embarrass myself. But that's ok, I'm a master of that sport. Especially lately. Eh, but that's story for another time. So we shall see how it goes. I've never done this before. Have any of you? In all honesty, even though I am a little nervous, I also have this "I don't give fuck" attitude that I adopted this year. It's all the rage of 2020 don't you know. So while I do have the jitters, I'm pretty sure I will be just fine. And if not? "I don't give fuck" If anything, a lot of strangers will get a good laugh at my expense.
Since I don't know what her questions will be, I've been going through my dating memory bank trying to recall my dating experiences throughout the years. So far I have a funny one, a memorable one, a 24 hour one and a horrible one. I tend to have more of those horrible ones than any other ones saved up in that bank of mine. I do miss dating though. Back in January I had decided to start meeting potential suitors again. But then the pandemic happened and work bombarded me and here we are almost 10 months later. "But what about dating sites?" you ask. Just know that I won't ever try the online dating sites again. Ever. And that's all I will say about that.
I'll be sure and let you know how it goes with the podcast. Oh hell, I'll even post the link so you can hear for yourself. ;) You're welcome.
Well, I'm off to see the wizard. Not really. Maybe. Who knows? I've been having weird dreams lately so the wizard might show up.
-peace.
