Monday, May 17, 2021

Rainy Sunday

Rainy Sunday

Rest. Don't think. Don't do.  Just live in the moment.
Most times the it is a blessing.
Today it was a curse.

Too much time to let my mind wander aimlessly
worse case scenarios
never-ending problems
tragic endings
worry
pity this is not about ideas for my next story or poem

Lots of talking myself off the ledge of anxiety
The thunder breaks my fall
Once again I escape the abyss


Wednesday, May 12, 2021

Achy Breaky Body

Getting older is a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because we are alive and kicking.  A blessing because we have opportunities to make a difference, to let our light shine, to be our best self and create our life in the manner we see fit.  A blessing because we can right a wrong.  Ah but the flipside of that coin is the curse.  All of a sudden, a new day brings about a new body part that aches or cracks or just flat out gives out on you without any warning.  It's so frustrating.  But what are we going to do?  The alternative is not an option -not for me and it better not be for you either.  

I  went to the doctor today to get knee injections.  Yes, one for each knee.  This is not new.  I started getting them last year -pre-pandemic and then when doctors offices started seeing patients in person again.  I normally get them every four months but this year has been a little crazy (as if you didn't know) so I am a little behind and a lot in pain.  I was almost in tears when I begged the doctor to squeeze me in for an appointment.  Mercifully, she did.  My knees are full of arthritis and not in the best shape.  The doctor has recommended weight loss to give me some relief and depending on how that goes, then she can rule out knee replacements.  

Yuck.  

Oh but that's not all.  Come on now, you should know me and my dramatic self by now.  In addition to the knees, I have also been having major hip pain.  So major that some days it's debilitating.  It limits how far I can walk or if I can even stand up.  Those are my worse days.  The doctor thinks hip replacement is a last resort and I wholeheartedly agree with her.  I refuse to have that happen to me.  But for this to happen, I have to change my entire way of life and make major changes.  Nothing mind-boggling.  It's the usual, what we ALL should be doing.   Taking care of ourselves, watching what we eat, listening to our bodies -they talk to us all the time, we just tune them out sometimes.  Or in my case, all the time.  

It's hard y'all.  But it's something that I have to do because I have so much living left to do.  I don't have a choice and this is not up for discussion.  I know the consequences if I don't act now.  

Getting older.  Gotta love it.  And I do.  Arthritis, cracked knees, wonky hips and all. 

The bewitching hour is upon us.  Sweet dreams bloggies.


Thursday, May 6, 2021

Dating Vibes -Got Any?

To date or not to date?  That is the question.  What is the answer?  Well for me, it's the latter.  I have not been on a real date in a very long time.  I'm talking since before the pandemic days.  Why you ask?  Hmm, the short answer is that I am not sure why.  I've always been a social butterfly and meeting people has never been a problem for me, so again, I'm not really sure.

 A friend of mine of the male persuasion suggested to me that while I am social, I may be giving off the "I don't want to date" vibe, thus turning men away without even knowing that I'm turning men away.  That last sentence I think is true.  If I really think about it and play out the last few times I have been out, the way I carried myself with people -men specifically,  I can honestly say that I  could indeed have been sabotaging myself.  I suppose I'm scared.  Scared of dipping my toes into that pool of uncertainty and heart-break.  I've been in it many times before and the outcome hasn't always been a happy one.
Huh.  Who knew one of my guy friends would result in a pseudo therapist?  He told me this first consult was free but that the next time he would charge me.  "Calm down Dr. Ruth"  I retorted.  He backed down.

Dating is hard.  Dating during a pandemic is almost impossible.  Almost.  I know quite a few people that went on virtual dates for awhile and it worked -for them.  Me?  I need the live and in person connection.  Maybe now that things are seemingly getting better for us (fingers crossed) maybe I will put my big girl panties on and try again.  But how does one go from emitting "stay away from me" vibes to "I'm ready to date" vibes without seeming desperate?  Hmm, how indeed.   

 Stay tuned for another episode of "As Yvonne Dates -or not" in future posts.

It's the weekend friends, go out and enjoy the hell out of it.

-peace.

Friday, April 30, 2021

Wheels Up!

I did a thing last week.  I hopped on a plane and it took me away. Far away.  My first vacation in over a year.  A year.  Wow, how surreal.  My friends and I traveled to the Caribbean waters of Cancun, Mexico.  For four days and three nights, paradise was ours.  No worries, no anxieties, no cares in the world.  Nothing but sun, clear blue waters and sand in our toes.  It was amazing.  Truly amazing.  I've traveled to Cancun many times and it never disappoints.  It felt so good not to have an agenda and to forget about responsibilities and obligations and problems and just, just breathe in the moment.  To pause and relish the beauty of the ocean, the sun kissing your face...  It felt so good to just sit on the sand and watch as the waves crashed onto shore.  The beach and the ocean are my happy place.  Truly, my happy place.  I spent part of my days pondering my life and sorting out my thoughts. It was therapeutic and enlightening.  But my days and nights were not just spent in Zen.  No, we also danced -alot, laughed, made new friends from all over the world and ate and drank to our hearts content.  

In case you're wondering, as I am sure some of you are, yes COVID-19 is very much alive and kicking, even in Mexico.  I was pleased to see that the airline crew went above and beyond to ensure that the passengers were safe, comfortable and followed all the protocols.  The hotel where we stayed was very, very stern about mask wearing and social distancing.  Not to mention the transport services.  It was comforting to me to see so much care being put into keeping us secure.  The people there just seemed so grateful that we were there.  

I hope you are able to get away, even for a short time, to anywhere that you can escape your worries and just enjoy life and forget about the past year.  Trust me, the memories of the last year and the worries, will still be there when you return.

-peace.



Monday, March 15, 2021

when my mind wonders...

my love,

i often wonder if you still think of me when you look up at night and see the beautiful, mystical moon illuminating your corner of the world.  

or if, on a particularly beautiful day where the sky is as blue as the ocean but peppered with a few white, puffy clouds, i wonder if you try and form shapes out of them just like i used to do.

i wonder about alot of things.  

but i try not to do that often because when i do, an overwhelming sadness wraps it's hold on me and the familiar pangs of longing for you begin to stir within me.  and the tears begin to fall.  i can taste the salty tears as they trickle down my face and over my lips.

it has been almost a year since i felt like this. 

until today.


Saturday, February 27, 2021

That One Time in Texas...When It Froze

**I started writing this over a week ago.  Right after the "big freeze".  But I did not finish writing it until tonight.**

 A week ago I woke up to a cold, wintry morning.  No I was not dreaming and yes I was totally sober.  Upon getting out of bed I immediately felt a draft that wasn't there the night before.  There was a kind of an 'extra' chill in the air.  I shrugged it off and started my way to the bathroom.  What?  You know you do it too.  As I passed my bedroom window I decided to look out the blinds.  I remembered that the news the night before, had said we were in for a few snow flurries and since it was colder than normal in the house, I was curious to see if there was anything to see outside.  Now keep in mind, every newscast since Friday had warned us that a blast of artic air accompanied by freezing rain, sleet and snow (!) would pretty much paralyze the city.  Don't laugh.  This is Texas.  We don't do winter here.  Hell, we can barely drive on a sunny afternoon let alone on an icy, snowy road.  Where was I? Oh yes, I peered out the window and was pleasantly surprised.  There was actual snow on the ground, on the cars, on my neighbors' rooftops.  It was like freaking winter wonderland outside!  And this snow was not the kind we are used to getting.  Normally, if they say "slight chance of flurries", they really mean slush.  A combination of ice and rain.  And if by chance there are actual snow flurries, well they don't stick.  It melts before it even hits the ground.

Since I was working from home that day (remember the our city was already shutdown in anticipation of this storm), I quickly proceeded to get ready so I could go play outside.  I'm not even kidding. I checked the temperature outside and it was a 16 degrees.  Yeah, that's not a typo.  Listen, when we say cold here, we're talking 40 to 50 degrees tops.  There's nothing better than a cold morning, inhaling that crispy air and feeling your insides wake up quickly.  Except this was not like any other typical cold morning.  I realized that as I stepped foot outside my door.  This cold air was wicked.  I felt it from the top of my messy hair to the tip of my frozen toes.  I felt it in my bones.  I'd never experienced anything like it in my life.  -Although, people insist that it froze like that here back in 1989, I would have been around 22 years old.  I have tried to remember but I have no recollection of that happening.

The first thing I did was take my gloves off (yes I own a pair) and grab a handful of that beautiful, soft and fluffy snow.  I tossed some of it in the air and tried to catch some flakes with my mouth.  Ha. That was a sight to see.  I was totally that kid.  I made a snow angel for the first time ever and basically just enjoyed this awesomeness of the snow.  Once I had satisfied my inner kid, I went back in the house and got down to work.

And then.

And then late that evening, about 6:00ish or so, just as I was thinking about what to make for dinner, all of a sudden, everything turned off.  Everything.  I wasn't too panicked because again, they had warned us that our power may go off because of the ice, but not to worry.  So I didn't.  Instead I went for the candles and the flashlights.  Well, one hour turned into two hours and then three hours.  What's a girl to do, right? I tried reading, using one of my flashlights for light.  But funny thing, when it's freezing outside and there is no heat in your home, you kind of lose interest in doing anything else but staying warm.  As the hours turned into more hours, and whatever glimmer of hope  I had in the power being restored that night, I gave in to the realization that we were going to be in the dark until daylight broke.  So I hunkered down in my bed, underneath countless blankets.  My mind was racing.  I kept thinking that I needed to go home.  Home is where I feel safe.  It quickly dawned on me that I was home.  My anxiety was over the roof.  Work stress, pandemic stress, being sick, my mom falling a few weeks ago and dislocating her shoulder, and now this.  

And exhale.  

I've noticed that I have been overeating way more than I normally do.  I am also extremely short-tempered these days.  Any little thing makes me snap and I don't like that.  That is not me.  I blame the pandemic for that but this freeze and subsequent blackout, has only escalated my distress.

The following morning we awoke to a very cold house, lower freezing temperatures, lots of rain mixed with snow and still no electricity.  It would be three more days before power was restored.  Three very long, very cold days.  We didn't lose water until Wednesday and it would not return until Saturday.  A funny take from this craziness is that in the middle of the storm and with literally thousands of people without water or electricity, the city was put under a "Boil water" notice.  Freaking hilarious.  What water was this that they spoke of? 

On Thursday night at about 11:30ish or so, our house lit up like a Christmas tree.  Praise God there was light!  I jumped out of bed and quickly ran around turning off appliances that had been in use before the lights went out. When I heard the sound of the central heat turn on, my heart jumped in delight.  That night I slept better than I had since Sunday night.

As the city slowly tries to recover from this madness, stories of people sleeping in their cars for warmth. Some of them though, tragically didn't make it.  There was a family of five that slept in their cars, in a closed in garage and they died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Then there was a story of a man who had buried his mother the night before the storm, only to wake up the following morning going door to door in his neighborhood with his tool box in hand, offering whatever help he could and would not take anything for payment.  He said in an interview, that it was something his mom would have wanted him to do.  Stories like his is what keeps my faith in humanity alive.

There are still so many people who are still without any electricity and/or hot water.  People's homes have broken water pipes due to the freezing temperatures, there are downed trees, wrecked cars and other weather related damage.  There is something terribly wrong happening when an entire state fails to provide it's citizens with even the most essential of necessities:  electricity and hot water. Regulation or not.  This was a disastrous situation that should never have happened and was coupled by the lack of leadership from Austin.  But that's another blog post for another day.  

As Houstonians do in times of crisis, we sprang into action the minute we were able to  Fundraisers, food drives, bottled water giveaways, neighbors helping neighbors, putting aside any differences or discord in order to help one another get through the aftermath of mother nature's reckoning.  We have received help from all over the country and that alone makes my heart swell.  It's a beautiful thing but there is still much left to do.  If only we were always this nice to one another. If only we could all have differences yet still get along.  If only we did not let the color of our skin, divide us.  If only love could make hate go away.  

If only.

*As many of us did, there were tons of picture sharing on social media last week. A couple of friends of mine gave me permission to use their pics in this post.  

Thanks Melissa and Michael 💕




Thursday, February 11, 2021

Mother Nature Is Drunk

What is up with this crazy weather? Me thinks that Mother Nature has been sneaking into someone's liquor stash.  I mean, how else would you explain all this bitter cold making it's way into Texas? Yeah it snows in parts of Texas and yeah we are still in the winter season, and sure, we are used to cold temperatures for a a day or two.  Oh and by cold temperatures I mean 40 to 50 degrees, tops.  But the meteorologists here have been on defcon mode since last weekend.  The warnings and forecasts have gotten more and more intense as the week progresses.  Can you really blame them though?  Texas knows hurricanes, tornados, tropical depressions, humidity and scorching heat.  That's what we know.  Not icy highways, below freezing temperatures and *gasp* the possibility of snow.   Can you imagine?  We would go insane trying to maneuver ourselves in ice or snow.  Hell some of us I mean me, have a difficult time maneuvering around in normal weather.  Again it's not like snow has never fallen in our great state. It has. In fact, some cities in Texas get snow on the regular during the winter.  Except Houston.  The few times that it has snowed here it has not stuck around.  It melts as fast (or faster) than the Wicked Witch did in The Wizard of Oz.   

Personally, I love cold weather.  I would love to experience snow -real snow, at least once in my lifetime.  More if I could conquer my fear of skiing -but I digress.

The next few days and the better part of next week promise to be interesting here.  We'll see what happens.

In other news, happy LOVE week, bloggies.  May love in any realm, find you and make you dizzy happy.

It's almost the bewitching hour.  I better go take my 7 hour nap so I can be a productive human in the morning.

-peace.

Rainy Sunday

Rainy Sunday Rest. Don't think. Don't do.  Just live in the moment. Most times the it is a blessing. Today it was a curse. Too much ...