Monday, December 30, 2013

Dear 2013...

I can't say I'm sad to see you go because let's face it, I'm not.  In fact, I can't wait until you're gone.  But I'm not as unkind as to tell you to leave, without thanking you.  Yes, I'm thanking you.  You see, you brought me to my knees this year.  Literally.  I had some pretty knock-down, stay down kind of events transpire in these past twelve months.  But the good news? I didn't stay down and that's what counts.  Oh it was rough, not gonna lie.  But I'm not a quitter.  A whirlwind of events took place in the form of triumphs and failures, painful memories, happy memories, lessons learned, love found, love lost.  All at once they begin playing in my head and tug at my heart.  Despite it all, the good and the bad, I had a pretty good year.  However, 2014 listen up! I have plans for you.  No more Ms. Nice Guy!  It's time to take the reigns and get to work on all of the projects that remain unfinished or worse yet, not even started.  This new year, I will strive to be a better version of myself, in every aspect of my life.  I have goals and aspirations and fears to conquer.

With all that being said 2013, thank you for another year full of experiences.  Now don't let the door hit you on the way out!


From my little corner of the world, to yours, I wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!  May it be filled with everything you wish for!  Thank you again, for being my ever faithful listeners, therapists, cheering squad, but most of all, thank you for taking time out of your lives to read my little blog and leave some pretty bad ass comments.  Meh, even the not so bad ass ones.  :)

2014 please be good to me.

See you next year bloggies!!! :)

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A Christmas Wish...

Dear Bloggies,

May your Christmas be filled with an abundance of love, joy, laughter, family, friends, good health and prosperity.  Every year I am reminded how fortunate I am to have one day stumbled onto this site, because it's here that I met all of you.  

So go out, be merry and enjoy life.  That's what I'm going to do!

Love and kisses!

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Sunday Morning...

I wrote about my friend a few posts ago.  I told you he is someone that I  love with all of my heart, that has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Well, this morning i woke up feeling like this...

my heart aches, i'm at a loss as to what to do and how to help and i'm worried. how do you help someone feel better about things that is going through chemo?  i want to to take his pain away, i want to make him laugh and forget about his illness.  but how do i do that?  i love this person with all of my heart.  even now.
even still. i  never stopped.

he just told me his hair is starting to fall out.  (residuals from the chemo) and all i could think of was how scared he sounded.  i told him all the right things, remained positive and upbeat and gave him encouragement and even laughter.  i told him he could have some of my hair.  if you know me, you know i have A LOT of hair.  i think what god forgot to give me in stature, he made up for it in my hair.  that made him laugh.  but really, what do you say to someone that is going through that?  i fucking hate cancer! did i tell you that already?  i do.  i've lost too many friends to it and i HATE it.

i've been sick the last couple of days (stupid cold) so i can't go see him and that bums me out.  but i don't want to get him sick.  so until i'm better, texting and phone calls is all we have.  we laugh and laugh.  i try my best to keep our talks and visits happy and silly.  sometimes we're serious, but not too often.  i think laughing and loving him is much better than being serious, don't you?  

i pray and pray that the treatment works.  i don't cry because i don't have time to cry.  i feel that if i break down, i won't be able to pull myself back together.  and so, i haven't.  but i don't know how much longer i can keep it up.  y'all know i'm an emotional person. (if you read my blog regularly) bleh. 

christmas is a few days away and i'm going to do my best to make it a great one.  for me and for him.  i try not to let this consume me.  as i have my own life and problems to deal with.  and for the most part, it's not consuming me.  but today, today he just sucked the life out of me when he told me about his hair.  

so i have a favor to ask of you, if you pray, please pray for my friend.  his clean bill of health would be the best christmas present ever!

this has been my sunday morning kids,  thanks for dropping by.  now i'm off to the dreaded malls to buy last minute christmas gifts.  

be good!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Eight More Days Until Christmas!

hi kids.  it's been a while.  when last we met, i was just taking in some really bad news, dealing with the usual "as yvonne's world turns" stuff and trying to keep my head above water.  eh, all that stuff is still there but my emotional state is a lot more tolerable now.  sometimes you just have to disconnect, you know?

so christmas is right around the corner.  last minute scurrying about, chaos at the malls, gift idea dilemmas and lots of parties to go to.  that's what the last few weeks have been like for me.  how about you?  is the holiday rush too much for you to bear? do you wish you could hide in a cave until january 1st?  haha, sometimes i do.

not gonna lie, december always depresses me.  don't get me wrong, i love christmas and all that goes with it. but what depresses me is that the year is coming to an end.  and that usually scares me and excites me at the same time.  i'm sad for what is ending and for what i didn't accomplish in the year or perhaps for what i did accomplish.  know what i mean? it's okay if you don't. sometimes i don't get what i'm saying either.  it happens.  but the end of the year also excites me and gives me hope for the new. for what is to come and for what i have yet to do.  and i'm always hopeful for good things to happen to me, to my loved ones, to my blogger friends.  always hopeful.

one thing is for sure, my heart is full of love.  it's so full it's spilling over.  even the haters, i love them too.  someone has to.

so what do you hope santa brings to you this year?   hope you've been good. he's watching you know.

if i don't delete this post, and you get through it and even leave a comment, i thank you for sticking it out.  i'll write something more palatable in a few days.  before christmas for sure.

until then, here's a happy for you!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Hugs Wanted -Apply Within

I'm sad tonight.  Very sad.  Things are just spiraling out of control in my world.  If you don't continue reading, I'll understand.  If you stick around until the end, you totally rock!  Where to begin?

Thanksgiving 2013.  Family time, bonding, laughing, eating.  Fun was had by all.  We're all about tradition at our house during the holidays, so we try really hard to keep the traditions going every year.  Sometimes, not everyone participates and that's ok.  Commitments, in-laws and other pressing matters take precedence.  So those times, while not as rowdy, still tons of fun.  I have so much to be thankful for.  So much.  And trust me when I say that I am.  I hope your holiday was also a great one.

Dementia and Nursing Homes
Over the Thanksgiving break my siblings and I took time to visit our only living grandmother.  She's in a nursing home.  Suffers from dementia. She's 91 years old.  I had not seen her in a couple of months.  I know, I know, bad granddaughter.  So I was not really prepared to see what I saw.  She was sitting up in her bed, propped up by pillows.  At first glance, she seems almost normal, like my abuelita (grandmother) that I know.  But when I walk in and get closer, I realize she is not really there.  Her body is,  but her mind is elsewhere. Plus, she shrank.  My abuelita was once 5'8, she towered over us as kids.  But now, she's tiny and almost shriveled.  She looked so fragile.  It saddened me.  She was not in a good mood either.  Fighting with the nurses and not wanting to eat.  She didn't recognize any of us.  My brothers couldn't take it for very long.  They left after only a few minutes.  My sister and I stayed with her and talked to her and fed  her.  -or tried to anyway.  We knew she couldn't comprehend what was going on around her, but we spoke to her anyway and we kissed her -when she'd let us. The whole visit was surreal to me.  I hate that she doesn't remember anyone or that she talks to herself and her memories.  I hate that my father and my aunts and uncle, watch her slowly deteriorate.  I ache for them.  My dad especially. He is/was her favorite.  It's so difficult to watch him suffer.  The day after our visit, we were told that my abuelita had been admitted to a hospice over night.  Needless to say, we've been beside ourselves ever since.

Death, Cancer and Friends
Sunday, the day I learned about my grandmother, I was also informed that a very dear friend of mine, lost his father.  He died of a massive heart attack.  I had not spoken to him (my friend) in a couple of years, but upon learning of the sad news, I called him.  It felt good to hear his voice.  He was taking it very hard.  Could barely utter a few sentences.  The viewing/rosary was tonight. I saw him, my friend, surrounded by his mom and his sisters and the rest of his family.  Upon seeing me, he opened his arms and I fell into his embrace.  And we wept and hugged each other.  And when we broke free, he smiled and thanked me for attending.  One of the things that resonated with me tonight, was that no matter the distance or the years, tragedies and celebrations always bring family and friends together again.  I saw a lot of familiar faces and we caught up on  each others' lives.  It was good and it was bad and it was humbling and sad.

Not to be outdone by a funeral (I know I know, I have a morbid sense of humor sometimes), last night I was told by someone that used to have my heart, that he has cancer.  Sigh.  I mean, I'm talking Lifetime Movie material here, guys!  That news, brought me to my knees.  You see, no matter how it played out with us, I adore him, always will.  And it pains me to know that this horrible bitch of a disease, has taken hold of his body.  His prognosis is actually good.  They caught it in time and it's treatable.  So that's a silver lining right?  Right.

The Houston Texans
Meh.  You thought I wasn't going to mention them didn't you?  All I have to say is, only a few more games until this nightmare of a season is over  Thank.the.lord.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still a fan, always will be.  But like Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer belted out "Enough is Enough"

Annnnnd, I'm done.  Still here?

New month.  New week.  New possibilities.

Do me a favor, have a great week.


Chapter 56

The sunlight peeping through the curtains, stir her from her sleep.  Her eyes open and she rubs them a bit before sitting up in bed.  Eyes n...