Sunday, June 26, 2011

Can't think of a title worthy of this post. So just read it. Please?

Good evening bloggies! Welcome to another installment of,  "As Yvonne's Dating Life Turns"  On the last episode, we witnessed (via her great story-telling ways) how she swore off going on anymore dates ever, EVER, again.  She lied. Oh and she's quite dramatic too.  Ok, it's time to speak in first person again, that third person crap is making me dizzy. Or maybe it's the alcohol currently sitting in my system.  -You make the call.  Alright, what started out as a fun-filled day with "just the girls", quickly went to, "Just a few people."  This beautiful Saturday some of my girlfriends and I planned on an impromptu "Pub/bar crawl" For those not familiar with this term, a Pub crawl, is when you go from one drinking establishment to another and my guess is that they use "crawl" because a lot of people (not me, of course) may or may not be able to walk after visiting a few of these bars.  Hence the use of the term, "crawl."  So off we went to our little soiree.  The leader of the bunch, we'll call her *Kas, planned out the places we would visit.  All in all, there were a total of 9 of us.  Five girls and four brats boys.  We went from bar to bar, never staying longer than half an hour.  Oh, did I forget to mention that we began at precisely noon? Um, yeah.  We're early birds.  The one rule of this little game of ours was simple, if you could still stand, somewhat upright, you kept going.  See? Simple.  We breezed through stops 1 through 3 fairly quickly.  Mostly, due to the lack of "cute" guys or "hot" girls in those establishments.  Stop number 4 was at an "Everybody knows your name" type of bar.  The tables and chairs didn't match, the floors were cracked, but the music and the bartenders were awesome! So we stayed.  That's where I saw my "future" date.  I noticed him as soon as we walked in.  I quickly hopped (literally) onto a bar stool, and enjoyed the view.  He was playing pool, ball cap on backwards, his curly hair peeking out,  tight, dark navy tee shirt, with U.S.A written across in white letters.  He had on khaki shorts and some sort of really cool sandals (Or, as my friend *Rudy called them, "Jesus" sandals),  I had not realized I was in a trance until he was thisclose to my face.  He smiled and had me at his dimples.  "Do you wanna play?" he asked me.  Now, by this time, the "Peanut gallery" aka my friends, had noticed my interaction with "Baseball cap" guy.  I tried my best to ignore their stares and concentrated on the hottie.  "I'm not very good",  I replied as I batted my eyelashes at him.  He lightly grabbed my hand and said, "Come on, I'll teach you."  So off I went, hand in hand, to play pool with "Ball cap" guy.  Much to the chagrin of my friends.  Keep in mind that at this point, I was feeling pretty bold and uninhibited.  Alcohol does that to you.  So we played a couple of games.  He totally annihilated me first game, but second game I was ON! Eh, who am I kidding? I know he let me win.  Didn't matter. It was fun.  Well, "Ball cap" guy decides that he and his friends want to join me and my friends on our adventure.   The entire time he sticks to me like glue, and I like it.  We hit a total of five places and then everyone was hungry.  We finally decided on a place that had food and a wide screen tv, for soccer match watching purposes.  My friends are huge soccer fans.  BC guy quickly informs them and me, that he is too! WINNER! :)  So we ate, and watched Team Mexico school Team USA.  Soon after that, we decided to call it a night.  I know, I know, lame.  But hey, we had been going ALL day!  BC guy asked for my number and I gave it to him (duh!).  Oh, and fyi, we're going out next weekend. 

And how was YOUR day?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Hot for Teacher!

I just finished watching Justin Timberlake on Jay Leno.  I don't know why I find this guy so damn sexy, but I do.  Funny, I never cared for 'N Sync and had never even heard of JT until Cry Me A River came out.  I've been salivating a fan ever since.  So he was on Jay Leno to promote his latest movie, Bad Teacher.  It looks like it's going to be funny and I'll probably take my niece with me to watch it.   Yes, I am a dork like that.  Anyway, the reason I brought this up to begin with, is because the title of the movie made me think about the song, Hot for Teacher by Van Halen. For you youngsters out there, Google is your friend. Or just click here:

 So as I was jamming to the song earlier, I thought about all of the teachers I had growing up and tried to remember if I was ever "hot" for any of my teachers.  Sadly, I was not. See, I went to a Catholic elementary school and an all girl high school,  all of my teachers were nuns.  I never had a  teacher I could drool over.  That is, until my sophomore year in college.  OH.MY.GOD.  I will never forget my English professor.  He was from Boston, he was older and he was incredibly sexy!  Like Richard Gere meets Javier Bardem sexy! Minus the Spanish accent.  Needless to say, I was the perfect student in that class and I never missed a day!  Ever.  Fun times.

And just because I'm no longer in school, doesn't mean I still can't be "Hot for Teacher."  I've got a few male friends who are teachers that are definitely "drool" worthy.

So bloggies, what about you?  Ever been "Hot for Teacher?" 

Do tell.

Lost and Found

"I am lost, somewhere inside my own dreams
afraid of what life really means"

"I need a guiding light
To shine on my darkest days
I was young, and time was on my side
But like a fool I let it slip away
And now those days are gone"
-Gino Vanelli

Background:  These are lyrics to a song by Gino Vanelli that came out circa 1981 called Living Inside Myself. Yes, I am dating myself.  Bite me.  (Gino Vanelli was not a one hit wonder, more like,a three or four hit wonder)  Ok, so these lyrics spoke volumes to me tonight.  I realize more than half of you will not know what or who I am talking about.  But hey, it's a new world, google him. 

You hear it all the time, "I found myself." or, "I didn't know who I was before but  now I do."  What am I talking about?  I'm talking about knowing what you want to do with your life and going after it.  I'm talking about knowing who you truly are and being okay with that.  I'm talking about taking control of your life. Owning who you are.  I often times wonder, "How do they do that!?"  Someone please clue me in!  Ugh! Lately, I've been in this funk! More than the bouts with depression, this "funk" has me questioning EVERYTHING I'm doing or have ever done.  It's making me doubt myself.  I spoke to Michelle, one of the musketeers (for explanation of The Musketeers, go here: tonight and I mentioned to her how I have been feeling.  I went on to say that I was tired of being "lost" and wanted to be "found" already! She told me that she'd been feeling the same way -"in a rut", is how she put it.  "Are we having a mid-life crisis?"  I asked jokingly, but not.  I'm seriously wondering if that's my problem!  My 45th birthday is coming up in October and it's really freaking me out. Just typing that out alone, made me cringe!  I never thought that age would bother me so much, but it kind of is.  Michelle suggested I re-read Eat.Pray.Love or go watch Under the Tuscan Sun -for the millionth time! Meh! I'll probably watch the movie again. It always makes me feel better.  But in the interim, what do I do to shake this off?  I've been trying to be proactive, so I'm not totally wallowing here.  I mean, I make myself go to the gym, along with torturing myself three days a week at boot camp for crying out loud!  I try and stay busy, keep my mind occupied.  I am also talking to someone that listens to what I say and every once in a while, jots down notes. That happens once a week.  It helps me a lot.  But I still feel as if there is something, something that I am missing.  I can't quite put it into words.  It's just something that fills me with anxiety by the mere thought of it.  I'm anxious.  I don't know why exactly.  Age is just a number, that's what I keep telling myself.  Men have the upper hand in this "age" thing.  Think about it, they go through their mid-life crisis and their solution is to buy a sports car, or get a newer, younger wife/gf/lover, or they dye their hair. Ha! My dad did that when he turned fifty.  He's got salt and pepper hair.  But on his fiftieth birthday, he dyed his hair black.  We nicknamed him "Jet", but he didn't get the funneh. That still cracks me up!  I suppose my angst is also fueled by the fact that I'm living the life of a nun.  I keep joking I should start my own order, but maybe it's not a joke anymore.  Muahaha! Yeah right!  O.M.G, getting older sucks!  I think it's time for me to break out the bottle of wine and start watching Diane Lane do tour Tuscany.

I really appreciate those of you that are still reading this madness.  Hey, at least you laughed, right?  Even if you didn't, lie to me and say you did, mmmkay? Thanks.

G'nite everybody!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Monday - done!

Hello all! How is everyone?  Tell me about your weekend, hope everyone was naughty good!  So I have this love/hate relationship not only with boot-camp (Which I will talk about in a few) but also with Monday.  It's just so, so, so in the way!  It's not like Tuesday, which is one day closer to Friday and it's not like Wednesday, which is mid-week, and everyone starts getting excited about the weekend, and definitely not like Thursday (my personal precursor to Friday).  It's just there, boring, blah.  ---This is what was roaming through my head as I sat in the sauna outside, on my back porch swing this afternoon.  Why was I sitting out in the heat aka "Hell", you ask? Well, let me tell you.  Our central air unit apparently died at some point during the day and I didn't find out about it until I opened my front door this evening around 7:00 p.m.  To say that the house felt like an oven, would be an understatement.  IT.WAS.HOT!  Ugh!  Thankfully, I once dated (okay, "dated" is a stretch, we went out twice) a guy who happens to own his very own central air and heat repair company.  What a coinky-dink!  I searched my contacts on my phone, (soooo glad I never deleted him!) dialed his number and begged/flirted with him to P-UH-L-E-A-S-E make time to come out today and fix my unit.  Wait, that sounded kinda wrong didn't it?  Hmm...

So *Stan (*not his real name obviously) agreed to come by as soon as he could (once he got over the shock of my call) and like a total gentleman and super guy that he is, came to not only my aid but my mom's as well.  I had not seen him since last summer.  The first thing I noticed when he arrived was this huge wedding band on his finger.  It was silver.  Wow, a lot of changes I see.   The a/c was repaired in less than an hour.  He didn't even want to charge me a dime! I practically shoved the check down his throat.  He finally relented but only after he said he would give me a discount.  See? Super-duper guy!  Now, now, before all of you  jump on me with questions, *Stan and I didn't have any chemistry at all.  None. Zip. Nada.  That is why we didn't continue to go out.  The feeling was mutual so no one was hurt. 

Let's move on shall we?

Prior to coming home to an oven, I had been at the dreaded boot-camp! This is week three and I'm happy to report that I'm actually making headway! I hardly pant anymore (no seriously!) or feel like I'm going to throw-up or pass-out while throwing up. And I have been meeting all of my small, personal goals in each class!  At first, I dreaded going because I never thought I would be able to keep up, but I totally have! And I've lost several inches! I can tell by the way my clothes are fitting.  I haven't weighed myself yet because I don't want to.  Not until the boot camp is over.  My friend that forced encouraged me to do it with her, has lost almost 15 lbs and about a billion inches! She looks awesome!  Oh and we both received the ultimate of ultimate compliments from the hottie at the gym. You know, the one that ALL the girls swoon over and stare at when you think he isn't looking but he really is!  That one.  My friend and I were at the gym on Saturday morning as was he.  So he comes by us as we're inhaling and exhaling during our crunches and leans over to tell us that we're doing a great job and both look hot!  Really, he said that!  Then he smiled, winked at us and strutted walked away.  Ok so never mind that he may have been referring to our sweaty and disheveled appearance, when he mentioned that we looked hot

What else happened to me today? Oh yeah, I heard from Minute Maid guy.  For all the new followers, "Minute Maid guy" is someone I met on my birthday weekend last October. I gave him that name because that's where we met, at Minute Maid park, during an Astros game.  He keeps popping in and out of my life every few months. For example, the last time I saw him was in December. We went out quite a few times and had what I thought to be great times.  But then, he disappeared on me.  Only to pop up again in February.  We didn't go out, we just chatted a few times on the phone.  And then he was gone again. And now he's back.  Silly, silly, boy!  Meh! Whatever, he's not someone I will ever take seriously, so I may as well have a good time. Right? Right.

And that kids, is the end of my little story about a day called Monday.  If you're still with me, thanks! You're the BEST! 

You know the drill, it's a brand new week, make it count!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Daddy's Little Girl

Just another day. For me.  Today is Father's Day and there are thousands upon thousands of children, young and old, visiting "dear ol' dad."  All across the country families are reuniting, getting together for lunch, dinner, dessert, perhaps taking in a movie or the beach or a ball game.  And yet, here I sit, in the comfort of my home, writing this post, alone.  Oh don't feel bad for me.  I have a  dad.  He's still alive and doing quite well.  But I don't have what you a "conventional" or "normal" relationship with him.  I've never really gotten along with him.  I harbor a lot of resentment and not so good memories.  Because of this, our relationship has suffered.  I  am content on seeing him every few months -if that. Communication only exists on an "as needed" basis.  This has been the norm between us for years.  In contrast, my siblings have a pretty healthy relationship with him.  My sister moreso than anyone else.  The thing is, my dad and I didn't have a blow-out, dramatic fight to get us where we are today.  Rather, the estrangement was gradual.  Almost like a lit candle losing it's flame, slowly, until it dies.  I feel bad for feeling this way.  I feel guilty and ashamed.  After all, he is my father.  But even still, I just can't bring myself to reach out to him.  Even though I've done it in my mind dozens of times.  The guilt is culminated by the fact that everywhere I turn, be it Facebook, the television, the radio, the grocery store, everywhere, I'm reminded what today is and how sad that makes me feel.  I've been reading statuses from friends professing their love for their dad, their "hero."  Am I a horrible person because I don't share the same sentiment?  Grant it, my father was as good a father as good he knew how to be.  And he worked hard alongside my mom, to give us whatever we wanted.  Sometimes, I think he overindulged us as a way to make up in the areas that he was lacking.  Still, I cannot erase what happened in the past nor can I bring myself to be the daughter that I should be.  I do love him.  My daddy.  I do.  I just can't show him.  So silly really.  I'm one of the most affectionate and demonstrative persons you will ever meet.  My long-term goal, is that one day, hopefully in the distant future, I'll be able to let myself love my father and tell him.  He's over seventy  years old, not sick, but not in the most perfect health either.   I don't want to have regrets.  But I can't force something that doesn't come naturally either.  To those who this post may be a bit offensive or even disrespectful, I apologize, it's not my intention to insult anyone.  It's just my feelings and emotions in the raw, up close and personal, as my blog often is.  I hope your Sunday, whatever you're doing, is a great one and if you're fortunate to have someone you call "dad" in your life, you relish in that love and in them.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Something to ponder...

I read an interesting article in last Sunday's paper. Yes I am one of the few remaining lovers of the almost extinct "Sunday Paper" (*gasp*) So the  article I read was  about men and women and friendship.  Basically, the writer claimed that men and women could not possibly be friends and lovers or friends AFTER they are no longer lovers. Why? Well, the writer cited emotions from either the man or the woman and unrequited love.  I mulled this over for a bit. The majority of my friends are women, however, I have had two best friends who are men and neither were my lovers. Well, okay, let me retract! See what had happened was---- Ok,  my first "bestie" who is of the male species, we'll call him *Gustabo. Well, *Gustavo and I became the best of friends. We had an immediate "connection" and our friendship grew over a period of time. BUT, I did the dumbest thing. I fell in love with him. Hook, line and sinker! I debated for a long time whether or not to let him know how I felt, because I didn't want to lose the relationship we had,  in the end, I told him. Like the great guy that he was, he told me he did not feel the same way -in the most gentle way possible of course! Well, I thought I could handle being just his friend. But I couldn't. Listening to his woes of love and stories of women he dated were torture for me. We slowly started putting distance between us and soon, we became acquaintances who smile and exchange pleasantries when we see each other, but aside from that, the bond we once had, was gone. I miss him, but I know letting him go was the best thing I could have ever done -for me.

My next bestie, we'll also call him *Gustabo  --- hey I'm tired, and it's late.  My relationship with *Gustabo the 2nd is one of the most honest and sincere relationships I have in my life! He truly is my best friend and there is nothing either of us wouldn't do for each other. And we're strictly platonic. There is no underlying pulse of "attraction" to one another and that's a great thing. We've seen each other naked -metaphorically speaking I mean. It's a great feeling to know that someone's got your back, no matter what! Now, before I get comments or the dreaded emails/texts from my GIRL friends, calm down, I know you are all the best! And you will have my back ALWAYS, and I love you for that, but I'm not talking about YOU tonight, so put the cell phones down and keep reading my blog!

Reading that article brought back a lot of memories for me. And it was nice revisiting that part of my life for a while. Not sure I totally agree with the writer though. I mean, I know people who were lovers first and then became friends, or friends first and then became lovers, and now have the best of both worlds. So, maybe it's just the luck of the draw? Maybe it's fate? I'm not sure what it is really. I just know that if you're lucky enough to have someone in your life who is your best friend as well as your lover, you've won the lottery!

Hmm, perhaps I should go buy a ticket!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

"Everything A Man Wants..." -a short short story

I have everything a man could want except what is most important. My wife and my son. Our divorce was final today. So begins my journey as a single man -again. "Cheers!" I said aloud, to myself and to the silence that was keeping me company. Taking a long swig of the beer in my hand, I sighed and glanced around the living room in which I was sitting. The only thing left of my "family" were the pictures of Alexander. She graciously agreed to let me keep them. "He's your son after all..." was what she said. I took another swallow of my beer and wondered how such a loving woman could become so heartless and cold in the span of what seems like a minute!?

Pfft! Not my problem anymore. The only solid, constant in my life was Alexander. My son. I see him on the scheduled visitation days and every other holiday. But that is never enough time and I am selfish with my time with him. And I miss her. Dammit I shouldn't. But I do. Unlike her, I could not just "fall out of love" and continue with my life as if the last 10 years meant nothing.

Ten years...

I met Valeria through a coworker. We were at lunch one day -the coworker and I when the "love of my life" walked into the restaurant and up to our table. It seems the coworker was playing matchmaker and thought it would be "so cool" if I met her friend Valeria. Well, for once she was right. It was cool. Better than cool. It was mind-blowing! We hit it off immediately! She was beautiful. Engaging. She had these gorgeous blue eyes that you could fall into and never want to leave. Her hair was thick, dark, and cascaded on her neck down her mid back. Her skin was flawless.

Sigh. Just thinking about her now, tugs at my heart and my emotions and yeah, my cock. What can I say? I'm still a man.

Our love affair began and ended it seems, in the same fashion: Hungrily, hurriedly, passionately. We went out for dinner one night and saw each other every night for the following month thereafter. After about another month of watching her live out of her bag, I asked her to move in with me. She was practically living with me already! Saying it out loud was just a formality!

So we were "officially" living together. Her friends became my friends and vice versa. Her parents loved me. My parents loved her. Life was good. Six months later we were married. Now, I had never been married. Valeria was married for two years. It was an abusive relationship, physically and mentally. I wanted in a way, to erase all that crap she had been through with the jerk she was married to. So I made it my mission to dote on her, to love her, to shower her with that love and with gifts and with romance. The only thing missing in the picture was a baby. We both wanted to start a family and eagerly awaited the day that that wish would come to fruition. We waited for nine years. The doctors said nothing was wrong with either of us. We just had to keep trying. This took a toll on her. On us. Maybe that was the beginning of the end. Maybe not having a child was a blessing in disguise -well that's what I used to think until Alexander came into our lives. Now he is my life.

The day we found out she was pregnant was the day she told me she wanted a divorce. How's that for a slap in the face??? "Honey I want a divorce. Oh by the way, I'm pregnant!!" I went from shock to euphoria in a millisecond! We talked that day. About us and why she felt she wanted to leave me. In the end she told me she was no longer in love with me. She didn't know exactly when it happened. It just did. What? How do you "just" fall out of love?? Someone explain that to me!! I tried to reason with her. I promised I would fix whatever was broken between us but she wouldn't budge. She loved me. But was no longer in love with me. Again I asked, "how?"

When I fell in love with her I thought that I could never, ever stop loving her. I thought the sun rose and set on her. I believed she loved me just as much.

"Two points!" I yelled at the awesomeness that was my rim shot of my empty beer can! Well, technically I made the "shot" into my trash can but it still counts right?

So here I am. Forty-two years old. Divorced. Alone in an empty house. On my sixth beer.

Where do I go from here? I seem to have lost my identity all of a sudden. I am no longer "Valeria's husband". From now on I'm just "Rene" -singular.

My soul hurts. My heart aches and I am lonely. I miss my family. I miss my son. I have a nice house full of "possessions" and money and fast cars in my driveway. The shrink I went to see during the "ordeal" told me that sometimes we try to fill our voids with material things or drugs or something tangible. But no matter how much we "fill" it or what we fill it with, we're still empty inside. I would gladly give away everything I have for a chance to have them back.

I have everything a man could want except what he needs.

Can I Borrow Your Eraser?

They say that, "that which does not kill you, makes you stronger."  I should be friggin Wonder Woman by now!  But I'm not.  In fact, I've been kind of a blob of emotions lately.  And I'm starting to get on my nerves! Life has been a proverbial bitch to me and to my family lately.  A series of "situations", "predicaments" and "realizations" have been raining on our parade as of late.  Despite this, we've all managed to get back up, to keep going, to continue fighting the good fight.  The thing is, sometimes, I have a harder time "getting back up" and "fighting the good fight."  than the others.  As those that read my blog on the regular know, I battle with bouts of depression.  The "episodes" come and go and with the help of a therapist and meds and good friends, (present bloggers/followers included) I get through.  But lately, I don't know if it's hormones or what, but I'm a basket case! I've been crying and having anxiety attacks a lot more frequently than is the norm.  Sometimes, I think that I'm just tired.  Of life in general.  I want a new one.  -Silly me.  But it's true, I want to escape.  Disappear from this which is my life for a while and go somewhere new.  Think about it, how cool would it be to start over? To create a new persona?  I think it would be incredible, don't you? Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.  Sure, I could take off anywhere in the world and create a new identity and make new friends, etc. But I would never actually do it because I have ties here.  My family, my home, my life.  This led me to think about erasing our mistakes, or a part of the day we didn't like or creating one we did.  Kind of like an Etch a Sketch.  Yet another cool idea.  I know, I know, I'm totally "on" tonight!

Meh, life is life, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life! -Sorry, I couldn't resist.  If you didn't get the reference, don't worry about it.  I'm a dork.  As for dealing with my blob of emotions, I'll just continue to do what I've been doing.  Praying, working out, meditating, keeping my chin up, and going forward. Always forward.  Oh and of course, laughter.  In fact, I think I see an I Love Lucy marathon in my future.

Well kids, that's it for tonight.  We're at midweek already, make it count!

Monday, June 13, 2011

M is for Monday

Hola kids! What's up? How are you? I hope your weekend was fabulous!  Mine certainly was!  The concert was beyond amazing!  I was thisclose to Luismi and could see the sweat beads on his face, his wrinkles his most amazing, green eyes, and that smile that made my knees buckle! He sang his heart out and I sang right along with him.  I was a happy, happy girl! Afterwards, I met up with my friend *Gustabo and his friend *Natalia, who were also at the concert, for drinks at a quaint little bar a few blocks from the arena.  We had the best time! Good conversation, good company and lots of spirits.  Need I say more?

So here's what's on my mind tonight.  Does being a "third" wheel bother you? (Or in my case, I was the 6th wheel)  I'm speaking to the singles out there that read my blog, but even if you're not single, please weigh in your opinion.  I'm asking because Saturday evening, I met a group of what I wrongly assumed was going to be "just girls". But when I got to the restaurant I was met with the girls, and also their husbands.  They're all married.  It was five couples and me.  Just me.  Now, normally I wouldn't be so bothered but I'm not good friends with this group. We're friendly and social (they did invite me after all) but only in the "all girls" realm.  I guess I felt blind-sided  is all.  And also awkward.  Plus, they made me sit at the head of the friggin table!  I almost made them kiss my ring and call me "Godmother".   I just don't like being put in those types of situations.  Don't get me wrong, we all had a great time and delicious dinner, but I was taken aback by "the couples".  It was a bit intimidating to be the "loner" amidst a group of people I barely knew.  To be fair, they were very nice.  I'm not criticising them, just the predicament.  I'm curious to see what you have to say about this.  Thoughts?

In other news, I met "Brunch guy" for dinner last night.  We had not seen each other since, well, since  brunch actually.  We had a good time.  But he gave me the "speech". You know the one, "...better off as friends"  Not to worry, I'm good with that. As I told you before, I had no expectations other than being friends with him in the first place.  I'm glad we got that "talk" out of the way. Now we can just hang-out and not be afraid that one of us is getting twitterpatted over the other.  In fact, he's working out at the same gym as me, and has suggested we work out together sometime. I'm all for it!

Speaking of working out, Torture I mean, Boot-camp is showing me how strong I am, physically and mentally.  -Yeah, yeah, I know you're probably saying, "Mentally? Yeah right!"  What I mean when I say mentally, is that when I'm just a huff and puff away from giving up, I will myself to keep going.  I think about my goal. I visualize it, and somehow that carries me through the work-out.  It's pretty amazing.  It's as if I'm training my mind to tell my body to keep going.  Does that makes sense? I think that's pretty cool!

Well, that's what's going on with me.  Thanks for dropping by! You know the drill, it's Monday, make this week count!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Friday Happies

I went to get a pedicure today and had the BEST foot massage ever!  But wait, there's more!  As an added bonus, I got a "scalp" massage too! Talk about "toes curling"! Remember my post last year, Hairgasmic? 
In case you don't, go here:

Well, that's what it was all over again. All courtesy of the nail salon ladies. I was a happy girl, driving home. In an effort to lift my spirits, I made a list of  things that made me happy today and made me smile. I thought I'd share them with you, just for kicks.

"Ten Happies"

1.  Driving home this evening I saw the most beautiful sunset.  I had to pull over and just take it in.  It was amazing!

2.  My three year old niece called me today (with help, I'm sure!) and said, "Lub you aunt Beebon" She can't say my name very well yet.

3.  Took a drive to the beach today and sat on the sand.  Watched the waves crashing on the sand and inhaled the aroma of the Gulf.

4.  Read some Shakespeare and Elizabeth Barret Browning.

5.  Watched reruns of Good Times.

6.  Hugged my mom and held on longer than usual.

7.  Read comments from some of you regarding my Pity Party post.  I felt the love.

8.  Enjoyed some wine, good conversation with a friend and more hugs.

9.  Bought me some new perfume.

10.  Bought a dozen peach roses for myself.  I'm staring at them now.

And there you have it, my Friday in a list.  Hope everyone has a great weekend! Do me a favor, do something -anything that makes you smile.



“Como yo te ame
jamas te lo podras imaginar
pues fue una hermosa forma de sentir
de vivir, de morir y a tu sombra seguir
asi yo te ame” - Luis Miguel

These are lyrics to a song entitled “Como Yo Te Ame” by Luis Miguel. It's not the video I posted up above.  I couldn't find one that I liked with the song "Como Yo Te Ame".  So, I gave you a potpourri of his music instead.  This is an old video from 2000.   Now, back to my story.   Luis Miguel will be appearing in concert here on Saturday and I am counting down the days, literally. I've got 6th row tickets and I can't wait!  I am also making my friends on FB insane with all the videos I keep posting of him. Whatever, I warned them a few days ago that this would happen. You see, I don’t get all crazy-excited about concerts, UNLESS it is Luis Miguel or Chicago. Yes, Chicago. Still. Always. Sheddup. Don’t judge. I know I’m old! Anyway, back to Luismi (sounds like “Luis-Mee) That’s one of his many nicknames that the media gave him or maybe he did, who knows? So yeah, I’m "school-girl" annoying and excited! The song lyrics I posted are going to be difficult to translate without losing the heart and profoundness of the song, but I’ll give it my best shot. I’ll give you a little background, he’s telling a story about how he loved someone and how she will never know how much or to what depth. His music is very romantic, a la Michael Buble’ and Frank Sinatra. He’s a crooner for sure. And oh yeah, I love him.

Tonight, I am feeling a bit melancholy. Come on, you knew this was coming! I’ve written enough cheesy posts for you to guess! The thing is, I’m missing someone tonight. Well, I miss this person every day but tonight, tonight marks a year since, well, since.  And so, I have unlocked the vault that is my heart and let the memories I’ve kept away, trickle out. Just for tonight. Tomorrow, they go back to the vault and all mention of this will cease. At least, out-loud.

Now, on to the lyrics!

“You’ll never know how much I loved you
You can’t even imagine
It was a beautiful way to feel, to live, to breathe, to die
I chased your shadows
That is how much I loved you.”

Thanks for playing along kids! You've been greeeeeat!

ps-  WTF is up with Blogger this time? I can't see any of my followers again!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Pity Party for One

Sometimes, I feel hopeless and drained. 

I want to quit. 


Sometimes I don't want get back up, after having fallen, yet again.

Today I did something I had not done in a long, long, time.  I asked the infamous questions,

"Why me?" and,
"Why not me?"

I know, I know, how very selfish of me right?  Just call me Debbie Downer.  I just felt defeated. 
Sucker-punched and so tired.  It's not just one thing, it's one thing, after another, after another, after another.  Really, how much can one person take?  Yes I know I am not really making sense, well, only to me.  Indulge me, kind readers.  I'm having a moment I guess. I know it will pass and all will be rainbows and roses again in my world.  It always is because I'm not really a quitter.  And I hate to lose.  

I've veered off the path temporarily but am working my way back, I'm almost there.

Ugh! This poor excuse of a post is brought to you by "My mind won't stop going in circles".

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

"What are you wearing?" -The Phone-Sex Mysteries

In the spirit of the latest political scandal caused by yet ANOTHER man's stupidity, let me share this oldie but goodie with you.  I wrote this last fall.

What is it with men and their obsession with phone sex? It baffles me how so "into" it they are.  I personally get nothing out of it. It just does nothing for me. Men are visual creatures. So, wouldn't it make more sense for them to be more into watching porn or actually having contact with someone real, something tangible? With phone sex, you can't see the person, you can't touch the person, it's all about imagination and interpretation. Now, not all men I know are fans of phone sex. But those are very far and few between. My good friend *Gustabo for instance, told me last summer that he "thought" he had had phone sex for the first time ever! He wasn't sure.  He proceeded to tell me how it transpired and a little of what was said during his conversation with a girl he had been casually dating for a few months.  I couldn't help but laugh because he genuinely was clueless about it. And I found that endearing somehow. I remember asking him if

1. He enjoyed it and
2. If it aroused him.

He said he enjoyed it because it brought her pleasure but he himself, was not aroused. See? Not all men. By contrast, I have a "special" friend whom I just adore to pieces! This said "special" friend would call me or text me, soley to engage in a little "down and dirty talk" He used to tell me I was really good at it and always managed to get him off.  That used to blow me away (no pun intended) because I didn't agree with him. First of all, I had never done that with anyone, ever.  Until him.   But what can I say? When you're crazy about someone you will do anything they want just to please them, because you want to make them happy.  And I did, make him happy, over and over and over again. Just call me the "Happy Fairy". Our phone interludes went on for years. Thus allowing me to perfect my newly found talent. ha! Now I'm an old pro! But the weird thing? I never became aroused when I did it or while I did it. I faked it. I was so good I deserved an Academy Award on acting abilities alone! I just never found it to be a turn-on for me. Well, ok, I actually enjoyed the "power" I had when I got him off.  But it wasn't enough for me to actively participate and get pleasure out of it for myself. I haven't done that  for anyone else since. I don't know that I ever will.  Maybe. Who knows?   Sorry boys. Not just anyone can be privy to my special power that is my voice. That's what my "special friend" would tell me turned him on at first. My voice.  He said it was very sexy. Which if you knew me, you'd laugh hysterically like I did when he told me. I hate my voice! But to be honest, he's not the only one that's told me that before. And no, I'm not being cocky. I'm anything but cocky. So I deal with the public on the phone daily and a lot of our clients (in the law firm you pervs!) compliment my voice. Men moreso than women. Hmm, maybe I found my new career. Kidding, kidding.
Okay, I've gone off (hehe, no pun intended -again) on a tangent. So, tell me, what is the allure to this phone sex phenom? What keeps you returning for more? And by no means am I saying that there is anything wrong with that. If that's your thing, have at it! I'm just wondering what the seduction is all about. What? Don't judge. I realize I may catch a lot of flack and judgment because of this post but really, I can't worry about that, love me, hate me, it's all relative in the grand scheme of things isn't it?  Besides, I know you're just jealous.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Snowday in Houston! Not really.

But it could be!  It rained in parts of our city yesterday and today.  Some of the thunderstorms were severe and some were but a mere trickle.  No matter.  You would have thought it was snowing in Houston (a rare occurrence at minimum) the way the media, the masses and even the pets were reacting!  It was mayhem I tell you!  I was never so happy to see rain in my life! It's been a dry year so far for us.  We're only in June and the temperatue has not budged from being over a hundred degrees! You see my reason for being excited for rain now right? Good.  My Facebook page yesterday was full of rain shots, rainbows  and dark clouds, all courtesy of Mother Nature.  But alas, just as quickly as the showers came, they went.  Kinda like men.  Heh! 

I really don't have much more to say.  I'm tired and hot.  So, this is all you get today.

It's Monday kids, make the week count!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Truth Serum

Insomnia is a bitch! Ugh!  I'm deliriously sleepy and tired, but I can't fall asleep and it's driving me nuts!  And so, I come here, where everybody knows my name...

Today was a good day.  I spent it baby sitting my nieces.  Two beautiful little girls, the youngest is three years old and the oldest is ten years old.  My sister and my five year old nephew joined us on our "Adventure Day".  First stop was lunch, because I picked them up around the noon hour and they were famished!  Much to my amusement, when I asked where they wanted to go eat, they replied in unison, "Hooters" Of course, what child doesn't want to go to Hooters? Bahahaha! So off we went and had a great lunch. Followed by a visit to the Museum of Natural Science, the zoo, a train ride, running around the park, a bout of heatstroke (me, not the kids)  and finally, a visit to Baskin Robbins for ice-cream. Did I mention it was over a 100 degrees in Houston today? Can you say, CALIENTE??? Um yeah, hot, is an understatement.  I love spending time with the girls and my nephew. They are so innocent and forward and honest and inquisitive.  Not having any kids of my own, I often times "borrow" them and take them places or shopping sprees or wherever they feel like going.  But I get to take them home at the end of the day or the weekend (if they are spending it with me)  I don't know how my sister or ex-sister-in-law do it.  I don't know how any of you moms do it, day in, day out!  My tolereance for patience was tested over and over today, no doubt about that!  You are ALL amazing!  Someone should put all of you on a payroll!

In other news, I had intended on going out on a date tonight.  Calm down, not a real date, per say.  Just with an old friend who went away, but is now back.  We just recently started chatting and mutually agreed to have dinner and go to a movie.  See? Nothing romantic or even pseudo-romantic for that matter.  But after my fun-filled, heatstroke kind day that I had, I called and canceled.  So we're doing it tomorrow instead.  And it will be brunch instead of dinner.  Actually, it's 1:30 a.m. on Sunday morning, so it will be today not tomorrow as I wrote above. 

What else is on my mind?  I am craving kisses.  Not just any kisses.  But the ones I'm craving are not for me to have, and so I move on.  Or try to.  Whatever.

So I'm beginning to think that insomnia is almost as bad as alcohol.  When I'm in this state, not only do I start rambling about nothing and everything, but I also start spilling my guts.  Not always a good thing.  The alcohol would have been a lot more fun!  Where's that vodka bottle when you need it?

Let me stop the insanity now. 


Friday, June 3, 2011

Boot Camp and Me - A Love/Hate Relationship

Hey guys! What's up?  It's been awhile.  How has everyone's week been so far? Short work weeks are, as  Tony the Tiger would say, "Greeeeat!"    As for me, my week so far has been good.  I'm settling in at my new place of employment and learning the ropes, new office programs, etc.  Boring stuff.

In other news, yesterday marked the beginning of my boot-camp adventure.  It's held three days a week from 5:00 a.m. to 6:15 a.m.  for 30 days. I must have been heavily medicated, or very intoxicated or just plain out of my mind when I agreed to sign up for this!  O.M.G.  It was pure and utter sweat, blood and tears.  No lie!  The instructor is a former Navy seal, a huge man, about 1000 lbs, stands about 6'4 and can pick me up with one hand.  Ok, ok, not really, but he is a huge guy and mean too!


"Just what we need chica! A super strict trainer!"  so utters my friend.  The same friend who forced  talked me into doing this boot camp insanity.  First of all, waking up at the ungodly hour of 5:00 a.m. to go work out is enough to make me puke!  But I did it. The work out consists of heavy cardio in the form of running, sprinting, crawling, hopping, push-ups, jumping jacks, sit-ups and tug of wars.  If one person in the group messes up or slows the group down, then that person has to catch up to us and do it all over again.  It's held outside, at a park.  Did I mention it was 100 degrees today in Houston?  Um, yeah.  Yesterday it wasn't so bad though.   And after all was said and done, I limped  walked my defeated but invigorated body to the showers and then I cried.  Not because I was sad, no, I actually cried because I was so proud of myself for finishing the entire workout.  I didn't think I was going to be able to make it.  But I did!  And I'm back at it tomorrow. Friday's class is in the evening due to scheduling conflicts.  Don't worry, I know you're concerned for me and are wondering if I've packed my Advil yet.  Happy to report, it's in my gym bag, along with a bottle of Ibuprofen, for back up purposes.  This road to creating a better version of myself, mind, body and soul is daunting at best.  But it's something I have to do.  Mediocrity is not an option.  Alright, that's it for tonight.  My aching muscles and I are going to go pass out now. 

Be good.

Chapter 56

The sunlight peeping through the curtains, stir her from her sleep.  Her eyes open and she rubs them a bit before sitting up in bed.  Eyes n...