Monday, January 30, 2012

it's monday, AGAIN???

A week ago I wrote a post about the new owner of the Houston Astros, Jim Crane, "suggesting" that he was considering changing the team's name.  The name that they had for over forty years.  Missed it? Go here:  

Well, that made a lot of people in my fair city, really mad.  Myself included.  So much so, that blogs were written, letters were sent, phone calls were made.  I half expected a group to form Occupy Houston Astros -but alas, that did not transpire.  Well kids, I'm happy to report that this afternoon, that same owner,  issued a statement, to which he said:  "We received strong feedback and the consensus among season ticket holders and many fans, and we will not change the name Astros.  The Houston Astros are here to stay."  -and just like that, all is well with the world again.  Although, the more I think about it, the more I believe this was just a publicity stunt to boost ticket sales, attendance, status... I dunno.  I don't really care.  If it was a gimmick, it was a genius marketing move.  Well played sir, well played.

In other news, I seem to have lost my "inner work-out queen" ---Seriously.  I just can't make myself go to the gym lately.  And it's starting to show.  And I hate it.     But tomorrow is another day.  And so I will go then.  I've already had a stern talk with myself. Plus, I brought out the big guns and tried on a bikini.  If that's not enough to  make me run to the gym, I don't know what is!

Eh, but I'm a betting woman.  I got my money on me.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

breaking hearts, one man at a time...

woe the life of a single woman.  i went to meet some friends for happy hour on friday night. i was lectured, hit on,  and mesmerized by three different men.  did you read the part where i said THREE different men? -just checking.  the venue we were all meeting was new to me.  i'd only just this morning read up on it to see if i even wanted to go.  i liked what i read and the pictures looked inviting.  it was a swanky restaurant, built along side the bayou in a very nice part of the city.  the bar that  had a patio and cabanas and tiki lamps (for nocturnal purposes).  the place was pretty chic. so off i went.  i met my group of friends and engaged in the usual banter.  our group was uneven, there were six women to our three men.  but it was fine, we all knew each other and were busy yacking away, catching up on the latest.  after a while i left in search of the powder room.  it was while i was en route, that i bumped into (literally) victim bachelor number one.  i apologized for bumping into him and for spilling his drink.  -what? did you think i was kidding? he laughed it off and brushed the droplets from the drink, off of his sweater.  he then smiled and asked if "this" ever worked?  huh?  apparently, bachelor number one, thought i purposely bumped into him.  to meet him.  ha.  um, no. sorry to disappoint you, but i didn't do it on purpose.  he didn't believe me.  we then engaged in a half hour conversation about the "gimmicks" (his word not mine) that women use to get a man's attention. i indulged him, nodded my head when i thought appropriate and smiled.  he told me i was going about it all wrong.  that "guys don't like that" -"you should just buy us a drink and start there, or flash us a boob" said he, flashing a smile.  -yeah.  he said "flash us a boob."  now, this guy was dressed very nicely. and looked intelligent.  but oh how looks can so deceiving!  i thanked him profusely for making me see the error of my ways and then waved buh-bye.  no sooner had i made my way back to my friends when victim bachelor number two appeared.  this guy was a friend of a friend.  he quickly showed me his rolex.  no really, he did. i guess he needed me to see he could afford one? i dunno.  so this guy wastes no time.  in a matter of three minutes tops, he buys me a drink, asks me why i'm here all alone, and then asks if i want to go somewhere to "talk" because apparently, that's not what were doing here.  again, i smiled and nodded and then declined on his most gracious invitation.  to which he rebounds with, "look, my ferrari is out front.  let's go for a ride."  seriously?  "how old are you?' i asked.  he proudly told me he was twenty-four and then showed me his college ring. ha.  really he did.  i told him i wanted to stay with my friends,  but thanks anyway.  he then stomps away mad.  i could see the pout on his lips.  my friends are literally laughing their asses off.  At MY expense!  But before i have a chance to address them, victim bachelor number three walks into my life.  he was a coworker of one of my friends.  this guy was charming, smooth and very cocky. but in a way that didn't scream, "asshole".  we talked, danced and laughed the rest of the evening.  in fact, we really hit it off.  BUT he's not from here.  he lives in chicago.  he's here on business.  he's "sorta" seeing someone.  they just met.  and that, was that.  this guy paid me the best compliment though.  in fact, i'm not even to tell you guys what he told me.  not yet.  but rest assured, it will keep this silly grin on my face all weekend.

as far as happy hours go, this by far, was the most interesting one i have been to in a long time.

that way my evening.  how was yours?

Monday, January 23, 2012

"What's In A Name?"

I thought of that infamous line in William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet today.  Indeed. What is in a name? Do people really care about names?  I for one, LOVE my name, first and last.  I can't imagine being called anything else.  And then there are those of us who take a self-proclaimed ownership to certain names such as for our pets and oh, let's just say,  a certain professional sports team.  Apparently, it is not enough that Houston's sports teams remind us year after year, that our city is cursed. (it has to be!), and it's not enough that the Houston Astros (our professional baseball team) will be playing in the American League (excuse me, I just threw up a little in my mouth)  come 2013.  But today I learned that the team's new owner is considering changing the name of the team!  That's just beyond ridiculous to me.  I've been a baseball fan since I was seven years old and my dad took me and my then toddler brothers and sister to our first game in the now defunct Astrodome.  I have been a die-hard Astros fan ever since.  I still have that stupid orange, spongy hand that forms a #1 sign, that I got at the first ever  playoff game in 1980 against the Philadelphia Phillies.  I was fourteen years old.  I just can't fathom this team being called anything but Astros.  Sure, we've taken our licks throughout the years.  Names such as "Lastros" and "Disastros" come to mind.  But so what?  The team hasn't always been bad.  Why mess with a good thing?  Astros is synonymous with the city, with NASA -the remnants of it anyway.   They've had that name for 47 years.  -The entire franchise history.  What's up with that Mr. New Owner???  Oh and he also wants to change  their uniform.  Again.  They've gone through quite a few throughout the years.  Some good, some very bad.  This newest development has awakened the masses and let's just say, "ain't nobody happy in H-town"  Only time will tell and hopefully, the name stays.  I'll be awfully pissed if it doesn't.  I mean I'd have to buy new caps and tees! Do you know how expensive that's going to get???  On a related note, I put in my request to be off on April 6th since it's a very important day.  What's so important you ask?  Why, it's Opening Day of course!  If you are new to my blog, Opening Day is the first home game of the season and for the past seven years now, my partners in crime aka Michelle and Maricela and I  have taken the day off to attend the days festivities and then top it off with the culminating moment of watching the game.  Good times will be had for sure. So you see, it's a super important day to me.  Well, this morning, my boss approved my request -no questions asked.  I got all excited and giddy and immediately put it on the firm calendar like the great employee that I am.  It was then that I realized that there was no need to ask for that day off being that it's Good Friday and we're closed that day.  Talk about bursting my bubble!  Whomp whomp whomp wahhhh!

But enough about me.  How was your Monday?

Sunday, January 22, 2012


I think I missed my true calling.  Instead of getting a degree in English Literature in college, I should have majored in Psychology.  It seems I am a magnet for "injured souls" -meaning, people who are hurting, due to matters of the heart, or some life altering lesson, or a crisis of catastrophic proportions.  I give great advice, I always want to help, I can build you up like no one else!  I always know the right thing to say, or not to say. That's what I have been told.  Helping others comes naturally to me. I want to help, to fix things.  To be needed.  It's who I am.  And if I can't fix it/you/them -then I feel I've failed somehow.   I don't know why.

And therein, lies the problem.  I'm so focused on other people's emotional well being, that I neglect my own.  No, I'm not a meddler or a "Nosy-Rosy", but if you come to me for help, I will help, and then some.  Sometimes, I think that the fact that I grew up a little too fast and was often left to care for my siblings, while our parents went to work, played a big part.  I'm a mother-hen  with them for sure. Even now.  We're all grown up, married, children (ok THEY are), mortgages etc., but I still worry.  I've been told ad-nauseum by my shrink ---why do they call psychiastrists "shrinks" anyway? What exactly are they shrinking?  Who came up with that?  THOSE are the real questions.  So, anyway, my therapist (I told you, I don't like the word "shrink")  has embedded in my head, that I need to focus on myself, before I can help anyone else.  And that I will be of no use to anyone if I'm not well myself.  Makes sense right? You'd think I would listen to her, wouldn't you?  Yeah.  In a perfect world and all.  But nope.  Not me.  I do things the hard way.  Currently, I'm trying to learn not to make rash decisions (as is my nature) and to think with my head, not  my heart.  To
separate my emotions and not to give in to my inner "Mother Theresa."  It's harder for me to do when it involves family.  They are my kryptonite.  Well, they and a certain someone who shall remain nameless.  But that's another story for another time.  What is it with me wanting to solve everyone's problems???  There are certain people in my life that are going through hell right now.  And I have exhausted myself trying to help them.  Mentally, financially, emotionally.  I find myself constantly stressed and worrying and crying because I can't make it better.  It upsets me.  But I know, deep inside my heart, I know that I can't fix it for them.  They have to fix themselves.  I can be there for them, and lend them moral support.  But I can't keep doing what I have been for the past few months.  If I keep it up, I''m the one that's going to end up going crazy.

For whatever reason or reasons, I think that the way I am is somehow a flaw.  A mark against me.  I know, I know, "Here comes the drama queen" -that's what's you're thinking right?  But I'm not being dramatic.  I truly feel this way.  And I don't know why.  Further probing into my psyche  with my therapist will surely clue me in.  At least, that's my hope.

This isn't something new for me.  It's just that I'm finally "taking the reins",  as it were, of that part of my life, and so all kinds of thoughts and ideas are brewing in my head.  Slowly, but very surely, I'm digging myself out of the "emotional black hole" that I have fallen into.

I bet you're glad (if you're still reading this) that you clicked on my blog tonight, aren't you??? ----said I, in full sarcasm regalia.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

best conversation i ever had

waiting for you
i see you walk in
our eyes meet
smoldering looks
the rest of the world disappears

you walk towards me
my heart races
you stare at me 
as you get nearer
peering into my soul

so hot i can't breathe
you take my hand 
enclose it with yours
no words
none needed
but so much is said

our mouths meet

we stand there
hands roaming

we  embrace
and a smile  emerges 
when we finally break free

and now
trying to catch our breathe
we look at each other


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Yay or Nay?

I'm trying this new page design.  Thumbs up or down?
I kinda like it but I'm not completely sold on it yet.  More than likely, I'll change it back tomorrow.  Ha! But for now, indulge me,  What say you? 

Remember, your vote counts! tehehehe :)

On my mind...

Earlier today, I was asked, "What is your passion?  What drives you?"  Without hesitation I replied, "Writing and my family."  Sometimes, my writing takes a backseat to the family or to life itself.  So am I wrong when I say that writing is my passion? Does that mean I'm not really as passionate about it as I believed myself to be?  See? I do this all the time.  I am asked one thing and I go for the overkill, the analyzing, the questioning and the weighing every conceivable option available.  I can't help it, it's who I am.  Those that love me, tolerate it and accept it and those that don't, well, they just don't, period.  Anyway, as I was saying, I've always considered myself to be a very passionate person.  If I believe in something, be it a cause or a person, or an injustice, I will go all Norma Rae or Erin Brocovich on you!  Believe THAT.  But I think I've been doing a disservice to myself and to my craft.  I let other things get in my way so much that eventually, writing is the furthest thing from my mind.  It's funny because I carry a small notepad with me all the time.  You just never know when inspiration will hit!  But lately there are more blank pages than used ones these days.  And that's a shame.  I know Rome wasn't built in a day -that's what I've been told anyway.  But I also know that the builders of Rome weren't deterred by pesty little nuances such as family, unexpected problems and chaos -also known as life.  My friend's probing reminded me of this.  Which in turn reminded me that that bestseller isn't going to write itself.  I believe I am a good writer.  Maybe not the best, not yet anyway.  But I have a talent.  I also have a lot to learn.  And that's what I'm going to try to focus on more at this time in my life.  As I wrote in an earlier post, life is for living it, not letting it live you.  Perhaps this is my way of calling myself out.  And anyone else who may be dealing with similar circumstances.  -You're welcome.

Ahh, a little deep thinking on a Monday.  Painless right?

What about you? What's your passion? What motivates you to keep going? Or do you not have a passion and feel something is missing?  Care to share?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Ground Hog Day a/k/a Watching a Houston sports team play

Sunday Fun-Day turned out to be anything BUT.  In case you haven't heard, the Houston Texans lost to the Baltimore Ravens today.  Ending what was truly a Cinderella season and once again, having us repeat what has become our mantra, it would seem,"Wait till next year!"  Ugh!  Is it wrong that I am tired of waiting for next year?  I mean, the Texans had an AMAZING season but as has become our Swan song, they were not able to pull the win out in the end.  Again.  I know I sound bitter. And maybe I am a little.  It's just that years and years of frustration from cheering for our sports teams only to have the same outcome over and over, well, let's just say that it becomes old after awhile.  I've come to believe that the city's founding father, Samuel Houston, must have done someone really wrong and as a result they put a curse on all of our professional sports teams.  You think I'm kidding but I'm serious!  I know, I'm being kinda silly.  Give me some slack, will ya?  Sigh, oh well, hats off to our boys!  In spite of this heart-breaking loss,   I could not be any prouder of this team!  And like everyone else, I  cannot wait until next season!  It's gonna be ON!!!

My weekend went by too fast! Unlike many of you (USA residents only) I do not get tomorrow off, in observance of Martin Luther King.  Bleh.  At least morning traffic will be tolerable. And?  Only 82 more days until baseball season and the Astros Opening Day!!! -Hey, I gotta find that silver lining wherever I can!

That's it for me bloggies.  Wishing all of you a fabulous week!



What kind of person lets themselves be used? Knowingly and willingly? I used to say I was in love with him. As if that would somehow make it all right. I know now, that that was not love. Sure, I was attracted to him, still am, and I genuinely care for him very much, but it's not love. Infatuation? Most definitely! Borderline obsession? Possibly. Sigh, I used to tell myself, convince myself even, that it was better to have him for "a little while" than not at all. I knew what I was doing, I knew what he was doing and yet, I didn't stop him and I didn't stop myself. Had I never developed feelings for him, then I would not be in this state. But I did, and so here I am. This pattern of self-destruction, of self-imposed masochism, went on for longer than it should have ever gone. How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking? -Not a lot obviously! It's just that I lost all self-control whenever he came around. It was almost hypnotic. Literally, I would go weak at the knees and get so giddy I was beside myself! I'm still working on getting him out of my system. But it's so freaking hard! It is a constant battle with myself! Some days are harder than others. Mostly, I'm fine.  As long as I don't hear from him.  But the minute I do, I'm puddy in his hands.  What bothers me the most is how I could think so little of myself and let what happened, happen, over and over again. I never want to feel that way again, ever. I never want to be used or be someone's second choice -ever again. And I won't be. Because I realized that I am worth so much more and deserve someone that deserves me. I decided to out myself and write all this down in hopes of easing the enormous void I feel inside. Perhaps give me answers as to why I would accept this behavior towards me. I have shed my last tear for this man. My LAST one!

I'm continuing my journey to self-discovery and working out the issues that shadow my life at the moment. Baby steps, that's what my dear friend Carla tells me. Indeed baby-steps. Long road ahead to better things, but I will get there and it will all be worth it! To paraphrase what Carla so eloquently used to tell me when she was training me at the gym, "I GOT this!"

I originally wrote this on August 10, 2010.  I was an emotional mess back then.   Reading this two years later, I don't even recognize that person that I write about.  I am  so much stronger and in a "happy" place now.  Sigh, what a breakthrough!!! I want to jump up and down screaming "I did  it!"  -a la Rocky Balboa style. Too bad it's 1:00 a.m. and if I did that, my neighbors would freak out on me.   So maybe I'll just whisper it instead.  :)

Friday, January 13, 2012

"Notice me"

See me for who I am
Look at me, not through me
Love me, don't use me

I am the one who cries for you
worries for you

I am your friend,

I am not an after-thought
your second choice
or consolation prize

I am the best thing that ever happened to you
but you don't see that

I would give you the stars and the moon
if you asked me to

Kiss me
caress me
devour me

Not because I fill a temporary need
but because permanent is all you think about
when you think of me

See me
only me
the one that loves you so

Was playing on words tonight, this was the result.  Hope you enjoyed it.  -or not.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

sometimes i amaze myself -no really, i do.

The new year is twelve days old.  Almost two weeks.  How many New Year's resolutions have been broken already?  Heh.  Suckers.  What? I didn't make any resolutions this year.  I made lists remember?  No?  Just take my word for it. 

So the words "closure" and "epiphany" have been on my mind a lot the past few days.  Recently,  I was starting to feel mopey and weepy about someone that I cared for very much.  This someone is no longer in my life.  But instead of giving in to the sadness and the tears, as I normally do.  This time, I stopped myself.  I reminded myself that doing that was "sooo last year" and that this year, Yvonne would not succumb to her old familiar ways. -Yes I start speaking in third person when I'm lecturing myself.  I thought long and hard about the friendship that I was mourning and the reasons why.  And then I got angry. At myself.  At the idiot that shattered my soul.  At life's inopportune curve-balls.  Then it hit me.  Out of nowhere it was as if a bright and shinning light appeared over my head and lit my brain up.  I realized that I can't live on "what happened?", "whys?" or "why nots?" any longer.  The mourning period has expired.  Not just for that relationship that ended, but for all the other bullshit that took hold of my life last year, and the year before that, and the year before that.  It's a new year, with a clean slate.  What's done is done and what happened, happened.  Move on.  And just like that, my heart felt lighter and my soul felt happy.  -I don't even know if  that makes any sense to any of you.  But it's truly how I felt.  Still feel.  Just today, I heard a song on the radio (yes I'm one of the few people that still listen to the car radio)   that took me to a place that was going to make me very sad.  But I immediately told myself to stop it.  I would not go back.   And I hope this frame of mind or whatever it is, continues.  I want it to continue.  Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say.  I know that stuff happens and we as humans, will go through emotions, etc.  So yeah, I'll cry from time to time or feel blue/sad/melancholy every now and then, that's a given. But what I will fight with every fiber of my being, not to do, is to "go back" to memories  and people that do not deserve an ounce of my time or my tears or any part of me.  I feel stronger and liberated and excited about what is to come my way.  And I just wanted to share that with you.  Who knows? Maybe some of you will even get what I'm saying.  -Stranger things have happened.

Now, I've a got a favor to ask all of you, if you pray, pray.  If you don't, pretend.  Worship. Voodoo dolls -whatever you want.  Just do it  and ask the powers that be, to help the Texans kick the Ravens purple ass on Sunday.  Thanks in advance!  I'll love you long time.  :)


Monday, January 9, 2012

A recap. Care to join me?

When last we met, I was relishing the miracle of being able to smell again.  I'm still relishing.  I'm no longer walking around literally sniffing everything, but still taking all the scents in.  Monday already came and almost went! Yay! I hate Mondays.  Not as much as Sundays, but still. 

What's up bloggies?  How was everyone's weekend?  I'm just now coming down that high that the Texans win caused on Saturday afternoon.  I swear you could feel the excitement everywhere you went after that win.  I watched the game at a local sports bar with the "Usual Suspects" aka "The Musketeers", and a few other friends.  It was almost as rowdy in there as it was at Reliant stadium, where the game was being played.  At one point, my friend Maricela and I started belting out the Houston Oilers fight song.  Yeah, from waaaay back when.  Circa late seventies, early eighties.  I was actually surprised she knew it, but as soon as I started singing it out loud, she joined in! Ha! Good times.  -For those not familiar, the Houston Oilers were the first professional football team in Houston.  The team was sold, changed it's name and moved out of state.  They are now this little team called the Tennessee Titans.  -Whatever.  Anyway, so that's a little background on the Oilers.

Sunday I went on an eight hour brunch.  Uh, yeah.  Seriously I did.  What started out as "brunch with the girls", soon turned into a Brunchapalooza 2012, as we went from one place to another.  I counted four bars and one restaurant.  The restaurant being the last stop.  By that time the alcohol had worn off and we were just hungry.  Something about getting together with a group of women, and spending the day totally relaxed, not worrying about our "worries", enjoying each others' company and conversation, and libations.   But it was more than the drinking, we drank, but didn't get crazy, -come on now, it was Sunday after all.  Plus, we laughed and discussed anything and everything you could imagine.  Men and relationships were topics de jour,  of course.  I mean come on, five women together for almost eight hours???  Ha.  It was a great day.  Not to mention a beautiful day.  All of our choices with the exception of our last stop, involved patio seating.  Of course, once I got home I realized I had not done any laundry, or bought groceries or read the Sunday paper at my leisure, as is my custom on Sundays.  But eh, I didn't care.   Sometimes not getting anything done is a good thing.

I also had an epiphany of sorts this weekend.  It involved closure on a matter I had been having trouble with, and also reaffirmed what I keep forgetting about myself, and that is, my worth.  No one will ever make feel or doubt my worth, ever again.   It's a new year, with a clean slate and lots of work to be done.  

Well kids, that's all I have for now. I'm working on a few blog ideas, as well as writing a new short story.  Thanks for coming along with me on weekend recap.  Do me a favor, come back.


Thursday, January 5, 2012

Got Smell?

To smell or not to smell, that is the question.  I vote yes.  By now, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I have been sick pretty much the entire month of December.   Well, all that's left of this hellacious sinus/ear infection and flu, is a nagging cough.  Not to be confused with the whooping-i think I'm choking- cough that I had as well.   Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, smell.  It seems I lost it, my sense of smell, a few weeks ago.  I mean, really lost it.  Like, you could put me in a room that wreaks of sewer or worse, and I wouldn't even bat an eye.   At first, I thought it was my imagination.  But I soon learned that was not the case.  I was so freaked out I called my doctor.  "What's wrong with me? I can't smell! Do I need to come in?"  -hypochondriac much?  My doctor reassured me that what I was experiencing was normal due to how sick I had been and that as soon as my infections were all cleared up, my sense of smell would return.  I thought this was only going to be a few days at most.  Wrong.  Try three and half weeks!  Ugh!  I know there are greater problems with this world of ours other than my whiny situation.  But have YOU ever lost your sense of smell?  It's pretty freaky.  Think, spraying perfume and not being able to tell if you sprayed too much or too little.  Or think walking into a bakery, and inhaling, expecting the aromas of delicious sin to fill your nose, only to be devastated because you smell nothing.  Or worse yet, being given flowers from a friend, to try and cheer you up, and not being able to take in their fragrance.  It's awful!!!  Well, imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning to the smell of brewing coffee!  That's right guys! I can smell again! I was so happy, that I went around the house just sniffing up a storm.  Ok, so I may have looked a bit odd doing so, but I didn't care!  Today was a great day peeps!  A GREAT day!

So what bodes for you this weekend? Do tell! 

My weekend will consist of continuing to get better, resting and oh yeah, cheering some football team on Saturday as they play in their first EVER play-off game. 

GO TEXANS!!!! :)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Back to Life

Happy New Year everyone! How are you?  What's going on in your part of the world?  As for me, well, I'm still not completely 100 % over this crap that took hold of me the week before Christmas and has maintained a steady choke-hold ever since, but I am better. Thank God! I really thought I was dying there for a few days.  The last week of December I managed to work a total of two days! Woohoo! I was too sick to go in the rest of the week. The plus side?  I got to rest.  The negative side?  I don't have sick time accumulated yet at work.  Bleh.  Oh well, aside from that, everything is great! This New Year's Eve, I totally made up for missing Christmas!  I spent it with family and a few close friends.  We ate, we drank, we danced and we sparkled! And I totally rocked my red panties!  A great time was had by all.  Although a bit low key and quieter than in years past, it was one of the best evenings I've had in a long time.  Nothing like being surrounded by your family to liven your spirits and make you appreciate what you have.  How was your celebration?

So I'm excited about this new year already. I have new ideas and goals and am ready to implement them into my life.  I plan on working on my blog to make it a better place for you to enjoy when you visit.  Writing will also consume my life like it has never done before.  I grew lazy and let opportunities slip by because of this, last year. Well, not happening again this year! 

That's all for now.  I'm tired and still have a thousand and one things to do before I go to bed.  You know the drill peeps, it's Monday, make it a great week!

Chapter 56

The sunlight peeping through the curtains, stir her from her sleep.  Her eyes open and she rubs them a bit before sitting up in bed.  Eyes n...