To The Moon!

The  Red Writing Hood prompt this week:.  Write up to 500 words, fiction or non-fiction, which includes the words, "to the moon."  Here is my attempt:

For Sydney

I hate when my parents fight.  Usually it's after they've both had one too many. It never fails, each time we have a get together at our house, big or small, the night always ends in my parents getting into a huge fight. Sometimes they are so loud and out of control that the neighbors call the police. I hate it so much! Alone in my room, I turn up the stereo to drown out their yelling. I turn on the tv and turn up the sound as loud as it will go, to drown out their voices. And I sit in the middle of my bed, cross-legged, eyes closed and dreaming of anywhere but here. Being fourteen should not suck this bad!  Suddenly I feel someone's hand on my face. I open my eyes and see that it's my mom. "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?" And then my father appears, "Turn this noise off! You crazy or somethin?" He says in his broken English.  Both of them are visibly intoxicated. My mom's look of concern makes me want to throw up! She gives me a kiss on the cheek and I can smell the vodka on her breath.

"Sydney, is everything alright? You're acting crazy." says my mom to me.

"Really mom? You think something is wrong with ME? I'M acting crazy? You and dad are the ones yelling like idiots and throwing stuff everywhere, but you think something is wrong with ME?"

"Did you just call us idiots?" my dad asks, well, yells it out is more like it. Because obviously me calling them a name is far more  important than how I am feeling, right? Of course.

I ignore him and tell both of them to get out of my room and to shut the door on their way out, please and thank you!

They glare at me for a minute but in the end, they do as I say. Instantly, I'm back in my escape. I get up to lock the door. Turn the tv back on, but this time mute the sound, turn the music back on, but not as loud as before, and I resume my position on the bed. Only this time, I sit closer to the window.  It's almost midnight.  I lift the curtain a little, enough to catch a glimpse of the night sky.  It's a clear night.  There are a lot of stars out.  And then I see it.  Standing so proudly, so bold, so bright.  Even through the naked eye, it appears far, but not unreachable.  I bet no one yells up there!  And that's when I decided that I on my summer vacation, I would go to the moon.

the matter of trust

it's not very common for me to open up and let you into my "circle".  although, from reading my blog, you'd think it was the complete opposite right? i'm kind of an open book out here in cyberland.  but in all honesty, i'm a very shy and quiet person.  stop laughing.  it's true!  when i meet someone, anyone, be it a coworker, or a friend or a relative or a complete stranger even, i always have my guard up.  it's a common thing.  we don't know who everyone is, we're not familiar with them, so we put our walls up.  a defense mechanism that helps shield us from pain and sorrow.  well, sometimes we let people get through those walls.  get into our "safe haven" and break those barriers down.  there are a handful of people in my life, that have seen me bare.  no, not nekkid.  get your mind out of the gutter, you freaks! that's a different post for another time.  what i mean is, they've seen my soul.  there is pretty much nothing that they do not know about me.  and the same for them, with me.  well, what happens when that one person who you counted on, and believed in, and trusted blindly, lets you down?  i'm not talking, let's you down in the sense of forgetting a birthday, or dinner plans, or anything like that.  i'm talking about when that one person that you held in the highest regard, doesn't trust you.  believes second and third parties, takes their word over yours, without so much as a, "wtf is going on?" from them.  almost nine months ago, i lost a friendship that i cherished. for the longest time i mourned the demise.  for months and months i wondered and wondered and wondered, what i had done wrong, what had happened to make this person just cast me aside. well, i finally got all the answers (and then some) i was looking for.  over the weekend, through sheer chance, circumstance, divine intervention, God's wacky sense of humor, -take your pick, i learned the reason(s) that led up to the end of that relationship.  and let me tell you something, knowing now, versus almost a year ago, does not lessen the pain that i feel.  on the contrary, it only exacerbates it.  because now i'm angry and i want revenge. and i want to yell and scream and do all kinds of hateful things to this person.  i want him to hurt just as much as his actions or inactions, hurt me.  it comes down to the fact that this person, who professed to care for me, who professed to be my best friend, was a big phony.  he didn't trust me.  he took someone else's words and believed them. never stopping or bothering to find out the truth.  the truth. heh. all of this makes me want to crawl back into myself and not come out. and not trust anyone.  because it's not worth it.  really.  it just isn't.  

sigh.

lucky for him, i am not a vindictive person.  as much as i want to be, i'm not.  karma will take care of that fool, tenfold.  THAT i know!  in the meantime, i've got to figure out how not to become jaded.  i do not want to be that girl.  and i want to be able to give without wondering each time if everyone has ulterior motives.  that's just not who i am.  but i can certainly  see myself becoming this way.

bleh.  live and learn and live and learn.  isn't that what it's all about anyway?  

you know what else sucks? i totally thought it was wednesday night and i was getting all giddy that in a few hours it would be thursday.  ugh!!!! imagine my disappointment when i realized it's still, only tuesday.  

alright.  that's what's happening in yvonne's world -right now anyway.  tune in tomorrow. no particular reason why, just tune in, ok? please? i'm needy like that.

be good kids.  me and my broken heart are going to go sleep our sorrows away.

  

Memorial Weekend 2012 -DONE

I have a folder labeled, "DO NOT LOOK", saved on my computer.  It contains old emails, texts, pictures, poetry, etc., from a long, long, LONG time ago.  The reason I labeled it what I did, was so that I wouldn't look -just like it reads.  And I don't look.  Like, ever.  I know better.  The last time I went through it was over three years ago!  Yeah well, so much for my three year streak.  I caved tonight.  I sure did.  See, once I start reading  and  going through what is in that folder, I can't stop.  I read everything.  I laugh, I cry, I get angry, I get embarrassed.  I feel stupid and full of regret, but most of all, I feel lonely.  See?  I get all kinds of drained, emotionally.  Ugh! I was weak. And now, I'm feeling sad.  Sigh.  I don't even know why I hold on to that stupid folder.  I should have deleted all that crap years ago.  But I haven't.  Don't ask me what I'm waiting for because I don't have the slightest idea.  Do I know it's not healthy for me to keep it? Of course I do.  But it's human nature, to do the complete opposite of what we know is best for us.  What? You know it's true!  If someone says to you, "I don't think that is good for you.  You should do xyz instead."  Your instinct is to heed that person's advice, but your gut tells you to do otherwise, and that is what you do.

Why is that?

What's wrong with us me?  Don't answer that.  Eh!  Well, after mulling about this whole folder dilemma for hours.  Yes, hours.  I had a lot to think about!  I finally concluded that holding on to that folder and all that it contained, was a way for me to hold on to things and people that were no longer in my life.  It was a way of me holding on to the  person that I used to be.  It prevented me from moving forward.  It kept me tied to the past.  But you see, I already knew that.  The difference this time though, was that I was ready to let go.  And so I did.  I got back on the computer, went to my emails, found THE folder, and hit the delete button.  Just like that.  Fast and furious. Not gonna lie, I shed a few more tears.  But they weren't necessarily sad. They were more melancholy tears.  Doing this tonight, made me feel empowered somehow.  Does that make sense? 

Enough. 

So I'm coming off a four day weekend! Can you say, woohoo!? Come on, say it.  Heh.  I was off on Friday and am off today as well.  I've had the best weekend! Fun, fun and more fun!  I've been partying like a rock star since Thursday night and had not stopped until a few hours ago.  Let me tell you something, this rock star business is exhausting!  But you know what? Doesn't matter, I have had a blasty blast! No regrets.  That being said, I plan on doing a whole lot of nothing today.  You know, relax by the pool with music and a good book.  Stuff like that.  Oh!  And something cold to drink.  Very cold.  The scorching weather has officially arrived in H-town.  It actually feels like an oven outside.  This is going to be a long summer.  In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch of the West, "I'm meltiiiiiiing!".  God help us.

Aside from my co-dependency issues and my "party like a rock star" ways, I have been working on the short stories I mentioned in earlier posts.  Which is why I have been sort of absent around these parts lately. Apologies.  I promise I will be back on a regular basis, soon.

In the meantime, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars! ----Alright, I totally just quoted Casey Kasem.  And if you get the reference, you're way cooler than I thought you were! 

It's been fun, kids! But I've got to go see a pillow about some sleep.

Be good!

good bye lover, until next time...

so every sunday i have to bid adieu to my lovah, aka the weekend.  ugh.  how cool would it be if we only had weekends and just skipped all those other mind numbing, blood-sucking, stress induced days?  cool indeed!  wishful thinking right? of course.  hey kids! what's up? how is everyone? ready to tackle the work week? me either.  i seriously need to win the lotto or something.  i guess i would have to actually buy a ticket to better my odds, yes?  bleh. technicalities, schmelicalities. (yes i totally just made up a new word)

since i have not a clue what direction this post is going, (except that i seem to be channeling my inner e.e. cummings) and my brain cells are in sleep mode, how about i just tell you whatever pops into my mind.  this could be fun or it could be dangerous.  you've been warned.

friday evening, i met up with the usual suspects aka the musketeers, for drinks and live music. i love live music! the group of local and international musicians that were performing that night was phenomenal!  they played a lot of 70's music, mixed in with r&b and some top notch solos by each artist.  i happen to know a few of them personally, so after the gig, we hung out with "the band".  good times, good  times.

saturday i spent the majority of the day being productive on the writing front.  i'm currently writing two short stories at the same time.  very different stories. one may turn into a novel, not sure yet.  anyway, i needed to put a dent in both of them, and i did.  i've never written two stories simultaneously and quite frankly, i'm not even certain if i can pull it off. but i'm going to try.  it's just that i got these ideas in my head  wanted to start writing about each of them immediately.  so i did.  i'm crazy, i know, i know.

sunday- the dreaded "end of the weekend" day.  i was a good girl and went to church. except, while there, i wanted to punch this lady out!  she was seated beside me, and was on her phone, checking her facebook! during mass, no less! seriously? why bother going if you're not even going to pay attention!?  the sermon wasn't even boring, it was actually quite interesting. -not that that would have excused her for what she was doing. i just don't get it.  so after i prayed an extra hail mary, (you know, on account of me wanting to punch her out and all), i went in to work. yes, i did. on friday, my boss gave me the option of going in on saturday or sunday.  i didn't want to choose either day, but since i love getting a paycheck, i chose sunday.  it wasn't that bad.  i was there a little over four hours and completed what i needed to complete. exciting weekend i'm having so far, right? i know, you're all jealous.  but wait, there's more, after i left the office, i ventured into grocery store hell! what? come on, you know everyone and their momma and their momma's momma is there on sunday!  i was in the parking lot all of ten minutes trying to find a parking space, when i finally decided that i really didn't need the carton of skim milk that bad. i could wait. and then i drove home.

and that, boys and girls, was my weekend.  the end.

ps- if you're still reading this, you're nuts  the best!  and i thank you.  oh and have a great week! :)

a date, a cell phone and disco music

Dating just blows sometimes.  And NOT necessarily in a good way.  In an age where dates are only a "click of the the mouse" away, it's no wonder that the mere art of conversation, is getting lost in translation -or cyberspace.  Case in point, I went on a date recently (that alone is cause for celebration!)  and was having a good time.  UNTIL, we got to the restaurant, sat down at our table, and he reached into his coat pocket and produced his phone.  He proceeded to lay it on the table, right next to the bread basket.  My first thought was that maybe he was a doctor and was on call (he's not a doctor), or maybe he is expecting a life and death phone call and doesn't want to miss it.  (He was not, I asked)  I bit my tongue and did not say a word.  Just let it go Yvonne, enjoy the moment.  Well, in a perfect world and all, I would have totally done just that.  But in my world, he is seemingly having a conversation with me, but his eyes keep wandering to his phone every other minute.  I finally asked him if he needed or wanted to be somewhere else, to which he replied, "Of course not!  I am enjoying getting to know you."  To which I retored, "Um, really?  How can that be?  We've barely exchanged no more than three sentences since we've sat down."  I voiced my concern about the phone and how I thought it was rude.  He sulked and hmmed and hawed, but finally put the phone back in his pocket.  As the evening wore on, I watched him as he tried really hard NOT to reach into his coat pocket.  And for that night, at least, the rest of the time he was with me, we did not see the phone out again.

Here's the thing, his rudeness or lack of manners, could have very well been a result of his having no interest in me, in that way.  I realize this, I'm not shallow Hal over here.  But even if he wasn't, that does not excuse his thoughtlessness.  Does it?  I myself, have on several occasions, felt the need to have that phone out on the table, in plain sight, as if I wouldn't be able to hear it or see who's checked in where on Facebook, or read one of the latest random texts I tend to get.  I'm just as guilty.  I own that. But I've never done that while on a date.  Not that that makes it any less inappropriate.  Rude is rude.  It baffles me to no end, how a simple little gadget as a cell phone, can take over our entire life and/or lifestyle.  Think about it, we wake up, we check our phone.  We come to a stop light, we check our phone. We're walking the dog outside, we're on the phone.  Really? Come on society! What the fuck? (Sorry so crass, I get "potty mouth" when fired up) Where is the human contact?  Where is the intimacy of a face to face conversation? Mind boggling isn't it?  Well that, and a little sad.  A few nights ago, while out having dinner with friends, I started to take out my phone, but caught myself.  I would not do it again.  I would make a conscience effort to have a conversation, to enjoy my friends' company, the phone could wait.  Oh it was a little hard for me to do it at first.  Not gonna lie.  But I did do it. And I will continue to do so.  You can too!  Try it.

So the date? Meh, I gave him another chance but it just didn't work out.  I won't be seeing him again.  He is too self-absorbed.  And so, my dating roulette rolls again.

Before I go, I wanted to share this video with all of you.  1970's "Disco Queen", Donna Summers,  died today.  Yet another iconic figure, gone.   I loved her music.  I never got to see her perform live, but if I had, I would have wanted her to sing this song:

Be good  kids!  Happy Weekend!

from my heart, to my mom

What can I say about my mom, that has not already been said, time and time again?  It seems the older I get, the more I understand her and appreciate all those times that she got on my nerves, or scolded me, or flat out told me, "...because I said so, that's why!", after one to many times of nagging her about something or other.  It really is true, mom's really do know best.  We don't always agree on things, and have opposite points of view on so many subjects, but I love her.  This woman.  The one that gave birth to me, sat with me when I was only a year old, and lying on a hospital bed, dying.  The one that instilled the values and the lessons that make me the woman that I am today.  The one that showed me it's okay to fall, but you have to learn to get back up, in order to succeed.  The one that showed me that I am strong, just like her.  She's a little quirky, has off the wall humor and can be oh so annoying sometimes, but I would not change her for anything in this world.  She's my best friend, my conscience, my comfort.  I love her with every fiber of my being.  And I know how fortunate I am to have her in my life.  So many others, are not as fortunate.

I may not always tell her how I feel about her.  I may not always thank her, for the billion things she does for me.  And yes, there are instances that I can still be a brat to her ( I know, I know, shocking isn't it?), but you know what? She loves me just the same.  How awesome is that?

I love you mom.

To all of you who celebrate this day, Happy Mother's Day to you and yours!

on being a woman

**Disclaimer**
I wrote this under duress and medication. It may or may not suck.  You've been warned.

I woke up feeling less than stellar today, so I didn't go to work and went back to bed instead.  But I can only lay in bed doing nothing for so long.  I decided to get up and do something productive.  I brushed my hair.  Hey, I have to start somewhere right?  So as I brushed my big hair, something in the mirror caught my eye. I leaned in closer to look at my face.  I had what looked like two red lines on each side of my forehead.  Upon closer inspection, I realized what those lines were. They were burn marks!  I had forgotten that yesterday as I was flat ironing my hair, I accidentally burned my forehead.  Twice.  I started laughing hysterically.  They looked like devil horns.  As women, there is very little we won't go through to make ourselves prettier, more attractive, sexier, etc. Think about it, we wax for god sakes! I enjoy feeling feminine and pretty and smelling nice.  Getting a manicure and pedicure, getting pampered.  All in the name of "Being a Woman"  True, there are times like today, when I look well, kinda scary.  But that's beside the point.   So, I finished brushing my big hair and made sure the bangs would cover the horns and proceeded with my day.  I was a cleaning fool.  I think the meds I took had speed laced in them or something. I had so much energy the Energizer bunny himself, was getting scared!  But as with anything else, too much of a good thing can be bad.  Shortly after I rearranged my dresser drawers, does anyone else besides me organize their lingerie according to color and fabric? More on that later, anyway, right after that, I started feeling kinda woozy. So I went back to bed and started flipping channels.  This "being a woman" business is exhausting.  Especially when you're sick.