Wednesday, June 17, 2020

A Post NOT about COVID-19

"I'll take a colonoscopy straight, with a splash of endoscopy, please bartender."  -Whoever heard of that concoction before ay?  I'll tell you who.  Me.  I'm not happy about it so I thought, "Hey, I know what will make me feel better, let me blog about it!"  That way you too, can take part in my misery.  You're welcome friends.  Oh don't act surprised or grossed out.  I've written about much more disgusting stuff before. 

It's true friends, my doctor has been hounding me ad nauseum for over a year to get this done.  Naturally, I did nothing of the sort and avoided it like the plague.  Unfortunately, recent issues presented themselves that forced me to face this crap.  -eh sorry for the unoriginal pun.  Fully intended of course.

But wait, there's more.  Not only did my doctor (who is awesome by the way) order the colonoscopy but also an endoscopy.  Mmm hmm.  She don't mess around.  When she told me, I started laughing.  Not because any of what she said was remotely funny, but because I laugh when I get nervous.  It's true.  I laugh uncontrollably sometimes.  It's gotten me into trouble more times than not.  But I digress.

The good doc reassured me that both procedures are easy-peasy and that the worst part is drinking that nasty concoction that I mentioned in the beginning of this mumbo jumbo of mine.  Yep.  I've asked many a friend who have had this done and all but one confirm that the "cleansing" drink  is by far the worst of the entire ordeal.  My friend Suzy. (the one) she said for her, the worst part was not being able to eat before the procedure.  Different strokes for different folks I guess.  But food IS important.  :)

My day of reckoning is this Friday at 2;30 p.m. 

I'd be lying if I said that I'm not scared.  I mean, sure I've survived several hurricanes, a few tornados, couple of floods in my lifetime but anytime I have to be put under and probed, I lose my Wonder Woman bad-assery and turn into a big ol' baby.  Yep.  Even at 53 (and holding).  What? It happens.  I don't know to who else but it happens.

It sucks getting older.  There I said it.  It really does.  Before I turned 50, NOTHING ached but it seems the minute I woke up on my 50th year around the sun, I broke and I have not been the same since.  But I keep trying.  And as long as I do that, I think I will be just fine.

If you have read this far, you're the real MVPs.  Really. 

If you are of the praying kind, I would appreciate a prayer for my procedure to go well and for everything to be ok with me.  Thank you.

A few more randoms:  I miss baseball.  I miss my Astros.  I hate COVID-19.  2020 can suck a big one.  Politics suck.  I hate hate.  I detest racism.  I loathe liars.  I am sad for our country.  But I really, really miss the Astros.

Good night.

7 comments: said...

Oh, my dear, I know. I know. I've actually been getting this procedure (minus the endoscopy part) since my later 30s because we lost my mom to colon cancer so young. (She was only 49.) Your doc was right. The prep is the miserable part. But the actual procedure is fine - kinda cool actually because you get to see your intestines on a screen. It's not at all painful, and it's like a sci-fi movie at that point. Quick and easy.
Will keep thinking of you.
You got this!

Sandra Cox said...

My dad always said the same thing about turning 50. To look at your pic I would have thought you were closer to 20. Your friend's right. After you get through the 'cleansing' it's a simple procedure.
I always get colonoscopy mixed up with endoscopy because of the end in endoscopy:)

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

I have had both these procedures done twice they are not that bad in fact I don't remember much of them as I was lightly sedated

CWMartin said...

And yet, here I am still delaying that same procedure which my doc recommended 3 years or so ago... Since Covid missed me, it's back to rooting for the meteor or the coronary first...

Yvonne said...

Robyn- wow, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. She was super young. Thank you for reassuring me, I am nervous/worrier by nature but when it comes to hospital jprocedures, meh I become a a big baby. Appreciate your thoughts! :)

Sandra- Aww shucks! Thank you for that. I WISH I was back in my twenties :) Thanks for replying with kind. :)

Joanne- Yes! That's what I'm looking forward to! Well that and waking up afterwards not feeling anything. :)

CW-Ha! Why doesn't that surprise me? Of course you've been avoiding it. All men do. Well, hopefully my reminder to get it done will nudge you forward. -I doubt it though. :)

betty said...

I am sure both tests will go smoothly. I used to type medical reports and typed a lot of these procedures. They are pretty routine and low risk.

Good luck!


Sandra Cox said...

I like this: I hate hate. I detest racism. I loathe liars.
YOU have a great one. Stay safe. Stay healthy.

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