Wednesday, April 22, 2020

after midnight thoughts

breathe in
breathe out
and again

i'm scared
i'm tired
i'm frustrated
i'm anxious
i'm worried

hi bloggies.  it's been a long while since i have written anything.  get ready because i am making up for lost time.

nothing is the same.  nothing will ever be the same.  the days overlap into each other,  no one is sure what day of the week it is.  we are no longer in a hurry to get anywhere. time is all we have now.

i've not dealt with something like this before, as i imagine, all if not most of you, haven't either.  what a weird time we are living in, eh kids?  it's like we are in our own apacolyptic movie except that instead of fighting off zombies, extraterrestrials and the like, we are fighting a virus.  an invisible, visible virus.  how the hell do we fight that?  i watched contagion over the weekend just for kicks and maybe a few tips but meh, i got nothing.  what's happening in our world today is downright unbelievable  never in my life could i have ever imagined something like this taking place.  and yet, here we are.

my heart breaks for the loss of life all over the world as a result of covid19.  my heart also breaks for all of the doctors and nurses who are working their ass off for me, for you, for all of us.  thank you can never be enough.  not to forget our police and firefighters and emts.  they are the real mvps.

how incredibly messed up our country is right now.  this pandemic has brought out the crazy in just about all of us.  it sucks not being able to see and hug family, friends and even strangers if i'm being honest.  it sucks that baseball season is in limbo.  i miss baseball so much.  i miss alot of things so much.  isn't it ironic how we had all of this freedom to go anywhere we wanted and do whatever we wanted and in a span of days even hours, all that stopped.  just like that. 

another thing this stupid virus has caused is depression.  that ugly monster of mine has reared it's ugly head once again and this time, it's winning.  i just can't get it together emotionally.  thank God I am working and have to actually go into the office.  i don't know what i would do if i had to work from home.  i guess working for city government and being considered an essential employee pays off after all.  kidding. not really.

the silver lining that i have witnessed over and over again during these chaotic times, is that disasters even as unprecedented as this one, tends to bring out the best in people.  the kindness and selfless acts i have witnessed lately is heart-warming and worthy of alot of ugly cries.  at times giving me the warm and fuzzy feelings all over.  you see bloggies?  people are not as heartless as they pretend to be.  wait.  let me rephrase that.  not all people are as heartless as they claim to be and that gives me hope.

have y'all been drinking way more than usual since all of this started?  i for one have been steadily contributing to our failing economy by spending my pennies buying alcohol as if i was having a huge party. (every week) well i am in a way, a party for one.  wine and vodka (not to be consumed together, unless you're into that kind of headache) are my poison. what's yours?

speaking of dating, this social distancing jazz and city shut down has put a damper on my dating life.  if i had one that is.  how is your dating life or marriage life going?  do tell.  really. i'm bored out of my mind. 

well bloggies i must bid adieu.  it's been a long day and 6:00 a.m. comes awfully fast -just like a man. haha, i crack myself up.

be well everyone.



Elephant's Child said...

It is indeed a very scary time.
We are all in this together - which is something I have always hoped for. But not like this.
And yes, I do find comfort in the groundswell of kindness. I am hoping the kindness remains long after the virus has left.
Stay well, stay safe.

Sandra Cox said...

To echo EC, it is a very scary time.
It bothers me that there is a push for early openings because I'm afraid we are going to get hit that much harder and longer.
You take special care. Sending you a virtual hug and hope that your day is filled with sunshine, flowers, good books and good movies.

CWMartin said...

In my related news: I just went back to work (questionably 'essential') after 3 weeks off. Can't say that alcohol was a LOT different, but food sure was. Created an all-time teams baseball tourney using Baseball Reference and my imagination (1961 Yankees and 1939 Yankees in the finals). Deleted most of the politically minded follows on Twitter after I spent an afternoon failing to convince them that "Your fear shouldn't limit my actions" is selfish and wrong headed. Went for LOTS of walks. Stay safe!

Yvonne said...

Elephant's Child- Indeed. Take care bloggie.

Yvonne said...

Sandra Cox- Thank you and I wish the same to you. I hope your weekend is a fun one.

Yvonne said...

CW- Oh friend! I've had to hid all of my political friends from most of my social media because they were working my nerves and my sanity. So they had to go. I'll let them back out after the election, maybe. :) Walks are great!! I've been doing that quite a bit too. Be well! :)

Sandra Cox said...

If anything, life has just gotten crazier, hasn't it?
Wishing you a day filled with flowers, sunshine and joy.
Hugs said...

Just keep breathing - that motto is also a song that a very talented local man wrote after the Camp Fire tore through Paradise "Just Keep Breathing." (That might not be the exact title, but it's the gist of it.)

I love your overflowing heart, soul, and spirit, dear friend.
Love and lightness to you.

Yvonne said...

Sandra Cox- indeed it has. Thank you, friend.

Robyn- aww thank you friend! Love you back! You should come visit Houston, once all this madness calms down :)

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