Memorial Weekend 2012 -DONE

I have a folder labeled, "DO NOT LOOK", saved on my computer.  It contains old emails, texts, pictures, poetry, etc., from a long, long, LONG time ago.  The reason I labeled it what I did, was so that I wouldn't look -just like it reads.  And I don't look.  Like, ever.  I know better.  The last time I went through it was over three years ago!  Yeah well, so much for my three year streak.  I caved tonight.  I sure did.  See, once I start reading  and  going through what is in that folder, I can't stop.  I read everything.  I laugh, I cry, I get angry, I get embarrassed.  I feel stupid and full of regret, but most of all, I feel lonely.  See?  I get all kinds of drained, emotionally.  Ugh! I was weak. And now, I'm feeling sad.  Sigh.  I don't even know why I hold on to that stupid folder.  I should have deleted all that crap years ago.  But I haven't.  Don't ask me what I'm waiting for because I don't have the slightest idea.  Do I know it's not healthy for me to keep it? Of course I do.  But it's human nature, to do the complete opposite of what we know is best for us.  What? You know it's true!  If someone says to you, "I don't think that is good for you.  You should do xyz instead."  Your instinct is to heed that person's advice, but your gut tells you to do otherwise, and that is what you do.

Why is that?

What's wrong with us me?  Don't answer that.  Eh!  Well, after mulling about this whole folder dilemma for hours.  Yes, hours.  I had a lot to think about!  I finally concluded that holding on to that folder and all that it contained, was a way for me to hold on to things and people that were no longer in my life.  It was a way of me holding on to the  person that I used to be.  It prevented me from moving forward.  It kept me tied to the past.  But you see, I already knew that.  The difference this time though, was that I was ready to let go.  And so I did.  I got back on the computer, went to my emails, found THE folder, and hit the delete button.  Just like that.  Fast and furious. Not gonna lie, I shed a few more tears.  But they weren't necessarily sad. They were more melancholy tears.  Doing this tonight, made me feel empowered somehow.  Does that make sense? 

Enough. 

So I'm coming off a four day weekend! Can you say, woohoo!? Come on, say it.  Heh.  I was off on Friday and am off today as well.  I've had the best weekend! Fun, fun and more fun!  I've been partying like a rock star since Thursday night and had not stopped until a few hours ago.  Let me tell you something, this rock star business is exhausting!  But you know what? Doesn't matter, I have had a blasty blast! No regrets.  That being said, I plan on doing a whole lot of nothing today.  You know, relax by the pool with music and a good book.  Stuff like that.  Oh!  And something cold to drink.  Very cold.  The scorching weather has officially arrived in H-town.  It actually feels like an oven outside.  This is going to be a long summer.  In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch of the West, "I'm meltiiiiiiing!".  God help us.

Aside from my co-dependency issues and my "party like a rock star" ways, I have been working on the short stories I mentioned in earlier posts.  Which is why I have been sort of absent around these parts lately. Apologies.  I promise I will be back on a regular basis, soon.

In the meantime, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars! ----Alright, I totally just quoted Casey Kasem.  And if you get the reference, you're way cooler than I thought you were! 

It's been fun, kids! But I've got to go see a pillow about some sleep.

Be good!