I can’t keep doing this to myself, and yet, I do.
This self-infliction of pain that I keep causing myself is getting old.
It’s gotten so bad that it doesn’t even hurt anymore,
the wounds that I keep pouring salt over,
are now numb.
What is it about that one door in your life that you know you have to
close, but trick yourself into keeping it open just enough, so that it is not
completely shut.
Maybe it’s because I’m hoping that our story isn’t really over.
Maybe it’s because I am subconsciously hoping that the outcome will be
different.
When in reality, I know that it won’t be.
Maybe it’s because I’m just a masochist who loves to suffer.
Or, maybe it’s because loving someone engulfs my entire being, and
letting them go, would mean it would be over.
Even though I know it’s been over for a very long time.
Or maybe, it’s just this gloomy weather.
It turns me
into a big lump of sappiness and full of melancholy.
Stupid rain.
7 comments:
There's always that one, isn't there??? I feel ya girl!
Beautiful! I know how you feel x
I have another friend who is drowning in this same pool of misery. Why do we do this to ourselves????
Been there and it sucks.
RG- yep. he may go away physically, but the memories linger always.
Althea- I think everyone has that one person in their lives.
Robin- ha! i told you, we're masochists! :)
Ruth- it certainly does!
There is always one... You love deeply and truly so of course it is hard to let that end.
Don't really have advice for you that's really all that new, just that maybe you could spend some time with a new hobby, a new diversion... not sure. Hope it gets easier soon.
YRJ- Thanks! I'm good. It's just he creeps up on me every now and again.
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