Much Ado About Nothing

Greetings bloggies,

How is everyone tonight?  Happy Sunday evening.  So when last we met, my fair city was facing impending doom and gloom (according to the weather people) and if you saw the barren grocery store aisles, you would think the end of the world was coming.  Happy to report that Tropical Storm Bill was nothing but a bunch of hot air.  Really. We got rain, some of it severe, but nothing like what was forecast.  Luck was on our side this time.  But hey, it's Hurricane season, this will happen again, just hopefully not here.

Moving on.

Happy Father's Day to all the daddies out there, I hope your day was a great one.  I spent the early afternoon with my dad and my siblings and nieces and nephew. Quality family time -nothing like it.

I hope all of you are doing well. I plan to visit your blogs (as many as I can get to) tonight.  You have been warned.  :)

Well guys, it's Sunday, new week ahead full of endless possibilities.  Go out and make it happen.


Peace.

Hunker Down: The Calm Before the Storm...

Back in 2008, in Houston, Texas (where I live y'all) a menacing Hurricane by the name of Ike, hit the Gulf Coast, and wreaked havoc  all across the board.  Ike was no joke.  Houston was brought down that day.  I remember that the morning before the storm touched land, city and county officials held a press conference to tell us what measures they were taking to make sure we were all safe.  There was a lot of "blah blah blah" said that morning, but what I will always remember is a county official uttering these now infamous words "Hunker down Houston, hunker down!"  And so, that became our mantra.  People made jokes about it.  After all, most of us had never heard that saying before.  Ok, ok, "I" had never heard of that saying before.  At any rate, it stuck.  And now, some seven years later, we are faced with the impending arrival of Tropical storm Bill.  Bill is slated to hit land in the wee hours of the morning.  At least that was what the last weather report projected.  And with that threat, the "Hunker down, Houston" chant has begun.    Ready or not, here Bill comes.

It's amusing to me how much the media plays a part in the hysteria that seems to have taken over our city.  Empty aisles at the grocery stores, no water, no bread, no canned goods.  On my way home I stopped to fill my gas tank and had to wait almost an hour in line,   Apparently, every person heading North on I-45 had the same idea as me.

I really hope this storm fizzles out during the night because our bayous and lakes have not yet recovered from the floods of Memorial Day weekend just three weeks ago and some people are still homeless because of the damage that storm caused to their properties, others lost their lives or were seriously injured.  So while I make light of the "Hunker down" saying and the panic mode this city seems to be in,  by no means am I making light of the loss and devastation that took place recently and may take place again.  Hopefully not.

So dear bloggies,  if you pray, please keep us in mind.  I'm tired of all of this rain and am seriously considering building an ark.  

Peace.

the return of my blog and myself

i have not written anything in four months and a few days

at all

anything

nothing

not.one.word.

as a self-proclaimed writer and all

this is unacceptable

but  words that once flowed out of my mind 

and the feeling i got when i couldn't wait to get them on the blank screen

suddenly

just stopped

i tried to write

i tried 

but nothing happened and soon,

writing became work instead of pleasure

and that's when i shut down

thankfully

it's not a forever thing

and my thirst and hunger for writing 

has returned

the poetry book that  i started in janauary

still sits unfinished

 

the short essays that i started in february

are waiting for me to go back to them

and complete them

the ideas swirling in my head

keep reminding me that if i don't write

no one will read my masterpieces

and that, my bloggies

would be a travesty

and so

i'm back, again.

the need to create, to write to bring my stories to life

is back

stay tuned...

20 Days in January

hello bloggies.  it's been a while.  i think this is the longest  i have gone without blogging, ever. almost two months. wow.  how is everyone?  i hope this first month of the new year has been kind to you.  as for me, well let's just say, it's been 20 days of "i want to give up".  not to be a debbie downer but i have not been this sad and distraught in a long, long, long time.  without getting into too many details, let's just say, i fell in love, right guy, wrong time.  of course there are people who would say,"if he was the right guy, then there would be no wrong time"  hmm, perhaps.  but no, it's exactly as i say.  we were one in the same, two peas in a pod, my ying to his yang.  meh, you know what i mean.  and while this has been a very painful time for me, i will never regret this past year.  not for anything.  i was very happy.  but now, i literally ache inside and at times feel i can't breathe.  needless to say, that ugly monster, "depression" reared it's ugly head. took advantage of the fact that i am in a vulnerable state.  and has tried (sometimes successfully) to drag me down that black hole again.  it's been so hard but i am much better today.  actually, today is the first day i have felt like myself and i didn't even cry once. that is huge people! huge  i tell you.

i've been doing a lot of self-reflection, an inventory of my life, if you will.  i'm 48, single, no children, not even a pet, in a pretty cool job but incredibly unhappy.  what is wrong with this picture?  all i know is  that 2015 is not going down like that for me.  i am going to finish mournng the loss of a beautiful friendship and love. i'm going to start living again because really, the alternative is just not what i want right now.  not for a long time.  i have many projects that need to be completed and i am going to spend time healing my spirit.  writing, will play a major part with that.  

so i'm getting a little excited about things again.  and soon, when i smile, it won't feel forced.  because if you know me, you know i've never "forced" a smile in my life.  until now. 

love and light to all of you.  and come back soon, i'll write something more palatable for you. i promise.

be good.

to love someone

to love someone

the mere thought of you
makes me smile all over
until today
now my heart just aches

i close my eyes and see your face
the sound of your voice, your laughter
rings in my ear and plays out in my mind
over and over

when we are together i never want to leave
and when we are apart
i feel a part of me is missing

i love you in the most honest
and innocent way possible
i always will

when you think of me
as i know you will
i hope your heart smiles too
eventually

love hurts

the fact of the matter is
i fell in love
the cruel reality?
he's not for me

letting go of someone
is hard
no doubt

letting someone go
because loving them
causes more pain
than not loving them,
is painful in a way
that is indescribable

and mere words
are not enough
to make you understand

tears flowing
my insides feel
ripped open
i  can't breathe
my heart hurts

November -Where did the time go?

Sunday evening, a beautiful sunset is taking place and I'm doing what I love -writing.  I've been away for a while, not for any particular reason other than I have had no interest whatsoever in writing.  At all.  Which is sad really, because I love to write.  This blog is my escape and my sanity in troubled times, in happy times and in times in between all of that.  But for reasons that escape me, I suddenly woke up and did not feel like forming a sentence or plotting a story or anything.  I just didn't want to feel any type of emotion.  Weird isn't?  I know, I know.  I think what triggered it were changes in my life, not all of them good.  Well, truth be told, none of them good.  And then there was the horrible car accident I had in September.  That's when I totally lost it.  Literally.  I became depressed and I was in pain from my injuries, my work suffered and I saw myself falling into that black hole I've spoken about many times before, in this blog.  The ugly "monster" aka depression, was peering it's ugly head at me again and this time, I almost succumbed to it.  Almost.  I didn't let it win, I refused to be taken down that hole again, I scratched and clawed my way out.  But let me tell you, it was hard.  Harder than the last time even.  Many times, I just gave up.  I felt my spirit dying.  But then, deep inside of me I saw a flicker of light, of hope.   It reminded me that this was not the way I wanted to go, that this "monster" was not bigger than me and that I would beat it again.  And I did.  It's been a long and exhausting two months for sure.  But I'm getting better every day.  I'm much stronger than I was and feel confident that I'm going to be just fine.  Depression is a bitch, no lie.  But with the help of my family and my friends and my faith, I am coming around again.  My skeptic acquaintances that know about my current struggle, question the validity of my "condition" -as they put it.  "But you're out all the time"  or "But you're smiling  and laughing all the time, how can you be depressed?"  It's true, I'm not denying that.  Just as there are functioning alcoholics, there are also functioning depressed people in this world.  A lot of them.  So don't be so quick to judge and make assumptions because you have no idea what I go through every day, just to get out of bed and try and be "normal" for the masses and myself.  I've had episodes in the past where I would not leave my house for months or refused to be anywhere alone for fear I would die and no one would find me.  Those  were the most difficult times for me, but I got through them.  This time, I 'm much older and I'm not sure if age plays a factor in this or not, but this time it was 100 times worse for me to pull through.  But I am, pulling  through every day.  I finally feel like myself again.  And my craving for writing has returned.  Which to me, is pure happiness.  It really is.  I've missed reading and commenting on everyone's blogs also.

Well that's it in a nutshell, in case you were wondering about me.  But enough of that.

Moving on.

I turned 48 in October. heh.  I know, I can't believe it.  I'm almost 50 and it's driving me insane -literally. heh.  It's all good though, I still don't feel "48" and that's all that matters.  Halloween came and went and though I didn't dress up this year (first time in almost ten years), I did manage to go to at least one party and take part in scaring kids as they came up to ask for candy.  And now, Thanksgiving is a couple of weeks away and wow, just like that the year is about over.  Incredible isn't it? As I  get older, the years just pass by faster and faster...

So tell me bloggies, what has been happening in your corner of the world?

It's Sunday kids, do me a favor, go out and laugh and enjoy the week.

Peace.