First Time for Everything

Earlier this afternoon, I experienced something that had never happened to me in my whole 54 years of living on this earth.  While paying the cashier at the grocery store, my mom asked the cashier a question about one of the products we had just purchased.  I busied myself with putting my credit card back into my wallet and grabbing the cart full of our store bought goodies.  It was a typical Saturday afternoon, the store was busy but not as busy as it normally was for a Saturday.  The cashier patiently waited for my mom to finish her question before responding to her.  Now, a little back story on my mom.  She suffered a stroke a year ago and while she is perfectly fine now (thank God), it caused enough damage that she moves at a much slower pace than the rest of us.  Her speech while not impaired is slow, her mind processes things at a snail pace compared to the way you and I process things.  That, along with wearing her mask, made it more difficult for the cashier to understand her.  But she was patient and polite with mom.   Meanwhile, there was a lady next in line that was visibly growing more and more annoyed that my mom had not left yet. Well, not a few seconds after my observation of this woman's irritated state, she proceeds to say in a very loud tone, "You need to take your questions to Customer service lady!"  and then as if to make her point even louder, added hand movements and made faces.  My mom stopped talking and just looked at the woman, wondering why she was talking to her like that.  I had had enough and told the woman, "She's merely asking a question, calm down"  I did not yell.  Not that that would have made a difference.  The woman looked at me and snarled, "Well she needs to hurry up!"  I shook my head in dismay and the poor cashier looked like she was about to cry.  I asked my mom if she was done and she nodded yes.  The woman clapped and said loudly, "Finally!  Go back to Mexico! You don't belong here!" At that point, taking the high road was definitely out of the question.  I could feel my blood boil and my blood pressure rising.  It took everything I had not to wring her neck.  But I didn't want to be on the 10:00 o'clock news.  At least not for that.   There was a man next in line behind that woman  and he said, "Lady if you're in that much of a hurry maybe you should go to the Express Lane or Self-check-out.  There is no need for this! It's not that serious!"  I could have kissed that man right then and there. She rolled her eyes at him and told him to mind his own business.  I stared her down and said, "We have every right to be here just as anyone else.  I feel sorry for you.  I hope your mood gets better so you can stop being such a racist bitch!"  I then thanked the cashier for her kindness and walked out with my mom and our groceries.  To say I was livid is an understatement.   Not only was that woman rude, obnoxious and devoid of any empathy, she was also racist.  Blatantly so.  My poor mom was visibly upset as well.  By the the time we got home we were both calmer, or she was but I was fuming on the inside still.  How dare she! How dare anyone tell someone to not just leave a store but leave a whole country because they think "we"  don't belong here.  For the record, I am only half Mexican because of my mom and half Nicaraguan because of my dad.  How stupid that people lump everyone into one group solely based on looks and appearances.  

When I was in grade school it was predominately Hispanic.  But back then, times were so different and our school welcomed everyone, no matter what you looked like.  Even when I went to high school it was not like that.  I went to a private Catholic school for girls.  I was around all kinds of people, all kinds of races, all kinds of financial statuses.  But I remember interacting with everyone.  We clashed about other things.  Superficial, girl stuff things.  Not this racist bullshit.  I mean, I knew it existed and learned about it in school and through life in general, but I had not once been told to leave the only country I have ever known, because I didn't belong here.  And now that I have experienced it first hand, I hate it.  I hate it so much.  I'm a proud American with Mexican and Nicaraguan descent.  To hell with people with that mindset.  

I know we are living in unprecedented times.  I know that the pandemic has wrought desperation and frustration.  I know we are all tired of it.  I know that the election has just destroyed us inside.  I wish I could make all of this go away.  I wish it would just disappear.  But it won't.  Even after the virus is long gone or under control, even after we can return to some semblance of normalcy, the evil monster that is racism, will still remain.  

I feel disgusted by that woman's behavior today.  I almost feel embarrassed by my own behavior today.  Almost.  But not quite.  I mean, at what point do we fight back?  Why should we be subjected to other people's hang-ups?  I know to turn the other cheek, I know to look the other way and to take the high road.  But today just was not the day for that.  A part of me is wishing I could have punched that woman in the face, but another part is telling that I should have kept my mouth shut and just walked away.  Even as I drove home, I kept thinking that I was no better than her because I yelled back and cussed at her.  In public.  A total stranger.  It was then that I worried someone with a cell-phone may have recorded the whole thing just for the hell of it and that at any given time  my mom and I were going to become famous (not in a good way) somewhere on the interwebs.  I'm hoping my overthinking is just that.  Overthinking.

This was my Saturday.  How was yours?