bare

look at me
not past me
see me for who i am
not who you think i am

look at me
the real me
standing naked, exposing her soul

you don't get it
i try and explain
over and over
but you don't get it

full circle
life goes on
and so will i

again.

sometimes i feel as if the people in my life have no idea what is really going on in my life.  oh they know about the obvious things.   but not what's inside, deep, deep inside, sometimes hidden so well, that i forget that part of me exists.  but then it surfaces, and i remember that i'm flawed.  jaded.  scared.  lonely and very sad.

or maybe they do know or realize it, but don't know what to say to me.  the thing is, i don't even know what to say to me sometimes.  instead, when i feel this way, i lose myself in my words, in my stories, in anything that will make the ache i feel inside, go away or at best, dull itself into oblivion.

maybe rambling way past my bedtime isn't the smartest thing to do, but for now, for me, it's the best thing.

another concert and height deficiency

greetings and salutations kids! it's been a while.  i realized today that i wrote my last post on may 26th, where   i told you about my date with daryl and john.  that was soooo two weeks ago.  time moves on.  i've already gone to another concert since then.  which brings me to the theme of this post. -sorta.  meh, bear with me and my attention deficit disorder.  thanks.

so i went to see juanes on saturday night.  for those not in the know, juanes is sexy, hot and delicious to look at from medellin, colombia.  he started out playing heavy metal in a band when he was seventeen and still in colombia.  but then decided going solo was more his style and he reinvented himself into a latin balladeer while still maintaining that raspy rock edge with a bit of funk mixed in.  the concert was one of the best shows i've seen. or could have seen.  confused?  let me splain myself. he played in a small venue, very intimate and not a bad seat in the house, unless of course you are me and are only 4'11 in stature.  but even still, i didn't think i'd have a problem this time because we had fifth row seats and like i mentioned before, "not a bad seat in the house"  ---yeah well, that's true, we did have great seat, um hello? see the picture below???  my problem began when the jolly-green giant and his equally as giant woman friend came to sit right in front of me.  all of a sudden: obstructed view.  i was weaving from left to right so much people probably thought i was stone-cold drunk!  the problem only got worse because jolly green giant had friends who came to join him and his lady friend and they were equally as towering.  meh.  i still enjoyed the concert and danced and sang the night away along with everyone else.

later that night, as i was getting ready for bed, i remembered i had to grab something from my closet.  something that was way up high, in a box, something that would require me to get the step-ladder from the utility room.  so i did, and while i was on that step ladder it dawned on me that being short just sucks sometimes.  really.  ok not all the time, because for me, being short has gotten me into and out of rather precarious situations as well as led me to meet a lot of guys who feel bad for my lack of height.  heh.  anyway, but really it's annoying at times, to not be able to watch a concert or a public speaker or even a parade.  or something as simple as sitting at the bar.  i swear, it's a production just for me to get on that damned stool!  stop laughing.  my friends, michelle and maricela, are tall, really, really tall.  and they know i hate when we sit at the bar because i have such a hard time sitting down.  seriously, if you ever want cheap entertainment, watch me try to mount the bar stool.  not a pretty sight friends.  not a pretty sight.  and some people are just downright ugly when it comes to this.  they could care less that we can't see or are almost being stepped on.  (maybe not stepped on, per se, but definitely almost crushed) it's those people that i want to poke in the eye, although, because of my shortness, my aim would be much lower, so if you're a man, don't piss me off.

blah. blah. blah.  i'm done.

apologies for being all over the place in this post, but my meds haven't kicked in yet.  or?  i'm just exhausted and going to pass out now.

before i go, here's a pic of juanes for your (some of you anyway) viewing pleasure.  you're welcome.