Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Dating Woes of An Older Woman

Since when did sexual escapades become so complicated?  Calm down, maybe sexual escapades was not the best description to use.  Alright, as some of you know and can relate to, being single is difficult enough.  But being single, female, over forty aaaand trying to date, is downright exhausting! Not to mention, it's a lot of work and confusing and takes the fun out of it,  leaving me with no inclination to try again.

Men get scared.  Men suddenly become nervous.  Men run.  What.the.hell?  Seriously, they think that by going out on a date, it means that we ("we" being women) are all of a sudden in love with them and want to get married and have two kids and a dog or cat.  Or whatever.  Pfft.  Don't flatter yourselves so much guys.  A date is a date.  Nothing more, nothing less.  The past couple of months I decided to put myself at the mercy of my friends again and let them start setting me up with their prospective single male friends.  Yeah well, that went downhill really fast.  I went on a total of  four dates with two different men.  The first one I dubbed "the writer", he was very easy on the eyes,  but a very dark soul. He was lonely, depressed and very angry.   I get that writers, artists, creative folk, are emotional and passionate and have a "bad boy" or bad girl" side to them, myself included.  But good lord!  This guy would never crack a smile or have anything positive to say.  Everything was cryptic with him.  So why the second date?  Well because as I said, he was easy on the eyes and momma didn't raise no fool!  Alright I'm lying.  I went on second date with him because I hoped he'd just had a horrible day the first time we met and things were bound to be better the second time right? Wrong.  It was so bad, I'm not even going to discuss it.  So then there was my second round of "Yvonne's Adventures in Blind Dates", which took place in December.  This guy was a lawyer.  A friend of friend of a friend.  He was hot, he was a good dancer, he loved to laugh and make jokes.  He didn't make me nervous and he didn't try to kiss me on our first date.  But god did I want him too!  Don't judge me.  The only thing that was wrong with this guy?  He didn't live in Houston.  In fact, he doesn't even live in Texas.  He's from San Diego.Yeah.  In California.  Waaaay over there ---------->!  He was in Houston working on a case.  He stayed a week.  We spent most of it together and I eventually got that kiss.  We even talked of me going to visit.  And then,  I find out he's married.  Yeah.  As in, to someone else.  Why my so called friends would first, set me up with someone that doesn't even live in the same time zone as me, but then  set me up with a married man, I have not a clue.  Maybe I hurt them in my past life or something.  Who knows?  This is why I don't date.  Men are scum.  Ugh!

But that was soooo 2012.

Which brings me to my original story a few hundred words ago.  What? I have ADD, just bear with me.  Where was I? Oh yeah.  Why is it that as a woman in her forties, single, never married and no kids, is like a green light to younger, much, much, younger men, to try and get into my  their pants?  I don't know if it's because  they think women like that are a).  desperate  b).  desperate  c). easy  d). a sex guru.  Or maybe all of aforementioned?  I've always attracted younger men.  That's a given.  The relationships I have had in the past have always been with younger men.  There was only one man who was older, way older than me, that I dated for a year.  That was an eternity ago.  My point is that I suddenly feel like Hester Prynne in A Scarlet Letter. As if I'm marked or branded to make it easier for the younger guys to seek me out.  I'm not really complaining about being hit on or sought after by men who are younger than me, my complaint or dilemma is what kind of expectations they may have.  I have a girlfriend who is about thirty five or thirty six years old, she's single also and has the same problem.  Younger men want older women.  Why is that?  A few weeks ago I was out with friends, both men and women, married and single, and while polishing off bottles of wine, discussed this grand mystery.  Most of the guy friends said to "hit it and quit it" -did you expect anything less from them really?  But the women surprisingly, were divided. Some said to play their game, to have fun.  Others said to wave buh-bye and not waste our time.  I'm on the fence on this.  I could really go either way.  While I ultimately want or would like to have a relationship with someone that loves me, I am not opposed to having fun, as long as no one gets hurt and we're on the same page.  I mean, a woman's got needs right?  Right.  Stop judging me.  I don't know.  Dating, 'hooking up", all that stuff is way more complicated than it should be.

So what say you  kids?  Oh and just so you know, I hate the title to this post but creativity left my brain an hour ago.  I'm off to count sheep.


Don said...

May I suggest that males who get scared and run aren't "men" because they haven't matured?

The same can be said of some, but not all, younger men who want older women. They feel the need to have someone more experienced than themselves to guide them or, in other words, "break them in".

The problem for women is to distinguish between those younger men and others to whom age is just a number.

Then, on the other hand, there are "Cougars".......older women who want younger men. To each their own.

Now, having said all that, where are any women who want a REALLY old married horny pervert like me? LOL!!!!

David Batista said...

I think if you're older and single, there really aren't that many people your own age who are not already married or otherwise taken off the market. This is true for both men and women, and especially after the age of 40. So chances are if you fit this demographic, you ARE going to be dating someone younger.

But I agree with one of Don's points above. It's my opinion that younger men who go after older women specifically just because they're older are probably not sincere. After all, if your agenda is "getting an older woman," then you are looking at potential dates as an age number first, and a human being second. Or last. Or not at all.

What's an older single person to do, then? Hell if I know! I guess the same as a young single person -- date like crazy, but only get serious with those who are serious about you. I imagine that by now it's fairly obvious ten minutes into a date which type of man you're dealing with.

Annah said...

I agree with David. The older you get... The smaller the singles pool. Now I have to go. Got a date with a 22 year old.

Robin said...

I think David summed this up pretty well, too. Being in this same boat I have pretty much just avoided dating. However, I figure when I do meet someone that I am interested in, I will probably go for it. I am really not interested in wasting my time. Of course, that means I have been doing ZERO dating lately. It is a tough call, Yvonne. I feel your pain.

Yvonne said...

Don - You're on your own Don!

Yvonne said...

David - you are absolutely correct. I can spot "them" a mile away. Dating can be fun and has been for me. But not lately. When that happens I tend to go back into my invisible cave and not go out on dates at all. It just seems easier that way. I got hit on tonight actually, by a twenty year old. TWENTY! I was a little flattered but a lot more creeped out. lol Thanks for your comment.

Yvonne said...

Annah - Rawr!

Yvonne said...

Robin- Yeah, I'm at that point myself. I say, just enjoy life! :)

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