Sunday, July 29, 2012

you decide

my mind is racing
destination unknown

fragments of memories
fill my head and take over my mind

i try to slow it down
but it ignores me

constant movement
endless jabber

the voices of regret
the voices of anger
the voices of fear
and lastly,
of happiness
growing louder and louder

what does this all mean?
where am i headed?
why am i still here?

don't even try to decipher what i just wrote.  i don't even know myself.  those particular words just spilled out as i typed.  maybe it has something to do with the funeral from last week, or maybe it's the fact that i'm going to be forty-six in a few months, and that the mere thought, scares the hell out of me.  or maybe it's because my life is so disorganized and without direction rght now.

i dunno.

perhaps it's none of what i am feeling.  perhaps i just had a classic case of writers block.  and this was the best i could do.


Alessandra said...

I liked that, even if I didn't try to decipher it, sounds from the heart. I'm going to be 47 in a couple of days, so I totally feel you in that department. Hope you have a better week.;)

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

I like the rhythm and sound as I read it. This reminds me of all the reminiscing I've been doing lately. Sometimes it's just fun to see what's inside our heads!
Thanks for sharing.

The Frisky Virgin said...

Beautiful words, beautifully written.

You know, I'm beginning to think people never really feel like they've got it together. I think we all strive to have everything in place, but we never actually get there, not really. All we can do is the best we can do.

As for age...screw it. It in no way measures WHO you are. It's a stupid number, no better than a damn label.

Yvonne said...

Alessandra- Thanks, it was. Make it a great one!

YRJ- Glad you liked it!

FV- Ha! I'm with you, "Screw it!" :)
I know we can't have it "together" all of the time, but for me, lately everything is so overwhelming. -I know it will get better. It has too! :)

Robin said...

I think that we all wonder sometimes about where we are headed. As to why we are still here... well, I think we do all have a purpose. You just haven't found yours yet. I do believe with all my heart that you WILL. Just remember that a purpose doesn't need to be huge to be important. Mother Teresa would have said hers was small. All she did was help one person at a time. And look at how that turned out....

Yvonne said...

Robin- Your comment made me smile inside. Thank you! :)

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