the inner battle

Ever since I was a little girl, I was taught to have "hope", to be "hopeful" for all that I wanted or aspired in life.  Hope is becoming more and more elusive to me. And tonight, as I write this, I feel anything but hopeful. Let's just say, life just keeps knocking me down and I'm so very tired.  It's becoming harder and harder for me to get up and fight back.  Just when I feel I can breathe easily and sigh with relief, something else goes wrong or falls apart or blindsides me.  And right this second, I'm still on the ground...

Not in much of a blog mood tonight guys.  Sorry about the Debbie Downer post.  I really just wanted to voice my frustrations.  Even if it's just via the computer.

Have a great week everyone.

Thirty days and holding...

As some of you know (if you're a regular follower of my blog),  I gave up drinking Coke for Lent this year.  Now, while some of you may find this gesture a bit trite or lame or an "easy" out for Lent, rest assured, it has been anything but easy. Seriously, there should be a twelve step program for coca-cola drinkers like myself.  Yes folks, I'm that addicted.  So you see, my giving up Coke is a HUGE sacrifice for me.  Which is why I've been smiling all day long. Today is day THIRTY of no caffeine.  None. Nada.  Zilch.  Is that not the most awesome news???  -yeah i know, just humor me, will you?  I am so proud of myself guys!  You have no idea!  I'm not one to ever, EVER, follow through with anything.  I am notorious for starting all kinds of projects but abandoning them weeks (sometimes hours) later, for lack of interest.  I've given up things in the past, for Lent.  But always falter before it is over.  Last year, I gave up drinking ALL alcoholic beverages.  Yeah.  I lasted maybe two and half weeks with that one.  Just too many happy hours that couldn't be missed, don't ya know?  So this year, I promised myself that I would follow through with whatever it is I was going to give up, or take up.  And I've kept my promise, so far.  I've got a little over two weeks left to go before Easter.  I don't have withdrawal headaches anymore and have lost almost 10lbs just with the lack of Coke in my system alone!  Someone high-five me, stat!  Or low five, I'm short. heh.

So there it is. My wonderful Wednesday news!  So what's up with you?

Got words?

I have a love-hate relationship with Sundays.  While I love having a day to do absolutely nothing, except maybe go to church, I hate that it means it's the beginning of the work week, for me.  I wish I could quit you Sundays, but I can't.  Damn you!

There.  I feel better now. Hey guys! What's up? So how was your weekend?  How many of you drank green beer yesterday? How many of you are still hungover? Uh-huh.  I thought so.  I neither drank green beer nor have anything resembling a hangover.  No really. I'm not kidding.  Why? Well, first of all, I hate beer.  It could be rainbow colored for I care. I'm not drinking it.  And second, I was not in the mood to be out with all the crazies pseudo Irish folk, so there.

Oh yeah, here is the ONLY reason I will be watching the return of Dancing With The Stars tomorrow night:

 You're welcome ladies. :)

You know, I really don't have much to say tonight.  Shocking isn't it?  But really, I don't. I mean, I HAVE stuff to say, but not for this blog.  I've been working on a writing project for a few weeks now, so that could be the reason my creative juices are dried up right now.  I'm sorry there is nothing more palatable on my blog right now bloggies.

Maybe if I sleep on it, I'll wake up with tales to marvel your minds.  Maybe.  Or, maybe I'll just be back tomorrow and write more mind numbing prose.  Tune in tomorrow to find out!

You know the drill, Monday's on deck, hit it out of the ballpark!

Great week, everyone!

title for this post? YOU decide

Happy Monday peeps! What's up with everyone?  So, thanks to all who were so kind to call/text or comment on the post I wrote last night, to make sure I was okay.  I'm totally fine.  I just had a mini, emotional moment.  But all is peachy again.  I still blame the rain. ha!  Millie Vannili would be so proud right now.  Don't get the reference? Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwrL9MV6jSk

How was everyone's weekend?  Mine was a total wash-out.  Literally.  It rained Friday night, all day Saturday, and Sunday it was one storm after another.  Yours truly even danced in the rain yesterday.  Not really, more like, ran in the rain and got drenched in the process!  Serious.  My clothes, my hair, all of me, was soaked.  But I managed to laugh about it.  I mean, what else could I do? Get mad? P-uh-lease!  So um, yeah, that's how my weekend was.  Exciting right?

I skipped the gym tonight. I know, I know, I'm horrible!  I felt so bad for not going that I did 75 jumping jacks, 30 crunches and jumped rope, all in the span of an hour, in the comfort of my own room.  Guilt is sometimes a good thing.  I didn't hit the gym because I needed to work on my dreaded taxes.  So while my accountant aka friend, was fervently crunching numbers on my laptop,  I was exercising behind him.  It's all about compromise, kids.

Oh! Did I tell you that I gave up coca cola for Lent?  Well, today is day 19 of no caffeine.  Day NINETEEN! Unless you're a coca-holic like myself, you have no idea how difficult this has been for me.  I've never given up my soda -like, ever.  Even when I would do one of my extreme diets, I still incorporated it into whatever I was doing.  Hmm, perhaps that is why I didn't lose as much weight, eh?  Yeah well, the headaches have FINALLY subsided and the cravings are still there,  but they're not tormenting me anymore. I'm very proud of myself, thus far!  I still have have a few more weeks to go but I'm confident I will make it.  Yay! :)

What? Pats on the back -even if it is your own back, are warranted at times.

Speaking of pats, St. Patty's Day is this Saturday.  I haven't done anything special or gone out with all the other pretend Irish people out there, in years.  But this year, I think the Usual Suspects and I are actually doing something to commemorate good ol' St. Pat.  I even bought our "accessories", earlier today.  You know, hair things that glow in green, charm bracelets and the proverbial "Kiss me I'm Irish" tee shirts.  So we're good and ready to go!

Alright kids, it's past my bedtime and I need to go take my little 6 hour nap. Be good.

Ciao!

"him"

I can’t keep doing this to myself, and yet, I do.

This self-infliction of pain that I keep causing myself is getting old.

It’s gotten so bad that it doesn’t even hurt anymore,

the wounds that I keep pouring salt over,

are now numb.

What is it about that one door in your life that you know you have to close, but trick yourself into keeping it open just enough, so that it is not completely shut.

Maybe it’s because I’m hoping that our story isn’t really over.

Maybe it’s because I am subconsciously hoping that the outcome will be different. 

When in reality, I know that it won’t be.

Maybe it’s because I’m just a masochist who loves to suffer.

Or, maybe it’s because loving someone engulfs my entire being, and letting them go, would mean it would be over.  Even though I know it’s been over for a very long time.

Or maybe, it’s just this gloomy weather.   

It turns me into a big lump of sappiness and full of melancholy.  

Stupid rain.

does anybody know what time it is?

has it really been almost a week that i wrote my last post? wow! time just escapes me sometimes.  tonight is all about randomness because i really hadn't planned on blogging until i noticed that i had not posted in over a week.  and i felt the need to inform you of this, asap! -you're welcome.

did everyone who had to, remember to forward their clocks an hour ahead?  you know, "spring forward" and all that? i hope so!   i will do it whenever i make it to bed.  if i remember.

how was everyone's week? i'm super jealous right now of all my teacher friends.  why?  because their spring break has officially begun for them.  they get an entire week off and that just blows.  bleh! my next day off will not be until april 6th.  it's good friday and, opening day!  ohhh yeah! baseball season is around the corner baby!

so if it's 1:00 a.m now, then at 2:00 a.m. is it already 3:00 a.m.?  what? it's a legitimate question, i don't want to miss church!  which reminds me, i really need to go to sleep.  meh.  sleep is overrated anyway, don't you agree?

so who's up? what are you doing? tell me.

president obama was in our fair city on friday afternoon, for a fundraising event.  that was cool.  too bad not a lot of my friends thought so.  i caused a tizzy on my fb page, after i posted how sick i was of reading people blame the president, for the traffic nightmare that his visit caused on some of the highways.  oh and they blamed him for the rain too. it was storming friday and apparently, the president has super powers and a weather machine at the white house.  i'm telling you, the comments some people were making were downright stupid and ignorant.  and i got tired of it and voiced my opinion and all hell broke loose! it was quite amusing and entertaining to the say the least.  i think one or two people may have unfriended me for that.  whatever, silly wabbits.

i went shopping earlier today (or yesterday) and spent way too much money.  no really, i did.  but i couldn't help it.  buying myself things makes me feel better when i'm sad, and yesterday, i was a little sad.  for many reasons that i don't want to discuss right now.  suffice it to say, i did my share in saving the us economy. again, you're welcome.

well kids, that's it's for my randoms tonight.  if you've gotten this far in the post, you're a trooper and  the BEST! if you left, you just suck.  

and with that, i'm off! gotta see a pillow about some sleep.

days like today...

Happy Sunday Fun day everyone!  So what's happening? Clue a sister in.  As for me, well my week was long and stressful and a bit chaotic. -the usual.  But you know me, I roll with the punches and just keep getting back up.

My weekend was great.  Friday night I stayed in (I know, you're shocked) and worked on a writing project I've got brewing.  Saturday I had to meet a client at the office for a few hours but then, I played.  Oh and I also cut my hair.  Short.  Super, super, short.  I am still freaking out about it.  I haven't had short hair since I was in my twenties!  I dunno what got into me but once I sat in the stylist's chair, and she asked me what I wanted to do, I kind of just thought, "Aw, screw it!" and told her, "Cut it short.  Very short." And she did.  I was fine until I heard the "snip, snip, snip" of the scissors. That's when I started to panic.  There was no turning back.  She had just chopped a big chunk of hair from the back.  It's not like I could tell her to glue it back on or anything.  Or could I???  Meh!  I closed my eyes and didn't open them until she was finished.  That's when the real freaking out happened.  That first look at myself with short hair will forever be embedded in mind.  I think I may have cried  a little.  I know I kept saying, "Oh my gosh! It's so short, it's so short!"  But I rebounded quickly and gave her a high-five for a job well done.  I've been getting a lot of compliments since yesterday.  Which does wonders for the ego, but each time I look in the mirror, I become startled at the girl with the short hair staring back at me.  The good thing? It will grow back.

Saturday evening what was supposed to be a wine and pizza kinda night with friends,  somehow turned into, "How many bars can Yvonne and her friends go to in one night?"  Answer?  Four.  It would seem we met our wine quota, and then some, for the entire year.  -Not really.  It was a great night, the music, the atmosphere, the company and all the things that happen when friends get together made it all worthwhile.

Today my family and I enjoyed a great day at the park.  The weather was amazing!  It's been a while
 -probably since Christmas, that we've all been together, at the same time.  With everyone's schedules and kiddos and other obligations, it's difficult to get everyone together at the same time.  But today, the moons must have been aligned.  We played soccer with the kiddos and my brothers held an impromptu baseball clinic for my nephews and some kids who happened to walk by.  We laughed and had overdue talks with each other, cleared some things up.  We fed the ducks, chased squirrels, and ate like piggies.  It was a very nice day.  I cherish days like this.  They make my heart smile.

Hope something or someone, made your heart smile this weekend!