Saturday, February 11, 2012

boredom and malbec

In the spirit of Valentine's day and because it's Friday night and I'm home, bored and about to pour myself a glass of wine, I thought I'd share a few things about my horror dating stories with you.  Because I have SO many!  <------  I hope you read that in the same sarcastic voice that I used.  You did? Good.  Ready? Here we go:

Best Kiss Ever
July of 2005.  One hot summer night, in the soft, misty rain.  My heart was pounding so loud, I swear he could hear it.  I'm not kidding, His face thisclose to mine.  His lips, gingerly caressing my lips.  A wave of jolting electricity went through my body when our mouths met.  I swear I could have melted from that kiss!

Best Date Ever
I couldn't pick just one.  September of 2004 and August of 2007.  Different dates, obviously.  What stands out the most about these dates is how happy I felt.  How at ease we were with each other and how effortless our evenings were.  There was laughter and seriousness and deep conversation.  What there wasn't was expectations or agendas.  I'm not knocking my other dates throughout the years by any means, I mean, I've had some pretty awesome dates in my life, it's just that these two, will always be special to me.  And that makes them the best. -so far

Worst Kiss Ever
I was on a first date with someone that a friend had set me up with. (Yes I'm a glutton for punishment!) There was no attraction on my part, but I could tell he was interested in me. At any rate, when he went in for the kiss, I let him.  Hey, what can I say? I'd had some wine and the mood was right.  Or maybe I just wanted it to be right. Bleh! So he kisses me and right away I'm thinking to myself, "Make it stop! Make it stop!!!" First, he had bad breath. Not beer breath or liquor breath, just BAD breath. Second, I felt as if a dog had lapped my face -it was so wet. And third, he nearly choked me with his tongue down my throat, on my teeth, it was like I was getting a free teeth cleaning! That kids, was and still is to this day, the worst kiss ever!

Lamest Line used on me
Him- "Do you know what time it is?"
Me- "Um, it's ......"
Him- "No, it's time for me to show you what heaven is like.  Follow me."
Me- No response.  Just walked away. And then I laughed.

Best Line Used on Me -that worked!
Him - "Hi, I'm ...."
extends his hand out to mine

Me- shaking his hand say, "I'm Yvonne..."
Word of advice to the fellas, sometimes, less is more.  -just saying.

Worst Date Ever
I went out with a guy once, that got super pissed when I refused to go down on him after he kissed me good night.  He said, "Call me when you grow up, little girl." ----ha! I still laugh at that.  What a moronic fool!

So those are but a few anecdotes of my dating life throughout the years.  Pathetic right? Okay, now it's your turn.  I can't be the only one playing this game.  Where's the fun in that?  Tell me at least one (more if you're willing) of your experiences from any of the categories I shared with you.

It's the weekend, kids! Go do something fabulous and fun!  I know I will.


Ruth said...

Dating has been a long time ago and I really can't remember. Maybe I have just blocked them out.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

I once had a guy actually sit me down and show me the 'proper' way to make a PBJ sandwich. Yeah, and then he wondered why I lost interest after that...

not displayed said...

sunset on the beach, first kiss. Bit fumbling, noses bumping but still pretty good for a first ever kiss by a boy. And he asked permission first. Awwww

Unknown said...

EW! I hate bad kisses!!! You are making me think of one I shared with a guy in high school. So awkward, so...out of step. Yuck. I love remembering the good ones, too.

Dandelion Gardens said...

Found your blog tonight and the fact that you love to write brought me to the decision to follow fansy others, to bring hope to others, to bring healing to others, expression from within from a wee child that writing is her only voice....or writing for entertainment...whatever the purpose for your passion to write...we stand on common ground....writing ...! Do invite you to visit my blog...I titled it Cloak of Darkness, for once abuse was the cloak that was heavy upon my back....and I have purposed to use my blog as a tool of therapy, healing, hope and connection....for others and self hope you will stop by!

Belle said...

Best kiss: I was leaving the U.S. traveling to Canada on the Greyhound. I met a soldier returning from Viet Nam. He was gorgeous and after talking for hours we kissed. Too bad he was going home.

Worst date: A guy I met at church came over to visit. He told me he was having shock therapy at the hospital, lived with his mom and he brought a bunch of herbal teas over for me to taste.

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

Well that last time I went on a date was in 1983 when I met hubby but have to say that first date with him was the best date as I knew when I met him that he was the wasn't love at first sight but I did just know he was the one for me.....

Yvonne said...

Ruth- Aww, you're not missing much, as you can see.

YRJ- Because there is a "wrong" way to make one? ha!

Mynx- How sweet!!!

Kelley- I'm glad I'm not alone!

Dandelion- Thanks for your comment and the follow! I will visit your blog soon.

Belle- I think I may have gone out with your worse date too! :)

Jo-Anne- It's incredible how some people just "know" -you are incredibly fortunate!

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