It has been said that we are our own worst enemy. I believe this to be true. Why else would I sabotage my relationships, platonic, romantic, family, friends? What other explanation could there be? For years now, I have been known to stand in my own way of getting ahead, taking the leap (whatever “leap” it may be at that time), facing myself, my truths, owning who I am. It is almost as if I am running away, but at the same time, holding myself captive to moving to the next level. I am a big talker, a dreamer, a procrastinator. The world is passing me by and I am just sitting on the sidelines, watching it. Why? Why do I constantly do that? I do it all constantly. In my career, with my writing, with my goals. That's why I was so proud of finishing that boot camp a few months ago. It seems I start projects all the time, but never finish them. What am I so afraid of? Failing? Succeeding? Both?
What is it that drives us to do what we do?
I watched a Lifetime movie today, I don’t remember the name of it but watching it was like looking at myself in a mirror. And as we all know, mirrors don't lie. The truth hurts, we all know this. No one wants to face it, but we all kind of have to eventually. Or not, and then get stuck in a permanent case of déjà vu, as is what happened to the character of the movie I watched. Luckily, that character was able to figure it out before she lost everything. In the end, she wised up and emerged a success, but more importantly, she fought for herself and reclaimed her life.
Before we can move on, or get the ball rolling, whatever the case, we must first learn to face the truth. Look into that mirror and face ourselves, see ourselves for what we are, what we have become and what we have yet to be. And then figure out why. Why are we stalling? Because life is not going to stop. It’s not going to go back and let you start over. All we have is right now. What I did earlier today even, that’s gone now. It’s passed. I have now, to practice what I preach, to walk the walk, as it were.
Do you? Have what it takes to do the same? Or will your life stay in limbo?
More than anything, I wrote this for me, to hold myself accountable. I am my own worst enemy. I need to conquer my fears of failure that engulf me. And I'm asking you to join me in my journey. I promise you, if nothing else, it will be humorous. And who doesn't love a funneh?
As I stated earlier, I talk a good talk! But I’m running out of time. I need to walk that walk! I know that it will take a lot of trial and error and a lot of determination for my life to go the way I dream it should go. I think that if I can do it, so can you. It’s a choice. Do or die
We’re worth it don’t you think?
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5 comments:
Knowing yourself is always a good thing. I like what you wrote here. It isn't easy to change, but we can all do it if we put our mind to it.
It's not just you. Believe it or not, I find myself feeling this way too. I wonder if perhaps we all do, in some way.
Which is not to belittle what you're going through at all, Yvonne. Your words strike to the truth of the matter, that sometimes in life we need to have the courage to look ourselves in the mirror and accept what we find peeking back at us--warts and all!
This was very inspiring to me. Thanks for writing it!
I love this post! You have put into words something so profound. It is an amazing thing, the internal journey of ourselves. Can't wait to see what you're up to next...
This is a terrific post and I hope you do re-read it whenever you feel like you're preventing yourself from achieving your goals.
I know all about self-sabotage, as you can probably tell. My dream is to publish a novel, but I keep letting things distract me.... like the "workout crew" you mentioned (esp. Fantasy Girl) Gah... what is wrong with me?
Anyway I hope you're feeling better about your life and that you can stay focused on your goals. Maybe we can encourage each other to stay on track? :)
Belle- no, it's not easy at all! but the alternative is not one i want to choose. thanks dear belle!
David- I'm glad you were able to get something out of my dribble. And yeah, warts and all, we all have to be willing to look at ourselves, accept who we are and change what we don't like. Sounds easy peezy right? Then why is it so hard to do?
YRJ- Thanks sweets!
Insomiac- Defintely! Encouragement from bloggers is what kept me sane when I was going through a bout with depression. I will whole-heartedly encourage you!!! I've been writing my "novel" for years now. One is finshed and gathering dust, and the other is almost finished. Recently, I decided to selfpublish the first one I wrote. We'll see what happens. Don't let your dream sit for too long, life is so, so short. Chin up!!!
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