Awake

As far as St. Patrick's Day celebrating, this one will go down as my tamest one ever!  Instead of joining my friends for a night of debauchery and spirits, what do I do? I go to the gym.  That's right, I partied like a rock star by working up a sweat. But not by dancing to blaring music or standing outside in the humidity, while trying to look cute, or engaging in wild sex with a hot guy, no, my sweat came from doing sprints on the treadmill and kickboxing class.  Jealous aren't you?  I thought so.  I was surprised to see that  I was not alone.  The place was packed, I guess green beer and crowded bars and obnoxious drunks did not appeal to them either.  This is the first year I didn't go out and celebrate.  Meh, I just wasn't feeling it.  When I was done working out, I checked my phone and had several text messages and missed calls.  All from friends wanting to know where I was! Hilarious!  One of my friends' text read:  "Quit being so lame and get your ass over here!" and then, because I didn't respond, I got another one that read" "Seriously? You're working out? WTF? Why are you acting like you're 100 years old!?"  Silly kids! 

Moving on. 

On a much happier note, I totally caught a guy checking me out at Target last Saturday.  He wasn't subtle about it either.  Normally, I don't pay much attention, but maybe it was because I had just come from getting my hair and toes did that I felt extra sassy, extra sexy.  I dunno.  But him checking me out and me letting him know that I knew he was checking me out, was a good feeling!  It was the hottest non-verbal conversation I've had in a long time!

All's quiet on the "Dating Front" --surprise, surprise.   Actually, I had a conversation with one of my guy friends a few days ago.  He's currently in post "calling off a wedding" mode.  We were discussing how dating nowadays is so complicated and full of rules and tweets and FB statuses. It's a wonder anyone has a normal verbal conversation at all!  Since he's still traumatized from his split with his now ex-fiance, I focused the conversation on me.  -I know, how generous right?  I told him I was done with dating and was pretty much giving up on looking for anyone.  I was just going to focus on making myself happy.  Or trying to anyway.  No more set-ups, no more blind dates, no more online dating sites.  Done.  I'm done.  He called me bitter.  I said, "Pot.Kettle.Black" and he nodded in agreement.  I'm not bitter.  There's no reason for me to be.  I'm just tired of the same thing over and over.  I'm tired of trying to find something that eludes me, eludes my life.  So, I'm becoming my own boyfriend.  My own date. My own best friend.  Sound crazy? Eh, maybe.  But if you think about it, it's really not.  I've spent the majority of my life trying to please everyone else but me.  I've made some really, really, stupid mistakes and choices I'm not proud of.  But all of that, I can't undo.  I can only go forward. More than ever, I am cognizant of the fact that life is short and over in a bash of an eyelash.  I don't want this to come off as "Pollyanna-ish" because I'm anything but that.  However, there is some truth to positive thinking and positive energy and being proactive instead of reactive.  Which is one of the reasons I am working out so much these days.  Sure, I have goals to lose weight  and get fit, but by me doing this and spending large amounts of time at the gym, I'm kind of filling a void.  Right or wrong, it seems to be working for me.  Time will tell.  So my conversation with my friend ended by him telling me that I should never accept anyone just for the sake of having someone (duh!) and that more than anything, I should do what makes me happy because in the end, that's all that matters.  And that's just what I'm going to do.

What about you?