A fellow blogger mentioned this in her last post: "Something's Gotta Give", and unbeknown to her, that little sentence spoke volumes to me tonight. Today was a crapy, f-up'd day! Emotionally, I'm drained, spent, all cried out. My Labor Day was filled with tears and anger and then guilt, remorse and exhaustion. There wasn't "one" thing that triggered it. It was more of a combination of things, situations that have recently transpired, and realizations of certain individuals in my life. --Who knew a temper tantrum (see Meltdown) could take so much out of me!!!!?
As some of you know, (if you've been following my blog), I have been going through some pretty heavy stuff emotionally and have begun to change certain aspects of my life and my way of thinking. This being done in hopes that the newer, more improved version of myself will finally, render me happy. Well, as some of you also know, sometimes being "happy" and "positive" and "on track" -Mary Sunshine if you will, is downright impossible! Such was the case today. It just seems that the harder I try to make changes, to move forward, it seems it's just not enough, none of it matters, things just get worse and worse. Yes I know, I'm being Debbie Downer in a major way! I know that, but indulge me for a minute and let me have my "boohoo" moment. Thanks in advance!
Sigh, I'm just tired. Tired of fighting, tired of trying and tired of hitting brick walls. I feel like I'm losing control and falling into the "darkness" again and I don't want that. It's a horrible place to be in!
Tomorrow I will wake-up in a better mood. Even if I have to force it on myself! I know that there are people in this world who have it so much worse than me. I know that. But like I said, we can't be happy all of the time. And sometimes, having a "Woe is me" moment, and crying our eyes out, is just what we need in order to move forward. And rest assured, I will move forward.
So thanks for letting me vent and get this off my chest. I feel better already --and even if I really don't, I will.
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7 comments:
Depression (if that is what you are describing) is so insidious and relentless in some people's lives. It has been in mine.
I have only found relief in therapy and God. There was no other way for me. I hope you find the answers to life's problems. Of course everyone has ups and downs, it is just if the downs are horrible it is good to get a listening ear and a wise counselor.
I couldn't number the times when after a counselling session I would think about what we talked about and learned an important thing about myself.
I have depression but I take natural supplements. I take Omega 3-6-9 5-Htp and GABA. I read a book called "Depression free for life" Which really helped me. Or you can watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=player_embedded
And it will get better as in "this too shall pass" For a bit of woman inspiration in these times? visit my motivational blog .
Best,
Clara.
Belle - Yes I battle with bouts of depression from time to time. And I also see a therapist. Were it not for her and my faith I don't know where I would be right now. And yes, everyone has their ups and downs, I happen to be on the "down" side right now. But I'm pressing forward. I know this too shall pass. Thank you for your words. I appreciate it!
Israel - Thanks for your suggestiosns I will definitely check them out! How long have you been taking the supplements? Do you notice a difference? The reason I ask is because my therapist has suggested this as well. I'm just curious.
Clara - Wow, thanks for the link to your blog! I will definitely check it out! And I know "this too shall pass" and things will get better for me. I appreciate your input.
RE: Supplements. I've been taking them for years and this allowed me to ween off medication. It truly works. I've experienced the full spectrum i.e taking nothing; taking "meds" aka drugs; and taking supplements. And supplements is the way to go. I really urge you to read: Depression free for life. It was written by a doctor that treated patients with supplements.
I'm definitely going to read it! I'm very interested in the supplements because I am slowly weening off of "the meds" and I'm looking for alternatives. Thanks again.
Israel - Just thought I'd let you know I bought the book and started reading it today! Thanks again for suggesting it!
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