Thursday, August 30, 2007

It hit me tonight like a ton of bricks! Tomorrow is the anniversary of our friendship! Seventeen years tomorrow, I met my soul mate and my life is all the better for it!
Who would have guessed that we would ever become friends. I didn't even like you when we met remember??? You came across as a stuck up jerk!!! lol


But then we shared our first of many, many "hot chocolates" at first One's A Meal and then Starbucks! lol And the rest is history!

I have often wondered what would have happened if you and I had dated. For whatever reasons, for many reasons, we just never "clicked" that way. I believe that had we dated, we would be married right now. We would have children. We would be deliriously happy.


But things happen and we formed our separate lives but always maintained our friendship. You are my best friend in the entire world and I am yours.

So my friend, how shall we celebrate our anniversary tomorrow??? I know, let's go to Sambuca and listen to Norma Zenteno, as I drink my wine and you drink your beer! Oh!! And of course we'll dance! We're a regular Fred and Ginger on the dance floor! lol Then, you'll drive me home, hug me good night and I'll go inside my house. My phone will ring right at the moment I'm drifting off to sleep and it's you, telling me you made it home safely. -There have been so many evenings with that exact same ending!!!


In reality, you will not be coming to pick me up. Instead, I will be going to visit your grave. It's been over a year and still, still I cry and still I feel the guilt! I play the gut wrenching "what if" games over and over in my head.

Foolish I know. There are no such things as "should haves" and "what ifs".

I miss you so much. I miss my time with you.


Nancy C said...

Oh, how sad. Nothing LOL about her reality. It's painful to see how she tries so hard to think positively in the face of grief.

Sara said...

Oh, I didn't expect this ending. There's no harder heartbreak than one that cannot be resolved.

I like how you kept this in the present tense and how you used the "sighs" to get us, the readers, to begin to realize there would be no celebration.

Well written.

Galit Breen said...

Oh ouch, ouch, ouch. Poor girl. A love and best friend lost.

I liked the letter writing and how strongly you portrayed their relationship.

Poor girl, huh?

Alison said...

This is so sad. It was really powerful and I felt her happiness and then her heartbreak.

Trish Iles said...

Very evocative....I felt the NOWness of the emotions, after the loss of this dear one.

Your writing made me think about people I've lost. That's what good writing does: puts us in your shoes, and then reminds us of our own point of view.

I'm going to stop reading these now. My Kleenex box is empty.


Yvonne said...

Nancy C.- Yes, very sad, thanks for your comment.

Sara- thank you so much! The fact that you didn't expect the ending means I did a good job. ;)

Galit Breen- Yes, unfortunately, sad indeed.

Alison- thank you!

Patricia Lles- Perfect! You captured exactly what I wanted you to! Thanks for your comment!

Cameron said...

Friendship can break your heart; so can grief. The imaginings, the what-ifs, the laughter underwriting the pain--all of that is captured so well, and in great complement to the casual tone of the piece.

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