Dear 2013...

I can't say I'm sad to see you go because let's face it, I'm not.  In fact, I can't wait until you're gone.  But I'm not as unkind as to tell you to leave, without thanking you.  Yes, I'm thanking you.  You see, you brought me to my knees this year.  Literally.  I had some pretty knock-down, stay down kind of events transpire in these past twelve months.  But the good news? I didn't stay down and that's what counts.  Oh it was rough, not gonna lie.  But I'm not a quitter.  A whirlwind of events took place in the form of triumphs and failures, painful memories, happy memories, lessons learned, love found, love lost.  All at once they begin playing in my head and tug at my heart.  Despite it all, the good and the bad, I had a pretty good year.  However, 2014 listen up! I have plans for you.  No more Ms. Nice Guy!  It's time to take the reigns and get to work on all of the projects that remain unfinished or worse yet, not even started.  This new year, I will strive to be a better version of myself, in every aspect of my life.  I have goals and aspirations and fears to conquer.

With all that being said 2013, thank you for another year full of experiences.  Now don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Love,
 -me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From my little corner of the world, to yours, I wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!  May it be filled with everything you wish for!  Thank you again, for being my ever faithful listeners, therapists, cheering squad, but most of all, thank you for taking time out of your lives to read my little blog and leave some pretty bad ass comments.  Meh, even the not so bad ass ones.  :)

2014 please be good to me.

See you next year bloggies!!! :)

A Christmas Wish...

Dear Bloggies,

May your Christmas be filled with an abundance of love, joy, laughter, family, friends, good health and prosperity.  Every year I am reminded how fortunate I am to have one day stumbled onto this site, because it's here that I met all of you.  

So go out, be merry and enjoy life.  That's what I'm going to do!

Love and kisses!
 -me.

Sunday Morning...

I wrote about my friend a few posts ago.  I told you he is someone that I  love with all of my heart, that has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Well, this morning i woke up feeling like this...

my heart aches, i'm at a loss as to what to do and how to help and i'm worried. how do you help someone feel better about things that is going through chemo?  i want to to take his pain away, i want to make him laugh and forget about his illness.  but how do i do that?  i love this person with all of my heart.  even now.

even still. i  never stopped.

he just told me his hair is starting to fall out.  (residuals from the chemo) and all i could think of was how scared he sounded.  i told him all the right things, remained positive and upbeat and gave him encouragement and even laughter.  i told him he could have some of my hair.  if you know me, you know i have A LOT of hair.  i think what god forgot to give me in stature, he made up for it in my hair.  that made him laugh.  but really, what do you say to someone that is going through that?  i fucking hate cancer! did i tell you that already?  i do.  i've lost too many friends to it and i HATE it.

i've been sick the last couple of days (stupid cold) so i can't go see him and that bums me out.  but i don't want to get him sick.  so until i'm better, texting and phone calls is all we have.  we laugh and laugh.  i try my best to keep our talks and visits happy and silly.  sometimes we're serious, but not too often.  i think laughing and loving him is much better than being serious, don't you?  

i pray and pray that the treatment works.  i don't cry because i don't have time to cry.  i feel that if i break down, i won't be able to pull myself back together.  and so, i haven't.  but i don't know how much longer i can keep it up.  y'all know i'm an emotional person. (if you read my blog regularly) bleh. 

christmas is a few days away and i'm going to do my best to make it a great one.  for me and for him.  i try not to let this consume me.  as i have my own life and problems to deal with.  and for the most part, it's not consuming me.  but today, today he just sucked the life out of me when he told me about his hair.  

so i have a favor to ask of you, if you pray, please pray for my friend.  his clean bill of health would be the best christmas present ever!

this has been my sunday morning kids,  thanks for dropping by.  now i'm off to the dreaded malls to buy last minute christmas gifts.  

be good!

Eight More Days Until Christmas!

hi kids.  it's been a while.  when last we met, i was just taking in some really bad news, dealing with the usual "as yvonne's world turns" stuff and trying to keep my head above water.  eh, all that stuff is still there but my emotional state is a lot more tolerable now.  sometimes you just have to disconnect, you know?

so christmas is right around the corner.  last minute scurrying about, chaos at the malls, gift idea dilemmas and lots of parties to go to.  that's what the last few weeks have been like for me.  how about you?  is the holiday rush too much for you to bear? do you wish you could hide in a cave until january 1st?  haha, sometimes i do.

not gonna lie, december always depresses me.  don't get me wrong, i love christmas and all that goes with it. but what depresses me is that the year is coming to an end.  and that usually scares me and excites me at the same time.  i'm sad for what is ending and for what i didn't accomplish in the year or perhaps for what i did accomplish.  know what i mean? it's okay if you don't. sometimes i don't get what i'm saying either.  it happens.  but the end of the year also excites me and gives me hope for the new. for what is to come and for what i have yet to do.  and i'm always hopeful for good things to happen to me, to my loved ones, to my blogger friends.  always hopeful.

one thing is for sure, my heart is full of love.  it's so full it's spilling over.  even the haters, i love them too.  someone has to.

so what do you hope santa brings to you this year?   hope you've been good. he's watching you know.

if i don't delete this post, and you get through it and even leave a comment, i thank you for sticking it out.  i'll write something more palatable in a few days.  before christmas for sure.

until then, here's a happy for you!

Hugs Wanted -Apply Within

I'm sad tonight.  Very sad.  Things are just spiraling out of control in my world.  If you don't continue reading, I'll understand.  If you stick around until the end, you totally rock!  Where to begin?

Thanksgiving 2013.  Family time, bonding, laughing, eating.  Fun was had by all.  We're all about tradition at our house during the holidays, so we try really hard to keep the traditions going every year.  Sometimes, not everyone participates and that's ok.  Commitments, in-laws and other pressing matters take precedence.  So those times, while not as rowdy, still tons of fun.  I have so much to be thankful for.  So much.  And trust me when I say that I am.  I hope your holiday was also a great one.

Dementia and Nursing Homes
Over the Thanksgiving break my siblings and I took time to visit our only living grandmother.  She's in a nursing home.  Suffers from dementia. She's 91 years old.  I had not seen her in a couple of months.  I know, I know, bad granddaughter.  So I was not really prepared to see what I saw.  She was sitting up in her bed, propped up by pillows.  At first glance, she seems almost normal, like my abuelita (grandmother) that I know.  But when I walk in and get closer, I realize she is not really there.  Her body is,  but her mind is elsewhere. Plus, she shrank.  My abuelita was once 5'8, she towered over us as kids.  But now, she's tiny and almost shriveled.  She looked so fragile.  It saddened me.  She was not in a good mood either.  Fighting with the nurses and not wanting to eat.  She didn't recognize any of us.  My brothers couldn't take it for very long.  They left after only a few minutes.  My sister and I stayed with her and talked to her and fed  her.  -or tried to anyway.  We knew she couldn't comprehend what was going on around her, but we spoke to her anyway and we kissed her -when she'd let us. The whole visit was surreal to me.  I hate that she doesn't remember anyone or that she talks to herself and her memories.  I hate that my father and my aunts and uncle, watch her slowly deteriorate.  I ache for them.  My dad especially. He is/was her favorite.  It's so difficult to watch him suffer.  The day after our visit, we were told that my abuelita had been admitted to a hospice over night.  Needless to say, we've been beside ourselves ever since.

Death, Cancer and Friends
Sunday, the day I learned about my grandmother, I was also informed that a very dear friend of mine, lost his father.  He died of a massive heart attack.  I had not spoken to him (my friend) in a couple of years, but upon learning of the sad news, I called him.  It felt good to hear his voice.  He was taking it very hard.  Could barely utter a few sentences.  The viewing/rosary was tonight. I saw him, my friend, surrounded by his mom and his sisters and the rest of his family.  Upon seeing me, he opened his arms and I fell into his embrace.  And we wept and hugged each other.  And when we broke free, he smiled and thanked me for attending.  One of the things that resonated with me tonight, was that no matter the distance or the years, tragedies and celebrations always bring family and friends together again.  I saw a lot of familiar faces and we caught up on  each others' lives.  It was good and it was bad and it was humbling and sad.

Not to be outdone by a funeral (I know I know, I have a morbid sense of humor sometimes), last night I was told by someone that used to have my heart, that he has cancer.  Sigh.  I mean, I'm talking Lifetime Movie material here, guys!  That news, brought me to my knees.  You see, no matter how it played out with us, I adore him, always will.  And it pains me to know that this horrible bitch of a disease, has taken hold of his body.  His prognosis is actually good.  They caught it in time and it's treatable.  So that's a silver lining right?  Right.

The Houston Texans
Meh.  You thought I wasn't going to mention them didn't you?  All I have to say is, only a few more games until this nightmare of a season is over  Thank.the.lord.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still a fan, always will be.  But like Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer belted out "Enough is Enough"

Annnnnd, I'm done.  Still here?

New month.  New week.  New possibilities.

Do me a favor, have a great week.

peace.

malbec, memories and me

your silence speaks volumes

loudly

clearly

piercingly

the words you didn't speak

inflicted it's pain already

no words uttered

yet i heard you 

loud and clear

there is no reason for me to stay

i leave behind only my heart

everything else is already dead

_______________________________________________

Sometimes, the most painful thing you can say, is nothing at all.  I consider myself to be a very passionate person.  In my personal life, in my career, in causes that I believe in.  Perhaps that is why I have dedicated over twenty years to working on the plaintiff side of the law.  Always advocating for the underdog, for the victim, for the injustice.  The same goes for my heart.  I love with all of my being. I know no other way.  I trust in the same manner.  This has caused me to hurt indescribable pain.  But it has also given me immense happiness.  The thing is, sometimes you just get tired of being the doormat. So you break free.  And it feels good to be free of him people that just want to suck you dry.  And you keep moving forward because really, that's all you can do.

______________________________________________

Don't mind me bloggies. This very intense jibber jabber was brought to you courtesy of  a few glasses of Malbec and lots of memories.  Ah, nostalgia, the holidays, liquor and bad poetry.  Good times.

Come back soon, I'll be sober (ish) and in a better mood.  In the meantime, I want to hear all about everyone's Thanksgiving.  Ready? Set? Go!

Online Dating Don'ts for Dummies (and by dummies, I mean men)

I have a confession to make.  A few years ago, I was really into the online dating thing.  I joined a few different sites and proceeded to interact with potential victims dates on the regular.  No one coached me or took me under their wing when  I did this.  So I was basically treading uncharted waters with a blindfold over my eyes.  But I'm a quick learner and picked up on the online dating protocol (so to speak) fairly quickly.  So I feel it is my duty as a fellow single person to help you eligible bachelors see the error of your ways.

Ready? Let's do this.  Alright, here we go:

1.  Do not take a selfie of yourself in the bathroom while staring at the mirror. It's creepy and makes us think that you have no friends to take your picture.  This leads to us thinking you have poor social skills.

2.  If you HAVE to take a selfie of yourself and you feel you HAVE to pose in front of the bathroom mirror, for the love of god, please put a shirt on.  Your ape looking chest is not an attractive trait, contrary to what you may think.

3.  When filling out your essay, take the time to proof what you wrote and try to remember to take the caps lock off so that every word you typed DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THIS.

4.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ask a woman on a dating site, "So do you wanna fuck?" in your initial message (or subsequent messages for that matter) to her.  I mean, there are sites specifically catered to lines like, "So do you wanna fuck?" Go there.

5.  Do not ask for our work number and/or address if you've just started corresponding.  And do not insist on asking us for our work number and/or address.  This only makes you look like a potential stalker.

6.  Do not make one of your goals in life to find your "sole mate" - We'll just think you have a foot fetish and tell you they are dating sites for that sort of thing.

7.  If you are on a dating site, it's safe to assume that you actually want to date.  So please, do not start communicating with a woman only to tell her right before a date, "I am still in love with my ex, I'm hoping you will help me REBOUND " ---true story.

8.  Please DO NOT send us random pictures of your penis.  Contrary to your very delusional mind, we do not get turned on by this.  It's NOT cute. Really, it's just not.  And this will not make us want to date you more, trust me.  And again, they have sites designed just for that sort of thing.  Go there instead.

9.  Some of us take quite a bit of time and effort into writing our essays and creating our profiles.  So would it be so much to ask for you to actually read what we wrote and/or our criteria.  Why would I want to date a 19 year old?  Seriously?  My age range is specific to OVER 21 ---get real.

10.  I saved the best for last.  I recently decided to jump in and start dating again.  Or at the very least, get my feet wet. Well, I met someone.  Nice guy. (seemingly), we hit off in emails and exchanged cell numbers fairly quickly.  This guy was a professional texter.  He LOVED to text.  I prefer phone calls.  Anyway we talked almost daily for about a week and a half. During which time he asked for my work address and phone number.  The address was because he wanted to send me flowers (uh-huh) and the phone number was so that he could call me throughout the day.  (He had my cell number already)  So this guy gets annoyed when I don't give him my work number or my address.  It scared me.  He then proceeds to blow up my phone with texts every half hour or so.

9:00 a.m. "Hi sweetie, hope you're having a good day" 
9:30 a.m. "Thinking about you..."
10:00 a.m. "Uh, why haven't you replied?"
10:30 a.m. "Ok I guess you're busy, call me when you can"
11:00 a.m.  "Babe? Why are you ignoring me"

That's not a joke.  It happened. I finally called him when I went to lunch and told him to lose my number and never call me again. He told me I was being irrational.  I told him I didn't care what he thought.  And that's the last I heard of  him.  And? The whole "baby" thing? I use terms of endearment all the time. If I'm dating someone, I use them quite often.  But NOT if  I've never met you.  I don't like that, I'm not sure about other women, but that just annoys me.  So fellas, don't be so possessive or controlling. If you are, you seriously need work those issues out before trying to date someone.

So there you have it.  Take it for what it's worth.  I realize women have their own "Don'ts" out there. I'm more than certain that a few of you guys are going to point them out to me. And that's fair, but this post was specifically meant to my male audience, thanks to Number 10.  -You're welcome.  :)

And that folks, was my Monday (now Tuesday) rambling.  And for those that have been texting and/or emailing me about the Texans loss on Sunday, I don't want to talk about it.  Mmmkay???

Be good.

the thrill of victory -the agony of defeat

happy november, fellow bloggies!  can you believe we'll be talking turkey in a couple of weeks???  me either.  so what's going on kids?  share with me.

so, let's talk football shall we?  last night in what began as an exciting and promising game for my houston texans, quickly morphed into a freakish nightmare.  up 21-3 at half-time, fans all over my fair city were high-fiving, yelling in excitement and just relishing in a great, great first half.  it's been a while since we've been able to do that this season.  but all of that joy and jubilation quickly turned into worry, despair, and ultimately, defeat.  as some of you may have heard on the news or read in the paper or whatever other social media outlet you use, texans head coach, gary kubiak collapsed as he was walking off the field yesterday, at half-time.  melee quickly ensued as players, coaches, medical personnel all scrambled around trying to get him help.  when the dust cleared, coach kubiak was carried off the field on a stretcher, and rushed to a local hospital.  as of today, there are reports that he suffered a mini-stroke but nothing has been confirmed yet and he remains in the hospital for observation.  so we'll just keep praying hope for the best.  meantime, imagine being a player and watching your leader crumble like that, right before your eyes.  i'm sure, no i'm certain, that that kind of sucked the life out of a few if not all of the players. so much so, that when the texans returned to the field after half-time, well, let's just say it was like we were in the twilight zone.  the players looked the same, but acted oh so different.  and things just went straight to hell after that.  final score:  texans 24 -colts 27.  and i'm not even going to mention how a certain kicker whose only job, ONLY job is to kick the ball and make a field goal,  totally blew it, again.  no, i'm not going to mention him at all.

whoever cursed all of houston's professional sports teams, we give up.  you win.  we're waving the white flag. now take the damned curse off,  would ya please???  seriously.  fans (myself included) are growing weary and frustrated and pissed.  of course that doesn't mean i'm not rooting for them anymore.  are you kidding me? this ain't no fair weathered fan.  besides, i was an oilers fan since i was 9 years old, and a texans fan since 2002.  i am huge astros fan for crying out loud! if that's not a true fan, i don't  know what is.

meh.  you win some, you lose some.  right? right.

after i got home from the game, i was still at a loss for words (i know, i can't believe it either) and just too riled up to go to sleep. so i started surfing the internet for nothing in particular, when i came across this little number:

this was taken from a old seventies sitcom called "good times".  in this picture, the woman plays character, florida evans, who is reacting to some bad news she has just received. in despair, she throws a plate on the floor, shattering it into a  million pieces and cries out, "Damn! Damn! Damn!"  i bet a lot of houstonians uttered the same words last night, as well.

enough.

so, time change. hate it.  saturday night, part of the united states gained an hour of sleep for the next few months or so.  that's right, it's that time of year when the days are shorter and the nights are longer.  it gets dark outside earlier each day.  i.hate.it.  i love my sunshine!  plus? this time change messes with my internal clock.  i've been confused about the time since sunday morning. what time is it really?

alright kids,  i need my beauty sleep. NOT.A.WORD.

new month, new possibilities, make it happen friends, make it happen.

ciao.

"I'm getting married in two years!"

this according to a medium/psychic that i had the pleasure of meeting at a halloween party i attended last weekend.  the party i'm referring to is the roaring twenties one i told you about a few posts ago.  it was held at my friends' home on a unseasonably (for houston) chilly night.  the theme was as i stated, roaring twenties. the house was decked out to be be a speakeasy, we even had to go  through a dark alley and give the door guy a password to gain entrance.  once inside, it was like walking into another era.  everything in that house from the guests in amazing costumes, to the music,  (think jazz, broadway, ragtime) to the decorations, definitely transported you to that prohibition era.  there were flappers (myself included), and gangsters (i saw a few al capones and jimmy hoffas) to cigar girls and even a few policemen.  it was indeed, a great party.

the hosts, old school friends of mine, hired a medium for the party.  this was no ordinary medium either.  she is highly regarded in the "psychic" industry and has a radio show as well.  guests were invited to get their fortune told or to speak to someone that was no longer living.  now, i've always been a skeptic about these sorts of things.  plus, the guilt from my very catholic upbringing is enough to keep any of that superstitious mumbo-jumbo out of my life.  however, on this night, i threw caution to the wind and experienced my first ever psychic reading.

Psychic:  "Hello! Nice to meet you..." (shakes my hand and offers me a seat)

Me:  "Hi!  Nice to meet you as well."

Psychic:  Blah, blah, blah (disclosure about readings)

Me:  Eyes start to glaze over...

Psychic:  "Now that that is out of the way, how can I help you? Do you have any questions you want to ask me? I'm yours for the next fifteen minutes"  she says as she starts the time clock.

And so it began.  For the next fifteen minutes this woman literally blew me away.  I sat in a chair, across the table, facing her.  She had a sheet of paper in front of her and held a pencil.  Ever so often she'd look at me and scribble back and forth.  The only information I gave her was my name and my age.  I asked her superficial questions.

"What of love for me"

"Tell me about my future as a writer"

"Talk to me about my family"

Each answer she gave me, sent chills down my spine. Seriously.  This woman who I'd never met before, told me things that she could not possibly have known.  And they weren't mundane things.  They were rather specific, down to the date and sometimes hour.  But what really just cracked me up (I laughed on the inside) was when she talked to me about love.  She told me that I had not yet met the man of my dreams.  -Um, hello?  I know that! She said that he was on his way, but I had to be patient.  And?  He drives a blue vehicle. She was not sure if it was a truck (gross!) or a SUV type of car.  Also, she said that he was very particular about his shoes.  He either took great care of them or wore boots.  She told me other things about this alleged person but this is what most stuck with me.  So now, any guy I ever go out with again, if he's driving a blue vehicle, you know I'm going to start planning a wedding! muahahahaha!

there you have it.  In two years, I'm going to meet this man and we're going to get married.  And all of you are invited.  See? My dating woes are ovah!  My mom will be ecstatic! :)

Alright kids, have any of you ever gone to a psychic? Had your palms read? Anyone?  Did you do it for fun (like me) or do you take this type of thing seriously?  I'm curious to know what you have to say about this, if anything.

Mark your calendars and save the date.

Ok now that that is out of the way.  What's up kids?  Who else has gone to Halloween parties?  I just went to another one this past Saturday, which is why I was like a zombie all day today.  Good times, good times...What else is going on in your  corner of the world?  Share with me...

I'm a little sad, my favorite month of the year is almost over.  :(

Alright, I need to go take a little 5 hour nap or I will be a zombie again tomorrow and my boss would not like that. heh.

You know the drill, it's a new week, make it count.

Come on, you knew I was going to post a picture!  Be gentle.

breaking up is hard to do -so is forgetting...

this break-up business is for the birds.  seriously.  i'm so ready to be over it and yet, here i am, writing about not being able to be over it.  this blows.  and not in a good way.  while it's gotten a little bit easier, and by that i mean, i'm not crying every five minutes, it's still difficult for my heart to assimilate what my head already has.  i have good days and bad days and then days that just need not to be spoken of, ever again.  i've gone through my "i'm gonna drink myself into oblivion" phase, my anger phase, my feeling sorry for myself phase and now, i'm in the "miss him so much i can't stand myself" phase.  yeah. that's where i am right now.  oh i've been keeping myself busy.  doing all the right things one does when trying to get over someone.  and it helps, it really does, to have a support system readily available to you.  my support crew is awesome.  but even with that, when you're alone, winding down after a long day, with only yourself to keep you company, that's when it gets a little crazy.  a lot of times i just want to shut off  this mind of mine.  just tell it to stop playing scenes over and over in my head. but it doesn't listen, dammit.  it just doesn't listen.  meh.  i know it's going to get better. and i will be better.  eventually.

funny thing about breaking up with someone, all of a sudden, everyone's got a friend that they would just LOVE you to meet.  i love them for trying but please, give me some space and lots and lots of time.  the last thing i need right now is to jump into another relationship.  still, i can guarantee that my friends will not stop trying.  especially now, since the holidays are almost upon us.  i'm thinking of starting my own order of nuns.  what do you think?  i know my stuff. i'm catholic, went to catholic school for twelve years.  know the nuns' habits (see what i did there?)  and am sure i can recruit at least five other women like me.  heh.  think it'll fly?  yeah, me either.

alright, that's my cue to go night night.  tomorrow is another day.  make it count bloggies.  and if you're still reading, you're awesome.  thanks for the support.

come back in a few days.  we'll catch up, sing kumbaya and hug.  kidding.  no really, i'm kidding.

is it friday yet???

words and music -spot-lighting local talent

every once in a while i read an article or a short story that leaves me with warm fuzzies inside.  last week sometime, i read just that.  a friend of mine (actually we just met but still, friend nonetheless) who happens to write for a local weekly paper, wrote an article having to do with his children who happen to be musicians. apparently, some very closed-minded individual made a few quirps to my friend about the legitimacy of his kids' career choices.  basically the bafoon was saying that being a musician was not a "real" job.  or something along those lines.  like any good parent whose baby-cubs have just been insulted or portrayed badly would do, my friend kicked his ass  got back at him by doing what he knows best, being the bigger person and airing his ires in print.  he wrote the article here:

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/rocks/2013/10/its_a_living_yes_my_musician_s.php

the whole gist of the article was geared yes to give that chump a lesson in individualism and following your dreams in this very short life of ours, but also to bring to light the fact that so many of us (myself included) get sucked into a "job" and fall into the abyss of that job.  let me tell you something, getting out of that abyss is torture and some people never find their way out.  so what happens? they let their soul rot and their dreams die.  which is why doing what you love, what makes you happy -hell that could mean being a dog sitter or a bus driver or even a writer -whatever it is, as long as you are happy with you life and what you do for a living, then that's all that really matters.  the other stuff is just fluff.  anyway, that's what i got out of jesse's article.

i love live music. i support it here in houston, every chance i get.  i have quite a few friends who are musicians in various musical genres.  some are local, some work for famous people and some just like to jam every now and again.  it's all good. i will gladly lend my hand whenever possible.  so it was a no-brainer when after reading jesse's article, that i decided to bring these kids' music to the spotlight -or my blog, which to me, IS a spotlight.

meet marissa and jesse sendejas, jr.  a brother and sister duo from houston, texas (no, not like the other brother/sister duo aka donny and marie) who both respectively have their own music agenda. jesse plays in a band called days n daze.  his sister marissa, is a budding solo artist who also from sings with days n daze.  their music may not be everyone's cup of latte and that's okay.  it's not mine either, but i wanted to blog about them because they  really are very  talented and  hard-working kids. and i respect that. they write their own music, play all their instruments and pound the pavement, knocking on doors, asking for a shot at showcasing their talents.  i have not seen them perform, but i am sure i will sometime.  i've listened to a few of their songs and best i can describe their music is folk with a twist.  some soft intros, strong and reverberating finishes.  i know this description is not giving their music justice.  my apologies sent in advance. so why don't you just check them out for yourself

here:  http://www.marissasendejas.com/

here: http://www.reverbnation.com/marissas

and here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6v4r7wnB7s

i'm especially looking at you -my h-town bloggies. show some love.  but of course, everyone else is welcome to check them out as well.  after all, sharing is caring, friends.  sharing is caring.

thanks for dropping by. do me a favor, do what makes you feel alive.  and if you don't know what that is yet, keep trying until you do.

-peace.

dear sleep, i'm sorry. please come back.

howdy kids.  it seems i have a bout of insomnia therefore, tomorrow morning is going to suck.  so is the afternoon.  and the drive home.  i'm already dreaming of coming home from work and my bed.  but enough of me getting ahead of myself.  how was everyone's weekend? share with me.

my weekend? well my weekend was kind of fabulous actually.  it started on thursday and ended a few hours ago.  i am a year older now.  yeah, the birthday fairy came knocking on my door a few days ago.  to commemorate this most auspicious occasion, i had myself a little happy hour (or hours, same difference) at one of my favorite spots in the h.  tons of friends came by and wished me well, raised a few glasses with me and some even danced with me.  i partied like a rock star that night and the next morning, i paid for it dearly.  did i mention i had to work the next day? yeah.  i not only looked like a zombie but felt like one as well.  no worries though, i had a blast and regret nothing.  friday and saturday were crazy fun.  yvonne's birthday palooza was in full effect until about four hours ago.  i love my life.  as much as i bitch about it sometimes, i am very blessed, fortunate and very grateful for everything that i have.  even the bad stuff.  because of course, that only makes me stronger.  and i'm strong, like bull.  heh.

do you ever have people tell you things because they are "looking out for your best interest"?  but in reality, it's really because they are being nosy and want to meddle in your life.  i have a few of those pesky individuals.  in fact, very recently, i was told that i "party" too much.  that i "go out every day of the week" -pfft! as if that's even possible for me anymore.  when i was in college and my early thirties, no doubt!  but now?  puh-lease.  my little yvonne-palooza is going to take the whole month of october for me to recuperate. :)   seriously though, what is it with these people?  i always feel as if i have to justify my actions. which  really makes no sense because i don't even give my own father justifications.  case in point. i have a facebook account.  who doesn't, right?  i post stuff on there randomly.  pictures, whatever.  i go out sometimes, i post where i am.  i take pictures? i post them.  what happens when i do this?  i get emails or texts from these so called "interested parties", telling me that i'm such a party animal or that i need to slow down.  slow down from what exactly?  i have no one to report back to.  i have no kids.  i have no pets.  what is their problem exactly? jealous much?  bleh.  i don't even know why i'm writing about this.  maybe because i'm super tired and i want to go to sleep but sleep escapes me.

in other news, the boy and i are no longer dating.  it wasn't a pretty ending.  and it was very painful.  but life goes on.  and that's all i'm saying about that.

moving on.

i found my halloween costumes.  come on, you knew i would.  i'm going to be a cigarette girl for the roaring twenties themed party i'm attending and thelma evans for the seventies themed party i am also attending.  for you youngsters not in the know and for everyone else who is clueless.  thelma evans was a television character for a sitcom called "good times".  it aired back in the early seventies.  yes, the seventies.  it was about a poor family, trying to make a buck and keep from being evicted.  but mostly, it was about family sticking together.  i used to love that show. it was quite entertaining.  anyway, thelma went through various stages with her hair.  i'm going the be the thelma that wore her hair in an afro.  can't wait for pics, right?

all in all, i had a blasty blast weekend.  except for the texans loss.  that game was torture to watch.  i love you guys but yerkillingme!!!

well kids, i better go take a little 5 hour nap or i'm going to be worthless at work tomorrow.

thanks for indulging me. you're the best.

have a great week!

Hello October, you sexy thing you!

I love this month.  It's the prelude to the crazy holidays.  It's the month where children and adults alike, play dress up and wear costumes.  It's also the time of year where the leaves start changing colors, the winds bring in cooler temperatures (Houstonians can only hope), and oh yeah, it's my birthday month.  See?  It's the most wonderful time of the year!  Ok not today though, today a lot of my friends, along with other Americans, were sent home from work and put on leave indefinitely.  Thank you Congress.  I'm not about to delve into politics in this post, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention all of those people who now do not have a job to go to in the morning.  I pray that this nightmare ends soon, for all of us.

Alright, as you may have noticed, (the few of you that still read this blog) I've been absent from these parts lately. Not entirely though.  I still read some of your blogs and comment here and there, but for the most part, my blog has been silent.  (except for posting sappy poems and reveling in the Texans' victories -minus last week's debacle!!!)  I have been dealing with a lot of inner battles.  I'm also trying to grasp the notion that the day after tomorrow I will turn 47 years old.  Let that sink in will you? 

FORTY.SEVEN.YEARS.OLD.  

Yeah, I  can't believe it either.  That's sooooo close to fifty, that it makes me sick.  Really.  And perhaps that is why I've been so quiet (in the blog-o-sphere).  Aside from the age thing, this past summer I said good-bye to someone that was a very important part of my life and now isn't anymore.  You've heard that saying, "Surround yourself with positive people and purge the negative ones out" ?  Well, I purged.  It was a long time coming and even though it hurt worse than when I had kidney stones, I did it.  And I'm better for it.  Or I will be.  Just as soon as my heart is happy again.  

My sister told me I am going through a mid-life crisis.  Mid-life.  Seriously.  What the fuck???  The thing is, I don't feel old and I certainly don't think I look old (God bless my parents' genes) but it's there.  My age. And to add insult to injury, I'm single.  *GASP*  And don't have any children. *GASP*  Not even a pet.  -Now that's just sad.  

Anyway, my married friends never fail to remind me of this and as for my family, well there are a few of them that have formed prayer vigils in the hopes I might find a beloved and miraculously be with child, so I can live happily ever after like them.  

But anyway, enough of this.  I just wanted to give you some sort of insight as to what's been going on with me lately and also, to welcome this wonderful month.  And it will be wonderful because I said so and because I know so.  

Hope all of you have had a lovely day and wish you a fantastic rest of the week.  Come back, I'll redeem myself, I promise.  :)

Peace.

about a girl...

what can you say about a girl who loves without boundaries
gives of herself 100 percent? of that same girl, who falls in love with someone who is not worthy of even a morsel of her heart, of her time? this girl that allows that someone to use her, if it means that that she has his time, however brief?

would you tell her she was pathetic?
would you feel sorry for her?
would you hope beyond hope, that she realizes what she was doing?

what if this girl told you,  that she knows
she knows he doesn't love her back
she knows he is using her
she knows she is allowing it
she knows he is a jerk

what then?

what words of wisom would you give her?

how does she get off of that toxic merry-go-round?
how does she realize her worth?

this girl is lost
scratching and digging her way back to herself

broken

the perfect storm

our bodies touching

hands caressing

mouths hungrily kissing

soft moans

outside, the storm unleashes it's wrath on the earth

we move to the rhythm of the falling rain

fast and intense

releasing our own crescendo

our own quiet storm

exhausted 

yet immensely happy

we lay in each other's arms

catching our breath

yearning for more

sunday

still wordless, BUT...

Week 2: Texans 30, Chargers 24

No, no, I haven't gotten over my "wordless-itis" yet.  But I would be remiss if I didn't mention the "Comeback Kids" aka the Houston Texans.

In what turned out to be one of the most heart-stopping, nail-biting, and extremely stressful  games to watch, the Houston Texans came through in OT, and beat the San Diego Chargers on Sunday! I know I'm not alone when I say that I needed a drink to calm my nerves after that game.  But not before a concerted sigh of relief was had by Houstonians everywhere, of course.  

It's a new week kids, make it count.

wordlover is wordless

i've not been in much of a blogging mood lately.  which is not normal for me, especially this time of year, which just happens to be my favorite.  i have plenty to say, the words are all formed in my head, swirling around, waiting for me to put them down on paper or type them on the screen.  but i just can't seem to do it lately.  so for now, they stay in my mind.  you're welcome.

don't worry, i'll be back to my mindless jibbering, soon!

how are you guys doing?  how was your summer?  

it's sunday kids, go and do something fun!  monday is but a few hours away! :)

this picture calms me, hope it does the same for you!

gray

as i sit here, in my room, the sound of silence grows louder and louder.  how to quiet the noise?  it's been a long day.  i should be asleep already.  but the restlessness of my mind prohibit this from happening.  i've always been a worrier.  i'm the queen of worry.  i can't help it.  it's just the way i am, always have been.  i hate it.  i hate that i care and then worry so much about pretty much everything in my life and the lives of my loved ones.  today's menu features ponderings of life and how short it really is.

what would you do if you were told you were going to die in a week? or a month?  would you live your life differently? would you live it recklessly? would you even care at all?  what if you had no prior warning, and you died suddenly?  of course, you wouldn't be able to ponder on what ifs and regrets, but would you make sure beforehand that you were living life to the fullest?  i know that that sounds cheesy and maybe even trite, but it's true.  if we are living just to live, if we are just existing without being driven to achieve something more or towards our happiness, then aren't we dead already?

not everyone likes to talk about death.  i mean really?  that's not even on the top ten topics  i want to discuss, like ever.  but it's there.  death.  silently roaming our lives.  every so often reminding us that we are not invincible, even though we think we are.  i watch the news daily, and every day someone loses their life.  naturally, tragically, senselessly. it just happens.

so what do we do? i used to know someone that always said we were all going to heaven when our time came, because clearly, we are already in hell.  heavy right? yeah.  i used to call him "debbie downer" -even though he was male.  he got sick one day, went to the doctor and never made it back home.  he had a stroke while at the doctor's office and they were not able to bring him back.  at his funeral, one of his friends spoke of our friend and said, "Jay was cynical and crass and a hard ass, but he lived his way by his rules and didn't regret it at all" ----  i remember thinking, "how?  how do you know he didn't regret it?"  i'd like to think that a little part of him did regret not being able to look past the clouds and despair of this world, at least enough to let himself love and be loved.  because to me, that is what is most important about this whole life thing.  i love my family and my friends, wholly and freely and intensely.  it's key to my own happiness.  family makes me happy.  truly and immensely happy.  spending time with them, laughing, arguing, crying.  all of that stuff is what makes all the bad stuff ok.  and although i may get lonely at times and yearn for the love of a good man, (which i believe i may have already found)  i never lose sight of what is most important in my life.  so if i were to die tomorrow, rest assured, i would be happy.  not that i was leaving everyone, but that i was able to know love and be loved.  and i know you may not all agree with me.  hell, no one may agree with me or even understand what the heck i'm talking about.  but that's okay, i understand me.

on a slightly related note, my 90 year old grandmother is in the hospital.  she's going to have surgery tomorrow morning.  she slipped and fell and broke her hip.  she's in a lot of pain and the doctors say that surgery is the only answer.  the problem with that though, is that she is a sick 90 year old woman.  she has other health issues going on as well.  she's my only remaining abuela, my other one died in 2000.  praying for the best, bracing for the worst.  i'm not being pessimistic, just a realist.  although, i plan to keep bombarding god with prayers.

i'm sorry for this dark post.  i don't mean to sound so disturbing or morose.  i'm just going through some unexpected personal battles.  i hope you understand.  i realize this is not the kind of post you are used to.  i'll be back to my crazy self soon.

peace.

just me, rambling

i've been told by my guy friends that a woman who is into football and knows her stuff, is way hotter than a well, than a "hot" woman that knows nothing about football or any sport for that matter.  what say you?  true or false?

by the same token, i tend to find men who are interested in sports more attractive than men that aren't. which is kind of not fair really.  i mean, some men i know, have no interest whatsoever in any kind sport, but love something else, such as cooking or collecting things or spy movies, or fixing cars, i don't know, but you get what i mean right?  do other females do this as well?

why do we do that?

these questions were prompted by my suitor and i and our recent conversations.  we're in the "inquisitive" stage of our dating life.  you know what i mean right?  the stage where information is fully and freely disclosed.  where we can't learn enough about each other and so we're constantly probing, seeking answers, reactions, etc.  it's kind of fun.  it's not happening in an interview kind of way either.  it's happening naturally, at it's own pace. but swiftly.  does that make sense?

whatever this is, it's fun and exciting for me. and i deserve it.  is it going anywhere? i hope so. but i'm not rushing anything and neither is he.  for now, it is what it is.

alright.  new business.

football season or pre-season started last week.  did i mention the texans won? i didn't?  oh well, they did.  bulls on parade, baby! they're back!  exciting times ahead for football fans everywhere.  i can't wait to see what happens.

i'm also brainstorming for ideas on this year's halloween costume(s).  yes already.  one can never start too early!  i'll be going to several parties and two of them i know for sure will be themed.  one is a gangster/roaring 20's party and the other is a futuristic type of themed party.  we'll see what happens, who knows, maybe i'll have a "ahem", date and we'll go dressed as a couple.  :)

oh and for those inquiring minds, yes "he" knows about my blog and he's read some posts, probably will read this one too.  and guess what? we're okay with that.

happy tuesday kids!

Yvonne's Dating Adventures: Date No. 2 Recap

When last we met, I was all in a tizzy (in a good way) because I'd just had a pretty fantastic first date.  And if any of you have been following my blog for a while, you all know that that almost NEVER happens.  First dates for me, usually end badly or lead to second date fiascos.  I'm happy to report, that date number two, was anything but a fiasco.  As I mentioned before, my suitor travels a lot for work, so trying to get together again has been quite the production.  But we were finally able to coincide our schedules and went out again almost three weeks after our first date.  A long time in between, I know, I know.  But we spoke on the phone a lot, and text messaged, and emailed and even skyped a few times.  He even sent me flowers just because!  So yeah, I'm really digging this guy.  Anyway, so our second meeting took place at his place.  What?  Don't judge me.  And get your mind out of the gutter.  He cooked for me and we drank wine, and listened to music and talked and talked and talked.   Well, we laughed too.  He's quite the character, this one.  And you know what else?  He kissed me.  Yes, yes, he did.  Finally.  It was a nice kiss.  Who am I kidding?  It was fabulous kiss and not gonna lie, we had more than one.  Come on, you knew we would. He's very affectionate, but not so much that it becomes suffocating.  So all in all, our second date went extremely well.  Almost as well as our third date went.  That's right kids, we've seen each other again.  But those details will be saved for another time.  I'm a tease like that.   :)

So what's going on in your lives?  Fill me in.

sweet nothings

unspoken words
a look
a stare
holding hands
lingering touches

conversations started under the moon
ending over the rising sun
savory kisses
bear hugs 
a sigh

racing heart
butterflies in the stomach
smiling even in your sleep
a happy heart.

this is what i long for
this is what i crave

Pillow talk: Good-bye GREAT sex!

Sigh, have you ever ended a relationship and thought, "Oh crap! No more hot, sultry, curl your toes, AMAZING sex!"  Yeah you have, don't lie.  We all have at some point in our lives.  I was reading an article about this very same thing earlier today.  Ok, so it was a girlie magazine, I'll admit it.  What? It was storming and dreary -perfect weather for girlie mags and horrible Lifetime movies.  Anyway, so reading this article got me thinking (and we all know what happens when I start thinking).  It made me wonder how many of us have often thought along the same lines.  I mean, let's say the relationship suddenly went bad,  but the sex was good.  Great even.  Stay in the bad relationship for the great sex? My answer is hell no.  I would sacrifice the great sex for my peace of mind and well being.  Staying in relationship for the sake of great sex is as bad as staying in a relationship for the kids or something along the same lines.  But I must admit, I've thought about staying for the great sex.  I did actually.  A long, long, time ago.  I had been with my boyfriend for two years.  The first year and a half was incredible.  But the last six months of our relationship was horrible.  We fought like cats and dogs every day.  We were close to becoming enemies, it was that bad.  But both of us knew that our sex life was the only part of our relationship that seemed to work and was in sync.  We held on to that for as long as we could, for that reason alone.  In hindsight, looking back now, I should have ended things sooner rather than later.  But I didn't.  Meh, I was very young.   You live and learn, right?  I had not thought about that in years and then I read that article and it all comes back.  Which reminds me, I miss "curl your toes" sex.  :)

So what do you think?  Ever stayed solely for the nookie? Or would you?

That's what's on my mind tonight.  And now it's on yours, you're welcome.

a rant: why i'm so pissed

WARNING- This is a rant.  Cuss words may or may not have been used.  I apologize for that but sometimes you just have to.  Read at your own risk

I  wasn't going to write about this, it's so absurd.  But my frustrations and my growing ire, got the best of me, so here I am.  You may or may not have heard of the latest "scandal" of the day, here in the good ol US of A.  You haven't?  Let me fill you in then.   The Allstar baseball game, America's pastime, was played earlier this week.  True, the American League won again, and true, this time I actually cheered for them since my Astros are now a part of this circus league and Jason Castro (the only Houston Astro nominated) was proudly representing our boys. Well, at the game, world renowned recording artist, Marc Anthony sang "God Bless America" -see him here:



 and it seems, some people, some very ignorant and tactless people, took offense to this.  Someone blogged about the comments' uproar and then posted countless tweets and comments that people made.  I couldn't even get through all of the comments, the few I managed to read made me physically ill and very sad. People were posting stuff like: "Why is a Mexican singing God Bless America? He's not even here legally!"   For a complete rundown go here: http://publicshaming.tumblr.com/post/55715208108/baseball-fans-super-angry-hispanic-american-superstar .

Here we are in 2013 and still, still hatred, racism, bigotry and ignorance runs rampid like a wild animal.  Just a few weeks ago, something similiar happened when 11 year old San Antonio native, Sebastien de la Cruz sang the National Anthemn in full mariachi/charro attire at a professional basketball game.  For those of you that don't know, a Mariachi is a person or a group (Mariachis) that express their culture by playing Mexican folk music. They use guitars, violins, bass guitars and horns. Mariachis are very proud of their heritage and are passionate musicians when it comes to performing.  They usually wear a Mariachi outfit.  Since it's difficult for me to try and describe what one looks like, I'll just show you, here:

Ok, so now that you all know what a Mariachi is and looks like, let me get on with my rant.

For days, people were critical and downright nasty to this poor kid who is an American citizen, born and bred, who happens to sing with Mariachis.  What the hell is wrong with that?  Hell, if you missed his rendition of the Nantional Anthem, google it or youtube it, he sang it better than some of the "politically correct" celebrities that have tried and failed miserably to do.  I was appalled then, and am appalled now.  What the fuck is going on with people these days??? The whole thing about Marc Anthony is senseless as well.  For one, he is not Mexican, he's Puerto Rican.  For another, he was born in New York City.  Are you kidding me? Really? Who cares, where he is from or who performs?  As long as the person is entertaining and can belt out a song, it matters not to me where they come from.  Some people need to get a life and get educated on matters before making such asses of themselves.  In case anyone's forgotten, the United States is not, nor has it ever been a one race population.  America is a melting pot of so many different cultures and nationalities. That's what makes America so great.  Not this bullshit, evil diareaeah coming out of people's mouths.  And don't even get me started on grouping all Hispanics and/or Latinos as "Mexicans"  ----Give me a break!  I'm an American citizen, I was born here, my mom is Mexican and my dad is Nicaraguan.  So what?  So if I decided to sing Bye Bye Miss American Pie, I'd be called a wet-back, spic, illegal too?  (Not that I would ever sing that song in public.  Or sing any song for that matter)   Don't ever tell my dad he is Mexican, he'll cut you!  -ok not really, but he won't like it.  :)  My point is, with all that is going on in this world of ours, getting upset because someone who doesn't look like a white/full blooded American should look like, sing our National Anthem or God Bless American is just a waste of time and energy.  Instead, why don't ya'll read up on your history and your ancestors.  If you're going to argue, argue intelligently, not ignorantly.

Yes I know that there are problems with immigration and people coming to our country illegally, I'm not arguing that. I'm arguing the fact that in this day and age, certain people still feel that they or as they say, "their" race, is superior to all others.  To them I say, go fuck yourself! This type of mentality is why we are the way we are today.

Now go out and hug your neighbor dammit!

Yvonne's Dating Adventures - Date No. 1 Recap

Alright bloggies, you asked for it (didn't you?) so here it is.  I finally gathered enough courage to get back into the dating world.  Let me tell you, enter at your own risk!  That being said, I met bachelor number one through mutual friends.  It was and wasn't a "set-up".  Ok it was, but we pretended that it wasn't and it made things easier for us.  Trust me.  He's a nice guy, is in the journalism industry, went to UT (University of Texas), has three siblings like myself.  He was born in Brazil but has lived in Houston since he was five.  He's easy on the eyes, great conversationalist and he's employed. Every woman's dream amiright?  After speaking on the phone for a few days and running into each other at the grocery store (yep.  really happened), *Joe asked me out.  (fake name obviously, duh!)  We met for dinner at a really awesome Italian restaurant.  He let me choose, so I liked him already.  Food was excellent, wine was heavenly and the date?  It was good. I mean, for it being a first date and all, and me being so rusty, it was a good date.  Trust me, it could have been worse. We have a lot in common and he loves the Astros (even now, even still) and oh.my.gosh, he has impeccable manners.  Whenever I would stand up to go to the ladies room, he would stand up too, and also when I returned to the table.  I absolutely love that.  You don't see that anymore, not much anyway.  After dinner we walked over to a jazz bar down the street.  A friend of his was playing that night and he wanted to check it out.  I was all for it, I love live music, especially jazz.  It was a nice night.  Ok not really, it was humid and felt like an oven outside but aside from that, it really was a nice night.  At the jazz place we talked some more, listened to some awesome music and around midnight, like Cinderella, he saw me to my carriage.  I could tell he totally wanted to kiss me.  But I wasn't feeling it.  So I met him halfway and kissed his cheek and he kissed mine.  Then he told me he would like to see me again.  He travels a lot, so he said it would have to be when he returned.  I agreed to see him again and we would "talk soon".  Well, no sooner had I gotten into my car and driven away than I get a phone call from him.  He wanted to tell me again what a nice time he had and hoped I enjoyed myself too.  We actually spoke the whole drive to my house. It was nice.  So yeah, I'm more than likely going out with him again.  We'll see.  Did I mention he is 30 years old?

Stay tuned...

Back to the Basics

The thing about holidays falling in the middle of the week is that it totally confuses the rest of the week for me.  On Wednesday, I went all day thinking it was Friday.  And yesterday I woke up  thinking it was Sunday.  So naturally, today I thought it was Monday.  Were it not for me wearing jeans to work, I would have worked like it was Monday instead of Friday.  Does anyone else do that?  Work harder on Monday because it's the beginning of the week and come Friday, I'm piddling around like I have nothing to do.  Yeah, I do that all the time. Pay me no mind, I'm just babbling.

For my American friends, how was your holiday?  Whatever you did, hope it was amazing and restful and fun.  Mine was.  :)  Except the restful part.  heh.

So tonight I wanted to talk about dating.  Or lack thereof.  I need ideas that are fresh and not cliche for dating again.  I think I'm ready to go out into the shark infested waters and try to catch a fish.  The thing is I loathe dating.  I do.  I wish we could just skip all that awkwardness and fast forward to being in a meaningful relationship.  But alas, you and I know that we can't do one without the other.  I guess I'm a just a little jaded.  The whole dating scene.  Guys lie, want to play games, have ridiculous expectations, etc., etc., etc.
It becomes cumbersome.  But I know that I'm not getting any younger (hush yo mouths!) and I want to get dressed up, feel excited about possibilities, crushing on someone or having them crush on you...  Who knows, maybe I'll catch a keeper this time around...

So back to my dilemma.  What are different ways to go out and meet men nowadays?  I have no problem striking up conversations with total strangers. I do it all the time.  But it's different if I'm even remotely interested in you.  If that's the case, I get tongue tied and my inner dork comes out.  And please don't say online dating.  I've had my fair share of that nonsense and am permanently scarred from that experience.  So, no thank you very much.  Seriously, I need your help. I'm considering the nunnery for crying out loud!

It's the weekend kids (at least I think it is), go out and do something fun!

bare

look at me
not past me
see me for who i am
not who you think i am

look at me
the real me
standing naked, exposing her soul

you don't get it
i try and explain
over and over
but you don't get it

full circle
life goes on
and so will i

again.

sometimes i feel as if the people in my life have no idea what is really going on in my life.  oh they know about the obvious things.   but not what's inside, deep, deep inside, sometimes hidden so well, that i forget that part of me exists.  but then it surfaces, and i remember that i'm flawed.  jaded.  scared.  lonely and very sad.

or maybe they do know or realize it, but don't know what to say to me.  the thing is, i don't even know what to say to me sometimes.  instead, when i feel this way, i lose myself in my words, in my stories, in anything that will make the ache i feel inside, go away or at best, dull itself into oblivion.

maybe rambling way past my bedtime isn't the smartest thing to do, but for now, for me, it's the best thing.

another concert and height deficiency

greetings and salutations kids! it's been a while.  i realized today that i wrote my last post on may 26th, where   i told you about my date with daryl and john.  that was soooo two weeks ago.  time moves on.  i've already gone to another concert since then.  which brings me to the theme of this post. -sorta.  meh, bear with me and my attention deficit disorder.  thanks.

so i went to see juanes on saturday night.  for those not in the know, juanes is sexy, hot and delicious to look at from medellin, colombia.  he started out playing heavy metal in a band when he was seventeen and still in colombia.  but then decided going solo was more his style and he reinvented himself into a latin balladeer while still maintaining that raspy rock edge with a bit of funk mixed in.  the concert was one of the best shows i've seen. or could have seen.  confused?  let me splain myself. he played in a small venue, very intimate and not a bad seat in the house, unless of course you are me and are only 4'11 in stature.  but even still, i didn't think i'd have a problem this time because we had fifth row seats and like i mentioned before, "not a bad seat in the house"  ---yeah well, that's true, we did have great seat, um hello? see the picture below???  my problem began when the jolly-green giant and his equally as giant woman friend came to sit right in front of me.  all of a sudden: obstructed view.  i was weaving from left to right so much people probably thought i was stone-cold drunk!  the problem only got worse because jolly green giant had friends who came to join him and his lady friend and they were equally as towering.  meh.  i still enjoyed the concert and danced and sang the night away along with everyone else.

later that night, as i was getting ready for bed, i remembered i had to grab something from my closet.  something that was way up high, in a box, something that would require me to get the step-ladder from the utility room.  so i did, and while i was on that step ladder it dawned on me that being short just sucks sometimes.  really.  ok not all the time, because for me, being short has gotten me into and out of rather precarious situations as well as led me to meet a lot of guys who feel bad for my lack of height.  heh.  anyway, but really it's annoying at times, to not be able to watch a concert or a public speaker or even a parade.  or something as simple as sitting at the bar.  i swear, it's a production just for me to get on that damned stool!  stop laughing.  my friends, michelle and maricela, are tall, really, really tall.  and they know i hate when we sit at the bar because i have such a hard time sitting down.  seriously, if you ever want cheap entertainment, watch me try to mount the bar stool.  not a pretty sight friends.  not a pretty sight.  and some people are just downright ugly when it comes to this.  they could care less that we can't see or are almost being stepped on.  (maybe not stepped on, per se, but definitely almost crushed) it's those people that i want to poke in the eye, although, because of my shortness, my aim would be much lower, so if you're a man, don't piss me off.

blah. blah. blah.  i'm done.

apologies for being all over the place in this post, but my meds haven't kicked in yet.  or?  i'm just exhausted and going to pass out now.

before i go, here's a pic of juanes for your (some of you anyway) viewing pleasure.  you're welcome.

my date with daryl and john

the lights came down, the crowd cheered, and it was 1983 all over again.  last night i was transported back to my high school/early college days.  you know, when mtv actually played music videos, when big hair and bubble-gum bands were all the rage and when i officially became a "groupie".  hall and oates came to town on saturday night and for a couple of hours, i forgot about my troubles and sang and danced the night away.  i've been a fan since i was 17 years old.  I, along with my best friend Jeannie (to this day)  were huge fans.  HUGE.  so much so that we got to meet them twice.  ok so the first time, my friend almost ran daryl hall over as he was getting off the tour bus and another time we staked out the four seasons hotel all day and endured glaring looks and threats of calling security (they said we were loitering) from the hotel staff.  neither of which happened, and because of that stake-out, we got to meet kirk whalum and the late marvin hamlisch as we waited for daryl and john to come out.  -which they finally did, eight hours later.  somehow, word got to them that two crazed  fans (we were harmless) were out waiting for them.  they told us as much when the finally emerged and thanked us for being so devoted.  they happily gave us their autographs and posed for pictures with us.  one of the best times of my life.  and last night, i was that crazy groupie again.  dancing, screaming and singing to every single song.  literally.  the venue they played in was small and intimate, making it easy to have perfect view at any angle.  plus my lack of height got me moved all the way to the front of the stage.  i don't know what it is, but people see me and automatically say, "ohhhh, you can get in front of me honey, you're so little!"  who am i not to oblige?  quickly, i had inched my way to the very front of the stage.  i was so close i could see daryl hall's wrinkles and john oates' beads of sweat!  and i think daryl may have winked at me -or it could have been a squint from the bright lights.  meh, i'll go with the wink.  :)  they played all of their hits from the very beginning of their career to now. timeless hits such as private eyes, sara smile, rich girl, kiss on my list and you make my dreams.  with each song they sang, the crowd got louder and louder, singing along with them.  time seems to only have enhanced their voices.  daryl hall's soulful sounds, hitting all the high notes still and john's crooning kicked some serious ass last night. but alas, all good things must end. they belted out their last song of the evening, waved to the crowd and walked off the stage.

and that, was how i spent my saturday night.  what about you kids?  what's going on in your world?

day and night or? just another day in houston

it rained today.  no really, it RAINED today.  well, more like stormed.  the kind with hail and strong winds, tornado warnings and flooding.  street flooding all over the city.  not to mention, crazy people who cannot drive in this weather, or any other kind of weather for that matter.  the "before lunch" picture shown above, shows how it looked during my morning commute to work.  those are accurate pictures taken by a friend who posted the picture on his facebook page.  nothing was altered.  it really was that grim and dire this morning.  but as you can see, by lunch time or thereabouts, houston had itself a beautiful spring day.  texas weather is bipolar i tell you!  anyway, i just wanted to show you kids, what kind of crazy day it was for us here in the h.  the same type of weather is forecast for tomorrow too.  it's raining pretty hard now, with a lot of lightening and rolling thunder.  i hate thunder, it scares the hell out of me, even now.  at my tender age of 46.  shhhh, it'll be our secret.

it's the weekend, do me a favor, go do something fun!

indulgence

..bottle of wine almost empty.
music playing in the background
and i'm sitting on my sofa, alone.
thinking about you.

it's been a while.  a long while since i've done it.

sigh.

don't know what triggered it.  just did.

you're everywhere.

if i close my eyes i see you.

hear your laughter

picture you, smiling at me

our conversations that lasted into the wee hours of the morning

your touch

kissing

making love

sweet

passionately

words, so many left unsaid...

i take in the last drop of wine.

savoring it.

breathing it.

almost as if you are here.

tomorrow all will be normal again.

but just for tonight,

just for a little bit,

i'm going to let my mind and my heart, have their way.

hope springs eternal

the night is still, silent, but for the clickity clack of the keys on my laptop as i type away.  the candle i lit hours ago, now flickering madly, gasping it's last breath.  the scent of vanilla permeates my room.  and then comes the rain, loud, intrusive, marvelous rain.  so much for silence.  it's really pouring out there tonight.  and it's hot and humid too.  not that there is anything weird about that, it is houston after all.  no, the funny part is that the forecast is calling for temperatures to dip into  the mid 40's by friday night.  mid.40's.  in may.  in houston, texas.  the capitol of i'm melting, usa.  weird i tell ya!  just weird.

in other news, the first day of may is only hours away and i don't know about y'all, but i find that this year is just speeding by.  seriously, slow down already!

how is everyone?  i've been a little absent from blogland lately.  too much going on in my life, in my head, eh, you get the picture.  trying to finish projects that need to be finished, all the while, trying to grab the reins of my life and go full throttle.  -takes a lot of work, don't ya know?  hopefully, may will be bring me more happies than it did in april.

wishing all of you a great rest of the week!

be good or be bad and tell me all about it.

peace.

Sharing Is Caring

The other night I was with a group of friends, catching up, relaxing over a bottle glass of wine, (oh who am I kidding? you guys knows it was a bottle) when the topic of discussion turned to swinging and by swinging, I don't mean the swing-sets at the park.  No boys and girls, what I'm referring to are couples who swap with other couples/partners for physical encounters.  Now, the group I was having this discussion with all happen to be single and not into this lifestyle I'm writing about.  (No really, it's true, they told me) But we have mutual acquaintances who are into this type of er, "arrangement".  The whole reason this was even brought up was because one of those acquaintances was having a get together that night and none of us were invited.  We learned later it was because it was going to be one of "those" parties.  The kind that only couples are invited to, the kind that anything goes, clearly, not a party for a single gal or guy to attend uncoupled.  Get it?  So we started going back and forth about why they do it (in general) and what the thrill is.  Some of the guys gave the typical "guy" response, "That's like getting a free pass to have sex with someone other than your girlfriend/wife/lover!"  Yeah, yeah, I guess that could be exciting for you fellas.  But what's the draw for women?  The same thing?  A free pass to have sex with other men who are not theirs?  Why?  Now, I'm not a prude by any means. And hey, I'm the first to say, do what makes you happy or feel good.  But I just feel like in doing so, partaking in the "swapping" business, you diminish your relationship with your significant other.  Some things should just remain a fantasy.  At least, that's my opinion.  Some of the people I was with last night, said that maybe it helps to spice up their relationship or maybe it's a one time thing, you know, like when they guy or girl says, "oh please baby, do it for me, just this once..."  I dunno.  It's just not my thing.  I dated a guy that wanted me to have a threesome with him.  He all but begged me to make it happen, but I didn't.  I don't like to share my men. Heh.  So I declined and  soon after, we stopped seeing each other.  Someone said that there has to be a level of trust between the couple before they go out and mingle or is it co-mingle? (haha get it? just a little legal humor) and that that level of  trust in each other, is what makes the relationship stronger, thus allowing for this type of behavior.  And another of the guys chimed in and said he would be cool with doing that as long as it was his girlfriend and another girl, not another guy that they swapped with.  I've known couples who live the "alternative/open relationship/marriage" and are very happy that way.  Or appear to be anyway. They live as a couple, but go out with other people, and/or swap partners.  Like I said, that's cool and all but I just can't wrap the idea around my head.  Why commit to relationship if you are not going to be faithful?  What is so lacking in your life that you feel the need to fill the void with well, with that?   What do you think?  I mean, clue a sister in, would you please?

We tabled the discussion because we were getting nowhere and also because we are not a quiet group and the people around us kept staring at us -meh, they were probably wishing they were at our table instead of  theirs.

What say you?

again

my heart is heavy tonight.  as most of you may have heard, there were two bombs that exploded during the boston marathon today.  there are over 144 people injured and at last count, three dead, including an eight year old boy, who was waiting for his dad to run by the finish line.  simply horrific.

after a day of watching the news, reading the paper, scrolling through the internet for stories about the catastrophic day in boston, i am incredibly sad.  once again, our country is on alert.  once again, we as citizens of the united states, band together in solidarity, in show of support for all of  those innocent victims in boston.  senseless and cowardly.  again.  i have a few friends who were running in the marathon, thankfully, all have been accounted for and are safe and sound.  thankfully.  i first learned about the tragedy in the early afternoon, as i was returning from lunch.  literally, i froze.  my mind immediately went back to september 11, 2001.  that same feeling of helplessness and fear returned.  i rushed back to the office and turned on the news.  what a scary world we live in.  i'm speechless.

what scares me more is that no one has stepped forward to claim responsibility.  a terrorist attack?  a domestic, sick individual?  show yourself(ves) cowards!  i am so angry!  why would someone do this?

since i don't know how else to help, besides contributing to the red cross, join me please, in praying for the victims and for our country.  if you don't pray, that's cool.  just send positive thoughts and energy to the universe, all good thoughts are accepted.

do me a favor, hug your loved ones, right a wrong, make amends, let go of anger and resentment.  in the grand scheme of things, none of that matters, really.

looking for the light at the end of the tunnel

i have the tendency to shut down emotionally when life gets to be too much for me.  maybe it's a  cop out, maybe it's a sign of weakness.  whatever it is, i bow down to it and fold, wave the white flag and cry out, "no more!"    i smile on the outside, but die a slow and painful death on the inside. all the while, somehow managing to function at work, at play and sometimes, at home.  it's like an inner battle with myself.  my "normal" self yelling at my "abnormal" (for lack of a better word) self, to get over it, while my abnormal self yells back, "i can't!"  as the commercial says, "depression hurts."  now, some of you may be wondering what in the wold i have to be depressed about, am i right?  you know, i wish i could tell you.  i don't really know myself.  i mean, i have problems and stresses, who doesn't?  but it's nothing earth shattering.  and yet, here i am, alone in my own abyss of darkness and despair.  a lot of it has to do with my childhood and things that happened to me, and also with fact that i can't seem to forgive myself for bad decisions and/or acts.  after all, we are harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be.  and i am my own worst critic.

nothing major has happened to trigger this post.  these are just thoughts and feelings that are swirling in my head and resonating so loudly that i have to put them down on paper -er, type them onto my laptop, i mean. as i struggle to stay afloat and thread on calmer waters, i am grateful for this outlet of mine.  somehow reading what is in my head, all jarbled and all, somehow that helps me put things into perspective for me.

alright.  enough darkness.  i'm going to do something i've never done on my blog before, i've seen other bloggers post songs and thought to myself, "hey that's pretty cool! i'm going to do it too!"  and so here you go, for your viewing/listening pleasure.  for whatever reason, this song has been playing in my head lately.  i really like it and hope you do too.  i found it apropos for this post.  it's called "gravity" by john mayer.

it's a new weeks kids, make it a great one!

http://youtu.be/TErQbwHHh_w

Love Not Mine

My doorbell rang a little after 10:00 p.m. It was Wednesday night, December 23rd. Christmas-Eve-eve. Who the heck was at my door and why? I peered through the peep hole but I couldn't see anything or I couldn't make anything out. I made a mental note to speak to my landlord about this sometime in the future. 

"Who is it?" I asked through the door.

"It's me baby."

My heart skipped about a million times over and immediately my entire being smiled with happiness. I hurriedly unlocked the door and flung it open. And there he was. My love. He smiled at me, with that sheepish grin that I found so sexy, opened his arms invited me to let myself fall into them.

We stood there at my doorway embracing each other, holding each other. There was no need for words. I let him in and quickly, he spun me around, pinning me to the door, staring at me, teasing me with his mouth,until finally, he kissed me. Hungrily, anxiously and without abandon. We made our way to my bedroom. And it was there that time stopped. The only thing that mattered was that moment and nothing else. We made love over and over into the wee hours of the early morning. Finally, just before my alarm clock went off, we drifted off to sleep in each others arms. Sometime later that morning, I woke up. He was still sleeping. I stared at this man. This man I loved. And I felt so happy, yet, so very sad. He woke up at that moment and smiled at me. I kissed him.

"Good morning" he whispered.

"Good morning." I answered, smiling back at him.

"I have to go." he said as he got up and started getting dressed.

"I know." I responded. I sat up and watched him get dressed. I knew the routine. He'd get dressed, I'd walk him to the door, kiss him goodbye and as soon as he was gone, I'd burst into tears. Vowing to myself that I would not let it happen again. 

Until the next time.

If you've been reading my blog for the past few years, you'll recognize this post.  I wrote it in December 2010, for someone that was very important to me at that time of my life.  For personal reasons, I'm posting it again.  Indulge me as I revisit an "old friend". -Happy Sunday!