Sunday, January 15, 2017

And again...

Well, so much for the Cinderella ending that so many of us were hoping for.  As has become custom in my fair city, our hopes of  advancing in the playoffs were shattered in the blink of an eye last night.  Again. 

It's so frustrating and exciting and sad all at the same time.  You have to understand, my angst (and a few thousands of other Houstonians) goes back to the days of the Houston Oilers.  Remember them?  We never did "knock the son of bitch in"  Only a few will get that quote.  Then came the new franchise.  New hope.  New beginnings.  And all these years later, we're still waiting.  It's almost as if we are cursed (I've written about this before).  Sam Houston must have really pissed someone else and they felt the need to  put a curse on him and his city and all sports teams.  Heh.  But for real, what gives? 

I've grown immune to feeling loss or pain over these Houston sports teams of mine.  Seriously.  Last night, when all hope was lost, I just laughed at my brothers who were cussing and yelling at the tv screen.  And because I'm a big sister and love getting under their skin, I started singing the old Oilers fight song: "Luv ya Blue" The look on their faces was priceless.  

And just like that, the season is over.  Again.  But rest assured, the ever hopeful will be back again next season (myself included) to root, to hope and in some instances, to pray for a winning season.  I really, really, wanted a miracle this season.  Since Houston is hosting Superbowl LI, I hoped with all my might that the Texans would pull it off and be in the show.  The icing on the cake would have been a total Texas Superbowl: Texans vs. Cowboys.  But that was not meant to be either.  And before you ask, no I am not a  Cowboys fan.  NEVER.EVER.WILL.BE

Oh well, only 78 days until my Astros opening day!  Silver linings everywhere.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Post Holiday Blues or Something Like That

The holidays have come and gone.  Tomorrow, the majority of the work population will return to their respective jobs, including me.  While I love, love, love the holidays, I hate it when they are over.  It makes me sad.  Maybe because everyone appears to be happier, in better moods, lively and caring during the holiday season.  Because let's face it, come January 1 and thereafter, the haters, the doomsdayers, the ugly mix all come out of the woodwork to wreak havoc on our planet again.  Business as usual, if you will.  It saddens me because I am the eternal optimist and want to see the best in everyone. However, I know not everyone means well.  But during the holidays, it just seems like there are more kinder and more gentle people amongst us.  I wish the positive vibes lasted throughout the year.  Anyway,  back to life, back to reality, as a late eighties band called Soul II Soul used to sing.

Happy New Year bloggies.  May your dreams come true, may your troubles be less and may your pockets be full(er).

Until next time,


Saturday, December 31, 2016

Farewell 2016

Driving home tonight, I was listening to the radio (yes, I still listen to the car radio) and Auld Lang Syne came on.  That song always makes me sad.  I don't really understand it half the time.  Just that it makes me sad.   I think the song is toasting to "old times", "remembering", and "new times".  At least, that's what I think it means.  Well friends, 2016 is just about done.  So many people I know and people I don't know are so very happy to see this year finally be over.  I'm one of them.  While this year was not totally disastrous for me, it did prove to be quite daunting, disheartening and over burdened at times. But hey it wasn't all that horrible, I managed to turn fifty in October. Fifty.  Wow, even in text it feels surreal that I'm half a century old.  I feel just as I did at twenty-five but not as na├»ve or gullible.  So you see friends, the year was not a total nightmare.  So many other things happened, where do I even start?  I know, I'll tell you what didn't happen.

I didn't lose 100 lbs as I wanted to and honestly believed I would achieve by my birthday.  I only lost 40lbs but I still rocked the sexy dress at my party.  My Prince Charming did not appear on his horse ready to trot me away to happily ever after.  No, I think he's lost -maybe permanently.  Instead in his place appeared Sir Liar, Sir I'm Bipolar But Won't Take Meds, Sir Overly Jealous, Sir Irresponsible and oh yes, lest I forget, Sir Married man er, men.   Lucky aren't I?  Heh.

Let's see, what else didn't happen?  Well, much to the disappointment of my father, I didn't win the lotto.  I can't bring myself to tell him that I actually never bought a ticket of any kind.  I mean, why break his heart after all?

The Astros did not make it to the playoffs but hey, as of today, Opening Day is less than four months away.  -Silver linings everywhere.

But 2016 did bring about some pretty nifty things.  In June my family and I took our annual vacation.  We went back to Cancun and for six glorious days, sun, fun and relaxation was ours for the taking. Great times, family bonding and beautiful memories were made.

As I stated earlier, I turned 50 in October and decided I would face this new era of my life with a big party.  And that is exactly what I did.  It was held at a very swanky hotel in their "club/bar"  There was plenty of champagne, dancing, family, friends, cake and laughter.  It was a very memorable night and I loved every minute of it.  Even the slight  collosal hangover I experienced the following morning.

November brought about the much anticipated Presidential election.  And let me just say, this was the ugliest, most divisive and hate filled election I have ever experienced in my entire adult life.  This is an experience I never want to go through again.  Without going into specifics, let me just say that I pray with every fiber of my being that our divided nation will come together peacefully.  One day.  Hopefully, that one day, will be in my lifetime.

And finally, two weeks ago I had to have emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder.  I didn't have stones but I was experiencing severe and nauseating pain.  An ultrasound revealed that my gallbladder was enlarged and could burst at any given time.  So on December 12th I was admitted to the hospital.  Thankfully, everything went smoothly.  But let me tell you, once the wonderful pain meds wear off OH.EM.GEE!!!  I was crippled with pain and was walking like I was a 90 year old woman with severe arthritis.  I'm not joking.  Getting better has proved daunting at best.  I'm two weeks post op and still not fully recovered but am back at work.  So needless to say, my Christmas kind of sucked but not too, too bad. 

And here we are on New Years Eve-eve.  Anxiously awaiting to bid adieu to this most weird rollercoaster of a year that was 2016.  And so, I wish all of you a very, very happy new year.  May 2017 bring you love, prosperity, good health and laughter.  You always have to have laughter.

I was not around these parts much this year.  I could lie and say I was insanely busy.  But I wasn't.  Life just gets in the way sometimes and really, I just didn't have it in me to blog much.  But hope springs eternal right?  So keep coming back, I may surprise you in 2017.

Happy New Year bloggies! 


Sunday, December 4, 2016

some kind of mood

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  This time of year does that to me.  Makes me melancholy, question my existence, where my life is at this point and where it's going.  Roads not taken.  Heavy stuff no?  But it's not like I'm depressed.  I'm not.  I'm emotional, I am going through a lot of things in my life right now.  Some good, some not so good.  The only way I know how to deal with my emotions when I get this way is to write.  It may not make one lick of sense to those that read it, or it may even sound trite, corny, or read like a bad Lifetime movie.  And that's fine if you think that.  As long as it makes sense to me and helps me get my mind clear, it's all good.  So I leave you with ramblings and bad attempt of poetry from a hopeless yet hopeful romantic in a semi wine induced state.

Till next time bloggies.


if only
we had met
in another time
under normal circumstances
without obstacles
or dead-ends
and our love could roam free
not held captive
bound by fear of letting go
if only.

i need to leap
no holding back
just jump
take that chance
close that door
and move on

in print it seems doable
unspoken, it becomes reality

but then there is my heart
that even with nudges
it still won't let me go

the grip you have over me
my soul
is stronger than
my will

it is because i love you
that i must leave you
for as much as my heart breaks
my conscience
my spirit
and my soul
must be at peace.
good bye my love.

strength where are you now?
i need you more than ever
people tell me that i am strong
and that i can handle anything
but i'm not
i am weak
and scared
i need your guts to do this
push me to that leap i must take
it's for my own good

where is that girl? the one i know.
the one that laughs and giggles
and dreams.
where is she?
did she fall asleep?
life keeps passing her by
day in
day out
it keeps moving
the world around her waits for no one
where is that girl?
full of aspirations
ready to quench her thirst to live?
did she get lost?
spirit find her
so she can resume the dream

Saturday, November 12, 2016

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly or? November 8, 2016

It has taken me a minute to try and digest what happened on November 8, 2016.  My mind is still spinning with thoughts of "I'm having a bad dream"  and "This is a joke, right?"  But alas, it was not a bad dream and it was not a joke.  It was real.  Is real.  For the next four years our next president of the United States will be A.REALITY.SHOW.STAR., a successful business man if you will, but
A.REALITY.SHOW.STAR nevertheless.  And I still don't get it.  Why would half of the country want a man like him to lead our country? Why? 

The day after the debacle election, everything seemed surreal.   The weather matched the mood of the majority of the people I encountered as I went about my normal yet, not normal work day; Cloudy, grey, sad. 

I work for the city government and normally, politics, affiliations and the like, are frowned upon in our office.  But that day, Wednesday, November 9, 2016, no one really gave a crap about being politically correct.  Everyone was walking around like zombies, heads down, each lost in their own thoughts.  Small groups of people gathered around the break room, hallways, or even on the streets, having discussions about what had just happened the night before. 

I myself, am still mourning.  I am still licking my wounds.  I don't know that I will "get over it" anytime soon, as some of my friends/colleagues and good ol' Facebook has suggested. I mean, I get it.  She lost.  Our party lost.  Dreams and hopes were shattered that night.  Let us have whatever time is needed to bounce back.  To take a breath and say, "Ok, so this is our reality (heh, pun totally intended)" 

What I am most upset about is that this entire election has brought out the ugliest of the ugliest in people.  Hate, shaming, name calling, insulting, racism, vandalism...What the fuck America?  Seriously.  What the fuck?  This is what I don't understand and probably never will either.  How can anyone want an individual that is so full of crap and bullies his way to get what he wants and has no regard for consequences at all,  how can you want him in office?  This is what baffles me.  But the people have spoken.  Half of them anyway.  And that is who they wanted.  And so now, the other half needs to swallow that bitter, bitter, pill and accept it.  I get it.  We're pissed. We're despondent.  Indignant at our current situation.  But guess what?  This is what democracy is all about.  There was an election and one candidate won and the other lost.  That is how this works.  Forget all that starting riots and burning our flag noise.  Just stop.  Accept what happened.  I am not fan of the Orange man, believe me. But it is what it is. 

I shudder to think what we would have done if we didn't have Social media.  How would people know how distraught or euphoric we were?  How indeed.  But come on, it's over.  Go unhide those people you had to hide, go friend whoever you unfriended due to heat of the moment tempers.  I promise it will be ok.

I am a proud, American.  I love this country and will for the rest of my life.  The president-elect does not define me. 

So friends, start loving more, being kinder and respectful of each other. Our country is a melting pot of individuals from all over the world.  Isn't that amazing?  I think it is.  Sure, we're a little unsettled right now because of this most weirdest election I've seen in my lifetime, but we'll bounce back.  We always do.  Do your part to steer back in the right direction.

As President Obama said a few days ago, "No matter what happens, the sun will rise tomorrow"  And it will.  And it did. 

Now go out and kiss your lover, your kids, laugh, hug, count down to Spring training or dance your ass off.  Just go do it.  Go live. 


Sunday, October 2, 2016

I'm Fifty Y'all!

In a little over an hour I will turn fifty years old.  FIFTY.YEARS.OLD.  Let that sink in will you?  I always thought that turning this age meant that I was a senior citizen, that I would look like what grandmothers used to look like back when I was a little girl.  But I keep looking in the mirror and I don't see the grandma looking back at me or the senior citizen.  I see wrinkles for sure and flabby skin that shouldn't be there (Work in progress.  Am I right ladies?)  But no, no old lady here.  Sometimes I feel old, my knees ache, my back hurts, arthritis kicks in, I need reading glasses -the usual you know?  But my spirit?  Hell my spirit is ageless.  It's currently about twenty-five.  As a matter of fact, I threw the most awesome, insanely sexy and paparazzi worthy birthday party ever on Friday night.  I wore the sexy dress, high heels, and drank champagne as if it was water.  I have not partied like that in years.  It was outrageously fun and exciting and fabulous.

I didn't get to bed until 5:00 a.m. and was up by 9:00 to meet friends for breakfast.  I may or may not have still been drunk.  That's still under review.  Yeah right.  We all know I was still under the influence.  But I went and I ate and I was happy to be in the company of good friends and family. 

As my birthday draws nearer,  I find myself. doing a lot of soul searching and reflection about my life thus far.  I've been very blessed, I am very blessed to have an incredible family who supports me and loves me unconditionally and in spite of my sometimes bad choices I've made in my life.  Without them, I would be lost.  Still, I have a few regrets on where my life is at this point.  There were a few things I regret letting go, things I should have accomplished already.  Among them is that horrific Scarlet Letter if you will, that I seem to be carrying on my forehead.  You know the  "S'" for single and "NC" for No Children.  My family all but gave up on me.  Some of my extended family is still hopeful and continuously try to set me up.  But as I tell them over and over and OVER again, I'm really ok being single.  Really.  I mean, sure I would love to have a special guy in my life, sure I have always wanted to be married and I used to want children.  But things don't always work out the way we picture them to work out in our minds.  And maybe I will eventually meet my "Mr. Big"  No I'm not referencing a male genitalia, get your mind out of the gutter.   I'm referencing Carrie Bradshaw's Prince Charming.  If you don't get the reference, look it up.  I'm not giving up on love, my love.  I'm a romantic through and through but I am not wallowing either.  I've got new adventures to experience. I am still alive, I'm still here and life is wonderful.  This life of mine is anything but perfect.  But I love it and I cherish every heartache, every failure, every success, every love I have encountered.  I would not be the woman I am today, were it not for these things.

If there is one thing I have learned in these almost 50 years, it is that we are here on this planet we call Earth, for such a short time.  So I choose to make the best of what I have and change what I don't like about it.  I've only just scratched the surface.  There is more, so much more that this girl is going to do with her life so watch out.  It's only the beginning.

Good bye forties.  I love you and I thank you for life's lessons.  Bring it 50!

Saturday, September 10, 2016

In Rememberance...

I can still remember the exact moment that I heard an airplane had "crashed into a building".  It was a regular morning for me.  I was driving to work listening to what was at the time, a really funny radio program.  It's funny what we remember whenever a tragic event occurs.  I remember that it was a particular beautiful and sunny day in Houston.  You could tell that fall was coming with the light  crispy air.  I was one block from my office building when the on air personality said something that didn't sound right to me.  He said something along the lines of "This just in from the AP wire, it seems a plane has crashed into a skyscraper in New York"  he paused and then said, "Oh my god!" and then cut away to a commercial.  I wondered what had happened and continued on my way to the office.  I remember walking in to the office and found a few of my coworkers huddled together watching the small black and white tv we kept in the kitchen.  I guess they had brought it down here.  And there, I watched as the second plane hit the other tower.  I stood there in disbelief and to be honest, it took a moment or two for my brain to register what exactly had happened.  Some of my coworkers started crying.  I just asking what the hell had just happened.  You see, I still hoped this was some horrible, horrible prank.  Only it wasn't.

We remained glued to the tv, as other employees came in to watch with us.  When the towers fell, I cried.  There were people in those buildings.  Innocent lives.  I felt sick to my stomach.  The managing partner of the firm told us we could go home if we wanted to.  I stuck around for a few hours but then left.  I was useless at work.  And back then, there was not that "instant" social media capacity.  So there was no Facebook to post to.  No Instagram.  No Twitter to tweet.  We relied on the telephone -the landline kind.  And of course, our television and radio.

Driving home that mid morning was surreal.  I worked downtown where the streets were always filled with people bustling to their destination and traffic galore, sounds of machinery from construction often heard.  But as I drove away, downtown was eerily quiet and empty.  As I drove past Memorial Park -which is lined along the streets leading up to 610 highway, I noticed how there was no one running or walking.  That was unheard of in these parts.  But that day, there was no one.  Another thing I noticed was there were no birds flying overhead.  Normally, they were chirping away and you could see them flying freely like always.  But not that day.  I don't know if that had anything do with what happened but I just found it odd.

When I finally got home I sat in front of the tv for hours.  Watching what had unfolded early that morning  And you know, even after I saw people jumping from the buildings, even then I hoped they could be saved.  Even then...

Fifteen years ago, America as we knew it, died.   And I find it oh so ironic that here we are fifteen years later, and we're as lost as can be.  And that makes me so sad. 

I often think of the children that lost their mother or father or grandparents or siblings that day.  Or of the children that never got to meet them.  I think of all of those  firefighters and first responders that perished while trying to save lives.  Such a waste of life.  Horrible that it was cut short.  And the spouses that were left behind, the many brave men and women lost, because of cowardly acts from the monsters that drew blood from our beloved country.

On this fifteenth anniversary that tomorrow will bring, I will take a moment, pray for the lives lost, the loved ones left behind and the loved ones that never met their parents.  And I will pray for our country.  Broken as we are, we are still the United States and I am proud to be an American.

God bless us all..