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Sunday, January 31, 2016

Color me confused

Who came up with the idea that adult coloring books would be therapeutic?  Have you actually seen one of those coloring books? I mean really looked at one?  Well you shouldn't.  I was given three as gifts recently.  Sometimes, when I'm visiting my nieces or nephews I help them color.  I like to  color. Or I used to.  So when I was given these adult coloring books I was a little very excited to say the least.   On one recent Friday night, I went to the quiet corner of my room.  It's where I sit and write/think/create or plot one of my stories or a poem or how to kill my ex (only in my dreams of course)  I got all comfy, brought along a glass of wine, turned on some jazz and opened up one of the coloring books.  The cover to the one I opened was a bunch of sunflowers and daisies.  How pretty! I thought to myself.  Well, I looked at the first page and thought, "no that's too complicated" and then turned the page and thought, "no that looks like too much trouble" and yet again the next page and the next one after that.  All the same.  Wtf?  These things even came with instructions on how to color.  NO.I.AM.NOT.KIDDING.  Who needs instructions to friggin' color???  Apparently adults do.  I mean, they have graphs and color scheme suggestions, the "right" way to color vs. the "wrong" way to color.  Good lord I'm getting a headache just thinking about this again. I almost called my friend who gave these to me to cuss her out. Almost.  But I didn't.  Instead, I took a sip of wine  big swig of my wine and downed that sucker before taking a special pencil to begin my masterpiece.    Oh did I mention that you can't use regular crayons for these coloring books? No really, you can't.  You have to use these special pencils.  Whatever.  For the next twenty minutes or so, I proceeded to color one, yes I said ONE sun flower before throwing the pencil across the room in disgust.  What a way to crush my dreams you adult coloring book maker you, whoever you are.  Those things are as interesting  as looking at a floor plan or an algebra problem. (No offense floor plan makers or algebra teachers) That night I got drunk on wine and watched bad 70s sitcoms instead. The next day, I went to visit my nephew and asked him where his colors and coloring books were.  And for the the next hour or so, I colored Superheroes and Thomas the Train and felt sooo much better. And I used real colors of the Crayola 48 kind.  Take THAT adult coloring books!

Sunday, January 17, 2016

expectations, realizations and other ponderings

i feel antsy.  expectant.  happy.  sad.  excited.  stoic.  and that, my dear bloggies, is how my current state of mind is.  bipolar at it's finest.  oh i'm not really bipolar, so calm down.  but my mind thinks it is.  i  want to laugh one minute and the next i'm crying and then i'm euphoric.  at first, i thought it was my hormones and mother nature's way of reminding me that it was almost time for "the visit".  oh you know the one, that pesky little visitor that only appears to females until we go through that dreaded "change"  in life.  meh,  but i was wrong. it's not my hormones.  i've been this way for months.  losing interest in the very things that used to bring me joy.  i guess it's a result of a combination of things.  the new year, expectations, aspirations, longing for...something.  something more meaningful than what i have now.  make sense? no? i didn't think so.  bear with me.  maybe part of the reason i'm flaking out emotionally is because i turn fifty this year.  and that, dear bloggies, scares the hell out of me.  i am questioning what i have been doing half of my life, i am regretting roads not taken, roads taken, and everything in between.  does everyone go through this when they are about to turn this age?  or is it just me?  yeah, yeah, i hear you.  you're all saying it's just me aren't you? -don't answer that.

but seriously,  i really am a little freaked out about this seemingly monumental turning of age thing.  i remember dreams i had when i was very young and then as i got older, some of those dreams changed, some stayed the same.  and you know what? i am nowhere near any of those dreams.  how sad is that?

but still i feel expectant.  i think i grew content with the way my life had been going thus far.  i accepted things, the safer route, the responsible route, the sensible route.  but i'm not content with that anymore.  so i made a promise to myself on new years eve.  i promised myself that this year i was going to make things happen.  i was going to try with everything that i have, to make things happen.  good, bad, insane or not, this year will be different. how? i don't know.  i just know that it will.

the wheels are set in motion and i will give it my all, to make this year, different than all the rest.

my almost 15 year old niece told me today that i didn't look that old, when i told her my age.  i just laughed.  i remember being 15 and thinking the total opposite as her.  my mom was 35 and to me, that was old.  and yes, i know that age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel.  well, i don't feel old, per se.  but i do feel older.  if that makes sense.

but going back to the beginning of this post,  i feel change in my horizon, i don't know what kind of change but i know it has to be good.  because i want it and because i deserve it.

more to come, stay tuned.


Saturday, January 9, 2016

oops they did it again!

i just don't know what else there is to say about houston sports teams, that i haven't said already said.  today, the houston texans were not only beaten by the kansas city chiefs, they were BEAT DOWN.  final score:  texans 0 - chiefs 30.  ouch.  you would think that after suffering gut-wrenching, painful, heartbreaking loss after gut-wrenching, painful heartbreaking loss, houston sports fans would be immune to feeling any kind of emotion anymore.  and yet, that's not the case.  oh sure there are a lot of disappointed and probably drunk fans in the city tonight, but come tomorrow or a week from now, when it hurts less, there we will all be again, counting down to next season.  as we always do.  but for now, i'm here  pouring my sorrow into this post.  just as i did in october, when my houston astros got their asses handed to them by, wait for it, kansas city.  yeah, them.  again.  bastards.  this was to be our payback day for that loss in october.  but alas, it was not meant to be.  not this year.  or ever it seems.  yeah i'm a little bitter right now.  but it will pass.  like it always does.  oh well, there's always next year right?

i'm still a  fan.  albeit a very disappointed fan.

oh and just so you know, only 92 more days until the astros opening day.  #keep hope alive  
#silver linnings everywhere.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

they just don't get it. and by "they" i mean men

men. bleh. who needs them? oh yeah, we do.  well, we don't need them per se, but we want them, sometimes.  can you tell i'm just a little perturbed?  they say that women are the more dramatic ones in a relationship but i'm not totally convinced that is accurate.  wait, wait, just hear me out.  you see, as women we like to communicate and talk about our feelings and analyze every.single.detail. everyone knows this.  and men tend to clam up and go with the flow, so to speak. most times.  there are the rare occasions when they too, voice their opinions, feelings, emotions, etc.  and that's a great thing.  but why then, do men act like such pansies when we suddenly decide to assert ourselves and tell them exactly what we want, how we feel, etc.  the minute we do, they clam up, they get hurt, they tell us we are dramatic.  oh how many times have i heard that one in my life? not just from a lover but from my brothers or from male friends.  let me tell you what i tell them, sharing my feelings does not make me "dramatic" -if i don't share them with you, how will you know what or how i'm feeling?ugh.  so maybe i'm not making much sense because i'm being frugal with details about my current dilemma, but just know that if you ask a woman "what's wrong?" and don't really want to know, then do us a favor, don't ask.  really. don't patronize us like that.  it's better if you just leave us alone and let us be.  but if you are genuinely concerned and do ask, brace yourselves, it could get ugly.  and while i'm at it, we are not always looking at you to fix whatever is wrong, sometimes, we really do just need a hug or an "i love you, everything will be ok"

really.


Friday, January 1, 2016

A Texan and A New Yorker Walk Into a Bar...

I have been blogging since 2007.  Along the way, I have become friends with some pretty awesome people who either follow my blog or I follow theirs or both.  Well, in December I had the pleasure of actually meeting a fellow blogger and very dear friend for the first time.  David Batista has a blog at http://davidjbatista.blogspot.com/ -you should all scheck it out.  Well back in 2009 or 2010 or maybe even 2008, we couldn't remember the exact year, David and I started following each others' blogs.  A comment here, a comment there and soon, we were jabbering away via comments and sometimes emails.  That of course led to the Facebook friend request.  And just like that, we became friendsies.  We always told each other that whenever we were in each other's neighborhood, we should meet up.  Well, fast forward to many years later and this past December, the planets all aligned and we finally met.  David was in town visiting his brother for Christmas.  There was no way he could be in the same city as me and not meet me.  I mean, who was I to deprive him of such greatness?  Heh.  Calm down, I'm totally kidding.  Sorta.   So anyway, we both enjoy wine, of course that only meant that we meet at a wine bar, right?  Right.  We did.  My first impression of him is that he seemed much taller to me in person than via pictures.  But then again, as a friend of mine reminded me after I told her the same thing,  "Everyone is taller than you, Yvonne"  Maybe so, but he still seemed taller to me than what I had envisioned.  My second impression was that yes, he really is that cute.  We sat at the bar of a favorite place of mine (He was so nice he didn't even mention the comical almost sad way I climbed on to the bar stool. As most of you regulars know, I'm short and barstools and I are not friends.  Not even a littel bit) and shared stories and laughed and of course, took the obligatory picture for Facebook posting.  It's all the rage you know.  We didn't get a chance to do much more than that because of time constraints and the holiday.  But I think he really, really liked it here and I'm sure he'll be back. And I'm itching to go to New York (never been) so there's that.  Texas meets New York, sounds like a story in the making.


Happy New Year

Hello friends, it's been awhile.  A long while actually.  But no matter how long I stay away, even at my darkest hours, I always return to my safe haven.  It seems I've missed a few holidays, so Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas annnd, Happy New Year to all of you.  May this year be better than last and may an abundance of goodness and love fill your lives this 2016.  Wow, 2016.  It seems like only yesterday we were preparing for Y2K and the impending chaos that was to have followed.  My oh my, how time does fly.  But the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Tell me bloggies, what's going on with you?  How were your holidays?  Did everyone practice their NYE rituals at midnight?  I did the traditional 12 grapes (you eat a grape for every month of the year, it's supposed to bring good luck) and I wore my new red panties (for love) -Hey don't judge me, it's a tradition that was passed on to me by my grandmother years and years ago.  The story goes, by wearing brand new red panties on NYE, you are inviting love into your life.  -Yeah, I've been doing this for years, clearly, it's got some glitches because I have yet to find the right man in my life.  But I digress.  As if the panties tradition was not enough (oh yes, there's more) a friend of mine told me about a tradition to invite traveling into your life.  So, if you want to travel in the new year, you pack a suitcase with pictures of the places you would like to visit and then at midnight, you run out of your house with suitcase in hand and run to the front of your house and run back inside.   In doing so, you have invited the travel "energy" into your life.  Stop laughing.  I'm just passing on a folklore tradition. Well, sadly for me, I did not do the suitcase thing and I was planning to go to Spain this year.  Great. I'm screwed.  What about you?  Anyone have any other traditions or rituals you care to share?  Don't be shy, speak up.

December was a whirlwind month for me.  Work, the holidays, the holiday parties, shopping and volunteer stints here and there, made for a very tired Yvonne.  Tired, but happy.  I love, love, Christmas and always get a little sad when it's over.

Well bloggies, here's to another year!  Let's make it a great one!

Cheers.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

woes of a poet

i don't even have the energy to get the words out
to express how if am feeling
oh they are there
in the deep crevices of my soul
yearning to get out
 to be heard -read

but to do so, would mean opening up my emotions
put them on display
bare

letting my heart bleed
i can't stand the pain

the thought of putting forth such effort
all for the sake of letting my feelings come out
frightens me

listless
my soul
tired

and so, like a bear during the winter months
i return back to my inner cave
to hibernate

safe haven

my words
my truth
will have to wait