Sunday, March 22, 2020

Intertwined

eyes locked on each other
we do not look away
not speaking
yet saying volumes
my lips quiver
aching for yours
it's late and raining
we are soaked but do not move

we stand there
body to body
oblivious to the world

if only you could read my mind...
say it
tell me you love me
say it

you take my face in your hands
and kiss me
a hard, explosive kiss
feeding our hunger
one for the other

and there, amidst the stormy night
you say, "you're everything i ever wanted"
"you are my peace and i love you!" 
"i love you and i'm never leaving you again"

we break from our embrace
and begin laughing as we
walk not run, from the rain

fingers intertwined.

*I've tried but failed miserably to write about what's going on in our world today.  So I turned to love.  Love makes the world go round.  I hope you enjoy it.  Be well bloggies.  

-peace

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Happy Birthday Dad!

My dad turned 80 years old two weeks ago. Eighty.  Wow, I remember when he turned 50 and mom threw him a big surprise party (they were still married at the time).  I remember thinking that he was so old back than.  And here I am now, 53 feeling anything but old.  Life has a sarcastic sense of humor.

My brothers and my sister and I had threw him a party to end all parties.  I mean, from the succulent dinner that my sister-in-law spent all day cooking, to the full stocked bar (oh we drink in my family!) and the music for dancing...  Suffice it to say, he was very happy to have all of his kids, the grandkids, family and close friends together.  We partied like it was 1999 -for real y'all!  The party shut down right before sunrise.  As the party went on, I couldn't help but reflect on my dad.  The first man I ever loved.  He is not perfect and has made mistakes along his journey.  Our relationship is a very complicated one.  We've had our issues.  But he's my dad and I love him, faults and all.  If you're fortunate enough to still have your parents in your life, tell them you love them, often.  Laugh with them.  I promise it's totally worth it.

Life is good and then it's bad, and then it's good again.  I take my time now with my aging parents.  I try not to rush whatever it is we are dong at the time.  It's almost as if I am inhaling, savoring each and every second of my time with them.  Ever since my mom's stroke back in September, I've taken this approach to life and it works for me.  Hopefully, for you as well.

Now, everyone knows that the centerpiece, the main attraction of a birthday party is THE CAKE right?  Oh come on, you know it's true.  Well, turning 80 years old is an incredible milestone so I found it only fitting to get my daddy an impeccable cake.  This cake had "Nicaraguan Frank Sinatra" written all over it.  That's his nickname since I can't even remember when.  All his friends and family named him that because he loves to sing and because my dad could (still can) charm the hell out of anyone.  He's very debonair.  So I chose this cake for him because it represented everything I just described. And yes, it was delicious!   Check it out ↓



Thursday, February 13, 2020

All for Love and Love for All

where are you valentine?
why are you so hard to find
i always look
but never find
elusive
graspless
valentine

A few years ago, I wrote a poem about waiting for the love of my life.  Years after that, I thought I found him.  Only to realize that we were not meant to be.  Oh life, you can be cruel for sure, and unfair.  But life is life no matter what happens to us.  I could have let the experience make me bitter and jaded.  Full of hate and self-loathing.  But I didn't.  Sure I was devastated and sad for a long, long, time.  Actually, I am still sad.  But not in the desperate I think  my heart is going to come out of my chest kind of sad.  It's a more stoic kind of sadness.  A sadness that I believe, will stay with me always.  And  that's okay.  I can live with that.  What I can't live without is love.  Not just the romantical kind.  But love of family and friends and love of life.  Passion for life. Love of myself.  It's all very empowering and intoxicating and I love feeling this way.  Oh I have my down days, but I don't let myself stay there too long.  It's a buzz-kill don't you know?

As this is the week of love and heart-shaped chocolates and flowers and candle-lit dinners or beer and pizza -either works -heh. I wish you love and kisses (preferably real ones but chocolate ones work too) I hope you spread your love around.  Even if you're not in a romantic relationship, don't be greedy.  Share it with your family, your friends, you get what I'm saying don't you? Of course you do.

Happy Valentine's Day!






Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Balance

I used to think that I knew what I wanted out of life.  When I was in my twenties, I used to want to be married by the age of 24 and have at least 2 kids by age 27.  My two kids, my husband and our dog, would live in a old but renovated home in the city.  Yeah, I'm not a suburbs kinda gal.  Anyway, years passed and that dream soon died.  And for the life of me, I cannot recall if I ever dreamed of wanting more.   I don't recall aspiring to want more out of my life.  Isn't that sad?  I mean, who aspires to be married with kids a house and a dog?  Well, I do.  I did.  

This year I will turn 54 years old and all I want is to find balance in my life.  No, not the equilibrium kind, though I do have episodes of vertigo from time to time. The balance I am speaking of is feeling fulfilled with my life thus far.  Being at peace with myself and with others.  Being in tune with my body.  Loving myself so much that the longing and yearning for more, I sometimes feel, is almost non-existent.  

I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel like a failure. I do.  Not always, but enough times that I can't just put a band-aid on it and call it a day.  I suppose that feeling as if I have accomplished nothing worth noting, stems from my own criticisms  You know the ones that get louder and louder but only you can hear them?  Yeah those.  I'm notorious for that.  We are our own worst critics after all.  

At the start of this new year, I vowed to do something every month that I could be proud of.  I am pleased to say that I am finding things almost daily (almost being an understatement) to be proud of myself for.  It doesn't have to be a big thing either.  But it's mine and I accomplished it.  Whatever it may be.  And that makes me happy.  Hmm.  Did you hear that? I mean read that?  I find happiness in doing things that I can be proud of!  

I've started keeping a journal filled with daily goals.  I've never done that before.  I know, I know, I can't believe it either.  But it's very satisfying and it forces me to challenge myself.  But remember how in the beginning of this post I was talking about not finding the balance? Well, I still haven't found it.  Though it sounds like I am on the right track.  I don't have all of the answers, actually I don't have any answers.  But I know in my heart of hearts that I was put on this earth to be incredible and not mediocre.  To be loud and not quiet.  To be tall not short -oh wait.  That one is fake news.  I'm all of 4'10.  My apologies, my humor cracks me up.  Hopefully, it cracks you too.

I don't know what the rest of 2020 looks like yet.  I don't know if this is the year that the boyfriend will enter and turn into husband.  I don't know if that house in the city will transpire.  At this point, I'd take a condo dowtown.  Ha!  There goes that humor again.  I hope love does come into my life again.  But I am not dwelling on that too much.  All I know is that I will try my best to accomplish something positive everyday. Something that I can be proud of.   Life is fragile and fleeting and so I we must do everything in our power to find the balance and to be happy.

At least, that's what I think.






Tuesday, February 4, 2020

just because

just because I said good-bye
doesn't mean I have stopped caring for you
or loving you
or yearning for you

just because I  chose to do what was best for me,
doesn't make me cold-hearted

the process has been a painful one
and a lonely one
yet, I do not regret what I did.

I'll love you forever
beyond my last breath

just because you're not in my life
doesn't mean you're not in my heart
even while I sleep
see you in my dreams

Monday, January 20, 2020

"Fredo, You broke my heart" - My Thoughts on the Houston Astros

I have held off on writing about this topic because I was still processing my emotions.  But I guess today is a good day to deal with this mess, aka the Astros debacle.  It's been a week since all hell seemingly broke loose on my beloved Houston Astros.  As some of you know, my family and I are huge baseball fans.  Ever since I can remember, probably since I was born, I have known about the game.  My dad always expected his first born to be a boy, imagine his surprise when a girl appeared instead.  The story goes that he was in the waiting room, pacing the hours away until my arrival while holding a small baseball bat and glove, and a box of blue ribboned cigars. On my first birthday, my mom tells me I received a pink glove to replace the blue one and a pink baseball. All this to say, I am a long standing baseball fan but more than that, I am and will always be, a die-hard, ride or die, Houston Astros fan.   How could I not be?  I was there when you couldn't give tickets away at the Astrodome, when we were in last place, when season after season, our hearts were broken in gut-wrenching fashion, especially during the playoffs of 1980, 1986 and 2015.  And I was there when in 2017, the baseball gods finally smiled on the Astros again and when we finally returned to the dance and won it all.   But now, amid the cheating scandal and the subsequent fall-out as a result of that, not to mention losing the best manager the Houston Astros organization ever had, my love for the game has acquired a bitter taste to it.

What I want to know is why? Why do something you know in your heart of hearts to be wrong, why do it? Why jeopardize everything for the possibility of an advantage.  Because remember, just because you knew what pitch was coming, you still had to make contact with the ball.  You still had to score.  I am so angry that some of the players felt they had to do what they did when in all actuality, there was no need for that. Our record spoke for itself sans any cheating.

And what of the other teams? The elite teams as some call them, that are acting as if they have never done the same thing?  The Astros cheated.  They got caught and have started paying dearly for their stupidity.  We owned up to it.  But again I ask, what of the other teams?  Some that feel that a certain team up East is untouchable, that they are beyond reproach.  Yeah, right.  To them, especially them, I say, your time is coming.  Nothing in this life is free, and no bad deed goes unpunished.  Ever.  Oh and the last time that that team was in a world series was in 2009.  So shut the eff up.

There has been so much crazy talk going on, such as stripping the 2017 World Series title from the Astros.  I laugh at that notion.  That series was won with grit, heart and gut-wrenching plays.  And? Game 7 was played in LA and won in LA.  Nothing and no one will ever take that away.

Another crazy thing going on? A law firm in Corpus Christie, Texas is soliciting Astros season ticket holders to enter a class-action suit against the team and their organization for causing them pain and suffering and distress as a result of the cheating scandal.  Now, as a member of the legal field with over 29 years of being a paralegal, this has got to be the most asinine idea ever.  Not to mention a prime definition of what a frivolous lawsuit is.

While I still feel sucker-punched by my team and am still so pissed at them for what they did, I remain loyal and true and will cheer them on when the first pitch is thrown at Minute Maid Park.

I am sure more than a few of you will have the total opposite opinion and that's okay, we still live in a free country and everyone is entitled to speak their mind.  We'll agree to disagree mmmkay?

I'm looking forward to the first day of baseball and opening day.  It will be an interesting season that's for sure.



Saturday, January 18, 2020

So You Think You Can Date?

So you think you can date eh?  Well ladies and gents, let me tell you about a singles group I am a member of on Facebook.  It was started by a friend of mine who wanted to get singles together to do things with, such as going to a movie or a concert or out to eat.  Some have even organized trips out of town. It's a local group based out of Houston.  Anyway, I joined it thinking it could be a means of meeting people men.  Basically, members post different topics, some superficial, some racy, some political, you get the picture right? It creates interaction with the premise that maybe a spark or two will result.  I've been a member for awhile now.  Overall it's a good place but something that has been bothering me for a while now is that men and women in that group can be so whiny. Good gawd!  During the holidays, I saw so many posts from both men and women crying about being alone for Christmas or how they will be alone for New Year's Eve again.  Seriously, maybe it's me getting older-ish or my desire to do much more than pine away for a man.  Or maybe I've just become jaded from dating the "wrong" men.  I dunno but I got kind of irritated when I saw posts like that.  Let me tell you something, just because you're single doesn't mean your life sucks. Just because you won't have anyone to kiss at midnight on New Years Eve, doesn't mean your life is over or that you shouldn't still venture out on that night, even if you are alone.  So what?  Embrace the single.  Embrace yourself.  Be happy with yourself.  I'm not gonna lie, I too, get caught up in my feelings sometimes and long to have someone to share my life with, I do.  The holidays just seem to exacerbate the "I'm single" situation.  But I don't let that define me.  And I most certainly don't post that kind of stuff on a singles site.  Who wants to date a whiner or a Debbie downer? That's not attractive! I get it though.  You want to meet someone and hurry up and fall in love and have your person.  I get that.  I want that.  But I'll be damned if I am going to stop enjoying life just because I don't have that yet.  I just won't do that.  I was alone this past holiday season and while I would get a little sad and long for someone to share my life with, I didn't get down on myself.  It's, it's just so exhausting to do so and however cliche this sounds, life is too short for that mess.

Another observation from being in that group, in general both sexes come across as too eager, too perfect.  "I'm ready for my Cinderella.  I have the shoe, just looking for the perfect fit.", one man wrote.  And continued, "I am sweet, loyal, honest, hard-working, love chick flicks, cuddling and basically will worship the ground you walk on, if you give me a chance"  Yes that's a true post.  Now to me, that comes across as desperate and just too much. I guess in their quest to find love, they want to put on their best face?  I don't know.  I am just looking to make new friends and maybe date here and there.  If something more were to happen then that would be amazing but if not, then I'm ok with that.  I just feel bad for those that think that life is nothing without a soul mate.

Alright, I got that off my chest, I feel better now.

-peace.




Intertwined

eyes locked on each other we do not look away not speaking yet saying volumes my lips quiver aching for yours it's late and rainin...