Sunday, March 11, 2018

the heart knows best -sometimes

sometimes it's best to just follow your heart
no questions asked
no guilt
because sometimes,
the end result is bliss
and it quiets the voices
telling you not to do it
heart is still broken
but healing
am smiling

Monday, March 5, 2018

Heart and Soul

You know what sucks about breaking up with not only your lover but also your best friend?  What sucks is that the very person you are crying your eyes out over, is the very person that you want to pick up the phone and call to talk it out with.  

It's messed up really.  But there it is.

It has been years, YEARS, since I have broken up with someone.  And let me tell you, it's still gut-wrenchingly painful.  -Is gut-wrenchingly even a word?  I'm too lazy to open a new window to find out.  

But I digress.

The thing is I had been thinking of doing it for a while now.  I just couldn't find the courage to do it and also, didn't want to do it.  I mean, I am in love with this man.  But for reasons known only to us, I had to let him go.  I don't even know where I found the backbone to finally do it.  But I did.  It was like trying to remove a Band-Aid from your skin and at first you're very careful in the way you start trying to peel it off, because let's be honest here, that crap hurts.  But then all of a sudden this wave of courage takes over and you just pull that sucker right off.  Pain be damned.  Well, that's kind of what happened to me last night.  I just yanked that Band-Aid right off.  Had I stayed the course of the careful nurse, I would have lost my nerve and I wouldn't be writing sappy poetry and annoying lovelorn posts.  But this is what I do.  Some people eat their pain away, some people drink their pain away.  Me?  I write sappy poetry or retrospective gibberish.  Oh who am I kidding?  A glass of wine or two  three may or may not have been consumed tonight.

No regrets though.  Not for this girl.  If given the chance to do it over again, I would jump at the chance and change nothing.  A love that real and so beautiful, is worth all the other bullshit that comes with it.

Going in to work today was tough.  I had cried most of the night and my eyes, no matter how much make-up I packed on, were still red and puffy.  I chalked it up to bad allergies. Which in reality, is not far from the truth.  The pollen count here is out this world right now.  I avoided eye contact at all costs and just kind of hid in my office for eight hours.  Tomorrow hopefully, will be a little better.  Or a lot worse.  Not good odds there at all.

Oh my gawd.  I feel like a lovelorn teenager. Truly, I'm kind of embarrassed about it.  But it can't be helped.  I'm heartbroken and I write when I am dying inside.  

One of my closest friends recommended I put used teabags over my eyes to reduce the swelling.  First I said, "Ewe!" and then I said, "We're out of effing teabags."

If you're still reading this, thank you.  If you gave up, I understand and no hard feelings.

I think I've written enough for tonight.  Six a.m. comes awfully quick.

Until next time lovelies.



i can't breathe
the tears won't stop 
my mind is reeling
and my heart is broken

it was the best time of my life
and now
it is my worst

and even though i had to let you go
i regret nothing

i will love again
this i know.

but for now,

sadness cradles me.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Wedding Bells -Not Mine.

Last night I went to my cousin's wedding.  It was beautiful, intimate, emotional and there was lots of dancing.  It was a such a fun wedding.  My feet reminded me how much fun, this morning.  Oh and? I caught  the proverbial bouquet.  The funny in that is that I am the last remaining single gal in our family.  Lets think about that shall we?  The  That's quite a title to uphold but I've managed to do it well my entire adult life.  My siblings, all married.  My cousins, (as of last night) all married (some for second and third times).  So when it was time for the bride to throw her bouquet, of course all of my family forced me to go up to the dance floor.  I reluctantly stood up and walked the plank -I mean walked to the dance floor.  It was filled with all of the other single ladies.   As luck would have it,  I caught it.  You would have thought the Astros were playing Game 5 of the World Series again, the way my entire family erupted in cheers, claps and whistles.  Seriously.  I was a bit embarrassed.  Ok, ok, ALOT embarrassed.  I'd never caught a wedding bouquet before.  Mostly because I usually do not partake in the whole wedding ritual.  So I was surprised when that thing came flying straight at me.  Like I said, it was fun.  But now, the jokes are non-stop. 

Them:"When's the wedding?"  
Me: "The future?"
Them: "Who is the lucky guy?"
Me: "As soon I meet him, I will let you know"

And of course, my Facebook friends and family are having a blast with it as well.  I have a girlfriend that is getting married in a few weeks and she said she would not even throw her bouquet but instead just give it to me.  That made me laugh.

Later that night as I was driving home a frightening thought came to mind,  Thanksgiving and Christmas this year will suck if I don't take anyone to our family gatherings.  And by suck, I mean suck for me.  I will be probed and prodded by my family on why I am still not engaged or married or pregnant. 

Someone really needs to up the ante and start a rent a fiance store.  

Cheers to a new week!

Sunday, November 5, 2017

A Fairy Tale Come True -2017 World Series Champions -Houston Astros!

I can't stop smiling and feeling giddy and happy.  Still on that euphoric high from game 7 of the World Series and the significance of the Astros finally winning a championship.  The first ever for the franchise and it only took 54 years to do it.  But it was well worth the wait.  Some people have been waiting for it all of their lives.  Some never  got to see it happen.  I saw a picture of a headstone at a cemetery with an Astros jersey draped over it and beside it, the front page of the Houston Chronicle, showing a picture of the players celebrating on the field right after the last out, with the headline reading:  World Series Champions Houston Astros!  The son of the deceased, said that he wanted his father to know that they finally did it.  I started tearing up reading that anecdote.  I've been tearing up a lot the past few days.  Not from sadness, but from sheer happiness.  Some people have not a clue as to what winning this series has done for our city.  Sure, they played their hearts out for us because of the devastation we endured because of Hurricane Harvey.  But that aside, they played their hearts out because they knew how bad we wanted it.  How bad we could taste it and because of how many times we got so close, only to have it snatched away. 

Htown held a party on Friday afternoon.  To say that work productivity was at an all time low that morning would be an understatement.  The electricity in the air and the excitement was palpable.  I drove in to work that morning to find a sea of orange already lining up along the parade route. That was at 7:00 a.m., the parade would not start for another 7 hours.  There were some fans that spent the night on the streets, sitting on their lawn chairs, because they wanted the best spot.  Crazy? Maybe.  But who cares? 

I worked until noon and walked across the street to City Hall to join a few of my thousands of friends.  The scene was unreal.  The streets were full of people of all ages.  Security was in full effect as well.  On foot, on horse back, in cars, atop buildings.  It was a sight to see that's for sure.  The sea of people ran for miles.  There were people perched on tree limbs, children on parents' shoulders, along parking garages, even on light posts.  I saw a man in nothing more than red white and blue undies hanging from a lamp post.  I giggled and wondered how long he would last before getting arrested. Pandemonium ran ragged as the first glimpse of the players was made.  They were riding atop fire trucks.  There were Astros of seasons past and present atop those engines.  I welled up in tears as Carlos Correa held up the trophy.  I couldn't believe it.  It finally happened.  My gosh it's like a dream you never want to wake up from.  My dad was able to make this historic event.  He was like a little kid in a candy store. My 78 year old dad was beside himself with happiness.   Memories of trips to the Astrodome to watch the Astros flooded my mind.  He took all four of us, my brothers, sister and I.  There we learned from him the love of the game.  The love for the Astros.  We learned to yell "Cruuuuuuuuuuuz" whenever Jose Cruz was at the plate.  We learned how to spell relief when Joe Sambito (a relief pitcher and my crush) would go to the mound.  Oh and relief is spelled "S-A-M-B-I-T-O"  in case you wanted to know. Heh.  We soon learned that winning wasn't everything.  Man those were the days.  So yes, forgive me if I have been a little teary-eyed this past week. Or if I can't talk about anything else yet.  It's just...We won a Championship y'all! 

I watched game 7 with one of my brothers and my sister-in-law.  The minute they won and we regained our composure, we hollered and cried and hugged each other like mad.  It was a beautiful sight.

I love the fact that an event of this magnitude  was a safe one and no reports of looting or vandalism or any of that nonsense took place.  I'm sure there were a few arrests made for minor infractions but for the most part, everything went off without a hitch.  Houston City Officials should be very proud of themselves.  At last count, there were over a million people that descended upon downtown Houston.  A million.  Wow.

I can honestly say that this was by far the most thrilling World Series I have ever witnessed.  Hell the series against the Yankees was pretty amazing as well.  And now, after all is said and done, me along with every other Houstonian, can go back to sleeping normal eight hours and can put the blood pressure and anxiety medication away and we can stop biting our nails.  Until next season that is.  Which by the way is only 145 days away. 

Thanks for a Cinderella season boys!  See ya in April.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Last Team Standing

If you have been a follower of my blog for a while, you know one thing is certain about me.  And that is my love for baseball but more specifically, my love for the Houston Astros.  This morning I woke up and I had to pinch myself.  I needed to assure myself that last night was not a dream.  I wanted to make sure that I had not just had the most amazing dream ever.  And guess what? It was not a dream.  It was very real and my Houston Astros were indeed the 2017 World Series Champions. 


Boston Red Sox? Beat em.  New York Yankees? Beat em.  Los Angeles Dodgers? BEAT.THEM.

Finally, after enduring year after gut-wrenching, emotionally draining year, finally, the Astros did it.  They won the World Series!  Did you hear me?  They WON.THE.WORLD.SERIES.  Oh my gosh I was literally in tears when the last out was made.  I was with one of my brothers and my sister-in-law at a local bar/restaurant, along with about 200 of my closest friends.  We were there to witness history or to witness history repeat itself.  Luckily, the "curse" was broken and we were victorious.  And how could we not be?  This team that some had dubbed "the little engine that could" -had the best record in the league going into the All-Star break.  I knew back then that something special was going to happen but because of the history of the Astros, I didn't let myself get too carried away.  I just told myself to enjoy it while it lasted.  And boy did I ever.

When the last out was made I looked at my brother who was yelling and jumping up and down and I looked back at the TV screen and then it sunk in and I started jumping up and down and yelling, "Oh my god!" over and over again.  An overwhelming feeling of vindication, triumph, and sheer and utter happiness took over my entire being.  I was so incredibly happy.  So happy that I started crying.  So many years, so many let downs and then this season, the fantastic regular season and the explosive and exciting post season of their history, it was just all too much.  I had to let just let the tears flow.  And trust me, I was not alone.  More than a few she a tear right along with me.  Strangers became friends and camaraderie was in abundance.   Everyone wanted to savor that which we craved for so many years. 

No more, "Wait till next year" or "Next year it's ours!" or "We'll be back stronger than ever!" -No boys and girls, this time, 2017 was our year and nothing and no one would take that away from us.  In what I can only describe as a Cinderella season, the Houston Astros won it's first ever World Series and came out champions.  It only took 56 years and lots and lots, I mean, LOTS of heartache and frustration, but they finally did it.  Let me tell you, being a baseball fan for a less than stellar team year after year was not for the faint at heart. But if you love baseball and you're from Houston, you made it through and remained ever hopeful.

I can honestly say that this World Series has been by far, the most exciting and intense series that I have ever witnessed.  Game 2 alone was insane! Then along came game 5 and blew it out of the phenomenal water.

Congratulations to my Houston Astros -2017 World Series Champions!

Now that the series is over and baseball is gone until next year, this happy girl is going to finally get her 8 hours of sleep.  I got a parade to go to in the morning.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Fifty-One and Still Having Fun

In exactly thirty minutes (Central Time) I will turn 51 years old.  Yep.  Fifty. One.   It's a little crazy to think that I'm now considered "elderly" hahaha.  That damn AARP card application came in the mail today to remind me that I "Can start saving today!", lovely.  This year has been wonderful, terrible, tragic, happy.  It brought me love, joy, tears, friends, loss, success, failure.  Through it all, I learned what I needed to learn.  I fell countless of times but got right back up.  Momma didn't raise no quitter.  So tonight I say good bye to being 50 and welcome 51.  Can't wait to see and experience what is in store for me this year.

I think I will continue a tradition that my grandmother used to have up until the day she died.  Whenever anyone would ask her how old she was, she would say, "Forty-five".  It didn't matter if she was turning 60 or 70 or 80.  She was always "45".  She died at age 91.  So I think from now on, I will forever be "45".  I think I can totally pull it off don't you?  Don't answer that.

October is my favorite month of the year.  Besides my birthday, there are pumpkin carvings with the nieces and nephews, and Halloween parties to attend and the air is crisper (for like a day or a few hours -in Houston anyway).  And to me, it's like the beginning of the holiday season.  It's just a great time of the year and I always look forward to it.

With everything that happened in Vegas and what the people in Puerto Rico are going through, I felt a little guilty even looking forward to my birthday.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that life goes on.  No matter what, time doesn't stand still, even though there is tragedy amongst us.  We must still celebrate this life of ours.  We still have to keep going.

And so Bloggies, go out and do something that makes you happy.  I know I will.