Wednesday, July 6, 2016

darkness to light

my heart is heavy tonight.  as i type away, i still can't believe what's happened.  a very dear friend whom i love to pieces, tragically lost his 21 year old son tonight.  he was shot during some sort of altercation outside their home and sadly, died.  i think my friend is still in shock and is just going through the motions. the police, the media, investigators, all have descended on their home.  he has to tend to his grieving wife and sons, all the while, trying to keep his composure.  when the adrenaline wears off later tonight and he comes down, he will be a basket case.

let me tell you a little about my friend's son.  he was the oldest of three boys.  his name was ruben.  he was twenty-one years old.  a good kid who sometimes led a turbulent and troubled life.  he was trying to find himself, make his mark in this world.  he loved to skateboard and was quite good at it according to his dad.  he was also creative, an artist.  he loved music.  it was there, when he was composing or performing that he was in his element.  he aspired to make it in music professionally.  he was a good kid.  and now he's gone.  

i never met him.  not in person anyway.  just via pictures and i grew to know about him through his father's stories.  i feel terribly helpless because i want to do something, anything to ease the pain.  i can say "i'm so sorry" to him a thousand times, it still won't take away the sorrow and it won't bring back his son.  and so, i do what i always do in times of sadness and despair...i come here to my faithful friend, my blog.  

during difficult times my faith is what sustains me, gives me solace.  without it i would be lost.  and so i pray that my friend and his family turn to their faith and hold on for dear life.  i pray that their grief lessens with time and that they are able to resume to some sense of normalcy.  i pray for smiles and laughter and a lighter heart.  it won't happen today, or tomorrow, or maybe even a month from now, but it will, happen.  because when all is said and done, life goes on.  my grandmother used to say, "dale tiempo al tiempo" -meaning, give time, time.  

life is so short.  embrace it.  live it.  love it.  cherish it.


Monday, April 18, 2016

Rainy Days and Mondays...

Greetings and salutations bloggies!  It's been awhile.  Hope all is well in everyone's little corner of the world. As for me, things are good.  Well, as good as they can be after enduring Mother Nature's havoc.  What I want to know is, "Who pissed her off?"  My fair city has been under water pretty much the entire day.  It started last night.  A band of heavy rains moved in and brought along their friends, fierce winds and jolting lightening.  It's not been a good day for thousands of people.  Many were caught in the rain and their cars quickly submerged in water, many, many others were stranded in their own homes as the water rose out of the banks and spilled onto the roads, neighborhoods and the like.  Still others have water in their homes.  My family and I are very blessed and fortunate.  We have power, our homes and vehicles are dry and seemingly safe -for now.  The weather is calling for more rain overnight.  But still, we are so very fortunate that have not suffered any damage/water/loss. My heart goes out to the those that have.

Here are a few images of today's craziness.

And that, dear bloggies, is all I have for you tonight.

Be good.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Love Is In the Air

Happy Valentine's Day bloggies!  I hope all of you share and/or receive a little love today.  Actually, I hope you receive it every day.  So many people have no clue what love is. I'm not just speaking of the romantic aspect of it.  I'm talking about the kind of love you may have for a child, a pet, a parent, a friend, your work, life.

I had a fantastic day today (or yesterday depending on your time  zone)  all day my heart was full and happy.  You know, I have much to be grateful for and so many people who love me and whom i love in return.  Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of this chaotic world we live in, I tend to forget just how lucky i really am.

And speaking about love.  for those faithful bloggers of mine, you may remember that I often wrote about "HIM".  He is sprinkled all over this blog of mine, especially in the early years.  Unbeknownst to him, he inspired quite a few poems and even a short, short story that can be found here:  Warning if you read it, I used a lot of exclamation points back then.  I dunno why.  ;)

Well, he's getting married next weekend.  I ran into him almost two years ago at a bar and we chatted briefly, and I remember how even still, he gave me butterflies in my stomach.  But I also knew that he would always be that guy, the one that all of us (women -or men if that's your liking) have had in our lives.  You know the one, the guy that made us blush and our hearts race and knees go weak and leave us hot and bothered all at once?  The guy that you knew was not for you, but you wouldn't turn him away if he came knocking -I'm just saying  The guy that exuded so much sexiness that you melted just at the sight of him.  Yeah that kind of guy.  Yeah, that's what he is and always will be to me.  And I can honestly say that I finally did get over him.  It took awhile, but I did get over him.  He wasn't my first love or anything like that, but he was someone that I loved very much.  And still do, just in a different way now.  A few months ago, I accepted his friend request on Facebook.  And it's a good thing.  I enjoy reading about his life from time to time.  I'm so very happy for him and his upcoming marriage. He's a really, really good guy.  Even if he was kind of a big jerk to me at times.  Even still, he is a sweetheart.  And I want nothing but the best  for him.  I hope he and his wife have lots of babies.  He's still hot and she is gorgeous.  Those are some cute babies in the making. So papito, cheers to you on your upcoming wedding.

So lovies, what bodes for you on this Valentine's Day? Whatever it is, may you get a lot of it and give a lot of it in return and be blissfully happy.  Kisses, hugs and lots of love to all of you.


Sunday, January 31, 2016

Color me confused

Who came up with the idea that adult coloring books would be therapeutic?  Have you actually seen one of those coloring books? I mean really looked at one?  Well you shouldn't.  I was given three as gifts recently.  Sometimes, when I'm visiting my nieces or nephews I help them color.  I like to  color. Or I used to.  So when I was given these adult coloring books I was a little very excited to say the least.   On one recent Friday night, I went to the quiet corner of my room.  It's where I sit and write/think/create or plot one of my stories or a poem or how to kill my ex (only in my dreams of course)  I got all comfy, brought along a glass of wine, turned on some jazz and opened up one of the coloring books.  The cover to the one I opened was a bunch of sunflowers and daisies.  How pretty! I thought to myself.  Well, I looked at the first page and thought, "no that's too complicated" and then turned the page and thought, "no that looks like too much trouble" and yet again the next page and the next one after that.  All the same.  Wtf?  These things even came with instructions on how to color.  NO.I.AM.NOT.KIDDING.  Who needs instructions to friggin' color???  Apparently adults do.  I mean, they have graphs and color scheme suggestions, the "right" way to color vs. the "wrong" way to color.  Good lord I'm getting a headache just thinking about this again. I almost called my friend who gave these to me to cuss her out. Almost.  But I didn't.  Instead, I took a sip of wine  big swig of my wine and downed that sucker before taking a special pencil to begin my masterpiece.    Oh did I mention that you can't use regular crayons for these coloring books? No really, you can't.  You have to use these special pencils.  Whatever.  For the next twenty minutes or so, I proceeded to color one, yes I said ONE sun flower before throwing the pencil across the room in disgust.  What a way to crush my dreams you adult coloring book maker you, whoever you are.  Those things are as interesting  as looking at a floor plan or an algebra problem. (No offense floor plan makers or algebra teachers) That night I got drunk on wine and watched bad 70s sitcoms instead. The next day, I went to visit my nephew and asked him where his colors and coloring books were.  And for the the next hour or so, I colored Superheroes and Thomas the Train and felt sooo much better. And I used real colors of the Crayola 48 kind.  Take THAT adult coloring books!

Sunday, January 17, 2016

expectations, realizations and other ponderings

i feel antsy.  expectant.  happy.  sad.  excited.  stoic.  and that, my dear bloggies, is how my current state of mind is.  bipolar at it's finest.  oh i'm not really bipolar, so calm down.  but my mind thinks it is.  i  want to laugh one minute and the next i'm crying and then i'm euphoric.  at first, i thought it was my hormones and mother nature's way of reminding me that it was almost time for "the visit".  oh you know the one, that pesky little visitor that only appears to females until we go through that dreaded "change"  in life.  meh,  but i was wrong. it's not my hormones.  i've been this way for months.  losing interest in the very things that used to bring me joy.  i guess it's a result of a combination of things.  the new year, expectations, aspirations, longing for...something.  something more meaningful than what i have now.  make sense? no? i didn't think so.  bear with me.  maybe part of the reason i'm flaking out emotionally is because i turn fifty this year.  and that, dear bloggies, scares the hell out of me.  i am questioning what i have been doing half of my life, i am regretting roads not taken, roads taken, and everything in between.  does everyone go through this when they are about to turn this age?  or is it just me?  yeah, yeah, i hear you.  you're all saying it's just me aren't you? -don't answer that.

but seriously,  i really am a little freaked out about this seemingly monumental turning of age thing.  i remember dreams i had when i was very young and then as i got older, some of those dreams changed, some stayed the same.  and you know what? i am nowhere near any of those dreams.  how sad is that?

but still i feel expectant.  i think i grew content with the way my life had been going thus far.  i accepted things, the safer route, the responsible route, the sensible route.  but i'm not content with that anymore.  so i made a promise to myself on new years eve.  i promised myself that this year i was going to make things happen.  i was going to try with everything that i have, to make things happen.  good, bad, insane or not, this year will be different. how? i don't know.  i just know that it will.

the wheels are set in motion and i will give it my all, to make this year, different than all the rest.

my almost 15 year old niece told me today that i didn't look that old, when i told her my age.  i just laughed.  i remember being 15 and thinking the total opposite as her.  my mom was 35 and to me, that was old.  and yes, i know that age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel.  well, i don't feel old, per se.  but i do feel older.  if that makes sense.

but going back to the beginning of this post,  i feel change in my horizon, i don't know what kind of change but i know it has to be good.  because i want it and because i deserve it.

more to come, stay tuned.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

oops they did it again!

i just don't know what else there is to say about houston sports teams, that i haven't said already said.  today, the houston texans were not only beaten by the kansas city chiefs, they were BEAT DOWN.  final score:  texans 0 - chiefs 30.  ouch.  you would think that after suffering gut-wrenching, painful, heartbreaking loss after gut-wrenching, painful heartbreaking loss, houston sports fans would be immune to feeling any kind of emotion anymore.  and yet, that's not the case.  oh sure there are a lot of disappointed and probably drunk fans in the city tonight, but come tomorrow or a week from now, when it hurts less, there we will all be again, counting down to next season.  as we always do.  but for now, i'm here  pouring my sorrow into this post.  just as i did in october, when my houston astros got their asses handed to them by, wait for it, kansas city.  yeah, them.  again.  bastards.  this was to be our payback day for that loss in october.  but alas, it was not meant to be.  not this year.  or ever it seems.  yeah i'm a little bitter right now.  but it will pass.  like it always does.  oh well, there's always next year right?

i'm still a  fan.  albeit a very disappointed fan.

oh and just so you know, only 92 more days until the astros opening day.  #keep hope alive  
#silver linnings everywhere.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

they just don't get it. and by "they" i mean men

men. bleh. who needs them? oh yeah, we do.  well, we don't need them per se, but we want them, sometimes.  can you tell i'm just a little perturbed?  they say that women are the more dramatic ones in a relationship but i'm not totally convinced that is accurate.  wait, wait, just hear me out.  you see, as women we like to communicate and talk about our feelings and analyze every.single.detail. everyone knows this.  and men tend to clam up and go with the flow, so to speak. most times.  there are the rare occasions when they too, voice their opinions, feelings, emotions, etc.  and that's a great thing.  but why then, do men act like such pansies when we suddenly decide to assert ourselves and tell them exactly what we want, how we feel, etc.  the minute we do, they clam up, they get hurt, they tell us we are dramatic.  oh how many times have i heard that one in my life? not just from a lover but from my brothers or from male friends.  let me tell you what i tell them, sharing my feelings does not make me "dramatic" -if i don't share them with you, how will you know what or how i'm feeling?ugh.  so maybe i'm not making much sense because i'm being frugal with details about my current dilemma, but just know that if you ask a woman "what's wrong?" and don't really want to know, then do us a favor, don't ask.  really. don't patronize us like that.  it's better if you just leave us alone and let us be.  but if you are genuinely concerned and do ask, brace yourselves, it could get ugly.  and while i'm at it, we are not always looking at you to fix whatever is wrong, sometimes, we really do just need a hug or an "i love you, everything will be ok"