Tuesday, April 8, 2014

this and that

the month is eight days old.  how's it  going for you so far?  when last we met, i was excitedly waiting for the start of baseball but more specifically, the astros baseball season.  despite recent losses, i'm still relishing that they were able to beat the ny yankees not once, but twice in the home opening series.  that's enough to make me happy, don't you think?  as far as home openers go, this one did not disappoint.  there was the usual high energy buzz in the air, prior to the start of the game.  heck, well before the doors to the stadium even opened.  the usual staples were ever present again, such as the street festival that takes place within a three block radius, right in front of minute maid park.  fans of all ages listening to live music, getting their faces painted, taking pictures, talking baseball, eating peanuts, cracker jacks and hot dogs, of course. and what's a ballgame or any sporting event really, without a little friendly trash-talking with the opposing team's fans?yankees fans were out in full force but  no worries, it was all done in fun and no one was out of line.  there were a few obnoxious ones inside the stadium but they were outnumbered and quickly grew quiet.  the usual suspects and i were out  donning of course our best astros attire.  we haven't missed an opening day game, since 2003.  tradition is tradition.  the game was an exciting one and the players didn't disappoint.  all in all, it was another opening day filled with excitement, anticipation and thankfully, a "w" in the win column.  i can't wait until next year.

you know what else happened that day?  i ran into "HIM" again.  just like last year, and the year before that, and the year before that.  for those not a follower on the regular, "HIM" has been the subject of many, many, MANY, poems and stories that i have written.  in fact, i wrote a short story in male voice, because of him. he is sprinkled all over this little blog of mine.  so let me tell you the quick version of this little story.  you have time right? back in 2004 i met a boy.  he was charming, he was funny, he seduced my mind (and that's not an easy feat) and he was incredibly sexy.  he was the typical "bad boy"  but in a good way.  he had his group of friends he ran with whom i secretly called "the brat pack".  personally, i thought he was closest to resembling dean martin.-smooth, swag, charming.  anyway, we didn't date but we would see each other.  and i fell head over heels for him.  he did not feel the same way.  however,  we still saw each other throughout the years for other purposes and my feelings grew for him over that time.  it was a sad, pseudo relationship.  he would call when he was available and i would see him.  sad right? i know, i know. one day he just stopped calling.  i knew then, that he had moved on.  it took me a long time to get over him but i did.  he will always be the one that will make me blush and give me warm fuzzies in the pit of my stomach, no matter how many years go by.  he'll always be the one that i will smile (like i am right now) whenever i think about him.  anyway, for the past four years or so, every opening day, i run into him.  he has not a clue. (at least i don't think he does)  it's mind boggling to me because in a stadium filled with thousands of people, i always manage to spot him.  i never approach him or go say hi. i want to but i don't.  i'm always afraid of his reaction.  i mean, i think it would be so awkward.  well last week, we were leaving the stadium and just like that, there he was.  and just like years past, my heart fluttered and my stomach did flip flops.  this time i considered going up and saying hi, but i didn't.  again, i was afraid of his reaction.  which i don't know what i'm really afraid of really.  i mean, what happened between us, happened so long ago and now we're both older and in different places in our lives.  i love him to pieces, he really is a good guy, he just wasn't the guy for me.  i don't think he ever knew just how much he meant to me.  things happen for a reson.  i learned a lot about myself during that time and for that, i'm grateful.  but i think sometimes, men react and think about this so differently than women. am i right?  i realize i've gone off on a huge tangent and most of you are probably wondering what the hell's wrong with me, but it's okay.  y'all should be used to my babbling and ADD swings.  anyway,one of my friend's who is fully aware of the "HIM" story, thinks me always running into him has something to do with serendipity or fate or something like that.  i don't believe that but i do believe that the degrees of separation between he and i are uncanny.  weird isn't it?

alright, i just wanted to share that little anecdote of my life with you.  if you're still reading, thank you.
come back, i'll redeem myself.


Sunday, March 30, 2014

Sangria Sunday

sunday funday is in full effect here in houston.  spring has sprung, as it were.  and we're all the happier for it, believe me.  no more sweaters, turtle necks, jackets, scarves, cute boots.  nope. say hello to shorts, tees, cute sandals and spring dresses.  at least until our bipolar friend aka mother nature, spoils our moment again.

besides the spectacular weather, i'm also giddy with excitement because the countdown to the baseball season and another astros opening day, is but a mere two days away.  longtime followers of my blog will recognize my excitement but for my newest readers, i will tell you that i am a huge baseball fan.  in particular, a huge astros fan.  i have been since i was probably old enough to walk, thanks to my daddy.  no fair weather fan here, that's for sure.  win or lose, suck or not, stadium almost empty or not, i'm still a fan. most people (ok my friends) look at me with this look of "you must be crazy!" or give me a "aww, i'm sorry" look when they see me at the ballpark on opening day. i just ignore them.  poor souls.

it's become a tradition for me and my friend michelle to attend the home opener and partake in the street festival that takes place prior to the game.  so yeah, i'm excited.  i had already scheduled the day off to take care of some other business so the game will be the icing on the cake that day.  all i have left to say is, "play ball!"  

in other news, i've recently decided to clean house, so to speak, with regard to the "dead weights" in my life.
not to sound harsh, but in reality, some of these people are only in my life to take up space and precious air. i don't need negativity or stupidity in my life right now, or ever.   i need stability, support, encouragement and loyalty.  i give the same.  and while i realize no one is ever going to get the same return as what they put out, these certain individuals who were privvy to my life, were only in  it to see what was in it for them.  and that's it. well, no more doormat, no more ms, nice guy.  like a fairy godmother, i've zapped the wand and said "poof be gone!"  and now they are.  and life is good.

well bloggies, it's sunday afternoon, a little too much sangria for me, i will regret this post tomorrow i'm sure. :

hope you're enjoying your day in your little corner of the world.

come back, i'll even be sober. heh. :)

be good.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

i'm baaaack!

testing, testing, is this thing on? can anyone hear me? or better yet, is anyone still here?  i know, i know, i've been a bad blogger and an even worse blog visitor.  i've been neglecting my bloggies and that's just so wrong.  my apologies dear ones.  i have no real excuse other than, i just didn't want to blog.  nothing else.  but i'm back and i promise to visit your play pens just as soon as i can.  pinky swear and all that.

well, we're midway through march.  how's that working out for you so far?  i can tell you how it's not working out for me.  for instance, i have not won the lotto.  i have not lost 20lbs like i am supposed to. -though, that one may still happen.  i still have seven days to go. heh.  oh and i have not met anyone of the male persuasion that i may be even remotely interested in dating.  wait that's not entirely true.  i did meet someone that i would love or would have loved to get to know.  but alas, he is married.  so i moved him to the friend zone stat.  and there he will remain, until death do them part.

other than that, i have just been working like a crazed person.  and stressed like i imagine president obama to be every day.  i wonder if he has knots at the back of his neck like i do.  but relax, i've started or will start (heh) a new workout regimine that hopefully, will take care of the knots in my neck.  i just have to keep reminding myself to take it easy breezy and not sweat the small stuff.  easier said than done yeah?  but i have to because if not, i will lose my mind. what's left of it.

so anyway, what's going on over here?  i know that one of my wonderful and beautiful fellow bloggers and author got married last week. on st. patrick's day actually.  good for her.  she is not only talented and a gifted writer, but absolutely gorgeous to boot.  congratulation again jennifer!
we have yet to meet.  hopefully before the end of the year, something will happen.

anyone else get married? spill it.

well it's almost the bewitching hour.  do me a favor, come back.

new week.  make it a great one!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Moving forward, catching up

Happy 1st  day of March everyone. Whew. So glad to see February go.  It was a month filled with so much sadness and grief that I don't think my emotional state could have handled much more.  As most of you know, the month began with the death of my beloved grandmother, followed by the diagnosis of cancer for a friend of mine, and her subsequent and very sudden death, three weeks later.  That coupled with the emotional roller coaster of a relationship I have had with my, with the manfriend that is also dealing with his cancer, well, it just all took a toll on me and I kind of had to just, check out for a while.  But you know me, I can't stay away too long.  I'm back, still broken and hurting but ready to keep moving forward.  Life keeps going, no matter what happens.  It keeps going and I plan to move along with it.

Today is also the day I start counting down to the Astros Opening Day.  Those that have followed and read my blog throughout the years, know that I am a huge baseball fan.  Particularly, a huge Astros fan.  And Opening Day is a pretty big deal to me.  Yeah I know they are in last place, yeah I am heckled by friend and foe alike because I am still a fan and yeah, I get discouraged after every loss, but you know what? I'm optomistic this upcoming season and I'm still cheering for them.  Win or lose.  -Mostly lose. ha!  Anyway, for the past oh, eight years or so, my friends and I have made it a tradition to go to the home opener.  We either take the day off or work half a day and enjoy the street festivities, have lunch somewhere nearby, and then finally go into the ballpark to watch the game. So there you go, the countdown begins NOW.

Talk to me bloggies, what's been going on in your corner of the world? Was February good to you? Do tell...

Here's to a happier, healthier and groovier month of March, for all of us.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

To My Valentine -Wherever He May Be

You are somewhere in this world
lost and lonely.

I don't know who you are yet

I can't see your face
But I know your heart
and it belongs to me
Just as mine,
belongs to you

You yearn for a woman to help

bring out the best in you,
to laugh with you,
cry with you,
grow with you

You search and search

through dates, relationships and insignificant encounters

Time is not important

Who can  put time restraints on matters of the heart?

And so I wait,

for you,
my love.

As has become customary for me, I am re-posting this poem I wrote a couple of years ago.  Every Valentine's Day since then, I post it.  Hey, you never know, he just might read it one day! :)

Happy Valentine's Day bloggies! Wishing you love and kisses and flowers and sweet nothings.  And chocolate.  Lots of chocolate, of course.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

love hurts

sometimes, i cry out loud
the pain is so intense 

no matter what i do
no matter how much 
i try, it's never enough

you are exhausting
you drain my emotions
i am left spent

you take 
and you take
and leave me empty

loving you is easy
it's what happens after 
that causes my angst

you are oblivious 
clueless of the consequences
that your selfishness causes

your words 
your actions
your indifference
cut deeper
than any knife ever could

and yet 
i love you
all of you

how much longer?

Monday, February 3, 2014

Circle of Life - It's Inevitable

My 91 year old year old grandmother passed away earlier this afternoon. (It's technically already Monday, but she passed away on Sunday) Suddenly, everything else happening in the world, really didn't seem as important anymore.  My grandma was an amazing woman.  She lived a long and fruitful life. She came to the United States from Nicaragua when she was very young.  Not long after, she met and married my grandfather and they raised 5 children.  One of them, my dad.  My grandma was a spitfire.  She was always laughing and loved to dance and sing.  She sang loud and proud and didn't care who heard her or who didn't want to hear her.  She sang.  She also loved wearing flowers in her hair, or tucked behind her ear.  It didn't matter the season, or the occasion, if she saw a flower, it was highly likely that she was going gt wear it. She also loved wearing bright red lipstick.  I think I inherited that trait.  She also never met a stranger and was the life of the party. Always.  She loved me.  I was her first grandchild, how could she not? Although her death was not unexpected, as she had been in a hospice for over a month now, it still jolted all of us.  My dad is taking it the hardest.  I'm mostly worried about him.  She was his everything.  He was a mama's boy.  Even now, at his 74 years of age.  I am very sad, but I haven't cried.  At Sunday mass this evening, as I was praying for her soul, I started to cry but made myself stop, because if I didn't, the dam would break and I wouldn't be able to control them.  I haven't shed a tear since.

Not really the way I was going to spend my Sunday.  But then, since when does life let you plan anything?

Heaven gained another angel today.  La quiero mucho abuelita, que en paz descanse.

Maria Mercado aka "Abue" short for Abuela