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Sunday, December 4, 2016

some kind of mood

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  This time of year does that to me.  Makes me melancholy, question my existence, where my life is at this point and where it's going.  Roads not taken.  Heavy stuff no?  But it's not like I'm depressed.  I'm not.  I'm emotional, I am going through a lot of things in my life right now.  Some good, some not so good.  The only way I know how to deal with my emotions when I get this way is to write.  It may not make one lick of sense to those that read it, or it may even sound trite, corny, or read like a bad Lifetime movie.  And that's fine if you think that.  As long as it makes sense to me and helps me get my mind clear, it's all good.  So I leave you with ramblings and bad attempt of poetry from a hopeless yet hopeful romantic in a semi wine induced state.

Till next time bloggies.

-peace.

if only
we had met
in another time
under normal circumstances
without obstacles
or dead-ends
and our love could roam free
not held captive
bound by fear of letting go
if only.
_____________________

i need to leap
no holding back
just jump
take that chance
close that door
and move on

in print it seems doable
unspoken, it becomes reality
tangible

but then there is my heart
that even with nudges
it still won't let me go

the grip you have over me
my soul
is stronger than
my will
_______________________

it is because i love you
that i must leave you
for as much as my heart breaks
my conscience
my spirit
and my soul
must be at peace.
good bye my love.
_________________________

strength where are you now?
i need you more than ever
people tell me that i am strong
and that i can handle anything
but i'm not
i am weak
and scared
i need your guts to do this
push me to that leap i must take
it's for my own good
___________________________

where is that girl? the one i know.
the one that laughs and giggles
and dreams.
where is she?
did she fall asleep?
life keeps passing her by
day in
day out
it keeps moving
the world around her waits for no one
where is that girl?
full of aspirations
ready to quench her thirst to live?
did she get lost?
spirit find her
so she can resume the dream












Saturday, November 12, 2016

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly or? November 8, 2016

It has taken me a minute to try and digest what happened on November 8, 2016.  My mind is still spinning with thoughts of "I'm having a bad dream"  and "This is a joke, right?"  But alas, it was not a bad dream and it was not a joke.  It was real.  Is real.  For the next four years our next president of the United States will be A.REALITY.SHOW.STAR., a successful business man if you will, but
A.REALITY.SHOW.STAR nevertheless.  And I still don't get it.  Why would half of the country want a man like him to lead our country? Why? 

The day after the debacle election, everything seemed surreal.   The weather matched the mood of the majority of the people I encountered as I went about my normal yet, not normal work day; Cloudy, grey, sad. 

I work for the city government and normally, politics, affiliations and the like, are frowned upon in our office.  But that day, Wednesday, November 9, 2016, no one really gave a crap about being politically correct.  Everyone was walking around like zombies, heads down, each lost in their own thoughts.  Small groups of people gathered around the break room, hallways, or even on the streets, having discussions about what had just happened the night before. 

I myself, am still mourning.  I am still licking my wounds.  I don't know that I will "get over it" anytime soon, as some of my friends/colleagues and good ol' Facebook has suggested. I mean, I get it.  She lost.  Our party lost.  Dreams and hopes were shattered that night.  Let us have whatever time is needed to bounce back.  To take a breath and say, "Ok, so this is our reality (heh, pun totally intended)" 

What I am most upset about is that this entire election has brought out the ugliest of the ugliest in people.  Hate, shaming, name calling, insulting, racism, vandalism...What the fuck America?  Seriously.  What the fuck?  This is what I don't understand and probably never will either.  How can anyone want an individual that is so full of crap and bullies his way to get what he wants and has no regard for consequences at all,  how can you want him in office?  This is what baffles me.  But the people have spoken.  Half of them anyway.  And that is who they wanted.  And so now, the other half needs to swallow that bitter, bitter, pill and accept it.  I get it.  We're pissed. We're despondent.  Indignant at our current situation.  But guess what?  This is what democracy is all about.  There was an election and one candidate won and the other lost.  That is how this works.  Forget all that starting riots and burning our flag noise.  Just stop.  Accept what happened.  I am not fan of the Orange man, believe me. But it is what it is. 

I shudder to think what we would have done if we didn't have Social media.  How would people know how distraught or euphoric we were?  How indeed.  But come on, it's over.  Go unhide those people you had to hide, go friend whoever you unfriended due to heat of the moment tempers.  I promise it will be ok.

I am a proud, American.  I love this country and will for the rest of my life.  The president-elect does not define me. 

So friends, start loving more, being kinder and respectful of each other. Our country is a melting pot of individuals from all over the world.  Isn't that amazing?  I think it is.  Sure, we're a little unsettled right now because of this most weirdest election I've seen in my lifetime, but we'll bounce back.  We always do.  Do your part to steer back in the right direction.

As President Obama said a few days ago, "No matter what happens, the sun will rise tomorrow"  And it will.  And it did. 

Now go out and kiss your lover, your kids, laugh, hug, count down to Spring training or dance your ass off.  Just go do it.  Go live. 

-Peace.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

I'm Fifty Y'all!

In a little over an hour I will turn fifty years old.  FIFTY.YEARS.OLD.  Let that sink in will you?  I always thought that turning this age meant that I was a senior citizen, that I would look like what grandmothers used to look like back when I was a little girl.  But I keep looking in the mirror and I don't see the grandma looking back at me or the senior citizen.  I see wrinkles for sure and flabby skin that shouldn't be there (Work in progress.  Am I right ladies?)  But no, no old lady here.  Sometimes I feel old, my knees ache, my back hurts, arthritis kicks in, I need reading glasses -the usual you know?  But my spirit?  Hell my spirit is ageless.  It's currently about twenty-five.  As a matter of fact, I threw the most awesome, insanely sexy and paparazzi worthy birthday party ever on Friday night.  I wore the sexy dress, high heels, and drank champagne as if it was water.  I have not partied like that in years.  It was outrageously fun and exciting and fabulous.

I didn't get to bed until 5:00 a.m. and was up by 9:00 to meet friends for breakfast.  I may or may not have still been drunk.  That's still under review.  Yeah right.  We all know I was still under the influence.  But I went and I ate and I was happy to be in the company of good friends and family. 

As my birthday draws nearer,  I find myself. doing a lot of soul searching and reflection about my life thus far.  I've been very blessed, I am very blessed to have an incredible family who supports me and loves me unconditionally and in spite of my sometimes bad choices I've made in my life.  Without them, I would be lost.  Still, I have a few regrets on where my life is at this point.  There were a few things I regret letting go, things I should have accomplished already.  Among them is that horrific Scarlet Letter if you will, that I seem to be carrying on my forehead.  You know the  "S'" for single and "NC" for No Children.  My family all but gave up on me.  Some of my extended family is still hopeful and continuously try to set me up.  But as I tell them over and over and OVER again, I'm really ok being single.  Really.  I mean, sure I would love to have a special guy in my life, sure I have always wanted to be married and I used to want children.  But things don't always work out the way we picture them to work out in our minds.  And maybe I will eventually meet my "Mr. Big"  No I'm not referencing a male genitalia, get your mind out of the gutter.   I'm referencing Carrie Bradshaw's Prince Charming.  If you don't get the reference, look it up.  I'm not giving up on love, my love.  I'm a romantic through and through but I am not wallowing either.  I've got new adventures to experience. I am still alive, I'm still here and life is wonderful.  This life of mine is anything but perfect.  But I love it and I cherish every heartache, every failure, every success, every love I have encountered.  I would not be the woman I am today, were it not for these things.

If there is one thing I have learned in these almost 50 years, it is that we are here on this planet we call Earth, for such a short time.  So I choose to make the best of what I have and change what I don't like about it.  I've only just scratched the surface.  There is more, so much more that this girl is going to do with her life so watch out.  It's only the beginning.

Good bye forties.  I love you and I thank you for life's lessons.  Bring it 50!

Saturday, September 10, 2016

In Rememberance...




I can still remember the exact moment that I heard an airplane had "crashed into a building".  It was a regular morning for me.  I was driving to work listening to what was at the time, a really funny radio program.  It's funny what we remember whenever a tragic event occurs.  I remember that it was a particular beautiful and sunny day in Houston.  You could tell that fall was coming with the light  crispy air.  I was one block from my office building when the on air personality said something that didn't sound right to me.  He said something along the lines of "This just in from the AP wire, it seems a plane has crashed into a skyscraper in New York"  he paused and then said, "Oh my god!" and then cut away to a commercial.  I wondered what had happened and continued on my way to the office.  I remember walking in to the office and found a few of my coworkers huddled together watching the small black and white tv we kept in the kitchen.  I guess they had brought it down here.  And there, I watched as the second plane hit the other tower.  I stood there in disbelief and to be honest, it took a moment or two for my brain to register what exactly had happened.  Some of my coworkers started crying.  I just asking what the hell had just happened.  You see, I still hoped this was some horrible, horrible prank.  Only it wasn't.

We remained glued to the tv, as other employees came in to watch with us.  When the towers fell, I cried.  There were people in those buildings.  Innocent lives.  I felt sick to my stomach.  The managing partner of the firm told us we could go home if we wanted to.  I stuck around for a few hours but then left.  I was useless at work.  And back then, there was not that "instant" social media capacity.  So there was no Facebook to post to.  No Instagram.  No Twitter to tweet.  We relied on the telephone -the landline kind.  And of course, our television and radio.

Driving home that mid morning was surreal.  I worked downtown where the streets were always filled with people bustling to their destination and traffic galore, sounds of machinery from construction often heard.  But as I drove away, downtown was eerily quiet and empty.  As I drove past Memorial Park -which is lined along the streets leading up to 610 highway, I noticed how there was no one running or walking.  That was unheard of in these parts.  But that day, there was no one.  Another thing I noticed was there were no birds flying overhead.  Normally, they were chirping away and you could see them flying freely like always.  But not that day.  I don't know if that had anything do with what happened but I just found it odd.

When I finally got home I sat in front of the tv for hours.  Watching what had unfolded early that morning  And you know, even after I saw people jumping from the buildings, even then I hoped they could be saved.  Even then...

Fifteen years ago, America as we knew it, died.   And I find it oh so ironic that here we are fifteen years later, and we're as lost as can be.  And that makes me so sad. 

I often think of the children that lost their mother or father or grandparents or siblings that day.  Or of the children that never got to meet them.  I think of all of those  firefighters and first responders that perished while trying to save lives.  Such a waste of life.  Horrible that it was cut short.  And the spouses that were left behind, the parents...so many brave men and women lost, because of cowardly acts from the monsters that drew blood from our beloved country.

On this fifteenth anniversary that tomorrow will bring, I will take a moment, pray for the lives lost, the loved ones left behind and the loved ones that never met their parents.  And I will pray for our country.  Broken as we are, we are still the United States and I am proud to be an American.

God bless us all..








Wednesday, September 7, 2016

How to Suck Correctly -there.is.a.class!

You just never know what going to lunch with coworkers will teach you I tell ya!  It was a particularly slow day at the office and the sun was shinning, "Wanna go to lunch?" was music to my ears and so I excitedly said yes.  Any excuse to get me out of the office was always a good thing -for me anyway.  So there we went, my two co-workers and I to decompress from the mundane "back  to work, feels like Monday but it's not, blues"  That's what I hate about being off on a Monday, coming back to work is a bitch.  But I digress.  We went to a local spot that served the BEST burgers in the world! Ok, ok, maybe not in the "world" but certainly in the area of town we were in.  Heh.  Once settled in, we began our non-chalant gab fest.  "How was your holiday weekend?"  "What'd you do?"  "Did you go shopping yesterday with all the other crazy people?"  You know, questions like that.   Anyway, somehow or another, I can't remember exactly why we started talking about this but we did.  Talk went from molding teeth to molding penises. (is that even plural???) and then went to classes for learning how to give blow jobs -the right way.  Um, I promise you if you ask any male friend of mine, they will tell you that any way is the right way.  Fellas amiright?  My co-worker, we'll call her Lucy, proceeded to enrich our intellect by revealing to us that there is indeed a need in this world to learn how to give head, suck cock, eh you know what I mean.  Sally, my other coworker and I literally had our mouths open as Lucy told us that she had taken such a class once. It was held in a regular classroom at a local community college.  I interrupted her story to ask if there were credits earned towards a degree.  She scoffed at me but I was serious.  Lucy is very animated when she speaks, she uses her hands a lot and her eyes.  She told us that it was a class full of women and one man. Yes.  A. Man. You see, her teacher taught an equal opportunity class.  Alright I'll get on with it, I know you are at the edge of your chair/bed/floor.  So the class was held once a week for 30 minutes for 4 weeks.  Her first day she said, was a bit awkward.  There was a lot of giggling and blushing and avoiding eyes amongst the masses.  The teacher was gifted I suppose in the art of um, giving blow jobs.  Imagine interviewing for that position er, job.  There were no text books just visual aids (think cocks in all sizes from small, medium, large to extra large to extra-extra large) Now, you were required to take your own "aide" to practice on and of course the visual aides for that that teacher brought in were just for show.  No touching, I mean sucking.   Lucy's take on this whole class was rather comical.  She said that on the first day besides getting acquainted with each other and the visuals, they also got to speak aloud if they wanted to, about why they felt they needed a class in the first place.  Now some of the answers were predictable "Because I wanna please my man" and yet other answers were more insightful "I want to learn to enjoy it so my partner will enjoy it"  -Pretty sure your partner is enjoying it -just saying!  Tips to giving a good blow job consisted of "jawsersizing" get it? instead of exercising?  Just making sure you understand.  Ok, so opening and closing your jaw on the daily was one tip, another one was to treat the cock as if it were a real person.  Uh, yeah that's what Lucy said.  Well, that's what the teach said.  Like a real person.  As opposed to a fake person? Or a fake thing?  The teacher meant that we ladies had to get comfortable with the penis person because that would help us to relax and enjoy it.  She gave homework.  Lucy told of having to suck on lollipops of various sizes.  Sucking the lollipop. .licking it, kissing it.  Seriously.  That's what she said. Oh and as your sizes in lollipops went up your jaws were getting their sersize.  Then came the licking.  According to the teacher, there is an art to licking.  Now that, I agree with.  And that's all I'm saying about that.  Moving on.  The class was told to learn to be comfortable with who they were and that if they mastered the art of giving a good blow job, the world was their oyster. Ok so maybe she didn't say the last part.  You know I'm dramatic.  It's funny how quickly an hour goes by when you're having so much fun.  We ended our lunch laughing hysterically and blushing no doubt.  Well, at least me. I blush at everything.  And yes more was said at that table that had us acting like hormonal teenagers but some things are better left unsaid and to the imagination.   I'm not all too sure that taking such a class is necessary.  I mean, in the kitchen alone there are tons of "aides" you can use or?  Be old fashioned and use the real thing.  After all, practice makes perfect.

This was fun.  Missed you bloggies (those that are still around)  

Peace.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

darkness to light

my heart is heavy tonight.  as i type away, i still can't believe what's happened.  a very dear friend whom i love to pieces, tragically lost his 21 year old son tonight.  he was shot during some sort of altercation outside their home and sadly, died.  i think my friend is still in shock and is just going through the motions. the police, the media, investigators, all have descended on their home.  he has to tend to his grieving wife and sons, all the while, trying to keep his composure.  when the adrenaline wears off later tonight and he comes down, he will be a basket case.

let me tell you a little about my friend's son.  he was the oldest of three boys.  his name was ruben.  he was twenty-one years old.  a good kid who sometimes led a turbulent and troubled life.  he was trying to find himself, make his mark in this world.  he loved to skateboard and was quite good at it according to his dad.  he was also creative, an artist.  he loved music.  it was there, when he was composing or performing that he was in his element.  he aspired to make it in music professionally.  he was a good kid.  and now he's gone.  

i never met him.  not in person anyway.  just via pictures and i grew to know about him through his father's stories.  i feel terribly helpless because i want to do something, anything to ease the pain.  i can say "i'm so sorry" to him a thousand times, it still won't take away the sorrow and it won't bring back his son.  and so, i do what i always do in times of sadness and despair...i come here to my faithful friend, my blog.  

during difficult times my faith is what sustains me, gives me solace.  without it i would be lost.  and so i pray that my friend and his family turn to their faith and hold on for dear life.  i pray that their grief lessens with time and that they are able to resume to some sense of normalcy.  i pray for smiles and laughter and a lighter heart.  it won't happen today, or tomorrow, or maybe even a month from now, but it will, happen.  because when all is said and done, life goes on.  my grandmother used to say, "dale tiempo al tiempo" -meaning, give time, time.  

life is so short.  embrace it.  live it.  love it.  cherish it.

-peace.


Monday, April 18, 2016

Rainy Days and Mondays...

Greetings and salutations bloggies!  It's been awhile.  Hope all is well in everyone's little corner of the world. As for me, things are good.  Well, as good as they can be after enduring Mother Nature's havoc.  What I want to know is, "Who pissed her off?"  My fair city has been under water pretty much the entire day.  It started last night.  A band of heavy rains moved in and brought along their friends, fierce winds and jolting lightening.  It's not been a good day for thousands of people.  Many were caught in the rain and their cars quickly submerged in water, many, many others were stranded in their own homes as the water rose out of the banks and spilled onto the roads, neighborhoods and the like.  Still others have water in their homes.  My family and I are very blessed and fortunate.  We have power, our homes and vehicles are dry and seemingly safe -for now.  The weather is calling for more rain overnight.  But still, we are so very fortunate that have not suffered any damage/water/loss. My heart goes out to the those that have.

Here are a few images of today's craziness.



And that, dear bloggies, is all I have for you tonight.

Be good.