Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Hugs Wanted -Apply Within

I'm sad tonight.  Very sad.  Things are just spiraling out of control in my world.  If you don't continue reading, I'll understand.  If you stick around until the end, you totally rock!  Where to begin?

Thanksgiving 2013.  Family time, bonding, laughing, eating.  Fun was had by all.  We're all about tradition at our house during the holidays, so we try really hard to keep the traditions going every year.  Sometimes, not everyone participates and that's ok.  Commitments, in-laws and other pressing matters take precedence.  So those times, while not as rowdy, still tons of fun.  I have so much to be thankful for.  So much.  And trust me when I say that I am.  I hope your holiday was also a great one.

Dementia and Nursing Homes
Over the Thanksgiving break my siblings and I took time to visit our only living grandmother.  She's in a nursing home.  Suffers from dementia. She's 91 years old.  I had not seen her in a couple of months.  I know, I know, bad granddaughter.  So I was not really prepared to see what I saw.  She was sitting up in her bed, propped up by pillows.  At first glance, she seems almost normal, like my abuelita (grandmother) that I know.  But when I walk in and get closer, I realize she is not really there.  Her body is,  but her mind is elsewhere. Plus, she shrank.  My abuelita was once 5'8, she towered over us as kids.  But now, she's tiny and almost shriveled.  She looked so fragile.  It saddened me.  She was not in a good mood either.  Fighting with the nurses and not wanting to eat.  She didn't recognize any of us.  My brothers couldn't take it for very long.  They left after only a few minutes.  My sister and I stayed with her and talked to her and fed  her.  -or tried to anyway.  We knew she couldn't comprehend what was going on around her, but we spoke to her anyway and we kissed her -when she'd let us. The whole visit was surreal to me.  I hate that she doesn't remember anyone or that she talks to herself and her memories.  I hate that my father and my aunts and uncle, watch her slowly deteriorate.  I ache for them.  My dad especially. He is/was her favorite.  It's so difficult to watch him suffer.  The day after our visit, we were told that my abuelita had been admitted to a hospice over night.  Needless to say, we've been beside ourselves ever since.

Death, Cancer and Friends
Sunday, the day I learned about my grandmother, I was also informed that a very dear friend of mine, lost his father.  He died of a massive heart attack.  I had not spoken to him (my friend) in a couple of years, but upon learning of the sad news, I called him.  It felt good to hear his voice.  He was taking it very hard.  Could barely utter a few sentences.  The viewing/rosary was tonight. I saw him, my friend, surrounded by his mom and his sisters and the rest of his family.  Upon seeing me, he opened his arms and I fell into his embrace.  And we wept and hugged each other.  And when we broke free, he smiled and thanked me for attending.  One of the things that resonated with me tonight, was that no matter the distance or the years, tragedies and celebrations always bring family and friends together again.  I saw a lot of familiar faces and we caught up on  each others' lives.  It was good and it was bad and it was humbling and sad.

Not to be outdone by a funeral (I know I know, I have a morbid sense of humor sometimes), last night I was told by someone that used to have my heart, that he has cancer.  Sigh.  I mean, I'm talking Lifetime Movie material here, guys!  That news, brought me to my knees.  You see, no matter how it played out with us, I adore him, always will.  And it pains me to know that this horrible bitch of a disease, has taken hold of his body.  His prognosis is actually good.  They caught it in time and it's treatable.  So that's a silver lining right?  Right.

The Houston Texans
Meh.  You thought I wasn't going to mention them didn't you?  All I have to say is, only a few more games until this nightmare of a season is over  Thank.the.lord.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still a fan, always will be.  But like Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer belted out "Enough is Enough"

Annnnnd, I'm done.  Still here?

New month.  New week.  New possibilities.

Do me a favor, have a great week.

peace.

9 comments:

David Batista said...

HUGS!!!

So sorry to hear about the pile up of bad news in your life, my friend. It sucks, all of it! Seeing parents and grandparents grow old and diminish is one of the worst things a child can witness. It's so heartbreaking. I completely understand your brothers' reactions. That's what I feel like doing sometimes, but I stick it out since there aren't many of us in my family and every little bit counts.

Hang in there! Keep being thankful for what you're thankful for in life. And, yeah, let's both hope 2014 is a much better year. Because this 2013 was pretty crappy!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Gee, when it rains- it pours!
How about you pour yourself a nice glass of wine, accept hugs and hope for a better time to come and just relax? You deserve it!

Robin said...

I am sorry that you are getting knocked around by life. It is hard to watch illness.

We can know that no one lives forever, but the reality is still difficult.

Hang in there. ((Hugs))

Bouncin Barb said...

Wow...you sure know how to make my eyes water! I'm so sorry about your grandmother. Sending prayers and hugs for you and your family. Sending healing energies to your former love as well.

Yvonne said...

All- thank you very much for your words. They mean a lot to me. I'm not doing well emotionally. This is too hard for me to deal with. So I'm going lay low for awhile. Thanks again for your support. Be good. Remeber, Santa's watching.

Don said...

HUGS for you, Yvonne. I can empathize with you on one count because my brother's wife in San Antonio has Alzheimer's and my brother is suffering from having to deal with it. It's taking its toll on his health as well as hers. It causes me great worry because I can't help either of them.

Zelda said...

It always seems to pile on and yet we manage to stumble on . . .

Zelda said...

It always seems to pile on and yet we manage to stumble on . . .

Yvonne said...

Zelda- yes, indeed we do. It's all we can do, really.