Saturday, April 20, 2013

Sharing Is Caring

The other night I was with a group of friends, catching up, relaxing over a bottle glass of wine, (oh who am I kidding? you guys knows it was a bottle) when the topic of discussion turned to swinging and by swinging, I don't mean the swing-sets at the park.  No boys and girls, what I'm referring to are couples who swap with other couples/partners for physical encounters.  Now, the group I was having this discussion with all happen to be single and not into this lifestyle I'm writing about.  (No really, it's true, they told me) But we have mutual acquaintances who are into this type of er, "arrangement".  The whole reason this was even brought up was because one of those acquaintances was having a get together that night and none of us were invited.  We learned later it was because it was going to be one of "those" parties.  The kind that only couples are invited to, the kind that anything goes, clearly, not a party for a single gal or guy to attend uncoupled.  Get it?  So we started going back and forth about why they do it (in general) and what the thrill is.  Some of the guys gave the typical "guy" response, "That's like getting a free pass to have sex with someone other than your girlfriend/wife/lover!"  Yeah, yeah, I guess that could be exciting for you fellas.  But what's the draw for women?  The same thing?  A free pass to have sex with other men who are not theirs?  Why?  Now, I'm not a prude by any means. And hey, I'm the first to say, do what makes you happy or feel good.  But I just feel like in doing so, partaking in the "swapping" business, you diminish your relationship with your significant other.  Some things should just remain a fantasy.  At least, that's my opinion.  Some of the people I was with last night, said that maybe it helps to spice up their relationship or maybe it's a one time thing, you know, like when they guy or girl says, "oh please baby, do it for me, just this once..."  I dunno.  It's just not my thing.  I dated a guy that wanted me to have a threesome with him.  He all but begged me to make it happen, but I didn't.  I don't like to share my men. Heh.  So I declined and  soon after, we stopped seeing each other.  Someone said that there has to be a level of trust between the couple before they go out and mingle or is it co-mingle? (haha get it? just a little legal humor) and that that level of  trust in each other, is what makes the relationship stronger, thus allowing for this type of behavior.  And another of the guys chimed in and said he would be cool with doing that as long as it was his girlfriend and another girl, not another guy that they swapped with.  I've known couples who live the "alternative/open relationship/marriage" and are very happy that way.  Or appear to be anyway. They live as a couple, but go out with other people, and/or swap partners.  Like I said, that's cool and all but I just can't wrap the idea around my head.  Why commit to relationship if you are not going to be faithful?  What is so lacking in your life that you feel the need to fill the void with well, with that?   What do you think?  I mean, clue a sister in, would you please?

We tabled the discussion because we were getting nowhere and also because we are not a quiet group and the people around us kept staring at us -meh, they were probably wishing they were at our table instead of  theirs.

What say you?


Don said...

I've heard that "swinging", like the pendulum on a grandfather clock, can go 2 ways. It can enhance the relationship a couple have, or it can destroy it eventually when the thrill wears off and realism sets in. I guess it just depends on the mindset of the couple and their penchant for being adventurous.

3-somes or more-somes are different. They are more like a decadent orgy. I know, because I've been there and done that.

Xiomara | Equis Place said...

Apparently, 80% of swingers are happy. But it's definitely not my cup of tea.

Xiomara | Equis Place said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kelli Hale said...

I have often wondered about this myself. I am in the same camp as you. Why not just be single and mingle if that's what you'd like to do? I don't understand the concept, and it is definitely not for me.

I also happen to know a couple who is in an open relationship. They both say they're fine with it and that it's okay, and yet they are both incredibly insecure. I know this because they are both attracted to me and keep calling/emailing/asking me if the other is seeing me on the side. I'm NOT seeing either of them, because I'm very happy in my traditional marriage, but for some reason they are both worried that I will steal one from the other. It's a huge mess that could be solved with a change in lifestyle, but for some reason that alludes them.

I guess that's really been my only experience with it though, so maybe I'm not the one to pass judgement?

Robin said...

Lisa Ling has this show called My America on the OWN Network that explores all sorts of strange cultural diversity in America. I don't watch it often, because that sort of thing is not MY thing. However, I did catch part of the episode on exactly what you are talking about: swinging. Yep, there was an entire episode exploring swinging. And the stats seem to line up to what your previous commenter stated: probably 80% of people are VERY HAPPY with this arrangement who participate.

I wouldn't like it one bit. You'd end up sleeping with (eventually) every person in the group. Blech. And you can't tell me that you'd be attracted to every person in the group. You wouldn't be. That would be torturous. And you might be overly attracted to someone you shouldn't. That would be torturous. I think it is a recipe for disaster. However, for these people, they say it is strictly about sex. Ergo, only a certain type of individual could participate in this sort of behavior.

You and I are not that type.

Yvonne said...

Don-Yes agreed, it will either enhance the relationship, albeit temporarily or it will destroy it.

Xiomara- Thank you for visiting my blog! It's not my cup of tea either. And are they truly happy? I think no. I think they believe themselves to be, but it's probably not the case.

Kelli- Wow! Really? They both hit on you??? Ha! Crazy! I don't pass judgment, I just don't get it is all.

Robin- I've watched that show before. Sometimes it's too much for me to watch all the way through. I believe the same as you, and wondered what would happen if one person falls for someone ins the process and all that that would entail. Ugh, too problematic for me. said...

My response is "YUCK!" But if two gorgeous men asked me to be part of a threesome, I'd be tempted...before sadly declining.


Belle said...

My first husband wanted to do that and one boyfriend after we divorced. I feel that if a man is willing to share you with another man then he doesn't really love you.

A family member of mine was into it and they are now divorced as are their best friends. She told me later she just did it because her husband wanted to. I think it rips people apart eventually.

Uterine said...

Great Blog !!


Yvonne said...

Robyn- ha!

Belle- I agree, I believe it drives the couple apart, not together. Sadly a lot of women give in to their partners' pleading, because they love them and they want to please them. I think it's so wrong to be manipulated like that.