Bra on! - Bra off!

We all remember the cheesy '80's movie, "Karate Kid" right? And of course we rememeber, "Wax on, Wax off!" right? Of course we do! So as I was sitting in traffic hell this evening. I got a terrible itch on the side of one of my breasts. Very annoying! I scratched but the itch just wouldn't go away. Ugh, frustration! "I can't wait to get home and yank this thing off!" I thought to myself. Had I not been surrounded by 18-wheelers I would have unsnapped the strap and just flung it in my backseat! Seriously. I don't think men realize how very uncomfortable wearing a bra can be. Think about it, they (the breasts) are confined all day. Sometimes the underwire will dig into your skin. Or other times, the stupid straps, no matter how much you tighten them, just fall on your arm! And you're left to keep picking it up every few minutes! They need air, room to breathe and feel free! At least mine do! And not to brag or anything but I'm not "small" in that area. And since I can't get away with not wearing a bra (are you kidding? I'd be arrested for indecent exposure!)I count the minutes until I can get home and release the girls. -The Girls. Who thought of that? I don't like to call them that, and I don't name them either. They're breasts. That's it.

Ladies? Are you with me on this?

So yeah, this is what I was thinking about on my drive home.

Thanks Mr. Miyagi!

Oops! I'm Married, I Forgot!

One night last week I went out with a group of friends. We went bar hopping. It was at one of these bars that Natalia, a motorcyle afficionada, sees a group of "bikers" ride in and park their bikes out in front. No sooner had one of the bikers taken off his helmet, than Natalia smiled and blurted out to no one in particular, "I wanna go for a ride!" Now mind you, her husband was standing beside her, and our friends (myself included) were there too! We follow her outside and the next I know, she's on the bike and asking Roberto to take her picture. Two of my other friends are soon posing on the bikes as well. I am absolutely, deathly afraid of getting on a motorcyle much less riding one! (Long story short, I fell off of one while riding and am forever traumatized) Well, what happens next is still not clear. All I know is that I went inside to get a drink and when I returned outside, the girls and the bikers were gone. As in, G-O-N-E! So I turned to Roberto and ask him where they went. He said they wanted to go for ride around the block. Whatever. I sipped on my drink, returned inside and chatted with the bunch at our table. After an hour of dancing my ass off I inquired the wherabouts of my girls! Um, they were still gone. Now at this point, I can see that Roberto and the rest of the guys are upset. I tried calling them on their cell phones but of course, all purses and cell phones were left at our table. I started to worry. Just when we were about to call the police, we heard a loud "vrrooom, vrroom come from the street. The girls were back. They were excited and had massive "wind-blown" hair, but they were just fine. So, here's what I want to know from you. Forget that they were gone for over an hour with total strangers. What I want to know is if Natalia's husband should have said "No" when she said she wanted to go for a ride. Keep in mind that no one knew them (the bikers). Was Natalia being disrespectful to her husband? Should her husband have put his foot down and refused to let her go? Ok so nothing bad happened to them. But what if it had? One of the girls that went on the bike ride said "Life is short and you have to live in the moment!" I'm all for that, however, does that entail living dangerously? I've done some pretty crazy things in my life, and some I'm not proud of at all, I get the part of "letting loose", I do. I just don't get the part about being wreckless and selfish. Natalia and Roberto left as soon as she got off the bike. So, maybe they had it out or maybe they didn't. I'm just curious as to what you have to say. I've had several conversations with the girls that went on the ride with Natalia. Those girls are single and argue to me that they had a good vibe from the bikers so that's why they went. My argument to them is that a good vibe can sometimes just be an upset stomach or something lame like that! The "good vibe" argument is moot with me.

What do you think?

Empty Sex

In one of my last posts I told you I went to see "Love and Other Drugs"
on Friday night. Well, during one of the scenes in the movie, one of the characters is excited because he's just had "empty sex" for the first time ever and feels great about it. Meaning, no guilt, no remorse, he just feels downright giddy about the whole thing! Which got me to thinking about that particular term: Empty Sex. I know there is the art of "making love" and then there's just cold, uninhibited, lustful sex. -Fucking as it were. For me, I was a very late bloomer. I didn't actually start having sex until I was a whole lot older than any of you that's for sure! lol Anyway, I don't know if it was because of that little fact of my life or because I didn't know what the hell I was doing but my first sexual encounters were pretty um, what's the word? Oh yeah, PATHETIC! lol They were bad. It didn't help that the men I was with were assholes either. Well, in an effort to fix this little problem of mine, I sought out to get as much experience as necesary. i.e. I began having a lot of empty sex. And I was fine with that back then. I wasn't harming anyone, I was using protection and I was selective. I remember the first time I did it, I thought I would feel bad or guilty or start to develop feelings for the guy I was with, but I didn't. I wasn't attracted to him. Well wait, I was attracted to him enough to have sex with him but not for a relationship, does that make sense? Besides, we were both adults and well our needs were met. End of story. However, watching that movie on Friday night and the way the character goes on and on about how sex without commitment, without love or attraction even, is so great, just made me realize that I'm so glad I don't do that anymore. Because while that character felt good about it, the opposite occurred to me. The more I did it, the emptier and lonelier it felt. Don't get me wrong, the sexual encounters were fantastic! (With very few exceptions) But like the girl that I am, I yearned for more. Maybe this is where men and women differ. While men seemingly have to have it all the time, women tend to hold out a bit longer. I don't know. The last time I was with someone it was for love -on my part. But he didn't feel the same for me. And so even that, after a while, became torture for me and so it stopped. I know we are all human, I know we all have needs to be met, and believe me, I get just as aroused, just as frustrated, just as horny (I've never liked that word. I don't know why. It's just something I never liked to say. But I digress.) as any of you. But I'm now holding out for more. Doesn't necessarily make me a prude. Though someone I know told me it did. I'm just more careful, more selective and not a fan of empty sex anymore. Are you? If you are, tell me why and if you're not, tell me why not. And I'm not saying I'm all of a sudden a born again virgin or anything like that, far from it actually! lol And yeah, if the moment's right and the opportunity presents itself and I'm in the mood, you better believe I'm all over it!

Indulge me with your thoughts on this bloggers.

One More Before I Sleep!

With work and Thanksgiving I totally forgot to give you an update on the investment banker and I! So, things have cooled down a bit. Not by lack of interest, as there is that, but more about timing. We're both at different places in our lives. We're still going to see each other on occassion and just take it day by day. Whatever happens, happens. It's not a sad thing guys, so don't feel bad for me. I don't. Everything always happens for a reason. And besides, who is to say it won't work out for us in the long run? It's all about perception and the big picture. I am fine. More than fine actually. I just wanted to give you the 411.

Alright, NOW I'm off to sleep!

someone i use to know...

Holding hands we walk slowly to the front door
Walking trepidly, purposely, in hopes of  freezing time.

"Please don't let this moment end" my heart cries out, in silence.

There is silence as we reach the front door.
We stare at each other
neither of us looking away
Reluctantly, I break the spell,

"I miss you already."
You hug me. A silent act that speaks volumes.

"I'm going to miss you, I don't want to go, I love you,this is goodbye"

My eyes are welling up with tears. You gently wipe them away with your hand. You kiss my mouth.
Sweetly.
Gently.

You pull a strand of hair away from my face and you tell me to, "Be good."
I want to hold on to you. I don't want you to open the door.
But I'm left standing there, alone.
You turn back and smile at me once more,
and walk out of my life.

Closure.

Addiction

More poetry or "just words" from me. Enjoy
_____________________________________________

You are an addiction.
Something I need to be satisfied.
Something I crave at all times.
How I wish I could bottle you up and take you in small doses.
How I long to feel your body next to mine.
I cannot get enough.
I know I am lost.
How can I get back from your abyss?
Do I want to leave?
It doesn't matter what I want. I MUST leave. You are not good for me. I know that.
I am weak. I have no-self control.
Love me.
Please don't leave me.
My head tells me, "He's not for you. You know that."
Tell me how to leave. Tell me how to stop.
I love you

In a Blue State of Mind

Feeling a little down today. Not even fighting it, I'm just giving in to the feeling, acknowledging it and and then I'll let it go. I guess I'm coming off the week-long anticipation-high of Thanksgiving. Or maybe it's the crazy night I had on Wednesday. Which by the way, I'm still laughing about! Yes I can laugh while I'm feeling blah! It's all about the multi-tasking! Or maybe the fact that I saw an old friend last Sunday, or how I miss someone so much it hurts, or that I had a minor disagreement with my mom today. That almost never happens. It was nothing major, but it bothered me. Of course I did the very un-adult thing and stormed off! Even slamming the door on my way out for dramatic effect! Yeah, yeah, I was a total brat, I know. Anyway, apologies have since been made and all is peachy in my household. Still, I've got the blues and want a hug. Not just any hug though. Unfortunately, the hugger I want, well, it's just not possible. Moving on...

I did venture out to do a little shopping today in hopes of cheering myself up. Sadly, I came back empty-handed. I found NOTHING that I fancied. I even went to one of my favorite places in the whole wide world, the bookstore! But again, nada, zero, an epic fail! So as a consolation and last resort, I took myself to the movies. The theater was packed! Plus, it's COLD so that helps make it feel more like the holidays are upon us!
I had some to kill before the movie started so I sat at one of the little bistro-like tables in the lobby and people-watched. I love doing that! I sat there wondering what was going on in each of their lives, where they were going or coming from, making up my own stories about them. Too bad I didn't have my notebook with me. I normally carry a small notebook in my purse and jot down story ideas or character outlines as they come to me. But I switched out purses earlier in the day and forgot to put it in there! Glancing at my watch, I saw it was time for the movie to start. I went to see "Love And Other Drugs" - I loved it! It was sappy and funny and sad and at times, a bit much, but I loved it! And Jake Gyllenhaal is so sexy and adorable, even if I had hated the movie, I would have loved it! lol

Next best thing to sex? Chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory! It's like multiple orgasms in my mouth! I'm serious! If that doesn't make me feel better I don't know what will! Now you'll have to excuse me, I have a date with a spoon and cheesecake waiting for me!

Good night.

I Am Grateful

On this day of giving thanks and reflecting on all of my blessings, I have much to be grateful for. I'm a lucky, lucky, lucky girl! And so, I just wanted to thank you for reading my blog and commenting on it and for those that follow it! All are appreciated!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Humor me...

Drunk posting! haha That's another one I thought of. Apropos perhaps because I'm slightly intoxicated and too wired to sleep! Tonight (or last night by the looks of the clock) I went out as is my custom every Thanksgiving-eve! I had the best time with my friends. But I was drinking like a fish -which is out of character for me. No harm, no foul, just a lot of laughing and dancing and flirting and good times! It's fun to let loose and go outside your comfort zone sometimes. Tonight felt like the perfect time!

So who else went out? What did you do? Inquiring minds want to know!

Anyone?

Texter's Remorse

We've all heard of "Buyer's Remorse" right? How about, "Don't Drink and Drive" or "Don't Drink and Text", and lets not forget, "Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk"? Yes well, I've got a new one! "Texter's Remorse." And I've got it, and it's not good! For the most part, texting is a convenience, a "hurry up" tool to communicate when you're pressed for time or you just don't want to talk to that person. Also known as the "easy way out." Last week I text messaged someone that I shouldn't have. No sooner had I pressed "Send" than the ol' dreaded "Texter's Remorse" kicked in! Why? Why did I do it??? Ugh! And it's not like you can hit cancel -well you can but you have to do it before you hit send and not after. And no, I was not intoxicated, though even if I was, it still would have been a mistake!

Silence is sometimes piercingly more painful than spoken words. No, nothing happened as a result of my text happy fingers! I was just pissed at myself for doing it. I didn't hear back from the person I text messaged. I didn't expect to, but deep inside, I hoped.

Shadow Dancing

I used to be a HUGE Andy Gibb fan! Shadow Dancing was one of my favorites! I thought it appropriate to title this post after his song. It mirrors what or how I've been feeling all day.

I'm tired of standing in the shadows of my own life. I've been doing it far too long. But how do you emerge from the "background" as a silent observer to the forefront as an avid participant? I've always been the type of person that everyone goes to for advice, or to hug or encouragement. I've always been "the friend." And while that's not a bad thing, it's not always a good thing. When this year started I was hopeful for many things and my life was very different. Fast forward to today and while I've undergone enormous changes in my life in the latter half of the year, I find myself stuck in a rut and it makes me sad. I've been trying really hard for the past few months to undo all the chaos that is my life. But I've realized that sometimes you just can't undo it, and so you have to let it go and keep going forward. My mom used to tell me that, "You can't fix something that is broken." And to an extent, she's right. I want to change my life so badly and even though I've taken steps to go in that direction, sometimes, sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel! I guess I'm in that kind of mood today. It's like I'm fighting an internal battle with myself. This applies to my career, my long-term goals and my emotional state. The thing is, I'm at a point where I'm just fed up with myself and it's time for more drastic measures. I just don't know what they are yet. All in all, my life is good. But it needs to be better. I need to be better.

Yes I know, this post is all over the place! I wrote this way to give you an idea of how erratic my thoughts and my emotions are presently. Fun right?

I know everything will be alright eventually. I just needed to vent my Monday woes. Thanks for listening, laughing, rolling your eyes or whatever you did while reading this! All actions are appreciated! lol

Weekend Wrap-Up

Hello bloggers! So how was everyone's weekend? I'm not as anxious about today being Sunday and tomorrow is the dreaded Monday, like I normally am. I think it's because I know it's going to be a short week and I'm ready, so ready for it! Aren't you??? I love Thanksgiving! It's a great holiday, love the food, love the family get-togethers and the obligatory Thanksgiving-eve celebration with friends. Good times, good times.

My weekend started with our family going away dinner for my dad. He actually left on Saturday evening instead of Sunday, as I posted earlier. We had a great time, talking and laughing and cutting up with my brothers and sister and parents. You know what I find so interesting? The fact that even though my parents have been divorced for almost 20 years they are the best of friends. Their relationship is better now than it was when they were married. My dad landed in Managua safely, thank God. And I spoke to him earlier this evening, he's excited, and very glad to be there.

Saturday I had dinner with the investment banker. For those of you keeping track, that would make date number 5. He made dinner for us and we watched a movie. We seem to always have something to say to each other and have the best conversations! So far, so good. We shall see...

And this bring me to today. I ran into an old friend at church. It was bittersweet. Sigh... Moving on, alright since Shady (you know who you are) brought it up, I'm forced to address it. :) While I do not like football, and don't understand it, I am a Texans fan -on occassion. lol They lost (again) today, but that's not the story, the story is how they lost and what an emotional rollercoaster ride they put us (the fans) through. We went from being ecstatic to shock, to bewilderment, to anger, to stunned all in 44 seconds. Bleh! I can't wait for baseball season!!!

This was my weekend. -that's a wrap!

"At Night"

I wrote this some time ago. However, am considering it for a writing contest. Please let me know your thoughts.


When I was seven years old, my dad's uncle would come into my bedroom late at night and touch me in very unlike uncle ways! I knew it was wrong for him to do what he did and I wanted to tell someone but I was afraid. I felt that in some way it was my fault. I didn't want my dad to kick him out, he had nowhere else to go. He was family. So I kept it to myself. Through the course of two years the molesting continued.
I wish I could say that that he was the only one. But I can't and he wasn't. During that time, my dad was doing the same thing. He never went further than touching my "not yet developed" breasts. Still, I hated when he did that. I wanted him to stop. I told him to stop. But he told me to be a good girl. And so I was.
I'm now 20 years old. I live a good life. I live a fast life. I drink heavily. Have lots of sex and like to dominate men. I get paid very well for what I do. Yes I make men pay me to have sex with me. It's a privilege I indulge on a selected few. I don't do drugs. I go to church. I confess my sins. I have a family. Dysfunctional as it is, but I have one. I graduated top five percent from college. I have a degree in Journalism. I write a column for a prestigious woman's magazine. And I whore myself out at night.
I guess it all started one night during my senior year in high school. I was on a date with the "crush" of the week! Geeky, nerdy, accident prone he was, but he was so cute! And he drove a mustang! I gave him my first blow job. I didn't even know what I was doing. But he seemed to enjoy it all the same! I think I may have hurt him though! I was inexperienced, trying to suck something that I had never sucked before. It was awkward. But interestingly enough, I liked it. And so did Julio. That was his name. In fact, he liked it so much he wanted it all the time. Well, I didn't want to do it all the time. So if he wanted it that much, "What's it worth to you?" I asked him after he was practically begging me to go down on him. We were in his car, breathing hard and sweaty after a serious make out session.
"What do you mean?" he asked almost innocently.
I batted my eyelashes at him and smiled. Then I put my face really close to his and said, "If you want me to make you feel good, you're going to have to pay me..."
I can't describe the rush I got from saying that to him. It was fantastic! My heart was pounding and the blood in my body was boiling.
"Pay you? Are you serious?"
I smiled flirtingly at him and said "Yes" almost in a whisper.
He was seventeen years old. How much money could he give me really? I knew that. I just wanted to see if he would do it. And he did. That night I was paid $22.00 to suck his cock. No penetration of any kind. I was only sucking that night.
That was almost four years ago. I now charge anywhere from $100.00 to $1,000.00 a night. Of course I do more than suck at this point.
There are a handful of close friends that know of the double life I lead. They along with my sister hate it and have asked me to seek help. Help? What kind of help could I possibly seek? Imagine going to the psychiatrist and saying, " By day I'm a normal person. By night, I turn into a prostitute, slut, whore, whatever your choice of brand is!" Besides, I didn't want help. I enjoy what I do. I harm no one. I am not married. I have no children. I don't even have a dog. And I'm making money -the old fashioned way.
At my father's funeral, I couldn't control my crying. The tears just would not stop. To this day I do not know if I was crying because I will miss him, or because I felt guilty for being glad he was dead. I don't know how much longer I will keep up with this life I lead. I suppose until I feel vindicated or feel anything at all. I've punished myself enough.
I lost my innocence a long time ago.

At Last

I wanted to take a moment and thank all of you for the comments and/or the emails I received with words of encouragement regarding my last post. I appreciated it very, very, much! And not to worry, all is better.

Moving on.

My 70 year old father is planning on traveling to Nicaragua this Sunday. He has been wanting to go back and visit for years but just never made it a point to actually do it. Until now. Nicaragua is located in Central America. He was born in Managua and came to the United States at the age of seventeen. When my brothers and sister and I were little, he would tell us stories of his childhood. Colorful, extreme, happy times for him. He always told us that he wanted all of us to go visit one day. Sadly, none of us will be joining him. He will be making the trip alone. He still has some family and friends living there. But his visit home has me a bit uneasy. First of all, he is deathly afraid of flying! Once, while traveling to Acapulco, he almost passed out because our flight had severe turbulence and kept dropping in altitude! I'd never seen my father turn so many colors at once! lol My other concern is his health, while he's pretty healthy, what if something happens to him while he's there? I'm just a worrier, I know this. I am excited that his dream will finally become a reality. I just hope he has a great time and comes back safely. So my brothers and sister and nieces and nephews and I will be having an early Thanksgiving dinner with him this Friday. Good times for sure! You know it's funny, I don't have what you would call a "normal" relationship with my dad -for many reasons that I will keep to myself. Lets just say, I keep my distance. Oh we are on speaking terms and all that, it's just that I am guarded and pull away if he gets too close. But sometimes, like now when I'm worrying about him, I start thinking about how old he is and that despite our differences and the pain he caused me and my family, he is still my dad. He's the one I was given and I can't give him back! lol They don't have a return policy on parents! Faults and all, I do love him, in my own way.

Buen viaje papa!

A Bad Day

For a Monday, today sucked ass! It started with a day from hell at the office and got progressively worse as the day wore on. The culminating moment came at the end of the day. I heard from someone that upset me very much. And then my impulsiveness took over and I did something I shouldn't have. I didn't think about it or analyze it, no, that would be too rational and as you all know, I'm anything but rational! So of course, I berated myself for doing what I know I shouldn't have. And I cried. Mostly, I cried because I miss something that is no longer in my life. But I also cried because I was angry at myself for being so weak. Sigh, I told myself no more boo-hooing after today. Enough of this insanity! I'm putting my big girl panties on, drying my tears and letting today go. Tomorrow is another day and even though work is still going to drive me insane and I still want to poke my boss in the eyeballs, and this person I'm missing well, will still be missed, I'm determined to move forward.

And now, I'm off to put a cold compress on my eyes, good night!

And Then There Were Three...

dates that is. So the investment firm guy and and I have gone out twice since the last post about our first date. So far so good! Dinner and a comedy show one night, follwed by a conversation that lasted until the sun came up! And on our last date, a day at the beach, walking on the sand, ignoring that it was cold, and then dinner and another marathon conversation. This time, we stopped it at midnight! lol He had plans the following day and I, I wanted to sleep! :) So there you go! Could it be my curse of horrible dates is over??? Hmmm, I dunno, but I'm having fun and that's all that matters.

Til next time, same bat time, same bat channel!

Only in My Dreams...

Last night I had a dream about my first love. I met him when I was 19 years old, a sophomore in college. He was 24 years old. I fell head over heels in love! We became instant friends. Four years after we met, he married someone else. I even went to his wedding. I haven't spoken or seen him in almost 12 years! I don't know why I dreamed about him last night. The dream was so weird too! I thought about him all day. He was everything to me. And oh how I loved him! He was so polite, so charming, so intelligent. He raised the bar so high for the men I encountered after him that for a long time, no one could reach it. I always compared them to him. The thing I loved most about him (well besides how sexy he was)was how safe he made me feel when I was with him. How protected and loved I was. And how much he made me laugh! We would laugh all the time. We had fun.

I'll always hold M. dear to my heart. Sometimes, weird dreams aren't that bad.

In A Sunday State of Mind...

Self-confession time - I spent ALL day in my pj's watching movies today! And let me tell you something, it was absolutely fantastic! lol
I woke up ready to tackle some tasks that needed my attention but instead, I looked out the window, saw the grey sky, saw the rain falling with vengeance from the sky, the wind rustling the leaves on the trees, and quickly felt the cold seep through my window pane. Forget it! After that I was worthless! I grabbed the remote, crawled back into bed and proceeded to veg for the rest of the day. I felt like a kid who had done something wrong and was hiding in their room, just waiting for their mom or dad to come in and get mad at them! haha Except no one came, and well, I didn't do anything wrong. Just something out of the norm for me. Sometimes in our lives we all need a day like this, to clear our heads, to forget responsibilities, to recharge. So often we are so busy running around, planning, doing, worrying, etc. Even our weekends are dictated by plans, schedules, commitments, no wonder we're all so tired on Monday mornings! And yes, in case you are wondering, decadent munchies and chocolate were my menu of choice! -Well if I was going to be bad, I may as well be very bad! -That's my motto anyway!

Hope all of you have a day like today!

Held Hostage

Francesca and Mario were friends for a long time and then they fell in love. For years they were the "IT" couple and oozed of happiness and all things amore. But just like the song, "Love don't Live Here Anymore", one day, Francesca woke up and realized she was not happy, she was no longer in love and she wanted out. So she left without looking back. Keep in mind, that throughout the years, she and her love, or former love, created a home together, filled it with material things along with hopes and dreams. Well, Francesca in her haste to get out of the relationship, literally bolted and didn't think of the repercussions of her actions. Fast forward to the present. Francesca has moved on but Mario is still clinging to any grasp of hope that there may be left of winning back Francesca's heart.

This is where it gets ugly. While the couple never married, they were together almost ten years. They shared everything that couples share during this time. A few years have passed since they officially ended their relationship. But now Francesca has resurfaced into Mario's life. You see, there are still matters to be handled. Financial matters. Of epic proportions! Mario owes Francesca money for furnishings that Francesca paid for on her credit. She's since paid off the debt in full. However, Mario, who in the beginning would give payments to Francesca towards the credit card, soon decided that since she cut him out of her life, then he didn't need to finish paying on the debt they both incurred. His reasoning for this is that the minute he pays her in full, she will be permanently gone from his life. (Even though she's been gone for well almost 4 years now!) He won't meet her halfway either. Meaning, it's his way or no way. Basically, if she wants her money, she'll have to see him, spend time with him, otherwise, she won't see a dime. I suppose most would say, walk away and cut your losses. But Francesca insists that the money owed to her is a surmountable amount and it just isn't fair. Especially since she left empty-handed.

This is a "fictitious" story bloggers. It was inspired by friends' various accounts of money being a major factor in ending relationships. In this particular scenario, while it wasn't the money that ended the relationship, it is the money that is holding Francesca hostage to a relationship she no longer wants to be a part of.

What do you think?

Is Mario being fair? Is Francesca being unreasonable? What would you do?

Chime in your thoughts please, I'm curious to hear what you have to say!

Relationships are a bitch sometimes!

Thanks for playing!

Blame it on the Meds

I woke up feeling not so good yesterday. I'll spare you the gory details and just say I must have caught a stomach bug or something gross like that! Anyway, today I felt a litte better but still a little weak. At any rate, I missed writing and blogging. I'm in the middle of working on my novel and hate when I don't work on it even if it's just for one day! And this blog has become an outlet for the emotional rollercoaster that is my life! Writing is my passion. It's pretty awesome! So anyway, here I am!

Watching the Latin Grammys tonight I observed a few things. Let me share with you -ready?

Observation #1
Chris Botti is not only hot but damn can he blow his horn!

Observation #2
Charo is what? 100 years old now? Ok I know, I know, she's not really 100 but pretty close I'm sure! Anyway, my observation is that even though she is ancient she still has that body! And she can still "cuchi cuchi"!!!

Observation #3
Something about spanish music that is so sexy! And the men who sing it are even more CALIENTE!

Observation #4
I want to go dancing! lol

There you have it. -You're welcome, you're welcome! :) You see, this is what happens when you get sick and heavily medicate yourself into oblivion and/or mindless chatter! Don't try this at home! ha!

Ok kids, that's all I've got for now.

Ciao!

Masquerade

One of the ways I like to relax is by listening to music, sometimes with a glass of wine. Usually, I like to listen to Sade or Gypsy Kings or maybe some Cole Porter or Etta James. Tonight, I was listening to George Benson's "This Masquerade". So, as I sat there, siping on my wine and enjoying the music, I started thinking about the title. "Masquerade". Hmmm, it seems that most of my life I've lived in a masquerade of sorts at one time or another. Masking the truth, masking the pain, masking my reality. It was easier to pretend it wasn't there than to deal with it. -Whatever "it" was at the time. It's taken all these years to come full circle and to face all those "masks" that I wear and that make up my life. Some may read this and think that I've wasted so much time, and had I been enlightened by all of this early on, then maybe, just maybe, my life would be very different. -Maybe. But I don't see the experiences I've had to this point in time as failures or wasted time. It is because of everything that's happened to me that I am who I am today. At age 44, I have found myself. And I like her. I know I've got issues still to deal with (who doesn't?) and quite frankly, learning about myself scares the hell out of me sometimes! Fear of the unknown and all that! But that's what this "de-masking" is all about isn't it? Interesting how doing one of my favorite things leads me to peel off yet another layer of myself.

Cheers!

Everything to Offer

When I wake up in the mornings I thank God for another day.
When I go lay down at night, I pray for a peaceful sleep.
It's what happens in between that has me in uproar.

For as long as I can remember, I've been asking God for love to come into my life. More specifically, a man. To love me. To be with me. To want me. To respect me. To protect me. To be my friend, my lover, my confidante. Sigh, God must be pretty busy, I am still waiting...

I'm almost ashamed to admit it but I get jealous sometimes at perfect strangers mind you, You know the ones, the couples. The ones that are speaking so low only they can hear what they are saying. The ones that can't keep their hands off of each other. The ones that are holding hands while wandering through the streets... Yeah, the little green monster comes out and takes over me! Why can't I have that? Why not me? What's wrong with me??? --that's what happens when the "monster" gets out. I can't help it. I'm only human and I too have wants and desires that need to be met.

I don't always feel this way. Most of the time I'm peachy keen. I blame it on the time change and the upcoming holidays. While I love, love, love them, I tend to get a bit sad during these times as well. It can be a vey lonely time. Sigh, but this is not a "feel sorry for myself" post. I'm just vening a little.

Smiling at the endless possibilites that is my future. Stay tuned!

Just Jibber - No Jabber

Ever had one of those days where you kept drawing blanks? My mind is that way tonight. I have so many different things going on in my head right now, and I want to write about all of them, but when I sit down to actually lace my words together, eh, I got nothin. My mind goes blank.

It's Monday, long and stressful work day. Had a good workout at the gym though!

I'm going to step away from the computer now before I butcher this post more than I have already.

As usual, you've been great! See you next time! :)

What Would Daffy Duck Do?

I woke up way too early today! As much as I tried to force myself back to a slumber, I couldn't. So I finally gave up, grabbed the remote and lay in bed flipping channels. I was in the mood for a cartoon, you know the REAL cartoons. The ones that made you laugh out loud, I'm talking Bugs Bunny and Friends, Underdog, Scooby-Doo, Speed Racer, the Flinstones. Sadly, all I found were boring, uninmaginative and nauseating sitcoms. Where are the cartoons??? Geez! Kids these days are really missing out! I mean, Hello Kitty? Powder Puffs? What is that??? Bleh! I finally gave up trying to find anything worth watching and turned the tv off.

It's Saturday bloggers! Go out and make it a good one! :)

No Regrets

I know I have gone on and on about someone that I refer to as "HIM" or "He Who Shall Remain Nameless" -and he will, remain nameless. I would never call him out. He doesn't fit in the "Gustabo" category either. He stands alone. I have been battling with my feelings lately. Trying to figure out why I acted or did what I did with this person. Why I allowed certain things from him that I would never allow from anyone else. I said in a much earlier post "Bare" that it wasn't love. That I thought I was in love but I really wasn't. Friends have told me it wasn't love. But my heart and my emotions tell me different. I truly love this man. I always will. I care for him and his well being deeply. Despite the pain and the tears, I wouldn't change anything that happened. Not one bit. I don't hate him or wish him harm. I am just so happy he came into my life and even though he was well, the way he was, I don't regret what happened. I relish in the fact that it happened and while I mourn the loss, I know I will be just fine.

I love him. I always will.

I know that the few people that know the whole story, will disagree with me. Call me crazy, tell me I'm wrong. And it's okay, they have a right to their opinion. But I'm not wrong. Part of my healing and growing process is to own up to my true feelings and emotions and accept them. And that's what I'm doing. I have to in order to move on.

Ciao Bello!

Got Lunch?

As far as dates go, this one was -dare I say it? A GOOD date! I don't know what will happen, but I was pleased at the outcome. "Gustabo" (for those not in the "know" I name all of my male counterparts Gustabo, to protect the innocent and the not so innocent) and I work in the same building, on the same floor. In fact, that's how we met. We rode the elevator together so much that we finally had to acknowledge one another. He works for an investment company down the hall from the law firm I work for. So we ran into each other at random times, in the elevator, the hallway, the deli, for about a month before either of us even spoke to each other. Oh we'd say, "Hi", "Good morning", "Have a Nice Day", "Have a nice weekend" but we never stopped to chat. Well, last week Gustabo asked about the law firm I worked for. I think he was just making small talk. And we started chatting from there. A few days ago, he asked if I wanted to meet for lunch this week. I said yes and here we are. We met for lunch today. Um, no we did not go to the deli! lol We ventured outside and walked to a nearby restaurant. (at my suggestion, it was just too pretty a day to be in a car!) Talked the entire way there. He's super tall, well anyone is next to me. I'm only 4'11 and he's about 6'2. He's got this JFK, Jr. hair that just makes you want to run your fingers throught it! And no, I didn't. :) His eyes are chocolate brown and he's got these dimples that rival Mario Lopez's dimples! Pretty cute I'd say! Lunch was good. We have a lot in common, for instance, we're both left-handed! How weird is that??? There was no groping, hands roaming, innuendos, or wine in the face throwing at all. Which was great! We talked about possibly getting together next weekend. He's traveling this week. So, we'll see what happens.

Tune in next time for another episode of, "As Yvonne's Dating Life Turns".

Serenity Now!

What calms you down? I'm curious to know. For me, it's writing and listening to some jazz. A nice Merlot or Chardonnay doesn't hurt either! But really, the music puts me in a calming state, so does writing. Or a good book. There are times when I'm just beside myself with anger or despair, so much so that I almost go into hyperventilation mode. Luckily, I've learned some breathing techniques that help me, along with repeating affirmations. Usually, that does the trick and helps me return to normalcy.

How do YOU handle stress? What do you do to calm down?

Share with me...

Senseless Wednesday

I find it peculiar that I am everyone's cheerleader, motivational speaker, advocate, protector, etc. I'm all of those things to everyone, but to myself. Why is that? I can talk you up like no one's business! I can turn that frown upside down! :) -No really, I can. But when everyone is gone and I'm left alone, I shut down. I'd like to know what it's like to cheer myself on for once. Sometimes I think it's my self-esteem issues. I've never been a big fan of myself. Physically or otherwise. I've got baggage okay? But the many wonderful friends and acquaintances that I have tell me otherwise. Just once, I'd like to know the difference. I'm still working on myself and so this is just part of the process I guess. I'm facing another demon, as it were.

A poll -What do you do in your life to cheer yourself on? Why?

It's Wednesday night, I'm tired, Texas STILL has the same governor (bleh!), and I have a headache. Those are my excuses for this post being somewhat all over the place! lol

Indulge me.

The Little Things

I'm grateful for many, many things in my life. I know that I bitch a lot about men, dating, friends, injustices, past loves, stupid things, etc. So in honor of the first day of the month. I thought I would post some of the things I'm grateful for in my life. As a fellow blogger pointed out to me last night, sometimes focusing on those "gratefuls" help us stay on that positive path that I for one, am trying so hard not to stray from.

Thanks Ecco! :)

I'm Grateful:
For my health, my family, my job, the unconditional love of family and friends, my writing, the endless possibilities that I have yet to unravel in my life.

Those are but a few of my "I'm gratefuls" -I've said this before but it bears repeating, I truly am a lucky girl!