Monday, November 22, 2010

Shadow Dancing

I used to be a HUGE Andy Gibb fan! Shadow Dancing was one of my favorites! I thought it appropriate to title this post after his song. It mirrors what or how I've been feeling all day.

I'm tired of standing in the shadows of my own life. I've been doing it far too long. But how do you emerge from the "background" as a silent observer to the forefront as an avid participant? I've always been the type of person that everyone goes to for advice, or to hug or encouragement. I've always been "the friend." And while that's not a bad thing, it's not always a good thing. When this year started I was hopeful for many things and my life was very different. Fast forward to today and while I've undergone enormous changes in my life in the latter half of the year, I find myself stuck in a rut and it makes me sad. I've been trying really hard for the past few months to undo all the chaos that is my life. But I've realized that sometimes you just can't undo it, and so you have to let it go and keep going forward. My mom used to tell me that, "You can't fix something that is broken." And to an extent, she's right. I want to change my life so badly and even though I've taken steps to go in that direction, sometimes, sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel! I guess I'm in that kind of mood today. It's like I'm fighting an internal battle with myself. This applies to my career, my long-term goals and my emotional state. The thing is, I'm at a point where I'm just fed up with myself and it's time for more drastic measures. I just don't know what they are yet. All in all, my life is good. But it needs to be better. I need to be better.

Yes I know, this post is all over the place! I wrote this way to give you an idea of how erratic my thoughts and my emotions are presently. Fun right?

I know everything will be alright eventually. I just needed to vent my Monday woes. Thanks for listening, laughing, rolling your eyes or whatever you did while reading this! All actions are appreciated! lol


Shady Del Knight said...

Welcome to my world! I experience the same highs and lows and they come and go regardless of what's actually happening in my life at the time. If you browse around the blogosphere (and I know that you do because I read your comments) you will notice that just about everybody is dissatisfied with the way their life's going. Oh sure, there are a good number of profile pages that read "I am married to the man (woman) of my dreams and he (she) is just so wonderful and perfect...blah blah blah." I seriously doubt that most of those Stepford wives, husbands and singles are as blissfully happy 24-7-365 as they would have their readers believe. My point is that you are not alone. We all wrestle with our demons on a regular basis. Obviously, it's cathartic for you to express in writing the aspects of your life that you want to change. Spill away. Your friends are here to take care of you the best way we know how. We might not always have the magic words that will make everything better but at least you know that we care.

Yvonne said...

Shady - Thank you!

Belle said...

Stuck in a rut. Yes, I know about that and I was so bored with my life. I have found some new interests, like photography, blogging and crafting. I am out of my rut of cleaning, computer games and crosswords and then laying in bed feeling sad.
It is only because my sister started a blog and asked me to see it that I started blogging, which got me into taking more pictures. And the craft blogs have gotten me into making different things.
Well, this is all about me! What a shock! Anyway, I hope you do get out of your rut, and I'm sure you will.