I know I have gone on and on about someone that I refer to as "HIM" or "He Who Shall Remain Nameless" -and he will, remain nameless. I would never call him out. He doesn't fit in the "Gustabo" category either. He stands alone. I have been battling with my feelings lately. Trying to figure out why I acted or did what I did with this person. Why I allowed certain things from him that I would never allow from anyone else. I said in a much earlier post "Bare" that it wasn't love. That I thought I was in love but I really wasn't. Friends have told me it wasn't love. But my heart and my emotions tell me different. I truly love this man. I always will. I care for him and his well being deeply. Despite the pain and the tears, I wouldn't change anything that happened. Not one bit. I don't hate him or wish him harm. I am just so happy he came into my life and even though he was well, the way he was, I don't regret what happened. I relish in the fact that it happened and while I mourn the loss, I know I will be just fine.
I love him. I always will.
I know that the few people that know the whole story, will disagree with me. Call me crazy, tell me I'm wrong. And it's okay, they have a right to their opinion. But I'm not wrong. Part of my healing and growing process is to own up to my true feelings and emotions and accept them. And that's what I'm doing. I have to in order to move on.
Ciao Bello!
3 comments:
You are right, in order to heal you need to accept your feelings about him. No one is all bad, and I bet he had a lot of great qualities. I bet you had a lot of good times.
I missed my ex-husband when we first split up. I missed him for a long time. I don't hate him, I only want the best for him too. It was like the nursery rhyme, "When he was good, he was very, very good. But when he was bad, he was horrid."
He was neither a boyfriend nor a husband nor a potential boyfriend. He was just someone I happened to fall in love with and yes, most definitely had a lot of good times. I do miss him, (can you tell, as much as I write about him??? lol) but hopefully, soon, those feelings will disappear.
-Thanks for your words Belle! :)
I so get that. xx
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