gray

as i sit here, in my room, the sound of silence grows louder and louder.  how to quiet the noise?  it's been a long day.  i should be asleep already.  but the restlessness of my mind prohibit this from happening.  i've always been a worrier.  i'm the queen of worry.  i can't help it.  it's just the way i am, always have been.  i hate it.  i hate that i care and then worry so much about pretty much everything in my life and the lives of my loved ones.  today's menu features ponderings of life and how short it really is.

what would you do if you were told you were going to die in a week? or a month?  would you live your life differently? would you live it recklessly? would you even care at all?  what if you had no prior warning, and you died suddenly?  of course, you wouldn't be able to ponder on what ifs and regrets, but would you make sure beforehand that you were living life to the fullest?  i know that that sounds cheesy and maybe even trite, but it's true.  if we are living just to live, if we are just existing without being driven to achieve something more or towards our happiness, then aren't we dead already?

not everyone likes to talk about death.  i mean really?  that's not even on the top ten topics  i want to discuss, like ever.  but it's there.  death.  silently roaming our lives.  every so often reminding us that we are not invincible, even though we think we are.  i watch the news daily, and every day someone loses their life.  naturally, tragically, senselessly. it just happens.

so what do we do? i used to know someone that always said we were all going to heaven when our time came, because clearly, we are already in hell.  heavy right? yeah.  i used to call him "debbie downer" -even though he was male.  he got sick one day, went to the doctor and never made it back home.  he had a stroke while at the doctor's office and they were not able to bring him back.  at his funeral, one of his friends spoke of our friend and said, "Jay was cynical and crass and a hard ass, but he lived his way by his rules and didn't regret it at all" ----  i remember thinking, "how?  how do you know he didn't regret it?"  i'd like to think that a little part of him did regret not being able to look past the clouds and despair of this world, at least enough to let himself love and be loved.  because to me, that is what is most important about this whole life thing.  i love my family and my friends, wholly and freely and intensely.  it's key to my own happiness.  family makes me happy.  truly and immensely happy.  spending time with them, laughing, arguing, crying.  all of that stuff is what makes all the bad stuff ok.  and although i may get lonely at times and yearn for the love of a good man, (which i believe i may have already found)  i never lose sight of what is most important in my life.  so if i were to die tomorrow, rest assured, i would be happy.  not that i was leaving everyone, but that i was able to know love and be loved.  and i know you may not all agree with me.  hell, no one may agree with me or even understand what the heck i'm talking about.  but that's okay, i understand me.

on a slightly related note, my 90 year old grandmother is in the hospital.  she's going to have surgery tomorrow morning.  she slipped and fell and broke her hip.  she's in a lot of pain and the doctors say that surgery is the only answer.  the problem with that though, is that she is a sick 90 year old woman.  she has other health issues going on as well.  she's my only remaining abuela, my other one died in 2000.  praying for the best, bracing for the worst.  i'm not being pessimistic, just a realist.  although, i plan to keep bombarding god with prayers.

i'm sorry for this dark post.  i don't mean to sound so disturbing or morose.  i'm just going through some unexpected personal battles.  i hope you understand.  i realize this is not the kind of post you are used to.  i'll be back to my crazy self soon.

peace.

just me, rambling

i've been told by my guy friends that a woman who is into football and knows her stuff, is way hotter than a well, than a "hot" woman that knows nothing about football or any sport for that matter.  what say you?  true or false?

by the same token, i tend to find men who are interested in sports more attractive than men that aren't. which is kind of not fair really.  i mean, some men i know, have no interest whatsoever in any kind sport, but love something else, such as cooking or collecting things or spy movies, or fixing cars, i don't know, but you get what i mean right?  do other females do this as well?

why do we do that?

these questions were prompted by my suitor and i and our recent conversations.  we're in the "inquisitive" stage of our dating life.  you know what i mean right?  the stage where information is fully and freely disclosed.  where we can't learn enough about each other and so we're constantly probing, seeking answers, reactions, etc.  it's kind of fun.  it's not happening in an interview kind of way either.  it's happening naturally, at it's own pace. but swiftly.  does that make sense?

whatever this is, it's fun and exciting for me. and i deserve it.  is it going anywhere? i hope so. but i'm not rushing anything and neither is he.  for now, it is what it is.

alright.  new business.

football season or pre-season started last week.  did i mention the texans won? i didn't?  oh well, they did.  bulls on parade, baby! they're back!  exciting times ahead for football fans everywhere.  i can't wait to see what happens.

i'm also brainstorming for ideas on this year's halloween costume(s).  yes already.  one can never start too early!  i'll be going to several parties and two of them i know for sure will be themed.  one is a gangster/roaring 20's party and the other is a futuristic type of themed party.  we'll see what happens, who knows, maybe i'll have a "ahem", date and we'll go dressed as a couple.  :)

oh and for those inquiring minds, yes "he" knows about my blog and he's read some posts, probably will read this one too.  and guess what? we're okay with that.

happy tuesday kids!

Yvonne's Dating Adventures: Date No. 2 Recap

When last we met, I was all in a tizzy (in a good way) because I'd just had a pretty fantastic first date.  And if any of you have been following my blog for a while, you all know that that almost NEVER happens.  First dates for me, usually end badly or lead to second date fiascos.  I'm happy to report, that date number two, was anything but a fiasco.  As I mentioned before, my suitor travels a lot for work, so trying to get together again has been quite the production.  But we were finally able to coincide our schedules and went out again almost three weeks after our first date.  A long time in between, I know, I know.  But we spoke on the phone a lot, and text messaged, and emailed and even skyped a few times.  He even sent me flowers just because!  So yeah, I'm really digging this guy.  Anyway, so our second meeting took place at his place.  What?  Don't judge me.  And get your mind out of the gutter.  He cooked for me and we drank wine, and listened to music and talked and talked and talked.   Well, we laughed too.  He's quite the character, this one.  And you know what else?  He kissed me.  Yes, yes, he did.  Finally.  It was a nice kiss.  Who am I kidding?  It was fabulous kiss and not gonna lie, we had more than one.  Come on, you knew we would. He's very affectionate, but not so much that it becomes suffocating.  So all in all, our second date went extremely well.  Almost as well as our third date went.  That's right kids, we've seen each other again.  But those details will be saved for another time.  I'm a tease like that.   :)

So what's going on in your lives?  Fill me in.

sweet nothings

unspoken words
a look
a stare
holding hands
lingering touches

conversations started under the moon
ending over the rising sun
savory kisses
bear hugs 
a sigh

racing heart
butterflies in the stomach
smiling even in your sleep
a happy heart.

this is what i long for
this is what i crave

Pillow talk: Good-bye GREAT sex!

Sigh, have you ever ended a relationship and thought, "Oh crap! No more hot, sultry, curl your toes, AMAZING sex!"  Yeah you have, don't lie.  We all have at some point in our lives.  I was reading an article about this very same thing earlier today.  Ok, so it was a girlie magazine, I'll admit it.  What? It was storming and dreary -perfect weather for girlie mags and horrible Lifetime movies.  Anyway, so reading this article got me thinking (and we all know what happens when I start thinking).  It made me wonder how many of us have often thought along the same lines.  I mean, let's say the relationship suddenly went bad,  but the sex was good.  Great even.  Stay in the bad relationship for the great sex? My answer is hell no.  I would sacrifice the great sex for my peace of mind and well being.  Staying in relationship for the sake of great sex is as bad as staying in a relationship for the kids or something along the same lines.  But I must admit, I've thought about staying for the great sex.  I did actually.  A long, long, time ago.  I had been with my boyfriend for two years.  The first year and a half was incredible.  But the last six months of our relationship was horrible.  We fought like cats and dogs every day.  We were close to becoming enemies, it was that bad.  But both of us knew that our sex life was the only part of our relationship that seemed to work and was in sync.  We held on to that for as long as we could, for that reason alone.  In hindsight, looking back now, I should have ended things sooner rather than later.  But I didn't.  Meh, I was very young.   You live and learn, right?  I had not thought about that in years and then I read that article and it all comes back.  Which reminds me, I miss "curl your toes" sex.  :)

So what do you think?  Ever stayed solely for the nookie? Or would you?

That's what's on my mind tonight.  And now it's on yours, you're welcome.

a rant: why i'm so pissed

WARNING- This is a rant.  Cuss words may or may not have been used.  I apologize for that but sometimes you just have to.  Read at your own risk

I  wasn't going to write about this, it's so absurd.  But my frustrations and my growing ire, got the best of me, so here I am.  You may or may not have heard of the latest "scandal" of the day, here in the good ol US of A.  You haven't?  Let me fill you in then.   The Allstar baseball game, America's pastime, was played earlier this week.  True, the American League won again, and true, this time I actually cheered for them since my Astros are now a part of this circus league and Jason Castro (the only Houston Astro nominated) was proudly representing our boys. Well, at the game, world renowned recording artist, Marc Anthony sang "God Bless America" -see him here:



 and it seems, some people, some very ignorant and tactless people, took offense to this.  Someone blogged about the comments' uproar and then posted countless tweets and comments that people made.  I couldn't even get through all of the comments, the few I managed to read made me physically ill and very sad. People were posting stuff like: "Why is a Mexican singing God Bless America? He's not even here legally!"   For a complete rundown go here: http://publicshaming.tumblr.com/post/55715208108/baseball-fans-super-angry-hispanic-american-superstar .

Here we are in 2013 and still, still hatred, racism, bigotry and ignorance runs rampid like a wild animal.  Just a few weeks ago, something similiar happened when 11 year old San Antonio native, Sebastien de la Cruz sang the National Anthemn in full mariachi/charro attire at a professional basketball game.  For those of you that don't know, a Mariachi is a person or a group (Mariachis) that express their culture by playing Mexican folk music. They use guitars, violins, bass guitars and horns. Mariachis are very proud of their heritage and are passionate musicians when it comes to performing.  They usually wear a Mariachi outfit.  Since it's difficult for me to try and describe what one looks like, I'll just show you, here:

Ok, so now that you all know what a Mariachi is and looks like, let me get on with my rant.

For days, people were critical and downright nasty to this poor kid who is an American citizen, born and bred, who happens to sing with Mariachis.  What the hell is wrong with that?  Hell, if you missed his rendition of the Nantional Anthem, google it or youtube it, he sang it better than some of the "politically correct" celebrities that have tried and failed miserably to do.  I was appalled then, and am appalled now.  What the fuck is going on with people these days??? The whole thing about Marc Anthony is senseless as well.  For one, he is not Mexican, he's Puerto Rican.  For another, he was born in New York City.  Are you kidding me? Really? Who cares, where he is from or who performs?  As long as the person is entertaining and can belt out a song, it matters not to me where they come from.  Some people need to get a life and get educated on matters before making such asses of themselves.  In case anyone's forgotten, the United States is not, nor has it ever been a one race population.  America is a melting pot of so many different cultures and nationalities. That's what makes America so great.  Not this bullshit, evil diareaeah coming out of people's mouths.  And don't even get me started on grouping all Hispanics and/or Latinos as "Mexicans"  ----Give me a break!  I'm an American citizen, I was born here, my mom is Mexican and my dad is Nicaraguan.  So what?  So if I decided to sing Bye Bye Miss American Pie, I'd be called a wet-back, spic, illegal too?  (Not that I would ever sing that song in public.  Or sing any song for that matter)   Don't ever tell my dad he is Mexican, he'll cut you!  -ok not really, but he won't like it.  :)  My point is, with all that is going on in this world of ours, getting upset because someone who doesn't look like a white/full blooded American should look like, sing our National Anthem or God Bless American is just a waste of time and energy.  Instead, why don't ya'll read up on your history and your ancestors.  If you're going to argue, argue intelligently, not ignorantly.

Yes I know that there are problems with immigration and people coming to our country illegally, I'm not arguing that. I'm arguing the fact that in this day and age, certain people still feel that they or as they say, "their" race, is superior to all others.  To them I say, go fuck yourself! This type of mentality is why we are the way we are today.

Now go out and hug your neighbor dammit!

Yvonne's Dating Adventures - Date No. 1 Recap

Alright bloggies, you asked for it (didn't you?) so here it is.  I finally gathered enough courage to get back into the dating world.  Let me tell you, enter at your own risk!  That being said, I met bachelor number one through mutual friends.  It was and wasn't a "set-up".  Ok it was, but we pretended that it wasn't and it made things easier for us.  Trust me.  He's a nice guy, is in the journalism industry, went to UT (University of Texas), has three siblings like myself.  He was born in Brazil but has lived in Houston since he was five.  He's easy on the eyes, great conversationalist and he's employed. Every woman's dream amiright?  After speaking on the phone for a few days and running into each other at the grocery store (yep.  really happened), *Joe asked me out.  (fake name obviously, duh!)  We met for dinner at a really awesome Italian restaurant.  He let me choose, so I liked him already.  Food was excellent, wine was heavenly and the date?  It was good. I mean, for it being a first date and all, and me being so rusty, it was a good date.  Trust me, it could have been worse. We have a lot in common and he loves the Astros (even now, even still) and oh.my.gosh, he has impeccable manners.  Whenever I would stand up to go to the ladies room, he would stand up too, and also when I returned to the table.  I absolutely love that.  You don't see that anymore, not much anyway.  After dinner we walked over to a jazz bar down the street.  A friend of his was playing that night and he wanted to check it out.  I was all for it, I love live music, especially jazz.  It was a nice night.  Ok not really, it was humid and felt like an oven outside but aside from that, it really was a nice night.  At the jazz place we talked some more, listened to some awesome music and around midnight, like Cinderella, he saw me to my carriage.  I could tell he totally wanted to kiss me.  But I wasn't feeling it.  So I met him halfway and kissed his cheek and he kissed mine.  Then he told me he would like to see me again.  He travels a lot, so he said it would have to be when he returned.  I agreed to see him again and we would "talk soon".  Well, no sooner had I gotten into my car and driven away than I get a phone call from him.  He wanted to tell me again what a nice time he had and hoped I enjoyed myself too.  We actually spoke the whole drive to my house. It was nice.  So yeah, I'm more than likely going out with him again.  We'll see.  Did I mention he is 30 years old?

Stay tuned...