"and the beat goes on..."

No one wants to date anymore it seems.  Everyone is in such a hurry to jump from one extreme to the other. In my case, from "dating" to "having sex"  Do I want to? Sure, eventually.  But we're still getting to know each other.  If I was looking solely for a sexual encounter then we would have accomplished that probably the first night we met.  Ugh! I'm not about that anymore.  I thought we were both on the same page.  That's what I was led to believe anyway.  I was wrong.  By now, if you're still here, you may have guessed that I'm talking about "Ball cap guy"  We met a few weeks ago and he's been super sweet and we've been spending  a lot of time together.  He's cooked for me several times, I've reciprocated.  We've talked for hours, you know, getting to know each other. We've had some pretty fantastic make-out sessions.  But that's as far as it's gotten. Or that was as far as it had gotten.  Until tonight.  We had a nice date, dinner, movie, a drink at a local pub and then home.  This is where it all fell apart.  So we're sitting on his couch, talking, kissing and laughing.  Things quickly progress and soon there is heavy breathing and soft moans.  That's my red light! My cue, if you will.  I stop him, he stops.  But then he starts again.  I stop him again.  He tells me he's waited long enough.  Wait.  What?  "I told you from the beginning that I wasn't ready to jump into a sexual relationship.  That I wanted to take things slow and get to know one another.  I thought you said you were on the same page?"  He sat across from me on the sofa, we'd miraculously found cause to not be thisclose to each other anymore.  "Yvonne, I really like you, but I have needs, don't you?"  We're soooo not on the same page.  I grabbed my stuff and asked him to drive me home.  He told me I was overreacting and that this was normal.  He said that this was a way for us to get closer.  Ok, I get that. I do. And if I was ready to have sex with him, I would have jumped him right then and there.  But I'm not.  I don't want this relationship to be just about sex.  I'm not at that point.  Why is that so difficult for him to understand?  I want to be wooed and take time to get to know him and him to get to know me.  I want a relationship.  Is that so wrong?  Ugh! I hate dating, I hate dating, I hate dating!  And why was this all about him? He never once asked me if I was ready or how I felt taking our relationship further or any of that! He just assumed I was or expected me to be.  What's up with that? That's not cool! Meh! We ended our "discussion" at an impasse.  Neither one of us would give in.  But the clincher, the gut wrenching, twist the knife a little harder clincher was when he said to me, "You're an older woman, you should be a pro at this! This should not be this difficult!"  Yeah, I forgot to mention he's a wee bit younger than me.  Like, 11 years younger. What? Don't judge.  Anyway, the whole thing sucked all around.  He ended driving me home.  LONGEST.DRIVE.EVER.  It was done in total silence.  When we got to my place, he turned to look at me and told me he didn't hold any grudges.  That I was a great person and a very sexy woman, but just not the sexy woman for HIM.  Oh.my.god!!! He said that!!!  I was at a loss for words. (incredible isn't it?)  I don't even remember if I said anything to him.  All I remember was getting out of his car and walking up to my front door.  All evening I've been going over what happened in my head.  Replaying it like a bad movie.  Pausing it, only to mull over the good parts. I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach and I'm gasping for air.  I really wanted him to be someone special in my life.  I really did.  I called my friend *Gustabo to tell him the latest, and he told me that BCG  wasn't the "special someone" that was supposed to be in my life.  Then he said to stop moping and go out and get laid! Good thing he keeps everything in perspective! Whatever would I do without a friend like him? :)

So kids, that was my Friday night.  It's 1:00 a.m. now, Saturday morning.  I'm wide awake, who else?