Ramblings of A Tired Insomniac

12:24 a.m. and I'm still awake.  I've been trying to fall asleep since 10:00 p.m. but after laying in bed, tossing and turning, I gave up.  So here I am!  What's new kids? How was everyone's weekend?  Mine was okay.  Saturday night I was still mentally drained from the day before at work, that I made it a cheesy 80's movie kind of night.  I watched Pretty in Pink and Sixteen Candles and then just for kicks, I watched Grease, because everybody knows, "A hickey from Kinicky is like a Hallmark card." heh.  I love that movie! I annoy people when they watch it with me because I will follow along and say the lines either at the same time or before the actor says them.  I do that with West Side Story too, but instead of reciting lines, I sing!  -or try to anyway.  Sunday,  I lounged around the house for a bit before heading out to a jewelry party.  Truthfully, I only went because I wanted to get out of the house.  I needed distraction from my thoughts.  Anyway, I had a nice time. The jewelry that was being showcased was really nice. Some of it was gorgeous even! But too friggin expensive!  Interestingly enough, I've never been a "jewelry" kind of girl.  I mean, ok so I love wearing earrings and bracelets. And I'll wear rings sometimes.  But not always.  I do own a few "heirlooms" (okay, MY definition and others definition of heirloom is very different) that I wear on special occasions. I think for my birthday in October, I will buy myself a diamond ring.  I've never had one.  Sad, I know. And since this is going to by my 45th (ouch!  it even hurts to type that out) anniversary of my birth, I deserve something fab! Don't you think? Yeah, I thought you would.  Well, it's just that I was waiting and waiting for Prince Charming to do it but he's missing in action, probably hanging with the Lochness monster somewhere.  Bleh! I don't need no stinkin' prince to buy me diamonds. I'll do it myself.  So yeah, my birthday gift to me this year, will be a diamond ring.  Yay me! I''ve been looking a certain ones that I'm interested in, no hurry though.  I've got plenty of time to choose.  Where was I? Oh yes, the jewelry party.  I left after an acceptable amount of time had passed, and came home.  Didn't watch the Oscars. Watched a Lifetime movie instead and indulged in chocolate ice cream.  Sooooo not on my diet.  I know, I know, I was bad tonight. But it was soooo good!   Sometimes being bad is a necessity. That's it, my weekend in a nutshell.  Jealous?  I thought so.

Hmm, I'm going to go pass out now.

Monday's on deck peeps.  Make it count!

 

Sleep! Wherefore Art Thou, Sleep?

I got home a little over an hour ago. It's now a quarter till 2:00 a.m. and I'm wide awake.  Nice!  On my ride home, I remember thinking how I couldn't wait to get into bed and fall asleep. Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. But the strangest thing happened.  When I got home, I washed my face and took my contacts out.  Got into my pjs and suddenly, I got the burst of energy.  Where the heck it came from? Your guess is as good as mine! I attempted to lay down and shut my eyes.  But it was all for naught.  My mind was racing with too many thoughts and the room spun slightly.  Oh yeah, I failed to mention that I was slightly intoxicated which would explain the spinning. But it wasn't that "drunk" intoxicated.  No, it was more the, "I've been up since 5:00 a.m., and worked until 9:00 p.m., I need a drink now!" kind of intoxicated.  Feel sorry for me yet? Meh, didn't think so.  Just for that, I'm going to bore you with details of my evening.  As I stated, I worked super late finishing up a deadline on a project that was due today, er, yesterday.  You know  what I mean! So after the day from hell was over, I met my friend *Gustabo at a local watering hole and had the best conversation with him. We always laugh so much when we get together.  For those that are new to my blog, *Gustabo is a fictitious name I give to all of my male characters to protect the innocent and the not so innocent.  This particular *Gustabo, is a very good friend.  We are extremely close.  In fact, we are bff's!  But we are just that, good friends.  So during our conversation we or I, rather, drank a few more drinky drinks than I normally do.  That and the fact that I was so tired, was a bad combination.  I quickly forgot about my horrid day and focused on letting loose and enjoying myself.  I think I flirted with just about everyone in the place! Flirting comes naturally to me.  I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  I enjoy it.  Do you? Meh, it was all in fun and no one got hurt.  We sat out in the patio.  The night had  a cool breeze.  Oh and the service was impeccable! That NEVER happens at these types of bars.  Needless to say, someone got a hefty tip tonight!  Guess what? My incessant rambling has bored me to sleepiness! Yes!

Be good kids!

Cowboy Up!

Every year, at this time, Houston is invaded by a massive parade, cowboys, horses, trail-riders, a carnival, a livestock show, and (gasp!) country music!  Say it isn't so! But alas, it is. It's rodeo time here in this fair city.. Can I get a "yee-haw!"?  I don't know how long this has been going on but ever since I could form words, I remember clearly, how my mom would dress me and my siblings up in our brand new "Go Texan" day attire (because everyone needs new boots and wranglers and cowboy hats!) and take us to school.  Where there, we would happily show off our new duds.  Then the following day, we would rise early, again dress in our finest,  and head downtown to watch the parade.  Back then, when I was little, I thought the parade would never end! It was so long!  I remember sitting on my dad's shoulders so I could get a better look at all of the marching bands and floats and just take everything in! It was enormous!  While I haven't been in years, the rodeo has grown tremendously, and is even larger than it used to be.   I don't participate in the whole "let's all be cowboys and cowgirls for three weeks y'all" garb.  Meh,  the only thing I do that is remotely connected to the rodeo is eat barbecue.   Sho enuf! That's some good eatin'!  Oh and of course, watching the hot cowboys walking around in their hot jeans.  -What? Eye candy is eye candy!  So tomorrow marks the beginning of the rodeo and thus, it's been declared, "Go Texan" day.  We mean business here in H-town!   This is the time of year that it doesn't matter what your ethnicity is or if you are from here or not.  For twenty-one days everyone is a Texan!  Business owners and the city alike, love it because of the shot of the "green stuff" it shoots into our local economy. 

Thanks for letting me share my Texas story.  Y'all come back now, ya hear?

A Kind of Poem And Some Thoughts

I'm just a girl
who wants to love
and be loved.

 Loneliness
be gone!
You're not welcome here anymore.
You have worn out your welcome
and it's time for you to go.
_____________________________
Wouldn't it be awesome to get rid of bad feelings just like that?  Think about it? We'd never be sick or sad, or angry.  We would only be what we wanted to be.  Sounds kind of promising but it has too many holes in it to actually work.  For starters, if we all walked around in the same state of mind, then we'd be robotic don't you think? And kind of Stepford Wives-ish.  Apologies for my spastic dribble.  I'm just not feeling it tonight.  My mind is everywhere and nowhere.  I hesitate to say I'm feeling "blue" or a little sad, because that's not entirely true.  Nothing has happened to make me feel this way.  It's just, it's just me.  Sigh.  Sometimes I give in to these emotions.  I allow myself some time to grieve or laugh or scream or cry and then I let it go.  And my neurotic, crazy, happy, lovable self, returns.  It's kind of like purging no? :)

Happy Wednesday night friends!  I hope your "hump" day was beautiful.

Habits

No not the kind that nuns wear! Although, the way my dating life has gone lately, I may need to invest in one soon.  -Kidding.  Kinda.  I digress.  Tonight's topic boys and girls, is bad habits.  Come on, we all have some.  Some of us try to hide them, some flaunt them, and some don't have a clue. Which category do you fall under and why?  I'm a hider and a flaunter. (I think I just made that word up) It just depends which habit I'm indulging in.  For instance, when I'm nervous,  I twirl a strand of my hair with my fingers.  It can go on for hours, just twirling it, round and round. Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm doing it. It's subconscious almost.  I also do this when I read.  Another bad habit I have, I bite my finger nails. I know, gross right???  Well at least I didn't say my toe nails.  Now THAT is gross!  It's a nervous habit that I've had since I was little.  That one used to  embarrass me.  So I always tried to hide it.  I would sometimes bite so much that it would cause my fingers to bleed.  Ewww, I'm all about "the gross" tonight!   I tend to bite my nails when I'm angsty or nervous about something.  For example, if I'm watching an Astros game, and it's the bottom of the 9th, two outs and bases loaded, and we're up to bat, I bite my nails.  Or, if something happens to someone I care about, I bite my nails.  Believe me, I bite so much that the nail salon ladies LOVE me! Yes that's right, I'm a faker -nail wearer that is.   I also bite my lower lip.  (Notice a trend here?)  I don't bite it hard or anything like that, I just bite down on it from time to time.  One of my favorite bad habits, is cussing.  I know, I know, what a potty mouth! But there's something about letting out an expletive that makes it feel so good to hear it come out of my mouth! Besides, I've been working for lawyers for over twenty something years, they cuss like sailors and I've learned well.  What about you fellow bloggers? What quirky bad habits do you have?
Share with me.  We're all friends here.

That's I have tonight folks.  You've been great! Don't forget to be good to the waitstaff on your way out.

Good night!

Got Blow-job?

I read a post tonight about finding ways to make time to blog. Sandra at www.absolutelynarcissism.com/ did a guest post about that at canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com/ .  One of the ways to find more time to blog she suggests, is to offer your spouse/lover/significant other/random guy, a blow-job.  Which of course, led me to think about all kinds of crazy things.  For instance, men really are that simple aren't they?  The mere mention of the word, "blow-job" and they are like puddy in our hands -er, bad choice of words, sorry.  So anyway, all this got me to think about the very first time I ever did it -the blow-job.  First of all, who came up with that name? I  don't like it.  I  tried to come up with something equally powerful but failed miserably. So the name stays.  Back to my story, the first time I ever did it I totally sucked at it.  Oops, there I go again, bad choice of words.  Lets just say I was pretty bad.  I didn't know what I was doing and there were teeth involved.  What? He got over it.  Nothing broke.  I've since perfected my act.  And I get no complaints.  Of course, who I choose to "gift" with this act are a select few.  I refer to them as the lucky ones.  But really, is there such a thing as a bad blow-job?  I personally think that any man would just be so grateful to have you go down on them that they wouldn't care if you were bad at it, at all.  At least, that's what I think.  What do you think?  I've had many a discussion with some of my guy friends about this topic.  Doesn't everyone?  The majority agree that there really is no such thing as a bad blow-job but then there is a small minority that say that they have had bad experiences. When I asked for examples, they told me sometimes women used too much teeth, or squeezed too hard or bit them or there was not enough spittage (their word, not mine).  Hmm, interesting.  I then asked them if the offer of a blow-job trumped everything else.  All except one guy gave me a hearty, "Hell yes!"  The one guy that said no, told me in confidence, that he didn't like getting them.  Wait. What? Really? At all??? "No.  It does nothing for me." Which led me to a whole different conversation that I will leave for another post.  In the meantime, thank you Sandra and Canadian Blogger Girl for inspiring me to write about this and for bringing up bittersweet memories.

Perfect Ending

I ran into "Someone I Used To Know" over the weekend.  I had debated whether or not to go to this function all week because I knew he was going to be there.  Not because we are on bad terms or anything like that, we're not. It's complicated.  But then, what isn't in my life???  It had been almost a year since we'd seen each other.  So much has changed in that time.  I have to admit, I got a little nervous when I saw him.  The kind of nervous that makes you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach.  But immediately after exchanging hellos and hugs, all nervousness vanished.  The "familiar" took over.  We resumed right where we left off months before.  Our conversation flowed and we couldn't speak fast enough to devulge more about the changes in each other's lives.  It was good seeing him.  I felt somehow, that we finally closed doors that had been left  ajar, in our relationship.   Driving home that night, I was relieved but there was also a tinge of sadness for the closeness we once shared, but it didn't linger.  I was fine because I know in my heart, that he is where he is supposed to be and I am where I need to be.  And life goes on.  I've been fortunate and blessed to have many people come into my life.  Some have stayed and never left, some came for a little while and some came so fast that if I blinked, I missed them!  All of those people, whether they were in my life long-term, or short-term, or seasonal even, all of them have had a purpose in my life and in making me the person I am today.  I'm not saying that they've all been positive influences.  Not at all.  In fact, some have hurt me to the very core of my existence.  But I know that it was something I had to go through. And even though I may not be sure what that purpose was in some instances,  I am a better Yvonne because of that.  Does that make sense?  I suppose if I was cynical (and trust me, I can be) I would be bitter and lost and without hope.  But I can't allow myself to be that way.  That's no way to live!  Besides, it takes too much energy.  I choose to make myself happy instead.  A fellow blogger left a comment on one of my posts today. She said that reading my blog gave her hope and encouragement.  And that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It made my heart smile, to know that I made a difference to someone else or at the very least, made them think. 

What a great way to end my Monday!

Sunday night dribble

No matter how many times I tell myself I won't obsess about this anymore, I still do it! What am I talking about? Men of course! What else makes me this crazy? I just don't get them. First of all, dating sucks. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, it's never good.  Somehow, something always goes wrong and/or gets derangely complicated.  It can never be simple and it always comes down to sex, sex and more sex.  Don't get me wrong, I love sex.  However, when I've just met you and we're trying to get to know one another, going down on you is not how I want to spend our first date.  Unless of course, that's all there is.  I'm not a prude, I know we all have urges and yes, I have had the one night stands and the "friend" that I called upon in my time of need.  But that's not what happened in this case.  In this case I thought there was a mutual interest in dating.  How stupid of me to think something so outrageous!  This becomes more and more frustrating to me as I get older. I'm at the point where I'm wondering what the use is anyway!  It just seems that men have their agenda, their games, that object between their legs that drives their every move! Ugh! That's it! I'm going to go out and buy knitting materials and drop by the pet store to buy a cat tomorrow. And I loathe cats! But eh, if I'm going to grow to be an old spinster, I may as well dress the part, don't you think? I'm not looking for sympathy here, I'm just venting. Tune in tomorrow for yet another episode of  "As My Dating World Turns..."

Gonna Wash This Day Right Outta My Hair!

**This little story happened to me on Friday.  I didn't get a chance to post it until today**

No one likes to fail.  I personally hate it. I also am my own worst critic and am a real hard-ass on myself when I make mistakes.  Today started off as a perfectly grand day.  I woke up feeling amazingly rested.  No insomnia = happy me.  I drove to work full of energy, ready to take on the day's litigation woes. All was well in my world and the best part? It was Friday!  Wah,wah,wah, wahhhh.  Fast forward to mid-morning, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, and then some! I made a very careless mistake today.  HUGE.  And while it didn't cause the firm any money, and we were able to save face, it caused my boss to look bad in front of a judge.  And that my friends, is a lawyer's worst nightmare.  Especially because the judge read him the riot act in front of his peers.  There I was, working away when my computer beeped, alerting me that I had mail.  I checked it and it's from my boss.  I should have known something was wrong when the subject line read, "UNACCEPTABLE", all in caps. (as was the rest of his email)  He was yelling at me.  So the gist of the email was a quick run-down on what had just happened and why.  My peaceful, productive, morning quickly turned into one of frantic and worry.   The last sentence read, "WE'LL DISCUSS WHEN I GET BACK."  Sigh...  Long story short, I found out what the mistake was and where it happened and low and behold, it was not my fault.  It was his. But since I am the flunky, the "fall" guy, I caught the brunt of it.  In actuality, it was more of a concerted screw-up between me and the yeller.  But again, he's got to blame someone right? Right.  I waited with my stomach in knots for him to return, so I could take my punishment.  Surprisingly, there was no backlash.  He didn't scream, or pout or cuss me out, or throw things, even! Instead I was met by a calm, collected and level headed individual.  "Who are you and what have you done with R?" Those were my immediate thoughts.  He called me into his office and he said he was tired and had a headache so he really didn't want to discuss it. BUT (I knew it!) "we can't let this happen ever again."  And then he told me to close the door on my way out and to, "Have a good lunch."  Wait.  That's it?  I walked out of his office in a zombie-like state.  I mean, I had been preparing myself mentally for the past two hours for the lecture of EPIC proportions and this was all I got? Being the obsessive person that I am, I couldn't leave it alone.  I felt there was more he wanted to say.  So what do I do? I march right back into his office and ask him if he's got a minute.  He grins slightly and tells me to sit down.  "What's up?" he wants to know.  "You tell me."  We spoke a good while and he explained to me that he was more upset at himself than anything else because he is the one that made the initial mistake.  Even though, he added, YOU are supposed to have my back!  I felt thissmall.  Of course I have his back! But I'm not perfect and I am only human.  I do make mistakes!  Yes, it's true people! Believe it.  He chucked up to a lesson learned and he said all that was bruised was his ego because of the beat down from the judge.  Full of relief, I sighed and asked him what he wanted me to bring him back for lunch.

Change is Coming

What is your passion? What drives you? Motivates you? Inspires you? What makes you get up every morning and live? For the longest time, I have been letting my life, live me. Meaning, I did things because they were expected of me, because that’s what “adults” do, because I was not not living my life, it was living me. Last August, I began what I call, my journey to "A Better Version of Myself".  I set out to make changes in my life that were necessary in order for me to go forward with my journey.  I also decided to stop blaming everyone else for what was going on in my life and own up to my faults and my truths, and my mistakes. By doing so, I liberated my “self”, so to speak. The self that had been trapped in my body, bound by my own actions, my own guilt.  This change of mine is an ongoing process and it's proven to be challenging and very trying, to say the least.  There have been times that I've waved the white towel and given up.  Given in to the voices in my head that say, "What's the use?", "It's not going to happen!", "You're never going to change!" --- But despite the "surrender", I got back up and started again, after all, everyone knows Rome wasn't built in a day!   I've hit road blocks and had to climb over them, around them, and under them, to get to the next point.  It's all been very difficult, but very worth it. By no means am I done, I've got a long way to go but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It's  a question of how bad I want to change, how bad I want the prize?  I want it so bad, I crave it.  In my case, the "prize" would ultimately be a better version of myself.  In ALL aspects of my life.  There was a time not too long ago, that I feared falling back into the "black hole", the "abyss" ---my codewords for the depression that engulfed me.  I think it is because of that fear, that this drive I have inside of me to change, is so strong. 

The success of my journey is also largely due to you, the bloggers who not only read but also take time to comment on this little blog of mine.  Writing has helped me tremendously.  Words will never be enough to thank you for that.

And so I continue to fight the good fight.

Something Jazz...

There is nothing like having a glass of wine in the stillness the night, after a long and stressful day.  Sitting in my room, it's dark and peaceful, the only light, coming from the computer screen and the candles I have lit and strewn about the room.  There is soft, jazz sounds in the background. Ahhh, this, this is nirvana! The only thing that would make it better would be if I had someone here with me to share the moment with.  On second thought,  that may not  be such a good idea, because I wouldn't get any writing done! 

Sigh, a girl can dream can't she?

A Whole Lotta Nothin Goin On...

My dad is still in Nicaragua, on his "Man-cation".  Apparently, he has no desire to return home anytime soon.  For those of you who just started reading my blog and are new, my dad left to his homeland in Central America, back in November, a week before Thanksgiving. It was his first time back since he came to live in the United States.  He's seventy years old, actually, tomorrow is his birthday, so he'll be seventy-one!  He was only supposed to be there a couple of weeks.  I guess he's having a better time than he expected because, he's still there!

I am still sicky. Haha, my nieces and nephews come up with all these "cutesy" words and I'm around them so much, I start using them too. -hence the use of the word, "sicky".  Which can be a little embarrassing when you tell your boss that your "toesies" are cold or "Pass the chippies" , or like today, when he asked me, "How are you feeling Yvonne?" and I replied, "I feel a little yucky..."  Anyway, in case you're wondering, I am still sick, but not as bad as I was this past weekend and I'm well on the road to recovery, thank you very mucho!

Procrastination.  That should be my middle name.  I always put everything off.  I've been doing this for years! It's something that I promised myself I would become better at NOT doing, this year.  Results? Well, here we are in week two, of month two, of the new year and I haven't done crap!   Ok, ok, I have done crap, just not the crap I'm supposed to be doing. Ay! Baby steps I guess.  No really, I have to get better at not procrastinating!  It's just a matter of re-prioritizing and just doing it.  Agree? Of course you do!

Moving on. 

The humidity is back.  How do I know? Ha! My hair told me so, that's how! I walked around all day with my curlies in total frizz mode and then some!  Texas weather, gotta love it!

And on that note, I'm off to see a pillow about some sleep.  Wish me luck!

Love

I choose love above all else
I choose to give my heart to all
even those that don't deserve it
or break it.

I choose love above all else
because it defines who I am.

I love because it makes me happy
I smile because the world is brighter when there is love.
Does not matter if it's romantic love, platonic love or the love of food!

Sad is the person who walks this world with an empty heart.

Embrace your life!

Kiss your life and kiss those around you.
Accept love.

You'll smile for miles.

This was my cheesy attempt at poetry on Valentine's day.  It kinda sucks but eh, I'll post it anyway. 
Enjoy, kids!

"Red or White?"

I was watching Brothers and Sisters tonight and heard this line, "Now, perhaps the most important question of all, red or white?"  I like the way they think!  No matter what is going on in my life, a nice glass of wine always relaxes me and makes everything better.  Too bad I'm on antibiotics or I would have opened up a bottle and had a glass while writing this post. It's Sunday bloggers, and you know what that means! And if you don't, I'll tell you.  It means that angst and stress and worry sets in. You see, technically, I start my Mondays on Sunday nights. At least in my mind.  I am a worrier and I'm also obsessive-compulsive, what can I say? 

Moving on, the weather was drop-dead GORGEOUS today! And even though I spent it inside, (because I'm sick) I did manage to pull up the shades and let the sun shine through my windows.  That always gets me in a good mood, even if I feel like a truck ran over my body.  Oh sunshine! How I've missed you! 

I noticed an influx of Valentine-themed blog posts today.  Coinky-dink? I think NOT!  I think that love is alive and kicking in this world of ours,  despite of or in spite of all the chaos, and that is a beautiful thing! Alright, enough medicine-induced writing. I'm going to go to bed now and hopefully, when morning comes, I will be well enough to make it in to work.  Staying in for three days has driven me insane. (more insane. better?)

Thanks for dropping by peeps!  Sending you tons of love and hugs!!!

Ciao!

All Things Love (Part Deux)

I love poetry.  Sadly, I find that not too many people are interested in that anymore.  Just like no one writes letters anymore, no one takes the time to read any poetry either.  I have many favorite poets, but my top five are Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Pablo Neruda. Classics. What's happened to the world of courtship and sending love letters and poems?  Everything is generic now, everything is "manufactured", very little genuine "thought" is given to that now.  And that's too sad really.  I was recently asked what I considered a romantic gesture, and I said I would totally melt if I received a love letter from my boyfriend/husband. The person that posed the question said I was lying.  I laughed and said I wasn't. I totally would love and appreciate the gesture!  "So you'd be okay with that? Just a letter?" he probed further. 

"Yeah totally.  But it wouldn't hurt if he had flowers to 'compliment' the letter."
"I knew it!" he said laughing hysterically.

What about you bloggers? Would a love letter from your beloved be enough for you on Valentine's Day?  Do you expect something out of this world each time?  Do you feel pressured to doing something because it's February 14th and not because you truly feel like doing something special for your beloved? 

Hmm, just thoughts in my head that I'm wondering about.  I have nothing else to do today.  :)

All Things Love

I decided to honor Valentine's day by typing this post in red.  The color of AMOR!  I'm not a big fan of Valentine's day. It's just another day to me. Of course, if I was in a relationship I would probably have a change of heart (heh).  So this being "Valentine's Day Weekend" it's only fitting that every channel on the tellie is showing some sappy love story right?  Anyway, I'm sick.  I've been sick since Thursday.  I managed to work through Friday, though I have no idea how I made it through the day. Saturday morning greeted me with a horrible migraine, congestion, watery-itchy eyes and this excruciating pain coming from both of my ears.  G-u-r-e-a-t!  I drove myself to an urgent care clinic and after waiting for almost two hours to see the doctor, I was finally diagnosed with not one, but TWO ear infections and as an added bonus, a sinus infection. NICE!  After paying a small fortune and picking up my meds, I miraculously made it home and threw myself on my bed.  And it's here that I've been since then. Getting up only to drink water or go to the bathroom.  Which leads me back to Valentine's Day ---you thought I forgot right? Since I'm kind of quarantined to the confines of my home, and  since the only energy I can muster up is to work the remote and type on my laptop, I've been enduring sappy love movies since last night.  Bleh.  Love is never as easy as it seems on screen.  It's complicated and intoxicating and hapy and sad and angry and lustful and kind, and sacrifice and full of passion and, well you get the picture yes?  I've been called a "romantic" all of my life, and I am.  Truly.  I love, love.  Whether or not I'm in a relationship, I love, love.  Sure, I get a case of the "blues" or a little jealous of "the couples" because I am alone, but I can't dwell on that or let it make me bitter.  I just keep going forward.  I have so much love to give someone, and one day, "someone" will come into my life and take what I have to give and give me what they have to offer.  And that will be my Valentine.  One day.  That is my hope anyway.

WINNER!!!!

I won! I won! I entered this poem in  writing contest last month and I just learned I got FIRST place in the Romance Adult Category! It will be published in their magazine in the summer!  Yay!!! So to celebrate, I decided to re-post it again.  I originally posted it last year sometime.  I wrote this about 2 years ago.  I had just finished having a conversation with "HIM" and out of that conversation, this emerged.  I hope you enjoy -again! 

"Round Two?"

Hands roaming everywhere.
Exploring.
Bodies entangled, sweat, heavy breathing, lust.
Kisses that keep us wanting more and more.

Deeper, softer, harder, faster, slower
soft moans escape our mouths
our eyes are locked into each other
not looking away.

To be inside me as you are drives me insane!
To feel you with every thrust makes me want this never to end!
Quiet whispers, "I want you so bad", "I need you so much..."
Then all at once the waves come in and lead our bodies to ecstasy.

Catching our breath, laying together, now peaceful, serene.
Pounding hearts returning to normal

Sigh, with a devilish look on our faces we stare at each other,
Round two?

Heartfelt

Suddenly you are here, with me
in my bedroom.  
My heart beating fast
hurried
anticipating 
Hands roaming our bodies, familiar places
touching, satisfying the hunger, the craving
Kissing each other, revisiting those places that lead us to ecstasy
Our breath, heavy
Staring at each other, speaking in silence
All at once, we take each other in

"I missed you." I whisper out.
"I want you so much..." he says breathlessly.

Somewhere in the background, I hear a faint noise.  It grows louder and louder.  My eyes open, only to realize that it was my alarm clock.  

Sighing heavily, I realized it was just a dream.  My eyes well up with tears. 

Clueless

I learn something new every day it seems. Over the weekend, I learned more than I wanted to about the etiquette of dating, swaping gum, and invading your pesonal "food-space."

Saturday night I met up with some friends for a birthday dinner, George and his girlfriend Melinda and Lance and his wife Melanie.  I was really happy to see them. It had been a long time since we had all been together and it gave us a chance to catch up.  We met at an Italian restaurant and had yummy Lemontinis while we waited to be served.  When the food was brought out we waste no time and of course start eating! We don't mess around when we're hungry! So all of a sudden, I overhear my friend George say his meal is a bit cold, to which, Melinda proceeds to stick her finger in his food and indeed confirms, "Yep, it's cold, send it back!" WTF??? That's just gross!  The other couple, saw the look of disgust on my face.  Melanie smirked at me and also proceeds to stick her finger in Lance's meal.  Not to see if it was cold or too hot, but rather, just to annoy me.  Lance doesn't even bat an eye and continues to eat.  They all laugh at me and say I'm being too "prudish"  Really? I'm being prudish because I don't want your hands in my food?  Then they all start telling me about how "couples" married and not married, do this type of stuff all of the time.  "See what you have to look forward to?"  Lance interjects. "You've never done this with any of your boyfriends?" Melinda asked me.  Well now, let me think about it, what with the hundreds of boyfriends I've had and all.  "No! I never have!" I reply.  I don't even like it when people start picking at my food and start to eat it as well.  That's just rude.  I''m all for sharing and I will always ask if you'd like some of whatever it is I happen to be eating. But don't decide that you want some after I've already started eating it myself.  You're invading my "food-space" dammit!  There is such a thing. And it's needed just as much as personal space.

So anyway, throughout our dinner, conversation once again returned to me and my lack of knowledge in
the "Dating and Eating Etiquette"  department.  Apparently, it is perfectly fine to take each other's chewing gum and swap.  And it's also the "norm" to "Burp and blow" in each others' mouths.  "It's a form of affection."  Melanie informed me.  Never. Ever. I've never done that with anyone I've ever dated or hell, even slept with!  Have you? Am I the only one that finds this slightly repulsive?

I went home that night and called up an ex-boyfriend of mine.  We are still very good friends.  I recount my dinner conversation and he starts laughing.  "Eh, I'm not crazy about the burp and blow but the gum swap is not so bad. And the fingers in my food? No, that's a negative."  FINALLY! Someone with some semblance of reason.

Any others out there?

Mini-skirts, Tights and Women Who Wear Them

I was working on a story and had the tv on for background noise this evening.  All of a sudden, I hear this mousy-voice say, "If you're a woman over 30, you should not be wearing a mini-skirt or tights."  Whaaaat??? Really mousy-voice woman? Really?  Give me a break! I'm not only over thirty but I can STILL rock the mini with or without tights.  You know, these self-proclaimed "experts" are full of baloney!  Who decided what you should or should not wear?  Grant it, I know what I look good in and what I don't look good in, and what I have NO business in! And if I don't, believe me, one of my friends will let me know in a heartbeat!  It's not like I'm talking about wearing a pleaded skirt with knee high socks or something! (well unless it's Halloween)  But to generalize and say that a woman of a certain age shouldn't wear a certain outfit?  Yeah, that's just wrong.  As a woman, I believe we should wear what makes us feel good and sexy and attractive.  Who gives a shit what those self-proclaimed "experts" say!  Ugh! She really pissed me off with that statement! I feel my inner "Julia Sugarbaker" coming on and a letter to that mousy-voice woman, in my future. 

Wear THAT!

Sharped Dressed Man, A Confession and Tequila!

Happy Superbowl Sunday everyone! The best day to go to the movies or the mall or the park and not have to fight any crowds.  Even attendance in church goes down on this day!  As most of you know, I don't like football.  In fact, I'd rather get a root canal than sit and watch a football game. Unless of course, the Texans suddenly win a game or something miraculous  like that! Then, and only then do I become a fan and attempt to watch it, but really not giving a crap about it, just that we win!  Anyway, I declined invitations to a few parties to watch the game and instead went to the park and walked 3 miles.  It is such a beautiful Spring-like day here, that I didn't even feel the sweat dripping down my face.  And now, after I finish this blog, I will return outside and curl up on our back porch swing, and immerse myself in a book I've been putting off reading.  Envy me.

So, I have a confession to make.  Cue in the Law and Order SVU music.  I broke my self-imposed alcohol ban yesterday.  I know, I know, I suck.  But I did complete a whole 37 days! That counts for something right?  I'm not totally disappointed in myself, because as I said, I did complete at least a month.  And I am proud of that. And perhaps three months was a little extreme for me.  I did not allow myself to have even a glass of wine.  And that is severely extreme, to me.  But I learned some things about myself, I learned that even under the most tempting of temptations, I  am able to say no. I learned that I am strong even when my life is chaotic.  And I think that is pretty amazing!  Nothing major occurred to make me break this alcohol ban.  It just happened.  And it was only one drink, I didn't get sloppy drunk or drunk even.  So that's my confession, what's my penance? :)

Saturday was also pretty cool because I got to see Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top in person! He was making a special appearance at a local establishment.  He was there promoting his new tequila, Pura Vida.  The bottle is very cute! It looks like a fat I Dream of Jeannie bottle!  It's blue with a silver top.  I was there with Michelle and Maricela. We had to wait in this huge line that snaked around the store.  Luckily, we arrived early and our wait was not too long.  The girls each took a picture with him but since they do not want their face on the internet, I cannot post them.  But I will post Billy's picture:

I'm headed back outside to enjoy the rest of my afternoon.  I hope you all do the same.

Ciao!

In Rememberance of Maria Hidalgo

Today marked the one year anniversary of my friend's death.  Her name was Maria Rocha Hidalgo.  She died of breast cancer.  Ironically, she was already a  breast cancer survivor.  She had beat it  when she was initially diagnosed the first time and  seven years later it came back with a vengeance and sadly, her body could not resist it the second time.  But this will not be a sad post about my friend. No, rather, it will be a tribute to a woman that I still remember coming over my house in shorts and a tee shirt, to hold cheerleading practice. Or to help me organize my Quince Anos (My Fifteen) party. We met in the fourth grade at Holy Name Parochial School.  Maria was a beautiful young girl. I'm not just saying that either. She really was beautiful. She was "that" girl.  The one all the guys wanted to have. The one that all the girls envied.  But she carried her beauty even back then, with class. She was a very simple and charismatic person. She would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it, no questions asked.  After parochial school, Maria and I went on to high school. Incarnate Word Academy.  The oldest Catholic all-girl school in Houston. There, we became even closer.  We weren't best friends but our friendship surpassed the norm. After high school, we ended up getting a part-time job at a local department store together. Not on purpose.  No one was as surprised as we were when we showed up for orientation.  We had the same circle of friends, so we were always doing stuff together.  I was with her the day she met her future husband.  And I remember vividly how she looked me in the eye and told me she was going to marry him.  Years later, she did.  I was one of the bridesmaids.  After she got married, life got in the way and we lost track of one another.  Many years would pass before I would see her again.  And it was hurried or in passing.  One time I would see her at Target that's where I met her first born, Victoria.  The next time I met her at a mutual friend's party.  She was pregnant with her second child, Vanessa.  She was always more interested in hearing what I had to say or what was going on in my life or ask about my family's well-being.  That's just the type of person she was.  And she was always in a good mood and happy and even if she wasn't, you could never tell.   In the summer of 2009, I learned through mutual friends that the cancer had returned and with a vengeance.  I remember feeling bad for her but I didn't reach out to her.  Again, life got in the way.  But through Caring Bridges (a website for Cancer patients/survivors/families) her husband kept a blog about her progress and their life.  It was there that I found her even more amazing! She remained positive until the day she died.  And she didn't feel sorry for herself so she didn't want us to feel sorry for her either.  Harold told us later, that when the kids started crying, she quickly told them not to cry or be sad, she said she was on her way to heaven and they should be happy.   By September of 2009, all things seemed to indicate that the medication and treatment she was receiving was working.  But then, in late November of the same year, she became sick and had to be hospitalized.  It was there that the doctors told Harold and Maria that there was nothing left to do.  Almost indignant, they refused to accept the doctor's diagnosis and sought help from the best doctors and the best hospitals in the world.  They even tried alternative medicine.  She would say that she was not going down without a fight.  And she didn't.   In the last week of January 2010, I learned that the doctors had given her only weeks to live.  She had come to accept it and was now at home resting and praying to God for a miracle.  I rushed to see her.   I didn't want her to die without me seeing her and telling her how much I loved her.  This was not going to happen to me again!  Alright, let me give you some background on that statement.  Maria and I had a mutual friend who also grew up with us and went to elementary and high school with us.  Her name was Gerri. When she was 22, she died of complications from leukemia.  I never went to visit her.  Not once. I didn't want to see her so sick.  And when she died, I felt so guilty for never visiting her.  Soyears later, here I am again, well, this time I was going to say good bye.  Walking up to the the front door of her house, I grew more and more scared and hesitant.  I didn't know what to expect or what to say or not say.  Harold had told me before hand that she was lucid, she was not wearing her wig, and she was very weak and having trouble breathing.  I was greeted by her youngest, Harrison.  He opened the door and let me in.  And there she was.  Propped up with pillows and tons of blankets.   She wore an oversized pink robe.  It was so big, it almost swallowed her tiny body.  Instantly, my fear of seeing her disappeared.  She smiled when she saw me and motioned for me to sit next to her, on the couch.  I hugged her and could literally feel her bones.  She held on to me for a long time and seemed so happy to see me.  She was so frail, her eyes yellow and glazed, her lips parched, but she still smiled and laughed and joked around with me.  We reminisced that afternoon.  We talked about our lives and our families.  And then she told me to be happy.  "Just be happy Yvonne.  That's all."  Those words stay with me always.  She told me of the countless visitors and letters and emails of support she had been receiving.  People who had not been in touch with her for decades, were now coming out of the woodwork.  She told me that she was done with treatment and was leaving it in God's hands.  She had had a phenomenal life.  I saw that she was growing tired, so reluctantly, I said good bye.  I didn't cry.  I thought I would.  But I didn't.  Not until I was on the road again, in my car.  I pulled over and cried my eyes out.  On February 4, 2010, I was on my way to New Orleans for a Superbowl party, when my phone rang.  I was half asleep in the backseat of my friend's car.  My sister gave me the news. "Maria died this morning."  If I could have, I would have driven back that instant. We were well into Louisiana already.  I immediately called my mom and told her.  And then I started crying again.   My mom told me that Maria would not want me to cut my trip short but rather, she'd want me to go and have a blast.  I calmed down and realized she was right.  And we continued on.  I would miss the rosary and the viewing and the funeral.  When I returned to Houston, I made my sister and my mom and my brothers recount everything that happened.  They had attended the rosary and the funeral.  Over 500 people showed up at the church to say good bye.  It was a testament to how much she touched people's lives.  And you know, she's pretty slick.  Although her death was a tragedy, she managed to get all of our former classmates together for the first time in years! And because of that, some of us have managed and promised to stay in touch and not let us meet again at such sad events.  So far, we've kept that promise.  This is who my friend was.  It's been a year, but it feels like yesterday.

Snow Day Fail of Epic Proportions!

Since last Saturday, the weathercasters had been forecasting the "Great Winter Storm."  By their accounts, we were going to be deluged with bitter cold air, sleet, freezing rain, snow, and ice -HAVOC!  All this was to go down on Thursday evening and culminating into mayhem on Friday morning.  Schools and businesses alike shut down early on Thursday to give everyone a chance to "escape" the impending apocalypse.  The snow was to have made landfall by 5:00 Thursday afternoon.  -How they came up with such a precise time I have not a clue! Then, when it didn't come at 5:00, they said, "9:00 p.m.  Be ready!", but it didn't come.  Not even rain.  Not even wind.  Nothing. Then they said it was to come overnight, sometime after midnight.  A lot of my friends and their kiddos stayed up to witness this wintry event.  -Yes I know it's just snow.  But we're in Texas for god sakes! Specifically, Houston. We don't see this stuff often
-hardly ever actually.  We're not like Dallas who is very familiar with snow and chaos and well, Winter.  Houston usually has two seasons, Hot and Africa hot, with the occasional "nice Spring day" sprinkled in.  That's it. So excuse us if we cause such a stir at the prospect of  snow falling from the sky in our city.  We've been the pun of many jokes the past few days.  Someone even made a parody of our city and posted it on YouTube.  Anyway, back to my story.  So when I woke up  this morning and looked out the window what do I see?  Not snow that's for sure! Not even rain!  At least, not in my area.  The entire city is in lock down mode and all we got was stinkin' ice.  Ice everywhere! We can't drive in normal weather, imagine trying to drive in ice! Sadly, all the kiddos who were super excited about a "Snow day" learned quickly that sometimes, we just don't get what we want.  Life is tough kids.  Deal with it.   And that's it.  The "Great Winter Storm" was a bust.  All morning the weathercasters have been downplaying the fact that they were wrong and received the equivalent of egg on their face for their accuracy. Ha, that's actually been amusing to watch.  While I love that I have a day off from work, I am still not happy because it's too dangerous to venture out so I'm stuck in my house and am going stir-crazy!   Bleh.  Like the kiddos, I too, am bummed.

Cell Phone, Cell Phone, Wherefore Art Thou, Cell Phone?

The other day I forgot my cell phone at home. Talk about feeling naked!  All day I felt as if something was missing, and something was just not quite right with me.  It sucked! I started thinking to myself, "Good grief! Have I really grown so dependent on that thing that I'm actually having withdrawals!?" How in the world did we ever exist without cell phones???  I still remember when pagers were the all the rage!  I do have to admit though, that being without the cellie all day was kind of liberating too. I wasn't bound to anything or committed to answering phone calls and text messages. I wasn't logging onto Facebook every other hour. I had to resort to talking to people the old fashioned way: via telephone.  Imagine that!   It was quite nice.
I was free of all that madness. 

At least until I got home.

Shrink, Shrank, Shrunk!

According to the doctor, I'm shrinking.  Whoa! What? Ok, so he didn't actually say I was shrinking.  But you know how much I have a flare for "D-rama" in my life!  What happened was, I went to the doctor today, while there, he decides to  measure my height.  "You don't have to, I'm 4'11 and if I'm having a "Big Hair" kind of day, I can make it to 5'0." I said confidently.  He smiled and motioned for me to stand up anyway.  "You're 4'10." He said smugly.  "4'10??? Since when? I've been 4'11 forever!" Suddenly my life was flashing before my eyes. Yes I know, I know, it's only one inch but when you've been a certain height for practically all of your life finding out that you've suddenly, mysteriously shrank, well, that kind of wreaks havoc with your mind!  "Am I shrinking??? Am I dying???" I practically yelped these questions out.  The doctor growing more and more amused or annoyed I'm sure, just dismissed my babble and assured me that I was not shrinking and was not dying. At least, not yet. "We all die eventually." he said with a grin. Then he patted my arm and assured me that everything was fine.  "Put your shoes back on."

My shoes.  My shoes! I quickly remembered how anytime my height was measured, I was always wearing shoes.  Whew! What a relief. The Incredible Shrinking Woman is not taking possession over my body after all.

That was my Thursday, how was yours?