Happy Halloween!

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

somewhere over the rainbow...

tears
overwhelming sadness
exhaustion
desperate thoughts and worries
anxiety
lost hope
anger
when will this merry-go round of troubles end?
stop! i want to get off...

it's always been my nature to want to help others.  no questions asked, just help.  it's how i am and always will be. unfortunately, some people take advantage of your kindness and/or mistake your random acts as carte blanc to use you.  i'm just really, really tired. my emotional state is all over the place.

 i am losing myself in other people's problems.  ignoring my own. how do i stop?  if i don't help, i feel like an ass.  as if i am turning my back on people i care for very much. but if i continue as i have been, i will go crazy. i feel as if i'm being pulled in a thousand directions.  while i mastered the art of masking my feelings pretty well, lately i've become pretty transparent and not able to fool anyone.  it's affecting other areas of my life.  areas that need my undivided attention.  i miss r.  i miss my friend very much.  not having him in my life leaves a void.  and yet, i can't get past the hurt and dissullusionment and what transpired to get us where were are today. bleh!  damn it for being a nice person!

and i can't stop crying.  the tears are automatic.  even my writing, it's like a person with a.d.d. on crack!
i'm all over the place -more-so than usual. heh.  oh well, at least my weird sense of humor is still intact.  all is not lost.

i want to run away.  i want to disappear.
overwhelming sadness engulfs my entire being
and yet, i know deep in my heart, that something's got to give and everything will be alright.  the people that are lost and struggling, they will be fine. and me, the person that loves them with all my heart and worries for them as if they were my children, will be alright.  because i have to be.

-this emotional meltdown was brought to you courtesy of "lack of sleep"

happy saturday!

i kissed a skeleton, and i liked it.

Greetings and salutations bloggies!  You know what sucks? The fact that I woke up this morning convinced it was Wednesday.  I even did my "happy middle of the week -it's almost Friday dance" too! It wasn't until I was driving in to work that the djs on the radio mentioned it was Tuesday. Whaaaaat? Whomp, whomp, whomp, waaaaah!  Anyway, how's everyone doing? Tell me about your weekend.  Was it as crazy as mine?  No? Oh come on, you know it was!

My weekend was filled with a birthday happy hour for a friend on Friday, a crazy costume party with friends on Saturday night and a kids Halloween party the day AFTER the the crazy costume party. BIG mistake -for me anyway.  Suffice to say say I downed aspirin like candy all afternoon. 

Is it me? Or does wearing a costume make you a feel a little bit more daring, more with the "I don't give a crap!" attitude?  Or, is it just that playing dress-up somehow buys you a "Do/Say whatever you want" pass for the night?  Hmm.  Just a thought swirling around in my head.  The reason I'm asking is because the party that I went to on Saturday night brought out the inner stalker/bitch/hottie/sexy in everyone it seems.  Ever the observant observer that I am, -heh,  I watched as people who normally are more reserved and quiet, suddenly upon donning their costume -no matter if they were Superman or a bowling pin, or Little Red Riding Hood or The Most Interesting Man in the World, all of sudden lost all inhibition and threw caution to the wind.  Almost akin to a child playing dress-up.  Almost.  I don't know, what do you think?  I tend to agree that wearing a costume somehow makes us feel slightly powerful in our minds and our actions.  Take me for instance, I spotted a hot, sexy, very attractive man sitting all alone on the sofa.  I wasted no time in walking over there, introducing myself and letting him sit on MY lap.  What? He was lonely. And bony.  Very bony.  We kissed and even danced.  Ok, so never mind that it was skeleton and never mind that it was lifeless (as so many of my dates are), still, in my head and in my eyes, he was alive and hot.  And for a dance, all mine.  But you see, I would have done that even if I wasn't wearing a costume.  I don't need to dress-up in costume to act like that either.  Oh no! I'm like that twenty four hours a day, 365 days a year. Ask my friends.  Ok I'm also totally full of it too! I wouldn't do it if I wasn't in costume.  Me? Kiss a lifeless object?  Bahahahahaha!  Oh and in case you're wondering, I was dressed as a biker chick -minus the bike.  I looked hilarious. Take my word for it. 

Alright, so I've babbled long enough. My postings have been inconsistent lately, I realize this.  It's just I've got "life" stuff happening right now that needs my attention. But I miss this place a lot. I'll be back to my old self in a few weeks. Promise.

Happy TUESDAY guys!  Hope it's BOO-tiful! :)

What I Did On My Post-Summer Vacation

I'm baaaack! Relaxed, tanned and hella tired.  But happy.  What's up guys? How is everyone?  What's new?  I don't know about you, but I've been dragging all week! And it's only Wednesday mind you. It could be because I partied like a rock star all weekend, or I'm just allergic to returning to the confines of an office. Or maybe I'd rather be out playing in the gorgeous weather we've been having!  I think it's a combination of all three.  What do you think?  My mini getaway was much needed and deserved.  I only wish I could have stayed longer.  I went to Panama City Beach, FL. over the weekend.  Wow.  It's absolutely beautiful there! I'm a lover of sand and water, so to me, it was nirvana. Our hotel was directly on the beach, so you know I was out there or the pool area about 99.5 percent of the time.  Can you blame me? I had access to everything out there.  Cabana boys to bring me drinky drinks, or towels or just to stare at.  There was a dj in the pool area that played on the ones and twos (heh) cranking out all kinds of tunes and there was a never ending buffet of food available to us at any given time,  to keep us sober to make sure we kept our energy.  I didn't do a lot of sight-seeing. My one and only goal was to go lay on the beach and do a whole lotta nuthin. And I did.   Interestingly enough, everyone we met there was super friendly.  You know me, I never meet a stranger.  So in no time I was making plans with new found friends.  We met this group of guys who were there for a fishing tournament (yeah, I didn't get it either) and surprise, surprise, they hailed from Houston.  Friday night we were in their company for dinner. And the following day, I decided I all of a sudden knew how to play volleyball, and joined in on what I thought was going to be a friendly co-ed game. O.M.G.  Those volleyball players mean business! They don't mess around. I missed an opportunity to spike the ball back to our opponents once, and the looks I got from my teammates were so intense they made the hair on my skin rise!  Needless to say, I took myself out of the game not too long after.  But it was all good. After they won, they came over and high-fived me and said, "No hard feelings."  Um, no, none at all.  Moving on.

The sunsets there are beyond words.  Truly amazing and breathtaking.  I took shots with my camera and hope to have some up soon to share with you.  All in all, my quick getaway was two snaps and a neck roll kind of fun!

This was the view from our balcony. Enjoy!

 

So you wanna break-up? Think again!

So in the local news (although by now I'm sure it's gone national) last night, there was a story about a woman scorned who went a little nutty after her boyfriend broke up with her.  She boasted of emailing and calling her ex-boyfriend over a thousand times. A thousand times. Who does that???  Scratch that.  Why do that???  She also created a blog over the summer and has pages and pages of stories and reasons why she hates this man, loves this man, and why he will regret what he did to her.  She even posts music to her blog.  One of those songs  was Elton John's "Sorry seems to be the hardest word"  Ironic much?  Oh yeah, and she egged his house twice and backed her car into his parked car.  -Sounds perfectly healthy to me.  NOT.  She's since been arrested and is awaiting arraignment.  What is wrong with this woman?  Ok, so a few boyfriends ago, I may have become oh, what's the word, "UPSET" with one of him over something. And I may have thrown a thing or two at him.  Nothing that would really hurt him though, my shoe and a book.  That's all.  But that's about it. And as angry or hurt as I have been, I have never gotten to that "stalker" point or "crazed and deranged" point.  That's not to say that it can't happen. Because let's face it, men sometimes make us do some pretty outlandish stuff! But I'm pretty confident in saying that I don't think I would ever stoop that low.  What's the point?  The only one looking like an ass is "you" or "us" -eh, you know what I mean.  There's no fun in that.  Or even vindication.  Besides, I always leave it to my girl Karma. She always gets her man.  What about you? Ever email or call a significant other a billion times? Share with me. 

So today is my Friday. I'm off tomorrow and will be traveling to get some much needed  fun in the sun.   No, I still haven't packed yet.  But I did buy plenty of sunscreen. That's a start right? Sheddup.  Mere technicalities!  I'll be sure and have a drink or ten while on the beach and toast you guys! 

That's it for now.  Be good and have a great weekend!

Ciao!

Wrong number

To the idiot that decided to call me  in the wee hours of the morning, I hope you die a thousand times in misery.  So last night I went to bed extremely tired. I was so sleepy by 9:30 p.m. that I couldn't even keep my eyes open. (I know, I can't believe it either.)  So I went to bed. Fell fast asleep and was having this incredible dream when the incessant ringing of my cell phone woke me.  Immediately, my heart started pounding as I reached for the phone.  It startled me. No one calls me this late anymore.  For a split second I let myself believe or hope that it was HIM.  I had to blink a few times to focus but when I did, sadly, I noticed that not only did I not recognize the number, but the area code was not one from Texas. WTF?  So, I placed the phone back on the nightstand and tried to go back to sleep.   A few minutes later, the phone rings again, same number.  I still don't answer and try to go back to sleep.  When it rang a third time, I answered it.  Only to be hung up on.  Arrrrgh!  I was pissed! I lay back down but I couldn't fall asleep.  By this time, my anger turned to melancholy.  You see, secretly, deep, deep in my heart of hearts, I wanted it to be someone else.  There is only one person that is privy to me that late (or early -all in how you look at it) at night.  And since "HIM", even the guys that I have dated, don't call me past 10 or 11 at night.  Sigh, so I let myself think about "HIM".  My mind traveled to the "forbidden zone" and I closed my eyes, with pictures of him on my mind.  And I lulled myself to sleep.  Great way to doze off, don't you think?

Funny, I had not thought about him in a while, and today, I couldn't get him out of my mind.  I wondered how he was doing.  If he was happy.  I hope he is!  No matter how the story went, he made me happy, even if it was just a fleeting moment.   Wistful thoughts, and a huge grin on my face.  That was me today.

Sometimes wrong numbers aren't such a bad thing after all.  Ok "wrong number person", I guess you can live and don't have to die a thousand times in misery after all. I take it back. 

Let's catch up!

It's been raining since early this morning.  The skies finally took mercy on our drought ridden state and opened up it's clouds to us. The pitter patter of the the rain hitting the windowpane is like music to my ears.  And to everyone else who's lived in Texas for the past six months or so, I would imagine!  It's a "stay in and do nothing" kind of Sunday.  And if I had not made plans to go watch the Texans football game with the Musketeers, I would have been snuggled in bed with a book or watching a movie, and sleeping during the boring parts.  But no, instead I ventured out to meet the girls, in the pouring rain.  We met up at a popular sports bar.  Stocked with a zillion big screen tv's, plenty of beer and of course, plenty of men to gawk at watch the game with.  We got there early enough so that we were able to snag prime seats to view the game. The game.  Pfft! Fail.  Major fail.  Again.  They lost.  Or rather, they gave it away! Meh!  We enjoyed ourselves but then left to drown our sorrows at a sex shop.  Wait, wait.  Don't go getting all crazy on me!  We went to said sex shop to look for bloomers for one of the Musketeers' Halloween costume.  Among all of the stuff they sale there, they also sale costumes.  Heh.  Have you ever been to one of these places? They've got these "hooker" shoes that put stillettos to shame! And they are so UGLY! But of course, I tried a few pair on and even managed to take a few steps without falling over.  You've got to have mad skillz to wear those babies, that's all I'm sayin!  Oh the things you see and learn about while in those "establishments", priceless!  Once the purchase was made, we again ventured out into the downpour.  We said our goodbyes or yelled them at each other over the pounding rain and wind.  I needed to go home and get ready for the week, etc., you know, cause I'm responsible like that.  And so, I'm now home. And no, I don't have a new computer yet.  I'm actually typing this from my cell phone.  It's taking me FOREVER but hey, at least I'm doing it.  Technology rocks!  It's just that I was going through withdrawals from not being able to write or post comments or read your blogs! A girl can only take so much! And not only that, but I haven't even told you guys about my birthday shenanigans.  -Not even sure if I spelled that correctly.  Bleh.  Anyway, turning forty-five was a bit painful, but nothing I couldn't handle.  Annnnd, I totally got hit on by the parking attendant at my office building, the bartender from the restaurant where I had dinner on Friday night, and my mailman.  Plus, I was told I looked twenty-five, (no lie) by my hairstylist.  She was tipped very well that day!  So I'm not married.  So I'm not dating a Mr. Wonderful, or even a Mr. Could-be-Wonderful. So I don't have any children.  So I don't have my dream job, yet.  So, someone I considered a friend and loved very much, hurt me and is nothing but a farce. So what?  Life is full of surprises and twists and turns.  I'm forty-five and fabulous.  I have a pretty amazing life with some pretty amazing people in it, who love me.  I have discarded that which is toxic to me.  I look forward to what is to be, to what I will create, to what is in store for me.  And that makes me very happy.

I hope Operation Get A New Computer is a success in the very near future because typing this on my phone is a bitch! 

That's it bloggies.  I hope some of you missed me.  I missed y'all. 

Gonna go play in the rain now, have a great week!

October

The weather is gorgeous today.  Low 80s, a cool breeze, sunny skies... Awesomeness!  I love this month.  Not only because I celebrate my birthday, but because it's like the calm before the craziness of the holidays kicks in.  Halloween (yeah, not a holiday but still great!), Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  And just like that, the year is over. 

So anyway, what's been going on? Catch me up.  I've been kind of quiet lately.  A lot happening in my life, you know, the usual drama/heart-wrenching life issues that everyone goes through.  Not to mention, my home computer died a horrible death a couple of weeks  ago. And I haven't had a chance to go out and buy a new one yet.  I plan to take care of that at some point during the coming week.  It's awful how addicted I am to that thing! I started going through withdrawals.  I can't write, I can't read your blogs, I can't comment but worst of all, I can't get on Facebook as much as I normally do! Oh the despair!  So yeah, life's been rough lately. ha!

Alright, time to put this post of it's misery.  I'll be back soon with something more palatable.  Promise.

Enjoy your weekend kids!