desperate thoughts and worries
when will this merry-go round of troubles end?
stop! i want to get off...
it's always been my nature to want to help others. no questions asked, just help. it's how i am and always will be. unfortunately, some people take advantage of your kindness and/or mistake your random acts as carte blanc to use you. i'm just really, really tired. my emotional state is all over the place.
i am losing myself in other people's problems. ignoring my own. how do i stop? if i don't help, i feel like an ass. as if i am turning my back on people i care for very much. but if i continue as i have been, i will go crazy. i feel as if i'm being pulled in a thousand directions. while i mastered the art of masking my feelings pretty well, lately i've become pretty transparent and not able to fool anyone. it's affecting other areas of my life. areas that need my undivided attention. i miss r. i miss my friend very much. not having him in my life leaves a void. and yet, i can't get past the hurt and dissullusionment and what transpired to get us where were are today. bleh! damn it for being a nice person!
and i can't stop crying. the tears are automatic. even my writing, it's like a person with a.d.d. on crack!
i'm all over the place -more-so than usual. heh. oh well, at least my weird sense of humor is still intact. all is not lost.
i want to run away. i want to disappear.
overwhelming sadness engulfs my entire being
and yet, i know deep in my heart, that something's got to give and everything will be alright. the people that are lost and struggling, they will be fine. and me, the person that loves them with all my heart and worries for them as if they were my children, will be alright. because i have to be.
-this emotional meltdown was brought to you courtesy of "lack of sleep"