New Year's Eve, red panties, life lessons and a toast!

I've been struggling with this particular post for the last couple of days.  Maybe it's because this will be my "So long 2011!" post, or maybe because some of what's happened to me this year is still too painful to face.  Or, maybe because I hate goodbyes.  Who knows really.  Certainly, not me.  This year began quite promising for me.  I had my list of New Year's resolutions.  I knew what I had to do to get those things crossed off my list.  I was ready, eager and full of hope.  Here's the thing, what "we" plan, and what life actually allows to transpire, are two totally different things.  The key to succeeding, however, is how we choose to handle what life throws at us.  You know what I'm talking about right? Those pesky curve balls.  So I've never really been a great catcher.  It seems the more life kept throwing at me, the more I took, but also, the more I dropped.  And sadly, because of that, I hurt people I care for along the way and was hurt by people who I thought cared for me.  I learned quite a bit about myself as well.  I learned that I am stronger than I know.  I learned that it's okay to stand up for myself, to be my own advocate.  I learned that saying goodbye to someone you love with all of your heart, and genuinely care for, is in fact, THAT painful.  I learned that mourning the loss of a friendship is normal.  And has no time restraints.  I learned that hate is a wasted emotion.  I learned that just because you give 110 percent of yourself, doesn't mean that everyone else will, and sometimes, that's okay.  More than anything, I learned that life is much too short to stay angry or bitter or unhappy.  As I look back at 2011, I could wallow and be sad for all of the misfortunes to happen to me and my family.  But I won't.  Instead I embrace the stupid curve balls.  Learn from them and hope that things will get better.  They have to. 

Change scares me.  I like familiarity.  But I know that change is necessary to grow.  With the new year literally days away, I am looking forward to it with trepidation.  Change makes me anxious.  I don't have a list of things I need and want to do this new year. I instead wrote down what I want my life to be like.  And what steps I need to take, to make my life that way.  Will I succeed?  Time will tell.  But even if I don't accomplish everything, I won't see it as a sign of failure.  How can do-ers, be failures?  It's those non-do-ers that fail.  At least, that's what I think.  Besides, resolutions are overrated. 

So tell me, what are you hopeful for this new year?  Do you have any regrets?  I try not to but unfortunately, I do have one very grave regret this year.  Since there is nothing I can do about it now, I just write about it.  You may or may not have read some of it in posts pasts.  Heh.  I'll never tell!

I have a question though, for you.  What the hell does Auld Lang Syne mean and why is it sooooo  depressing? Or sound so depressing?  Good lord!  I dunno, I've never liked that song.  I read about it tonight somewhere, on MSN I think.  They were doing a story about New Years Eve and that stupid song came up.  It doesn't give me the warm fuzzies at all!

So that's it then.  In a few days we will be ringing in the new year.   I will be out celebrating with the "Usual Suspects", we will all be wearing red panties no doubt.  What? It's a tradition or a folklore or maybe just something else to give us singles something to hope for!  I don't know where it started but it's been said that every NYE, if you're single and female, you are to wear red panties (though, we recently discovered that it may be yellow instead) and that will bring you love in the new year.  Of course, it has yet to work out for me, so this year, one of the Usual Suspects suggested we wear red AND yellow panties -just in case!  Hey, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do!  At any rate, wherever I am and whatever I am doing, at the stroke of midnight,  I will raise a glass to all of you,(unless I'm kissing someone, if that's the case then you guys are just going to have to wait) the oldies, and the newbies.  For coming to visit my blog, for giving me advice, for your comraderie and solidarity (heh), and for helping me grow as a writer and a blogger.  May the new year bring you good health, a lot of  love, happiness and laughter, and may none of you know pain and sorrow in 2012!

Cheers!

catching up!

Hello all! OH EM GEE it feels good to be back! Not that I went anywhere really.  Well, unless you count the doctor's office about a million times, because then yes, I did go somewhere.  Heh,  I know, I'm confusing you.  It's okay, the feeling passes.  Anyway, so kids, how was everyone's Christmas? What did Santa bring you? What'd he forget?  I think my stuff must all be on back order or something because I woke up Christmas morning and ran outside but didn't see the red convertible that I asked for.  Or the "man of my dreams" waiting for me under the mistletoe.  Yeah, I'm sure that's what happened.  Back orders.   In reality, I totally got sick and am still sick.  I'll spare you details but suffice to say, my Christmas sucked.  I spent it home alone.  I wasn't well enough to travel to my cousin's house.  I missed the caroling that I looked forward to so much.  I didn't see a lot of my family, that I only get to see once a year.  To say I was bummed about that would be an understatement.  But amidst the medicine induced fog I was in, I counted my blessings and considered myself to be incredibly fortunate to have all that I have.  Besides, I got to sit in front of the Christmas tree and admire the very elaborate nativity scene that my mom and my aunt created.  I listened to music, drank my hot chocolate and remembered Christmases from long ago.  I've also been using this time to read up on blogs I have not read, writing, trying clean out the "clutter" of 2011, to make room for 2012.

But enough about me.  Your turn.  Fill me in.

Wishing you...

Peace, hope, love and laughter.  May Santa fill your life with everything your heart desires!

That is my wish for all of you!

Merry Christmas everyone!  xoxoxo

Bah Humbug -or Flu bug!

Hello all! Miss me? I've missed you! So much so, that I forced myself out of the comfort of my own bed -that at the moment, is resembling a medicine cabinet -and came here, where everybody knows my name, to tell y'all that you're missed tons but a sucky chest cold/sinus infection, has prevented me from coming to my "happy" place.  Yes, that's right folks.  While many others will receive pretty, shiny things from Santa, it seems I have received a bad cold.  Which is equivalent to receiving coal in your stockings. 

That's it.  That's all I can muster up for now.

Time to rehydrate and go pass out. 

Peace, love, and all things happy to you all!

Here We Go a-caroling...

A friend of mine posted on Facebook that she and her newborn baby were surprised earlier this evening by Christmas carolers at her door.  That made me happy, nostalgic, and a little sad.  Sad because no one does that anymore.  Kids today are so different.  Not just the little ones, the big ones too.  I remember being one of those carolers.  First, in elementary school.  I went to a small, neighborhood parochial school, where everyone knew everyone.  Every December, the choir at the school would pile into the back of a teacher's pick-up, song sheets and guitars in hand, and go door to door around the neighborhood, singing carols.  Sometimes, we were met with doors being slammed in our faces.  RUDE!  But mostly, we were met with smiling faces and sometimes, on that rare occasion that it was cold, hot chocolate.  Then, in high school, I joined the choir again, and we would go to hospitals, or homes for the elderly.  No matter how sick they were or if they believed in the meaning of Christmas or not, they were always happy to see us.  And they sang and danced along too.   For a few hours, I'd like to believe that our presence brightened up their lives.  I  had totally forgotten about that time of my life.  Had it not been for my friend's post earlier, who knows when I would have thought about it.  I miss  that.  This Christmas-eve, my entire family will be together.  The married folk take turns with their respective in-laws each year.  Last year was the year that everyone went their separate ways.  This year, we'll all spend it together.  So I decided we're going caroling.  That's right, I'm THAT girl.  We'll be at one of my cousin's home, and her neighborhood has tons of kids, so I figured we'd blast her neighbors.  What? I don't live there.  I've already printed the song sheets, and we've got flute and guitar players in our family bringing their respective instruments.  A piano player too, but we can't haul around the baby grand! Heh.  So I'm excited about this, can you tell?  Hopefully, it will all work out.

Anyway, that's what was on my mind tonight.  I guess my inner child is coming out to play.  Christmas time is so much fun! 

Oh wait, something else on my mind tonight. Mugginess, humidity and rain.  That's what's forecast for our fair city all weekend.  Yesterday it was 40 degrees out.  Who says the weather isn't schizo? O.M.G.  We went from heaters to air conditioners in just a span of a few hours.  Texas weather.  Gotta love it!

Yeah that was random, I know.  Helloooo.  Do you read my blog???  Moving on. 

So what about you?  Singing.  Yay or nay?  Who cares if you can carry a tune or not.  The important thing is that you do it and feel fabulous about it.  At least, that's what I think.  My favorite carol to sing is Jingle Bells.  But my favorite to listen to and occasionally, whisper to is, O Holy Night. 

Tell me yours.

is it really only monday?

i'm so tired.  my brain is drained, my body aches, and yet, i can't seem to shut off the voices in my head that are screaming my "to do" lists (yes i have more than one) at me.  as if i wasn't aware of them already.  hmmf!  o.m.g.

what's up bloggies? as you can probably tell, i'm a little bit stressed.  and the icing on the cake? (there's always cake with me, come on now!)  i think i'm getting sick.  i can't get sick. not now. it's not a good time!  i don't really think there is ever a good time to get sick, but people are always saying that, "it's no a good time..."  meh.  but really, it's not!  work is literally kicking my ass.  we've had back to back to back trials in the past four weeks.  we're in the process of moving office buildings.  we're working on sending out mass mailing to all of our clients, courts, counsel, the mail man, etc., and we still have to pack up all of our crap this week and have everything boxed up for the movers.  moving day is saturday and will more than likely trickle into sunday.  guess what i'll be doing all weekend? be jealous.  my boss, or as i affectionately call him, "queso grande" (big cheese) obviously was not thinking clearly when he decided to move during the holidays. 

sigh.

oh well.  it is what it is.  i'm grateful for my job.  in other news, amidst the chaos at the office and the impending move, i'm still going to somehow manage to find time to attend three office christmas parties this week.  i've got one wednesday, thursday and friday night.  hahaha, i'm a machine, i tell ya!  no worries.  i've seemed to have mastered the art of "not sleeping". 

so that's what's going on with me this week.  what about you?

happiness is...

houston texans pulled it off!  that is all.

on being single during the holidays

Well it's happened.  The anxiety of being alone during the holidays has laid claim on my chest.  I can feel it every time I take a breath.  That tightness and overwhelming feeling of anxiousness that overcomes me like clockwork, every December.  Something about seeing them, you know, the "couples"  parading around.  Doing what couples do, sometimes alone and sometimes with other couples.  I ventured out to lunch last weekend by myself.  No big deal.  I do that often.  But this time, as I sat at my table for one, I glanced around and saw nothing but people paired off.  Old, young, heterosexual, homosexual, hell, I even saw dogs paired off.  No joke!  And then there was me.  Alone.  Reading my book, enjoying my lunch.  Even walking through the mall I noticed them.  Holding hands, exchanging glances, kisses, shopping for gifts and what not.  When I went to get my tree last weekend, I  remember seeing a couple, newlyweds.  They were buying their first Christmas tree together.  They were so cute! I secretly envied them.  I know, I know, totally wrong.  You see, normally  stuff like that rolls off my shoulders.  I don't have time to let it bother me.  But this time of year, well, it's different.  I don't know, maybe I'm the only single person who feels this way, maybe there are others.  It is what it is, I get that, truly I do.  But just once, I'd like to have someone at Christmas time, on New Year's Eve and not be "party of one".  I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time.  Friends and family alike, tell me I'm too picky.  Maybe.  But I deserve what I want.  And I am not settling for anything less.  Still, I conjure pictures of me and "my" guy all the time.  Sometimes he has dark hair, sometimes, light.  Sometimes, he's a lawyer, sometimes a teacher, even a writer.  The face is always fuzzy.  But I 'll know him, when I find him.  Anyway,  I'm not bashing being single.  I rather enjoy it.  I love the freedom I have to come and go as I please, at a moment's notice, without having to consider anyone else's feelings.  I love my independence.  But it gets lonely sometimes.  A lot of times actually.  The holiday season just exacerbates these feelings.  I suppose it is also because I am one of the lone remaining survivors of  this dying breed -Single and female.  At least in my family and in my circle of friends.

So what does a single woman do to get out of this "rut" that wants to overtake her usual, happy, go-lucky self?  Well, I light candles and pray to all the saints try to maintain an active social life.  I've never met a stranger.  I call on my friends and if they're not available, I venture out on my own.  It's funny because when I was much younger, you would never catch me eating alone, much less going to a movie alone. What would people think??? Yeah well, I could care less what people think now.  I also do the usual things to keep active, gym, volunteer, drink wine -because wine fixes everything, don't you know? 

I suppose the same could be said for single men.  But I'm not entirely convinced on this.  I mean, I think it's totally different for them.  Being a single man at any time, usually means they're on the "prowl" or they're "cool" because they're single and not "tied down"  At least that's what some of my single guy friends say.  Again, I don't have a clue.  I'm totally winging it here.

Hmm, lots to ponder here right?  So this is what was on my mind tonight.  I feel slightly better because I shared it with you.

That's all I got tonight bloggies.  I'm off to write my letter to Santa, if I send it tomorrow, I'm pretty sure it will reach the North Pole in time. Wish me luck!

Whomp Whomp Whomp Wah!

It's almost midnight, in two minutes to be precise.  And I'm still awake.  Wide awake actually.  Great.  Because that's really going to help me in the morning when I have to get up.  It's the end of the weekend already.  What did you do?  Was it fun? Aside from the heartbreak the Cougars caused on Saturday, my weekend was grand! 

When last we met, I was totally hyped for U of H's football game that was going to take place on Saturday morning.  Well, as some of you may already know, there wasn't much of a game that took place.  The Cougars didn't just lose.  They were annihilated.  They choked.  There is no other way of saying it.  This was not the team who up until Saturday's debacle, had a perfect record of 12-0!  The game was bad, this coming from a woman that doesn't even really like football.  You would think that Houston sports fans would be used to this by now.  Defeat.  I mean, I don't know what our founding father Sam Houston did to piss off  the universe, but our sports teams just can't catch a break!  And we, the loyal fans, suffer through season after season, playoff after playoff, and always come up short. Oh sure,  the Astros finally made it to the World Series a few years ago, but just the mere thought of how that came out, still gives me hives.  And sure, the Houston Rockets have gone to the the Championship, but that was so long ago, I can barely remember.  Are we, as many people have suggested, cursed beyond repair?  I mean, how much more loss can this city take?  It's like a really bad joke.  Haha, it's not funny anymore, make it stop. 

Moving on.  I bought my Christmas tree today.  Guess how much I paid for it?  Nope. Wrong.  I paid $16.00 for my 6 foot fir tree! That's right, bargain-arama!  I normally spend close to $60-$80 bucks for that type of tree.  And I was totally expecting to pay that this time too.  I walked up and down the tree lined aisles with my mom in tow. We inspected and prodded the trees.  I caught "my" tree perched up against the wall.  Upon closer inspection, I fell in love with it.  It was so pretty and green and just perfect!  I didn't see a price tag on it so I went and asked one of employees for help.  He took a few minutes to give me a price but when he came back he was holding a tag that read "19.99".  Huh? Clearly a mistake. But he seemed really sure and who was I to argue right? Right. I proceed to the cashier to pay and then to my surprise, the cashier says, "That'll be $16.00"  What? Again, I kept my mouth shut and paid her before she told me she messed up or something.  They loaded my tree onto my car and I drove off.
Falalalala la la la la!

Santa, A Reindeer, and some COUGARS!

You know Christmas is right around the corner, when they show Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Coming to Town in the same week! How do I know this? Because I sure was sitting in front of the television both nights, impatiently waiting for the shows to come on.  What?  Those are my favorites! Well, Santa Claus is Coming to Town is first and Rudolph is second.  Oh what the hell, Frosty the Snowman is third. Annnd, let's not forget Charlie Brown.  I mean, who can forget his pathetic, poor excuse of a beautiful Christmas tree!? There. Now you know.  Anyway,  I am a big kid when it comes to Christmas.  I gleefully watch the aforementioned shows as if I'm watching them for the first time.  I do that every  year. Yes I know I'm forty-five years old.  The thing is, that inner child, the one that still looks at life in wonder, comes out from time to time and I have no control.  What's so wrong about that?  One of my co-workers reminded me that I could record the shows, this after I realized I was going to work late and wouldn't be home in time.  Duh! Of course I know I can record them, truth be told, I own all four videos! -Not.One.Word.  But it's not the same.  It's just not.  You'll be happy to know, I did make it home in time on both nights. So there!  Tonight was Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  Something about that Somber-town and Kris Kringle's soothing sounding voice, and putting "one foot in front of the other", that gets me every time!  What about you? Do you have a favorite cartoon for the holidays? I'm not talking about today's  robotic-like shows, I mean the classics, you know, from back in the stone ages. 

December also means the party season is upon us.  What am I talking about? Well, lawyers like to party. This is their opportunity to mingle and socialize and "network" (come on, you know they never stop!).  I'm not a lawyer, but I work for one.  So this entitles me to attend as many of the parties as I want to.  This year, I have invited the usual suspects (aka as Michelle and Maricela) to accompany me.  I've deemed us Ambassadors of Cheer -kinda nifty huh? Good times will be had for sure!  I'll be sure and keep you posted on our Christmas-parties tour 2011.  You know, so you can take notes.  Heh.

Alright bloggies, the weekend is upon us!  Saturday morning, my alma mater, the University of Houston's football team, plays Southern Mississippi in the Conference USA Championship game. And I've got just one more thing left to say,

GO COOGS!