I've been struggling with this particular post for the last couple of days. Maybe it's because this will be my "So long 2011!" post, or maybe because some of what's happened to me this year is still too painful to face. Or, maybe because I hate goodbyes. Who knows really. Certainly, not me. This year began quite promising for me. I had my list of New Year's resolutions. I knew what I had to do to get those things crossed off my list. I was ready, eager and full of hope. Here's the thing, what "we" plan, and what life actually allows to transpire, are two totally different things. The key to succeeding, however, is how we choose to handle what life throws at us. You know what I'm talking about right? Those pesky curve balls. So I've never really been a great catcher. It seems the more life kept throwing at me, the more I took, but also, the more I dropped. And sadly, because of that, I hurt people I care for along the way and was hurt by people who I thought cared for me. I learned quite a bit about myself as well. I learned that I am stronger than I know. I learned that it's okay to stand up for myself, to be my own advocate. I learned that saying goodbye to someone you love with all of your heart, and genuinely care for, is in fact, THAT painful. I learned that mourning the loss of a friendship is normal. And has no time restraints. I learned that hate is a wasted emotion. I learned that just because you give 110 percent of yourself, doesn't mean that everyone else will, and sometimes, that's okay. More than anything, I learned that life is much too short to stay angry or bitter or unhappy. As I look back at 2011, I could wallow and be sad for all of the misfortunes to happen to me and my family. But I won't. Instead I embrace the stupid curve balls. Learn from them and hope that things will get better. They have to.
Change scares me. I like familiarity. But I know that change is necessary to grow. With the new year literally days away, I am looking forward to it with trepidation. Change makes me anxious. I don't have a list of things I need and want to do this new year. I instead wrote down what I want my life to be like. And what steps I need to take, to make my life that way. Will I succeed? Time will tell. But even if I don't accomplish everything, I won't see it as a sign of failure. How can do-ers, be failures? It's those non-do-ers that fail. At least, that's what I think. Besides, resolutions are overrated.
So tell me, what are you hopeful for this new year? Do you have any regrets? I try not to but unfortunately, I do have one very grave regret this year. Since there is nothing I can do about it now, I just write about it. You may or may not have read some of it in posts pasts. Heh. I'll never tell!
I have a question though, for you. What the hell does Auld Lang Syne mean and why is it sooooo depressing? Or sound so depressing? Good lord! I dunno, I've never liked that song. I read about it tonight somewhere, on MSN I think. They were doing a story about New Years Eve and that stupid song came up. It doesn't give me the warm fuzzies at all!
So that's it then. In a few days we will be ringing in the new year. I will be out celebrating with the "Usual Suspects", we will all be wearing red panties no doubt. What? It's a tradition or a folklore or maybe just something else to give us singles something to hope for! I don't know where it started but it's been said that every NYE, if you're single and female, you are to wear red panties (though, we recently discovered that it may be yellow instead) and that will bring you love in the new year. Of course, it has yet to work out for me, so this year, one of the Usual Suspects suggested we wear red AND yellow panties -just in case! Hey, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do! At any rate, wherever I am and whatever I am doing, at the stroke of midnight, I will raise a glass to all of you,(unless I'm kissing someone, if that's the case then you guys are just going to have to wait) the oldies, and the newbies. For coming to visit my blog, for giving me advice, for your comraderie and solidarity (heh), and for helping me grow as a writer and a blogger. May the new year bring you good health, a lot of love, happiness and laughter, and may none of you know pain and sorrow in 2012!