When I was little and then not so little, I used to lie ALL the time. Usually they were little white lies, "Yvonne did you do your homework?" my mom would ask me, to which I would reply, "Yes!!!" knowing full well that I had not done it all. Or I might about something like, "Do you like my dress?" my friend Cindy would ask me, to which Yvonne would reply, "Yeah it's too cute!" knowing full well I thought it was hideous! But then as I got older, the lies became more extreme. I had a vivid and wild imagination! I would make up all kinds of stuff. Even when I didn't really have to!
I would literally open my mouth and spew untruths and exagerated stories all day long! I didn't even realize I was doing it -that's how good I was at it. I was maybe 20 years old when I became aware of what I did. I used to think that I lied as a way to cover up my real problem -which to me, at that time, was dealing with my parents' incessant fighting and my mother's drinking and just chaos at my house at any given moment. But now, at my ripe old age of 43, I think I used lying back then as a way to A). Get attention B). Manipulate the situation to my favor C) gain control D). mask how I truly felt and E). because it was easier for me to deal with make-believe than the truth. Once I broke free of the "lying" stage/phase -whatever you want to call it, I can't begin to describe the liberating feeling I felt inside! It was as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. And I've never reverted back to "those" ways! That's the truth! It took a long time for me to get there, but it was all worth it.
I've never written about this before. I used to tell my therapist that I could never tell anyone because then my credibility would be ruined. But she said that when I was ready, I would be open about it and that I couldn't/can't control what others say about me or feel about me. So, that which I have no control over, I don't worry about. :)
As my journey to become a better version of myself goes on, I decided that tonight would be a good time to tell the truth.
How about you?
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12 comments:
I admire those who have COURAGE enough to tell the truth...about themselves....
Now you are admirable... and money can't buy admirable!.... "The truth shall set you free" just another story that proves Gods point!!
This is very brave of you. The truth really does set you free.
I used to lie about how great my mother was, how creative and fun, etc. when really she was just plain evil and abusive. I think I wanted a different mom with different qualities. But the truth was, the person I was fooling the most was myself. Freeing indeed. I'm right there with you. And I am never going back, either!
I so admire you for being able to open up about this and put it out here.
I think it's so hard when life presents us with difficulties; people react in all kinds of ways. The important thing is that you can put the lies behind you and move on.
We're all on incredible journeys of learning about the people we truly want to be.
x
Wow I admire your honesty and the fact that you were able to change your ways and not look back.
So honest and transparent- admirable. Change is hard. You flowed into it gracefully here. Hat tip.
I'm sure there will be many who can relate to your post and understand exactly what you mean by feeling liberated. I am one of them.
This is such well written post for a hard topic. You did a great job with this.
Good for you for having the courage to write this, and I agree completely with another commenter. I found your post refreshing and honest...you didn't lose credibility in my eyes but gained it.
It does take courage to write about our faults, past and present. Good for you! There is always a reason people do what they do. It is wonderful you saw what was wrong and decided to change it!
This is how I gained my freedom too. I had to become transparent about who i was, where I've been and where I'm going.Thanks for this honest piece.
I agree! The truth really does set you free!
I'm glad you're able to write something so difficult, and I hope you're seeing that we don't judge.
And anyway?
Writers are all liars at the core. ;)
Anonymous- very true. thank you for your comment.
YRJ- yes exactly! it's almost like we create this facade within our own mind, to escape our reality.
GLB- thanks! i appreciate your comment. i think we are given choice, stay the way we are or change and become a better person.
Jessica- thank you! it was a difficult journey back then. to this day, there are certain people in my circle of friends that still think of me as "that" girl from before. sadly, there is nothing i can do to change their minds. all i do is keep being the person that i am now.
Galit Breene- Why, thank you!
TDM- Thanks so much! It's so weird how I keep forgetting that there are people all over the world who can read my blog! lol Hopefully, some will relate to this and agree with me, as you say.
K@CNG- I love your blog name! lol Thank you so much for your comment.
Belle- Thank you my friend! It is very hard, but like I said, nothing worth fighting for is ever easy.
JM- and didn't you feel liberated afterwards?
RJ- amen to that!
CDG- hehe, how incredibly true! thanks for your kinds words!
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