When I was little and then not so little, I used to lie ALL the time. Usually they were little white lies, "Yvonne did you do your homework?" my mom would ask me, to which I would reply, "Yes!!!" knowing full well that I had not done it all. Or I might about something like, "Do you like my dress?" my friend Cindy would ask me, to which Yvonne would reply, "Yeah it's too cute!" knowing full well I thought it was hideous! But then as I got older, the lies became more extreme. I had a vivid and wild imagination! I would make up all kinds of stuff. Even when I didn't really have to!
I would literally open my mouth and spew untruths and exagerated stories all day long! I didn't even realize I was doing it -that's how good I was at it. I was maybe 20 years old when I became aware of what I did. I used to think that I lied as a way to cover up my real problem -which to me, at that time, was dealing with my parents' incessant fighting and my mother's drinking and just chaos at my house at any given moment. But now, at my ripe old age of 43, I think I used lying back then as a way to A). Get attention B). Manipulate the situation to my favor C) gain control D). mask how I truly felt and E). because it was easier for me to deal with make-believe than the truth. Once I broke free of the "lying" stage/phase -whatever you want to call it, I can't begin to describe the liberating feeling I felt inside! It was as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. And I've never reverted back to "those" ways! That's the truth! It took a long time for me to get there, but it was all worth it.
I've never written about this before. I used to tell my therapist that I could never tell anyone because then my credibility would be ruined. But she said that when I was ready, I would be open about it and that I couldn't/can't control what others say about me or feel about me. So, that which I have no control over, I don't worry about. :)
As my journey to become a better version of myself goes on, I decided that tonight would be a good time to tell the truth.
How about you?