A Fairy Tale Come True -2017 World Series Champions -Houston Astros!

I can't stop smiling and feeling giddy and happy.  Still on that euphoric high from game 7 of the World Series and the significance of the Astros finally winning a championship.  The first ever for the franchise and it only took 54 years to do it.  But it was well worth the wait.  Some people have been waiting for it all of their lives.  Some never  got to see it happen.  I saw a picture of a headstone at a cemetery with an Astros jersey draped over it and beside it, the front page of the Houston Chronicle, showing a picture of the players celebrating on the field right after the last out, with the headline reading:  World Series Champions Houston Astros!  The son of the deceased, said that he wanted his father to know that they finally did it.  I started tearing up reading that anecdote.  I've been tearing up a lot the past few days.  Not from sadness, but from sheer happiness.  Some people have not a clue as to what winning this series has done for our city.  Sure, they played their hearts out for us because of the devastation we endured because of Hurricane Harvey.  But that aside, they played their hearts out because they knew how bad we wanted it.  How bad we could taste it and because of how many times we got so close, only to have it snatched away. 

Htown held a party on Friday afternoon.  To say that work productivity was at an all time low that morning would be an understatement.  The electricity in the air and the excitement was palpable.  I drove in to work that morning to find a sea of orange already lining up along the parade route. That was at 7:00 a.m., the parade would not start for another 7 hours.  There were some fans that spent the night on the streets, sitting on their lawn chairs, because they wanted the best spot.  Crazy? Maybe.  But who cares? 

I worked until noon and walked across the street to City Hall to join a few of my thousands of friends.  The scene was unreal.  The streets were full of people of all ages.  Security was in full effect as well.  On foot, on horse back, in cars, atop buildings.  It was a sight to see that's for sure.  The sea of people ran for miles.  There were people perched on tree limbs, children on parents' shoulders, along parking garages, even on light posts.  I saw a man in nothing more than red white and blue undies hanging from a lamp post.  I giggled and wondered how long he would last before getting arrested. Pandemonium ran ragged as the first glimpse of the players was made.  They were riding atop fire trucks.  There were Astros of seasons past and present atop those engines.  I welled up in tears as Carlos Correa held up the trophy.  I couldn't believe it.  It finally happened.  My gosh it's like a dream you never want to wake up from.  My dad was able to make this historic event.  He was like a little kid in a candy store. My 78 year old dad was beside himself with happiness.   Memories of trips to the Astrodome to watch the Astros flooded my mind.  He took all four of us, my brothers, sister and I.  There we learned from him the love of the game.  The love for the Astros.  We learned to yell "Cruuuuuuuuuuuz" whenever Jose Cruz was at the plate.  We learned how to spell relief when Joe Sambito (a relief pitcher and my crush) would go to the mound.  Oh and relief is spelled "S-A-M-B-I-T-O"  in case you wanted to know. Heh.  We soon learned that winning wasn't everything.  Man those were the days.  So yes, forgive me if I have been a little teary-eyed this past week. Or if I can't talk about anything else yet.  It's just...We won a Championship y'all! 

I watched game 7 with one of my brothers and my sister-in-law.  The minute they won and we regained our composure, we hollered and cried and hugged each other like mad.  It was a beautiful sight.

I love the fact that an event of this magnitude  was a safe one and no reports of looting or vandalism or any of that nonsense took place.  I'm sure there were a few arrests made for minor infractions but for the most part, everything went off without a hitch.  Houston City Officials should be very proud of themselves.  At last count, there were over a million people that descended upon downtown Houston.  A million.  Wow.

I can honestly say that this was by far the most thrilling World Series I have ever witnessed.  Hell the series against the Yankees was pretty amazing as well.  And now, after all is said and done, me along with every other Houstonian, can go back to sleeping normal eight hours and can put the blood pressure and anxiety medication away and we can stop biting our nails.  Until next season that is.  Which by the way is only 145 days away. 

Thanks for a Cinderella season boys!  See ya in April.

Last Team Standing

If you have been a follower of my blog for a while, you know one thing is certain about me.  And that is my love for baseball but more specifically, my love for the Houston Astros.  This morning I woke up and I had to pinch myself.  I needed to assure myself that last night was not a dream.  I wanted to make sure that I had not just had the most amazing dream ever.  And guess what? It was not a dream.  It was very real and my Houston Astros were indeed the 2017 World Series Champions. 

Whaaat?

Boston Red Sox? Beat em.  New York Yankees? Beat em.  Los Angeles Dodgers? BEAT.THEM.

Finally, after enduring year after gut-wrenching, emotionally draining year, finally, the Astros did it.  They won the World Series!  Did you hear me?  They WON.THE.WORLD.SERIES.  Oh my gosh I was literally in tears when the last out was made.  I was with one of my brothers and my sister-in-law at a local bar/restaurant, along with about 200 of my closest friends.  We were there to witness history or to witness history repeat itself.  Luckily, the "curse" was broken and we were victorious.  And how could we not be?  This team that some had dubbed "the little engine that could" -had the best record in the league going into the All-Star break.  I knew back then that something special was going to happen but because of the history of the Astros, I didn't let myself get too carried away.  I just told myself to enjoy it while it lasted.  And boy did I ever.

When the last out was made I looked at my brother who was yelling and jumping up and down and I looked back at the TV screen and then it sunk in and I started jumping up and down and yelling, "Oh my god!" over and over again.  An overwhelming feeling of vindication, triumph, and sheer and utter happiness took over my entire being.  I was so incredibly happy.  So happy that I started crying.  So many years, so many let downs and then this season, the fantastic regular season and the explosive and exciting post season of their history, it was just all too much.  I had to let just let the tears flow.  And trust me, I was not alone.  More than a few she a tear right along with me.  Strangers became friends and camaraderie was in abundance.   Everyone wanted to savor that which we craved for so many years. 

No more, "Wait till next year" or "Next year it's ours!" or "We'll be back stronger than ever!" -No boys and girls, this time, 2017 was our year and nothing and no one would take that away from us.  In what I can only describe as a Cinderella season, the Houston Astros won it's first ever World Series and came out champions.  It only took 56 years and lots and lots, I mean, LOTS of heartache and frustration, but they finally did it.  Let me tell you, being a baseball fan for a less than stellar team year after year was not for the faint at heart. But if you love baseball and you're from Houston, you made it through and remained ever hopeful.

I can honestly say that this World Series has been by far, the most exciting and intense series that I have ever witnessed.  Game 2 alone was insane! Then along came game 5 and blew it out of the phenomenal water.

Congratulations to my Houston Astros -2017 World Series Champions!

Now that the series is over and baseball is gone until next year, this happy girl is going to finally get her 8 hours of sleep.  I got a parade to go to in the morning.

Fifty-One and Still Having Fun

In exactly thirty minutes (Central Time) I will turn 51 years old.  Yep.  Fifty. One.   It's a little crazy to think that I'm now considered "elderly" hahaha.  That damn AARP card application came in the mail today to remind me that I "Can start saving today!", lovely.  This year has been wonderful, terrible, tragic, happy.  It brought me love, joy, tears, friends, loss, success, failure.  Through it all, I learned what I needed to learn.  I fell countless of times but got right back up.  Momma didn't raise no quitter.  So tonight I say good bye to being 50 and welcome 51.  Can't wait to see and experience what is in store for me this year.

I think I will continue a tradition that my grandmother used to have up until the day she died.  Whenever anyone would ask her how old she was, she would say, "Forty-five".  It didn't matter if she was turning 60 or 70 or 80.  She was always "45".  She died at age 91.  So I think from now on, I will forever be "45".  I think I can totally pull it off don't you?  Don't answer that.

October is my favorite month of the year.  Besides my birthday, there are pumpkin carvings with the nieces and nephews, and Halloween parties to attend and the air is crisper (for like a day or a few hours -in Houston anyway).  And to me, it's like the beginning of the holiday season.  It's just a great time of the year and I always look forward to it.

With everything that happened in Vegas and what the people in Puerto Rico are going through, I felt a little guilty even looking forward to my birthday.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that life goes on.  No matter what, time doesn't stand still, even though there is tragedy amongst us.  We must still celebrate this life of ours.  We still have to keep going.

And so Bloggies, go out and do something that makes you happy.  I know I will.

-peace.

Heartache

My heart aches.  Once again a senseless tragedy.  Bloodshed.  Innocent lives lost.  How much more of  this can we take?  It happens so frequently nowadays that I am almost numb to it.  "Oh another massacre? So, what's for dinner?"  Sad but true.  The world that I grew up in is gone.

With our heavy hearts, as broken as we are, as helpless as we feel, we march forward with our heads held high and hope and pray for the best. 

This is the United State of America and no matter how many try to divide us,
we remain one.  Ever hopeful.

Stay strong.  Stay vigilante.  Be kind always. 

peace.

Because I'm Happy...

I have been grinning from ear to ear since yesterday afternoon.  In case you have not heard, my Houston Astros clinched the American League West Division on Sunday afternoon.  That's right.  The Astros are going to the playoffs and this girl right here is beyond herself with excitement!  The last two innings of the game I was so nervous I couldn't sit or stand still.  And I was home alone watching the game.  Let's just say, I scared my neighbors with my yelling and screaming.  Don't worry, I apologized.  For those not familiar with my blog, I am a hardcore, die-hard Astros fan.  I have been since I was probably eight or nine years old. Thanks to my dad, who schooled my siblings and I on the love of the game and took us to so many baseball games at the now vacant Astrodome, that the ushers and attendants knew us by name.  -Totally true story.  Yesterday was a good day. Today was even better.  Except, the playoff tickets sold-out before I could purchase mine.  Not to fret, I WILL be at game one, one way or another. 

Right after the last out.  The players all hugged and celebrated.

The banner this morning inside Minute Maid Park -home of the Houston Astros

It's Monday bloggies, have a great week.  I know I will. 

-peace

A City Under Water

The rain won't stop.  It's now a little past midnight on Sunday or early Monday morning rather.  By now, I am certain that many or most of you have heard that Hurricane Harvey struck the Texas Gulf Coast.  It made landfall between Port Aransas and Port O'Connor.  Approximately 200-210 miles from Houston.  While Rockport, Texas was hit hard by the landfall, the remnants of the tropical storm was saved for us. 

As of now, my family and I are safe.  We are all scattered throughout the city in our own homes, but everyone is safe.  The rain won't stop.  The incessant warnings coming from the tv screen and the cell phones sound like curdling screams.  We have been under tornado watches, tornado warnings, flood watches and flood warnings since last night.  Earlier on Sunday, the water kept inching closer and closer to my front door.  In a panic, I filled trash bags with towels, squishing them together until the bag resembled a cheap bean bag.  And I plopped them along the entry way and my front and back door, hoping that they will keep the water out.  I don't know if it will work yet because thank God the water started receding when the rain let up.  I sighed relief but it was short-lived.  The rain started again in the late afternoon and has not stopped.  I keep looking outside the window hoping that I don't see the glistening of the water as it falls into the rain made lake that has taken over our street.  From my window I can see the neighbors house across the street.  Their yellow fluorescent porch light shows me that the water is up to the tires of their cars. 

My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.

Please God, keep our homes free from water.  I check on my family and friends throughout the day.  We all wish each other well and hope for the best.  And I watch the 24 hour news coverage.  The images that I have seen are heart-breaking, gut-wrenching and tug at your heart until you have your own river of tears flowing down your face.  So many people stranded.  Chased out of their homes by the torrential rains.  Families leaving their homes with just the clothes they were wearing.  Imagine seeing people huddled atop the roofs of their homes, waiting for air and/or water rescue.  Some of those people are still waiting.  Alot of those people have children of all ages with them.  And I can't help but think, "there but for the grace of God, go I" 

Indeed.

The silver-linings in this chaos of a storm (there are several) are heart-warming.  The news reporter that put his mic down while doing a live shot, so that he could help lift an elderly gentleman into a boat because he was not able to lift his legs over for himself.  The humanity of total strangers, just showing up with their own boats, trucks, tools, food and clothes donations ready to help out.  The outpouring of love and support and solidarity not only from our surrounding states but from across the country.  This.  This is what we are about.  During catastrophic times such as these, we see the best in people.  It made my heart smile. 

We've seen quite a few hurricanes and tropical storms before..  This is not our first rodeo, after all.  However, this is the first time that our city was literally taken hostage by the aftermath of such a horrific storm.  We have been crippled, brought to our knees.

The meteorologists are forecasting more rain for at least two more days.  TWO.MORE.DAYS.  Lord help us because aside from the rain and flooding jazz.  I've been cooped up with my mom and my aunt since Friday.  What's wrong with that?  Think The Golden Girls but on caffeine.  #sendxanax

Well it seems the rain has stopped for a bit.  I'm about to check on the flooding situation and then pass out on my bed.  Maybe.  I only slept two hours last night.

Do me a favor, if you pray, pray for us..  Or meditate.  Or send us your positive thoughts.  Whatever it is that you do, do it, please. 

An Eclipse, A Hurricane and Bronchitis Walk into A Bar...

Well this has been an exciting week eh?  It started with Monday's epic total Solar Eclipse and then my pneumonia that turned into bronchitis (fun times), and then by mid-week we had ourselves a Tropical Depression which turned into a Tropical Storm and is now Hurricane Harvey.  And? He's headed to Texas.  Specifically, Corpus Christi. Which is not Houston but we will still feel the effects and get the dirty side of the storm.   All that means is that we'll get the all the rain and storms and crap like that.  Did I mention it's not even Friday yet? Oops now it is, I just glanced at the clock.  I will be paying for it in the morning for sure.

So back to my weird week. 

I got sick last week, was diagnosed with Walking Pneumonia which may as well be called Walking Dead because that is how I felt.  I thought I was getting better but had a horrible weekend, with a visit to the local Urgent Care on Saturday night. (hey who says I don't know how to party?)  This is when they told me I now had bronchitis.  -I'm so lucky.  Well, I went to work on Monday and felt better actually.  Or maybe the eclipse had something to do with it. ;)  Speaking of the eclipse.  Was that not the most awesome thing ever?  We were fortunate to have one of our attorneys take a pair of the solar glasses to work.  We took turns sharing them and also sharing the cereal boxes that a few of us had made.  Hey don't laugh, those things actually worked.  I was giddy.  I loved every minute of it.  We were nowhere near the totality effect but it was still pretty amazing.  And hey, in 2024 Texas will be in the totality view of the next Solar eclipse.  That's exciting right?  Of course it is.  -Don't judge me.

And finally the massive Hurricane that is headed our way.  The storm is predicted to make land-fall on Friday night, early Saturday morning.  Our stores/gas stations/Targets/Wal-marts were all out of water and batteries and bread even!  Oh and even the liquor stores and wine aisles were barren.  -Hey we know our priorities.  There is talk of heavy flooding.  Again.  I'm fortunate (knock on wood) that my neighborhood is not flood prone but so many other people are not as fortunate.  I just hope and pray that we come out fairly unscathed.  And don't lose power.  Especially that.  I mean, it's AUGUST in HOUSTON.  Need I say more?

So to say that this has been an eventful week, is putting mildly.

That was my week.  How was yours?

Love is Love is Love

There is a saying in Spanish that says: "Donde hubo fuego, cenizas quedan"  Which loosely translated means: "Where there was once fire, embers remain" In this instance, the "fire" represents passion and the "embers" represents the love that never left, the love that remained.  In what has got to be the most romantic and craziest reconciliations I have ever heard of, I would like to tell you nay sayers and Debbie/David downers to open your heart up a little.  Drop the cynicism and believe in love.  And to all of the romantics (yours truly), never give up on true love. 

Let me tell you a little story. For the sake of brevity and privacy, I will not go into specific details nor name any names.

A little over 25 years ago a boy met a girl and they fell in love.  The boy says it was love at first sight and he knew that night he met her that he was going to marry her.  The girl says that he is the love of her life. They became inseparable from the day they met.  Neither of their families had ever seen either of them so happy.  Years later, they did indeed marry and had two children.  Years after that, there was an ugly and bitter divorce.  It was a sad time for them and for their children.  Each of them went their separate ways.  Life took both of them through many roads, some rough, some smooth and some just too painful to mention.   And yet, almost ten years after the divorce, through what I can only call Divine Intervention with Cupid's help, the boy and the girl, re-ignited those embers that had remained through the years.  The love that they had for one another, blossomed once again.  They re-married this summer and I've never seen them happier.  It took all of us by surprise to say the least.  Maybe even them. Ha!  Good ol' cupid being sneaky like that.  Their families are over the moon excited and happy for them and pray that God blesses their marriage for a lifetime. 

The End.

So you see bloggies, anything is possible.   Their story fills my heart with hope and with, well, with love. 

Warning: Shopping May be Detrimental to Your Self-Esteem

It really sucks when one of your favorite past-times is ruined because of something someone says or assumes about you.  Kind of that moment that you realize there is no real Santa Claus.  Yeah, kinda like that.

The other day I went to Ross.  (think Target but cheaper more reasonably priced) After picking up a few things, I went to the first available cashier, handed her my items and waited for the total.  The cashier was all of 19, maybe.  She rang everything up and then looked at me and asked, "Are you a Senior Citizen?"  Wait.  Whaaaat?  Naturally, being the blurt the first thing that comes to mind kinda gal, I replied, "Do I look like a senior citizen???"  I said it with a smile on my face but inside I was freaking out.   I mean, no one and I mean, NO ONE has ever asked me that before and I still get carded at bars and clubs.  Ok, just once but still.  I immediately started thinking I looked like Sophia from Golden Girls instead of Salma Hayek. No there is no resemblance between me and Salma. I am just being dramatic again.  Anyway, the poor cashier thought I was about to go off on her.  She had this wide-eyed look on her face and began apologizing profusely.  "No mam, I, I it's Senior Citizen Tuesday and I have to ask every guest."  -uh huh, every guest.  Sure you do.  I didn't blurt out what I was thinking but instead eased her angst and told her it was ok, that I was not offended, just found it funny.  Heh.  Funny my ass.  She gave me my change and my bag of goodies and  I told her to have a great evening and walked out of the store.

Driving home I kept wondering to myself if all this time that I thought I looked great for having turned fifty, I actually looked like, like, well, like Sophia from Golden Girls, or worse, Dorothy!  Of course that would be kind of impossible since I'm only 4'10 and she is an Amazon. I know it's silly but that girl's question really messed me up.  Had I let myself go?  Did I look like those wannabe youngsters that were really middle-aged phonies?  Had I lost my hotness factor and suddenly turned into an *old woman*???  My mind went into overdrive and I suddenly became sad.

Naturally, upon arriving home, I recounted my mis-adventure to my sister, my mom, my best friend.  Basically anyone who would listen.  And basically, I drove them nuts for the next few days.  See? I am a little alot OCD.  I can't just 'forget about it' like everyone told me to.  I wanted answers dammit.  I wanted validation that I was not old and decrepit.  I wanted to be told I was beautiful and hot and not elderly at all.  But alas, no one told me those things. Well, they told me I didn't look like a senior citizen.  Meaning, I didn't look old.  But since I obsess about everything, I just could not let it go.

I poured over recent and old photos of me.  I examined my wardrobe.  I still didn't see it. I still didn't see "old" when I looked at those pictures or when I looked in the mirror.  Sure, I'm older.  Sure, I have a wrinkle or two and laugh lines.  But elderly? Me?  Not on my watch sister.  Not today and not tomorrow either. I dusted myself off, wiped the pity party tears and declared myself "old as I want to be" and reminded myself that age is nothing but a number.  And that night, I put on my hottest outfit, wore my signature deep red lipstick, flipped my hair and went out to a friend's party. Totally rocked being fifty.  Oh and got a 25 year old hottie's number too. So what if I will never call him? The important lesson here kiddies, is that we are all beautiful/handsome and sexy as we make ourselves feel.  It has nothing to do with others' perception of us. 

But I don't think I will go back to that particular Ross store anytime soon.

Hall of Fame kinda weekend

Today was not just any other Sunday.  Today was Baseball Hall of Fame Sunday.  A day where the baseball greats of years past, congregate and hold the distinct honor of being inducted into Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame.  A feat only a select few are fortunate to embrace.  There, in the quiet and picturesque town, the players are forever etched.  Just like I was two years ago when Craig Biggio made it to Cooperstown, today I am all kinds of happy and proud to watch Jeff Bagwell get his turn.  How incredibly proud and excited I was watching him give his speech today.  I may or may not have shed a tear or two when he spoke about his relationship with his dad and the love for his wife and kids.  A real "aww" moment.  But perhaps the real heart tugger came not from watching the ceremony, but from three pictures that my sister-in-law posted on Facebook. They were pictures of my brother Carlos, sitting on his sofa, donning his Astros cap and clapping excitedly as the tv panned to Jeff Bagwell.  The other two pictures are of him just fixated on the screen before him, as Baggy gave his speech.  I looked at the pictures and saw that little boy that used to tag a long with my dad and my other brother to the dome way back when to watch the Astros.  I saw that little boy that played his heart out in little league baseball.  I saw the amazing father that he has become to his three children.  And my heart swelled with love.  I would post the pictures but he would probably raise a big stink about it.  So, I will keep the peace.  Too bad my brother Rene chose to frolic in the sandy beaches of Mexico or else he would have been sitting beside Carlos as well.

Congratulations #5!  A long time coming but definitely worth the wait.   And I would be remiss if I did not mention the throngs of fans that traveled to Cooperstown to witness history in the making.  H-town was well represented today.  Every time the cameras panned the crowds, all you saw was a sea of orange, or rainbow colors and Jeff Bagwell's name everywhere.  Really a cool sight to see. 

Late post: Ramblings about my Dad

Today is Father’s Day.  I went shopping for a card for him yesterday and not one card felt true to me.  Not the “Best Dad in the World”, “My Hero”, “Amazing Father’ etc.  Not one inspired me to buy.  Instead I chose the simplest and blandest card ever.  The outside had a picture of a dad sitting on a couch, scratching his belly and on the inside, it just read, “Happy Father’s Day”.   I

t’s not that I don’t love my dad, I do.  In my own way.  But something inside always keeps me from truly loving him.   Oh, I know all about forgiveness and moving on with life.  And how it’s a very healthy thing to do.  Trust me, I did the therapy sessions and the self-help books for a long time.  Until one day I finally decided that I didn’t hate him and that I was tired of being angry and that I just couldn’t keep going on with myself like that or I would be unhappy for the rest of my life.  So, I forgave him.  But forgiving him didn’t mean I suddenly wanted him in my life all day, every day either.  I can only take him in doses and only for short periods of time.  Isn’t that weird?  My siblings do not understand me.  They think that I just hold grudges and am mean to him.  Maybe they are right.    I just can’t force myself to go through the motions of portraying him as something he is not nor has ever been to me.  Sure, he worked hard and made sure that we were fed and clothed (because my mom was always there for us to make it happen) and he put us in the best private schools in the city (again, at the insistence of my mom) But I guess what I am most disappointed in is that I never saw him as someone I looked up to, or felt protected by.  He didn’t respect us.  He lied and always cheated on my mom.    I remember arguments they would have that we could have easily sold tickets to because they sometimes rivaled something you would see on the tv show “Cops”.   And then there are the dark secrets that only I remember.  That only I went through with him.   And that is when I remember why I have this love/hate relationship with my father.  But even still, I do love him.  He is my father after all.

So, for this day, the day they honor Dads, we took him to a baseball game.  My father is an avid baseball fan.  He is the one that introduced my siblings and I to the love of the game and the Astros.  It had been a while since we had done so as a family.  So that’s what we did.  We did the whole brunch thing with him and then headed to the ballpark.  It was a really, really, good day.  One of those days that no one bickered but laughed instead and just enjoyed each other’s company.  I know he was happy.  I just wish that this good feeling we felt, would last 365 days a year instead of just one.  Once the game ended, we Ubered it back home, said our goodbyes and got into our respective cars and resumed our normal lives.

Perhaps one day, I will truly forgive him.

Another Word for Ouch is Old

Getting old sucks.  Not because of any specific number but because inevitably, our bodies remind us every chance it gets. In the mornings while getting out of bed, or going up and down the stairs, or while trying to work out with a 23 year old frame of mind in a 50 year old body.  I  can always tell when it's going to rain, no not because of any local weather person, but because my joints ache.  Literally.  I remember when my grandma was alive and she would be just as active as ever one minute and then the next she'd be rubbing some kind of ointment on her legs and thighs because "it was going to rain."  Never mind that it was sunny and beautiful outside when she said it.  I used to make fun of her for that.  Used to.  I should have known better and not laughed at her.  I imagine her laughing at me now, maybe even saying, "Ha! I told you!" all the way from heaven. 

Like I said, getting old sucks.   Today is one month to the day that I have been in excruciating pain.  On March 31st I was taken to the ER because my left leg was numb and tingling and my outer thigh hurt like a biatch.  But the reason the Urgent Care nurse sent me to the hospital was because my ankles were so swollen they looked like huge overstuffed tamales.  Seriously.  And so she wanted to rule out blood clots.  Thankfully, the x-ray and ultrasound were normal.  They just showed signs of arthritis and muscle tissue deterioration.  The generic nurse gave me two Tylenol and sent me on my way.  But as the days passed, my pain got worse and soon, it was very painful and difficult for me to put any weight on my left leg.  When I walked, or tried to, I did so gritting my teeth and praying for mercy.  The pain grew worse.

A month later and I'm still the same, maybe worse.  There is slight inflammation but nothing like before.  But the pain. Oh good God the pain.  It's so bad that I can't lift my left leg but maybe a few inches.  To paint a clearer picture, I can't even put on my underwear people!  I have to do it very slowly and then just set it on the floor and step into it, and then gently and very, very, slowly, raise it up.  Due to this craziness, I have not been able to wear any cute shoes at all.  No high heels, no cute wedges, not even flats.  I have succumbed to wearing my sneakers all the time.  At work, at home, when I go out.  Let me tell you, I feel like a big moron wearing my pretty dresses or pantsuits or skirts with the dreaded sneakers.  It's the only shoe I can wear and not cry out in pain.  The doctors say it's because of the foam support.  Meh.  I always frowned at the ladies I saw in dresses or suits that were wearing them.  Oh how the tables of turned.  Damn you karma.

So here we are.  I have has an MRI.  I have seen a neurosurgeon who referred me to an Orthopedic Surgeon because my MRI did not indicate anything in my spine or the lumbar area.  His diagnoses is that my left hip is the culprit.  Oh and?  I'm still in pain.  So the game plan is physical therapy, aquatic therapy to relieve my joints and light walking.  Just how am I supposed to bring the sexy back with light walking??? 

I go to work, I try and act as normal as possible.  I smile, I laugh, I act interested in whatever you are telling me but really, all that is going through my mind is how much I want this pain to stop. How much I want to be and feel like myself again. 

Let me tell you, my depression has reared her ugly head and has taken over my life.  Simply because I am weak, vulnerable and feel so inadequate and see no end of this hell in sight.  There are days when all I want to do is sleep.  If I sleep, I won't be feeling the pain.  When I'm awake, I now look for elevators and escalators.  Anything where I don't have to lift my leg.  IT.SUCKS.  And you know, for the most part, my coworkers have been amazing and sympathetic.  But as in any workplace, there are a few negative Nellies that have even doubted my pain.  I try to not let that pettiness get to me, but on the days where I am literally hanging by a thread, it becomes extremely difficult to do.

But I march on.  I'm no quitter.  I may feel like quitting sometimes, but I won't.  So for now, this is my new normal.  Until I get a handle on what's going on.  And I'm hoping the Ortho, who I see this week, will give me a better game plan and we start kicking this pain's ass.

Anyway bloggies, this is what I have been up to lately.  I've been away too long.  I will remedy that.  Oh and I would be remiss if I did not mention that baseball season (my second favorite time of the year) is in full swing (see what I did there?) and my Astros are in FIRST.PLACE.  See? Silver linings everywhere.  We just have to know where to look

It's a new week bloggies.  Make it count.

-peace

To My Valentines

In honor of Valentine's Day I wanted to share a few of my favorite poems and/or verses from some of my favorite poets.  Whatever your circumstances are today, I hope you love.  I wish you love.  I hope you enjoy the poems and as a bonus, an original from me. Meh, it's sappy and trite and sugary sweet, but I wrote it and I am a lover of love.  Ever the hopeless romantic, even when I don't have a beloved.
So sit back and enjoy the words my lovelies.

-peace

Immortal Beloved
“Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, Be calm–love me–today–yesterday–what tearful longings for you–you–you–my life–my all–farewell. Oh continue to love me–never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.”
- Ludwig van Beethoven

Sonnet XVIII
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's leaves hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

-William Shakespeare

Sonnet XLIII

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-Elizabeth Barret Browning

Song of the Open Road

"I give you my love more precious than money,

I give you myself before preaching or law;

Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?"

-Walt Whitman

For You
In all my dreams
I never imagined
what loving you could do to me
How deep I would fall
or the immeasurable happiness
my heart could feel

At times I wondered if you even existed
While all along
you were right there

Your heart
your tenderness
your kind soul
showed me what I had been longing for
How sweet, my love
you are to me
The world on a platter
you give to me

I love you beyond measure
from my heart
to the moon
to the stars
deeper than the oceans
higher than the skies

My eyes well up with tears
but not of sadness
only love
only peace
only happiness

Only you.
-Yvonne J. Salvatierra

Let's call this: Shoulda stayed in bed kinda Sunday...

Today was weird.  Or maybe I was just weird.  Or still am weird.  Meh.  So, the sun came out first of all.  Why is that weird? Well for one thing, it rained almost every day last week up until last night.  And not just little annoying rain.  This was the "come at every direction" kind of rain and it rained non-stop last night.  And for another thing, the winds were so heavy that my neighbor's front window busted/shattered.  Neighbors came together and helped her and her husband put a board up for the time being. The roaring winds were equal opportunity offenders.  They didn't care who or what you were, if you were in their path, you were going down, no questions asked. Don't believe me? You should have seen my hair!

It was a beautiful day aside from the hounding winds.  Had a late lunch with a friend and good conversation but even she noticed that my mood was off.  But at least she made me laugh -a lot and often. So thank God for that.  We parted ways and off I went to the nearest Kroger to buy groceries and blah, blah, blah.

Ever have one of those days that no matter what you do, you start crying at the mere thought that you "may" start crying? No? That's just me?  Yeah it figures.  Well bloggies, that is how I have been feeling lately.  Today, however, the urge and the sadness or whatever it was I was feeling, was a million times stronger.  I don't know why exactly my emotions are all over the place.  I go from overwhelming sadness to bursts of anger to downright rage.  Sometimes all at the same time.  Now, I know what some of you may be thinking and trust me, the thought has crossed my mind too.  Being that I just turned fifty a few months ago, there is that slight possibility I may be menopausal -ugh! Even typing that word I cringe a little a lot.  The thing is that I already went to that doctor and she said I was not anywhere near that yet.  So who knows? Maybe I'm just crazy? Or depressed.  Or both.

For the love of all things wonderful, if you're still reading this, thank you!  Really.  I know I sound like a deranged woman but trust me, I'm not.  At least not all the time.  Heh. 

Come back, I promise to redeem myself.

New week is upon us, make it count.

-peace.

And again...

Well, so much for the Cinderella ending that so many of us were hoping for.  As has become custom in my fair city, our hopes of  advancing in the playoffs were shattered in the blink of an eye last night.  Again. 

It's so frustrating and exciting and sad all at the same time.  You have to understand, my angst (and a few thousands of other Houstonians) goes back to the days of the Houston Oilers.  Remember them?  We never did "knock the son of bitch in"  Only a few will get that quote.  Then came the new franchise.  New hope.  New beginnings.  And all these years later, we're still waiting.  It's almost as if we are cursed (I've written about this before).  Sam Houston must have really pissed someone else and they felt the need to  put a curse on him and his city and all sports teams.  Heh.  But for real, what gives? 

I've grown immune to feeling loss or pain over these Houston sports teams of mine.  Seriously.  Last night, when all hope was lost, I just laughed at my brothers who were cussing and yelling at the tv screen.  And because I'm a big sister and love getting under their skin, I started singing the old Oilers fight song: "Luv ya Blue" The look on their faces was priceless.  

And just like that, the season is over.  Again.  But rest assured, the ever hopeful will be back again next season (myself included) to root, to hope and in some instances, to pray for a winning season.  I really, really, wanted a miracle this season.  Since Houston is hosting Superbowl LI, I hoped with all my might that the Texans would pull it off and be in the show.  The icing on the cake would have been a total Texas Superbowl: Texans vs. Cowboys.  But that was not meant to be either.  And before you ask, no I am not a  Cowboys fan.  NEVER.EVER.WILL.BE

Oh well, only 78 days until my Astros opening day!  Silver linings everywhere.

Post Holiday Blues or Something Like That

The holidays have come and gone.  Tomorrow, the majority of the work population will return to their respective jobs, including me.  While I love, love, love the holidays, I hate it when they are over.  It makes me sad.  Maybe because everyone appears to be happier, in better moods, lively and caring during the holiday season.  Because let's face it, come January 1 and thereafter, the haters, the doomsdayers, the ugly mix all come out of the woodwork to wreak havoc on our planet again.  Business as usual, if you will.  It saddens me because I am the eternal optimist and want to see the best in everyone. However, I know not everyone means well.  But during the holidays, it just seems like there are more kinder and more gentle people amongst us.  I wish the positive vibes lasted throughout the year.  Anyway,  back to life, back to reality, as a late eighties band called Soul II Soul used to sing.

Happy New Year bloggies.  May your dreams come true, may your troubles be less and may your pockets be full(er).

Until next time,

-peace.