Earlier this evening, while driving home, I saw a man on the street that was a dead ringer for Barry Manilow. No lie! Could have been him or his twin! Instinctively, I grabbed the cell and started to dial your number. Who else but you, would see the humor? But then I remembered, tossed the phone onto the passenger seat, and continued driving. My eyes welled up with tears. I miss you. So much. You have not a clue. It's stupid really. This whole scenario that transpired. Why I am wasting my time and emotions on someone who clearly did not give a damn about me is beyond comprehension. Oh wait. I know why. Because I'm a masochist, that's why.
Ugh! I hate this! I hate it so much! Why did you have to be the jerk that everyone told me you were? Why didn't I listen to them? Why did you have to prove them right?
I know I have to let this go. But I can't right now, not just yet. I keep hoping that I'll somehow miraculously "see the light" and get what happened. Bleh. Who am I kidding? That's not happening. And while both M&M have told me ad-nauseum to "forget about him", I can't. How do you just "forget" the past five years of your life? Michelle answered it best, "The same way he forgot you. That's how. Just do it." Harsh? Maybe. But true. I know I will let it go. I'm actually doing better than I was months ago, when this saga originally took place. But then something happens or I get good news or have something hilariously funny to share and I reach for that phone again. He was my "person" dammit!
The best thing that happened in my so called friendship with R, was that I learned (albeit the hard way) that I will not let anyone treat me less than how I deserve to be treated. Ever. And I won't settle for mediocre or fair-weathered friends. I know who I am. I know I am a good person. I know I didn't deserve this. I am true to myself and to those that I choose to have in my life. And for that, I am ever grateful.
So maybe this post, is the last chapter of that part of my life. I am letting it go. I am letting you go.