Thursday, April 28, 2011

Mr. Telephone Man

While talking with some friends over dinner last weekend, the topic of discussion soon turned to my dating life. Or rather, lack of dating life.  Why my life and who I go out with or not go out with is so important to them is baffling to me! Surely there are other much more interesting and palatable topics to discuss! But no.  Apparently, trying to get to the root of my dating angst is all the rage!  So anyway, they asked me if I had ever picked up a random stranger. 

"Uh like a one night stand? Duh!"  Not that I did that all the time mind you. But hey, I never claimed to be a saint or a goody two shoes.  Although I was called a prude once.  But that's a different story for a different time.  Let's move on. 

"No not like a one night stand.  Did you ever just blow someone's mind at first meeting and then went and  got down and dirty somewhere?" 

Ok, what part of one night stand did they not understand???  They had just described it! 

"I think what *Gustabo is trying to say is have you ever met a guy and they melted at the sight of you or sound of you or because of your laugh or whatever!?" 

Ugh! So much thinking called for more wine.  While my friend *Lola poured the wine, I searched deep, deep, DEEP into my memory bank to see if I could recall anything even remotely interesting like that.  And suddenly, the seas parted and there it was! The memory.  *David V.  Immediately I'm transported back to the year 2000.  I'd just bought a condo and was still very much in the process of getting settled in.  One morning, I'd told my mom to stay and "phone-sit" until the phone guy showed up to install everything.  Well, I came home from work that evening and sure enough, the phone was working, the computer was working and all was well in my world.  Or so I thought.  Late that evening, I grabbed the phone and was about to dial out when I heard "voices" on the other end.  Lots of "voices".  Huh, that's weird.  I hung up and then picked up again, and each time there were voices and sometimes hissing sounds.  It scared the hell out of me! I remember grabbing my cell and calling the phone guy that had installed the thing.  He had given my mom his business card and told her to call anytime if there was an emergency. Uh, weird noises seemed like the perfect emergency to me, don't you think? 

He picked up on the second ring.  "This is David." 

"Hi, you're going to think this is a joke or I'm crazy but..." and I went on to describe what was going on.  He laughed. That's right. Laughed in my ear.  Not a chuckle. Not a slight giggle.  A full-fledged, belly jumping laugh. 

"You think this is funny?"  I was now not only freaked out but indignant that he laughed at me. 

"Yeah I do. Look, it's not that late, I can come by and check it out, if you want."  This was not a time to be angry, I would give him a piece of my mind after he fixed whatever it is he needed to fix. 

"Yes, come over now."  And so he did. It turns out that the wires were crossed, that much I had already figured out, but what creeped me out was the hissing noises.  He said that was probably my imagination.  Really, he said that to me.  He had audacity that's for sure!  "Look, there aren't any gremlins in there.  There's no more hissing of any kind. But if you hear it again, feel free to call me. Any time.  Even if you don't hear it again.  Feel free to call me."

Wait. What? Was he flirting with me???  He smiled and winked at me as he left.  Yep.  Flirting, definitely flirting.  I went on with my life after that.  About two days later, I get a phone call on my home phone.  It was him. David. He wanted to know if I'd heard any more strange noises coming from my phone.  Then he said "Not really.  I was calling you because you've got the sexiest voice I've ever heard! And a smile to match it.  I just wanted to tell you that."

"What'd you say? What'd you tell him?" my friends were now hanging on my every word.  I took my time, poured myself another glass of wine and savored it as I drank it.  "I thanked him, AFTER I picked myself up off the floor."  You see bloggers, I'd fallen from the shock!

 *David V. and I proceeded to go out on approximately two dates after that night.   And then he confessed that he was engaged.  End of story.  I never saw him again.

My friends were silent.  Tough thing to do for them.  "It's okay guys.  That was years ago.  I'm fine."  They felt bad for me so they ordered another bottle of wine and never asked me another question the rest of the night.

That little story got me thinking about other instances that my voice has played a part in piquing the male species' interest.  None have resulted in me dating them.  *David V. was the only one.  But clients on the phone and strangers even, have complimented me on my voice.  They say it's sexy.  I say I sound like Mickey Mouse on Ritalin. 

Bleh!  Whatever.  So bloggers, be good to the person on the other line.  You never know when I might be calling!  [Insert cheesy smile here]



speaking of voices. Today I was talking to a potential client who is from Arizona and is a real estate agent and she straight up said, "Come to Arizona Ill show you a good time... I have an extra room in my home!" WTF It turns out shes like a Congresswoman in Arizona who is against illegal aliens. If only she

David Batista said...

Wow, this guy gives Davids the world over a bad rap!

To be honest, I'm a guy and even I don't know why some of us do these things to sweet unsuspecting women like yourself. That was a tough story to read. Since he was already engaged, I'm guessing he just wanted a one-night thing with you. When you wouldn't play along, he decided "time to move on." Or something.

Ugh! Sometimes men suck.

Oilfield Trash said...

That guy sounded like a Douchebag. Sheesh. If you are engaged why the heck are you out on a date?

Yvonne said...

Israel- bahahahaha! That is hilarious!

David- lol there are a few exceptions to the "David" rule. But yes I totally agree with you, "Sometimes men suck!"

OT- Right? I wanted to smack across the face when he told me! I was so angry and just ugh! Why? Why do that to someone? But David (up there) was right, he just wanted to see if I would sleep with him. When I wouldn't, he confessed.
Was that supposed to make me feel better???

The Adorkable Ditz said...

Wow that's an intense story. Too bad he was two timing his fiance.