Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Progress

It's only Tuesday and I'm already looking forward to the weekend! I love those 2 days off! Work is, well, it's work. I'm grateful. But I still wish I was born an heiress or some long, lost relative would leave me an inheritance! lol I've been neglecting my writing lately. I keep telling myself that that novel isn't going to write itself. Remember when I said I don't like confrontation? Well, I don't. So more times than not, I will let my frenemy, Avoidance come to visit. Sometimes Avoidance's stay is a short one. Sometimes, she makes herself at home and stays for days! And that's what I've been doing lately, avoiding. My writing, my issues, dealing with them. All this "finding myself" and "creating a better version of myself" has suddenly found me drained. I'm tired. But it just reaffirms what I have said before, "No one likes to face the truth in the mirror." Each time I make progress, something inside of me begs me to step back. Almost as if I'm afraid of letting myself grow, or succeed. Why is that? I can envision what I want to happen, and what I need to do to make it happen, but when push comes to shove, I back off. Definitely, I'm afraid of something. Is it failure? Or is it actually succeeding? I have not a clue. All I know is that I have come a long way since August 1st. That's the day I decided life could not go on the same way for me. And I made changes. I'm proud of what I have achieved so far, I'm nowhere near finished, and have more probing into myself to go, but I know I will make it. Despite of or in spite of my frenemy Avoidance's visit. You see? I did it already, by writing this tonight, I have faced her and told her she's not welcome here anymore.

I think I'll go wipe my mirror clean.

3 comments:

Belle said...

I seem to avoid trying to make creative art objects. I find them on blogs and magazines, and I want to make something like that myself. I have done it before. I made a mosaic table top, I have made things to hang on the wall, but why the avoidence? Is it that my heart isn't really in it? Also, I am not that artistic, I usuall have to copy someone. Hmmm. Something to think about.
I don't avoid blogging, I love doing it.

Yvonne said...

I love blogging as well! Writing is my refuge. I've hit a lull in my novel, I'm almost stumped, I'm not sure which directio I want it to go. Maybe that's why I'm avoiding it. Dunno...

Shady Del Knight said...

Hi, Yvonne! It's your rich uncle Shady! (LOL)

Remember my recent amoeba analogy? When an unpleasant stimulus is introduced the one celled organism predictably withdraws. The idea of change itself, whether it's change for the better or worse, is an unpleasant stimulus. It is stressful and our basic instinct is to avoid it. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure or even, as you pointed out, fear of success can hold us back from achieving our goals. For decades I struggled with the limiting belief that somehow I was not worthy of success. Eventually, through programs like Werner Erhard's est training and Tony's NLP seminars, I learned how to ask myself two fundamental and very empowering questions...
Why not me?
Why not now?