Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Bouquet Snatcher

We were at a family wedding over the weekend and the time came for all the single ladies (yes I'm singing it like Beyonce and putting my hands up as I type this) to gather behind the bride and secretly form a strategy as to how they  we were going to catch the elusive manna from heaven also known as the wedding bouquet.   Me? I just giggled because I suddenly saw my mom walking towards us to join in on the fun.  She took her place beside me and smiled.  Did I mention that my dad was at this wedding too?  Yeah, both of my parents were in the same place and no one had killed each other
-yet.  Relax, my parents are divorced.  Ironically, they get along much better being divorced than they did when they were married.  But that's another story for another time.  Getting back to the bouquet toss, the beautiful bride sat down, her back to us, and began the teasing of the countdown "One, two, three!"  and there was no toss.  And again, "One, two, three!"  and yet again, no toss.  This of course gave way for mounting suspense:  Who would catch it?   Finally, the bride took one last look over her shoulder and the counting resumed, "One, two annnnnd Three!"  and up went the bouquet.  Wait.  It was coming towards... me?  Yes it was.  I could see it getting closer, all I had to do was raise my hands and that sucker would be mine, all mine.  But then, from the corner of my eye I see hands and a body reaching over me. And then, laughter erupted. My mom caught the bouquet.  My mom, caught.the.bouquet.  Seriously.  She somehow channeled her inner JJ Watt and dove for it, literally taking it from my grasp.  Shit just real y'all.  Everyone laughed, got a kick out of it and began congratulating her.  Even me.  I mean, so what if I may never, ever, EVER have a shot at holding a wedding bouquet in my hands again, at least she got to and that's all that matters right? Right.
 -Alright kidding aside, the whole thing the way it was played out, was hilarious.  Even more hilarious was my dad's reaction.  He was a bit miffed.  Ha.  Oh right, he was pissed and his face showed it.  The drive home would be a long one.  Did I mention that we all rode together.  Yeah.  Good times.

Anyway, for years to come, I'll have a story to tell my nieces and nephews, it will start like this: "That one time, at the wedding when your grandma shattered my dreams of being a bride and snatched the bouquet out of my hands  caught the wedding bouquet.  -oh yeah, this story will live on for years to come.

PS- I'm over dramatic can you tell?


CWMartin said...

It would have been more dramatic if it ended with, "I pried the bouquet from her clammy grip and beat her senseless with it." Might have gotten a smile outta dear ol' dad, too.

Yvonne said...

CW Martin - hahaha that oh my gosh that's awesome! wish i'd thought of that! :)

David Batista said...

That's one wild story, haha! And that's a super aggressive mama you've got there, wow! I just wish I could have seen that, tho. Priceless. :)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

This is the BEST wedding bouquet story I've ever heard, seen, or read, Yvonne! LOVE IT. I'm still laughing - especially because your dad was truly miffed. Too funny.
I have a story in my book about the bouquet toss (well, two little stories), but they aren't nearly as funny.

Have a good day, my friend. Thanks for the pick-me-up.

Yvonne said...

David - Someone videotaped it, I'm trying to track it down. When I do it's going on FB! ;)

Robyn- Aww that's awesome! -I'm here for you, friend!