Followers

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

this and that

the month is eight days old.  how's it  going for you so far?  when last we met, i was excitedly waiting for the start of baseball but more specifically, the astros baseball season.  despite recent losses, i'm still relishing that they were able to beat the ny yankees not once, but twice in the home opening series.  that's enough to make me happy, don't you think?  as far as home openers go, this one did not disappoint.  there was the usual high energy buzz in the air, prior to the start of the game.  heck, well before the doors to the stadium even opened.  the usual staples were ever present again, such as the street festival that takes place within a three block radius, right in front of minute maid park.  fans of all ages listening to live music, getting their faces painted, taking pictures, talking baseball, eating peanuts, cracker jacks and hot dogs, of course. and what's a ballgame or any sporting event really, without a little friendly trash-talking with the opposing team's fans?yankees fans were out in full force but  no worries, it was all done in fun and no one was out of line.  there were a few obnoxious ones inside the stadium but they were outnumbered and quickly grew quiet.  the usual suspects and i were out  donning of course our best astros attire.  we haven't missed an opening day game, since 2003.  tradition is tradition.  the game was an exciting one and the players didn't disappoint.  all in all, it was another opening day filled with excitement, anticipation and thankfully, a "w" in the win column.  i can't wait until next year.

you know what else happened that day?  i ran into "HIM" again.  just like last year, and the year before that, and the year before that.  for those not a follower on the regular, "HIM" has been the subject of many, many, MANY, poems and stories that i have written.  in fact, i wrote a short story in male voice, because of him. he is sprinkled all over this little blog of mine.  so let me tell you the quick version of this little story.  you have time right? back in 2004 i met a boy.  he was charming, he was funny, he seduced my mind (and that's not an easy feat) and he was incredibly sexy.  he was the typical "bad boy"  but in a good way.  he had his group of friends he ran with whom i secretly called "the brat pack".  personally, i thought he was closest to resembling dean martin.-smooth, swag, charming.  anyway, we didn't date but we would see each other.  and i fell head over heels for him.  he did not feel the same way.  however,  we still saw each other throughout the years for other purposes and my feelings grew for him over that time.  it was a sad, pseudo relationship.  he would call when he was available and i would see him.  sad right? i know, i know. one day he just stopped calling.  i knew then, that he had moved on.  it took me a long time to get over him but i did.  he will always be the one that will make me blush and give me warm fuzzies in the pit of my stomach, no matter how many years go by.  he'll always be the one that i will smile (like i am right now) whenever i think about him.  anyway, for the past four years or so, every opening day, i run into him.  he has not a clue. (at least i don't think he does)  it's mind boggling to me because in a stadium filled with thousands of people, i always manage to spot him.  i never approach him or go say hi. i want to but i don't.  i'm always afraid of his reaction.  i mean, i think it would be so awkward.  well last week, we were leaving the stadium and just like that, there he was.  and just like years past, my heart fluttered and my stomach did flip flops.  this time i considered going up and saying hi, but i didn't.  again, i was afraid of his reaction.  which i don't know what i'm really afraid of really.  i mean, what happened between us, happened so long ago and now we're both older and in different places in our lives.  i love him to pieces, he really is a good guy, he just wasn't the guy for me.  i don't think he ever knew just how much he meant to me.  things happen for a reson.  i learned a lot about myself during that time and for that, i'm grateful.  but i think sometimes, men react and think about this so differently than women. am i right?  i realize i've gone off on a huge tangent and most of you are probably wondering what the hell's wrong with me, but it's okay.  y'all should be used to my babbling and ADD swings.  anyway,one of my friend's who is fully aware of the "HIM" story, thinks me always running into him has something to do with serendipity or fate or something like that.  i don't believe that but i do believe that the degrees of separation between he and i are uncanny.  weird isn't it?

alright, i just wanted to share that little anecdote of my life with you.  if you're still reading, thank you.
come back, i'll redeem myself.

maybe.

9 comments:

Chris said...

I was so happy that the Astros took two out of three from those damn Yankees. Just wish my Red Sox had fared a little better :(

I think you could have said hi to HIM, it sounds like there was no animosity between you and the awkwardness was likely perpetuated by the years of not talking to HIM. But I have to say I'd do the same thing, right down to the over thinking and blogging about each non-encounter!

Also I'm thinking about putting together some sort of fictitious account of my lost loves or whatever, as you had suggested. Will probably have to change names and come up with a decent story arc but I'm not sure how to release it. Summer blog series maybe?

David Batista said...

Whoa, I've been out of it and missed so much! But I'm glad you and your team had a great opening day, even if it was at the expense of my beloved Yankees. Oh well, we had a great 4-game stint against Beantown over the weekend and now we're in a triple-tie for first place in our division. Happy, happy! (sorry, Chris!)

Anyway, your story about this guy is a strange one. I don't believe the serendipity part, either. It sounds to me like this guy doesn't know a good thing when he sees it. I think you're doing the right thing by not approaching him. It sounds like you're way more into him that he was or will ever be into you. And that's ... okay. You've seem to have accepted this, so no harm no foul.

But I know it must hurt seeing him like this, so random and all. It's like a fresh pain each time, right? You deserve the best, Yvonne!

*HUGS*

D Biswas said...

The hurt lessens with time but never goes entirely away.

Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2014, My Latest post

Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge

Yvonne said...

Chris- I was hoping for a sweep but two out of three isn't bad either. As for HIM, I think if maybe he was by himself I would have said hello. But each time I've seen him he's with other people and I just get super girly and feel silly. So I don't say anything and keep walking...Oooh! I like the Summer Blog Series idea, you should totally do it!

David- Yes I know all about your team -yay! ;)

As for my little story, eh, he wasw definitely not "into" me, at least not for anything serious. It was me who fell for him. Going through that and actually having to go through "withdrawals" from not having him in my life in any form or fashion, was painful to the least. But I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. He's just "that guy" that will always be etched in my heart. To be totally frank with you, it doesn't hurt anymmore. I'm truly over him and have been for years. It took forever to do but I did it. Anyway, maybe I'll say hi to him next Opening Day, ha!

And thank you, for your kind words. :)

D- Yes that is so true!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Having a HIM - whatever the relationship or non-relationship - keeps life exciting. Excitement is a good thing.

Hugs, girlfriend.

xoRobyn

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

PS Thank you kindly for the comment on my article! xo

Yvonne said...

Robyn- Haha, yes it did make it exciting for a time. And you're welcome, I loved reading it! :)

Red Shoes said...

Hey you...

Oh my... this is 'him'...

Isn't it?

WOW!

~shoes~

Yvonne said...

Red- hey you, lol yes it is.