Sunday, March 3, 2013

it's over

breaking up with someone is a lot like death.  you mourn the loss.  you grieve for what used to be.  you cry.  a lot.  a whole lot.  the end of any relationship is devastating for sure.  the silver linings are there.  but we're so caught up in our grief that we don't see them.  but in time, we do.

time.  it's been said that time heals all wounds.  i've always liked that saying, because it rings true to me.  time does heal you, make you stronger and sometimes wiser.  so i'm counting on time, to do the same for me.  but what about the immense sadness that envelops you?  the tears eventually stop, but the sadness clings to your soul.

so the relationship i vaguely mentioned to you, with the man i met in december, ended on friday.  no need to go into petty details, just know that it was the best decision, for me.  and that's all that matters.  however, my heart, seems to think otherwise.  i haven't cried this much in years.  i feel lost and confused and so sad.  so very sad.   our time together was brief, but so much happened in so little time.

still, i would not change anything that transpired these past few months.  nothing. not one thing.  this relationship brought me a lot of happies, and experiences and love.  love came to me finally.  no it didn't last. and no, he wasn't the one.  but he was the one that showed me that i was capable of loving and being loved.  and for that, i am grateful.

don't get me wrong, i'm also pissed and hurt and have plotted bouts of revenge in my head, but that's normal.  isn't it? a friend of mine, told me over the weekend, as i was crying my eyes out, that i should get back at him.  but i won't.  it's done.  no need to look back or dwell on situations that have no solution.  and? i would only hurt myself in the process anyway.  no, instead, i'm going to get a doll that resembles him and stick needles in his eyes whenever i feel the urge to cause him bodily harm.  better don't you think?  that way no jail time, duh.

silver linings everywhere...

it's sunday kids, make it a great week.


David Batista said...

No, no jail time. No harm done with sticking needles into a doll. Unless you're a Voodoo priestess, and then . . .

In all seriousness, tho, I'm so sorry, Yvonne! *hugs*

This, too, shall pass, and you will be stronger and wiser for it. I am glad at least that, for a while there, you did get to know and feel true love. Unfortunately, it also makes the loss of same that much more keenly felt.

Hang in there!

Robin said...

From the undertones in your previous blogs I got the feeling that you knew that this was where this relationship was going - ultimately. However, all things serve a purpose. You clearly needed this relationship for something... in this case, maybe just to prove to yourself that you were capable of feeling something again. And you CAN. That is wonderful. The fact that it didn't work out is not really the point, because this is about YOU. You can feel, you can love, your heart is still open. That is what you were wanting to know. Now you know that when the right person does come along you are capable of being in it. You are someone who will let themselves be loved and can love right back. That is good to know.

Yvonne said...

David- thanks sweeets. i appreciate that you don't want me to do jail time either. ;) i appreciate your words. -how are you? i've been thinking about you lately, chin up!!!

Robin- all true! and i see you picked up on my little subtle way of writing. ;) thank you for your kind words!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Sad and yet growth. I know it's hard to see the good in this, even though you are clearly trying.
All of this is leading to a bigger something for you. I just know it!

Yvonne said...

YRJ- Thanks! I'm trying!