Followers

Sunday, February 10, 2013

love you. always.

words escape me
but the images are embedded in my mind
my heart aches

i saw an old friend tonight.  almost 23 years ago, i met the the love of my life.  my soul mate.  unfortunately, for me anyway, our love never flourished.  we were the best of friends and remained so, until the day he got married.  oh we still remained friends, just not in the same capacity as before.  i respected his wife and his marriage.  life happened and we went our separate ways.  it's been years since this happened.  i hardly see him/them anymore.  in fact, i had not seen him/them in almost three years.  but i saw them tonight.  him, his wife and his two year old daughter.  we were as friendly as ever to each other.  i held the little one for a bit, caught up on what was going on with one anothers' lives.  and then said our goodbyes.  i don't know why this time, this time seeing them, seeing him, tugged at my heartstrings extra hard.  i drove away, made it to the light at the end of the street and proceeded to cry, all the way home.  it's not that i still have feelings for him, i don't. at least, not romantically.  i closed that chapter in my life a long, long, time ago.  i think it was more melancholy, yearning or mourning for what was or what used to be.  we were very good friends and a part of me, will always miss that.  i don't know that i will ever feel the same way about anyone else ever again.  i hope to, but i just don't know.

i wasn't even going to write about this.  but i couldn't stop thinking about it and so, here we are.

if you're still reading, thank you.  i'm not always so morose, come back soon, i'll show you.


11 comments:

David Batista said...

Oh, I so sorry, my friend. I would feel like crying, too, in such a situation. My heart is heavy for you. There are days when life just seems unbearable. But you're a special lady who never allows herself to be put down for long. You are an awesome person, Yvonne! Never dwell and what might have been. Just look forward, and vow to live your life to the fullest.

Well, that's what I try to do at least. :)

Yvonne said...

David- thank you for your words, they mean a lot to me. i'll be fine, i always am. looking forward is all we have. -so keep doing that! :)

Robin said...

It is difficult to see someone who you were once So Close to and now you are not. Life sometimes just doesn't work out the way that we think or hope it will and that is disappointing. And I do get that you closed the book on that person a long time ago, but you thought you would meet someone else who YOU felt a kinship with and you haven't. But that doesn't mean you won't. Keep your heart open:)

Yvonne said...

Robin- yeah, that's exactly what i'm feeling. thanks for your words, i really appreciate them.

Belle said...

This meeting would make me cry too. I sometimes think about the loves I had in the past and wonder what might have been.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Sometimes what never was is almost harder than dealing with what is. I have actually been thinking about this quite a bit lately. It is a profound emotion and you have presented it so well here. I'm sorry for your sadness and although I know you will be fine I can appreciate how tough this is for you.

Yvonne said...

Belle- :) I bet you had a slew of lovers, Belle!

YRJ- Aww, thank you. I appreciate that.

Slyde said...

i think we all have someone like that in our lives...

mine lives in florida now, so i havent heard from her in about 10 years.

Yvonne said...

Slyde- I believe we all have one of "those" in our lives too.

Patty said...

I lost my soul-mate a few years back, due to CHF in his early 50's. He was someone my hubs and I grew up with, someone who was always part of our lives. We often joked about how different life might have been..."if".

On a day out with girlfriends, we went to a card reader and she zeroed in on things she couldn't possibly have known. She also cautioned me about a heart condition of someone close to me, even described exactly what it was and where he was being treated; she told me the number 55 kept coming into her head. He died at age 55.

She also told me that we had been involved in Roman times; that he had been a Centurion. The amazing part of that was he was an expert on Roman History and had taught that as a teacher.

I guess I was in his life for a reason; always the one to drag him to the doctor, always the one to rush him to the hospital when he had a heart incident. I'll always regret breaking a promise on that last trip to the hospital when he asked me not to let him die alone. My hubs, his family..we all stayed by him constantly. One night, we walked away...and he passed.

If there is an after-life, I'm sure he'll be waiting to give me hell for that.

Yvonne said...

Patty- Wow! That's some story. Thank you for sharing that with me.