A Christmas Miracle

What is it about Christmas that makes everyone a little sappier  than usual?  Is it Santa? Is it the elves? Or is it God doing his thing?  I think it's a combination of all of that.  With every tragedy that happens in this world of ours, I think we hang on to Christmas a little bit tighter, hoping and wishing for better times, for better lives, for better, period.  Last night, as I was surrounded by family and close friends, I did a lot of reflecting and reminiscing and took inventory of my life, these past twelve months.  While seemingly, my life is pretty great, there is still room for improvement and change.  And rest assured I'm doing it, making it happen, but as you know, Rome wasn't built in a day and all that.  So these changes and improvements in my life are going to take a little longer, which is fine.  I'm where I need to be right now.  Of course, there are regrets.  Wrongs that cannot be made right.  Words said that can never be taken back...  Maybe it was the nostalgia, or being surrounded by all that warms my heart, or it being Christmas Eve, or maybe even the glasses of wine I had indulged in. Maybe it was all of that, that made me reach out to someone that I had stopped talking to, almost two years ago.  I extended the olive branch and he took it.  And just like that, the past couple of years without him in my life, disappeared.  We cried, we laughed, we got angry and cried some more, we apologized to each other and then laughed again.  It was as if all of the hurt and resentment and pride and anger and accusations, disappeared.  I felt relieved and so very happy.  You have no idea!  It was as if a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders.  Immediately, I felt lighter and my heart smiled again.  I think the time we were apart was necessary in a way, to allow us to get over all of those feelings I mentioned.  At least, that's how I like to rationalize it.

I have no idea whether our friendship can ever be the way it was. Nor am I sure that I want it to be that way again.  All I know is that I have my friend back, and he has his friend back, and that's enough.  For now.  My PSA for the day? Right your wrongs.  Forget about the past and the pain.  Life is so short, so precious, don't waste it on anger.  I guarantee you that you will feel a hundred times better, if you just let it go and forgive.  After all, tis the season...

How was your Christmas?  I feel like I've been away for a long time!  It's good to be back.  I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday.  As usual, Santa forgot a few of my things.  I'm seriously going to have to send Mrs. Claus a letter of complaint.  Santa's slacking!  But anyway, humor me, what'd you get for being good all year???

That's it for now kids.  I'm super tired and need to go to bed.  Unlike some of you out there, I have to work tomorrow. Bleh!  But at least it's already hump day.

Cheers!

A Heavy Heart

I was all set to talk about the fabulous week I had and the Christmas parties I attended, and all the shenanigans that go with the holidays, and about a special email I received last night.  But now is not the time for such a post.  Now is the time to grieve, to pray, to come together as a nation, to hug your children, your nieces and nephews, extra tight.  Now is the time, to tell your loved ones that you love them, to embrace them, to forgive, to not harbor ill will.  Now is the time to appreciate every.single.day or your life.  There's enough madness and chaos going on in this world of ours, let's not add to it, by getting involved in meaningless debates on gun control or politics or blame.  NOW IS NOT THE TIME.  I'm so incredibly sad today.  I want to cry, but can't.  The tears just won't come.  I'm crying on the inside.  I just feel heartbroken.  Those poor children, the brave little girls and little boys.  The ones that won't be home for Christmas, or ever again.  It breaks my heart.  What is going on in this world?  What is  going on???

Tonight, when you get home, hug your wife, your husband, your kids. your siblings, your parents, whoever holds your heart, hug them for every parent that won't be able to do that anymore.

Opa!

Over the weekend I attended a wedding in Galveston, Texas.  Two good friends of mine were finally getting married.  The majority of the wedding party and guests live in Houston or Greece, so traveling to the island or G-town, as I so affectionately call it, was  not only mandatory but necessary as well.  I'd never been to a Greek wedding, and wanted to bring out my inner Greek, so what do I do? Why watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding over and over, of course!  Didn't really teach me that much, other than those Greeks like to party almost as much as my Hispanic family.  Oh and of course, Greek men are well, hot.  Which brings me to the my next little anecdote.

Greek God
So while we were all gathered outside of a a quaint little Church, waiting for the wedding party to arrive, guests mingled about, hugging, laughing and talking.  I was engrossed in a serious conversation about the best looking male actor was of all time, when one of the women that I was speaking with, gasped.  She was facing me, but her eyes were looking behind me.  The other two people who were also in the conversation began to laugh.  Which naturally made me very self-conscience.  "Do I have something in my teeth???"  *Lucinda, the girl who gasped, grabbed my hands and said, "Jesus is here!"  to which I looked at her nodding my head slowly, "Yes, Jesus is here, and in the church and he's everywhere..."  The couple standing with us, busted out laughing hysterically.  "No, Yvonne.  Jesus IS here. Turn around."  To which I did. And low and behold,  there he was.  No not the real Jesus.  But this guy, he could have given Jim Caviezel a run for his money.  Serious.  The minister was standing outside, speaking to guests, mingling with the crowd.  He was standing at the foot of the stairs, leading into the church.  The doors were open, and by I don't know if it was divine intervention or just a great photo op, but the light coming out from inside, made it look like there was a halo over the priest's head and that there should be harps and trumpets playing in the background.  Which only made my friends laugh even more.  Now, I've seen my share of good looking priests in my day.  -What? I'm a woman, we notice these things.  But this guy, wow.  He wore the long black dress, was about 5'11, thin, had shoulder length hair (think heavy metal rocker), had the most incredible grey/green eyes, chiseled chin equipped with dimples, when he smiled.  Yes ladies, Greek Gods do exist.

The Wedding
The ceremony was beautiful.  One thing that I noticed right away, was that they do everything in threes.  It is said that they do it so as to symbolize the father, son and the holy spirit.  For instance, the priest blessed them, "The father, son and the holy spirit", but he repeated it three times.  He also spoke about love and respect, and unity.  Very emotional and thought provoking I thought.  The newly weds performed traditional wedding dances and included the wedding party.  It was so much fun to watch.  And of course, there was the obligatory after-party at yours  truly's hotel room.  Did I mention they upgraded me to a suite, (with a fully stocked bar) when I checked in? Yeah.  So needless to say, I was a very popular girl last night.  We partied like rock stars.

The Other Stuff
Thursday morning I woke up to pain.  As soon as I got out of bed, and walked to my dresser, my right ankle cried in pain.  Or maybe it was me that cried.  I looked down and saw that it was as swollen as a football.  So limped around all day like that.  I iced it down at work, kept it elevated, tried to not to walk on it if I could help it.  All the while trying to remember if I fell or hit it the day before.  I had not.  I have no idea what happened.  So Friday comes around and my ankle is still swollen.  Again, I massaged it, elevated it, wrapped it.  And Saturday morning, it was still swollen.  Of course, I'm freaking out.  But do I stay home and miss the wedding? Uh, that would be a negative.  I pack my clothes, reluctantly also pack my ugly flats to wear to the wedding, as opposed to my sexy high heels.  I don't know about the rest of you ladies, but wearing a dress with flats, makes me feel so under-dressed and frumpy.  Bleh.  But I did what I had to do. I rocked the dress though and that's all that matters. :)  Tomorrow morning I'm taking myself to the doctor to see if he can figure out what in the world is going going with my ankle.  I have no time to get sick or get side-lined, I've got Christmas parties to attend this week!  It's also game day for the Texans!  12-1 would be oh so sweet.  Everyone say your prayers!!!

What about you? What did the weekend bode for my bloggies?

Today and Always...

I miss you
still.
So much left unsaid
questions left up in the air
assumptions
resentment
regret.

Moving on was not and is not
easy.
Going through the motions
numb
empty
robotic.

You crushed my heart
but it will mend
slowly
carefully
and I will love again

I miss you
still.

Sappy Tuesday

My heart so full of love 
it overflows 
I long to share with you
but you are not here
Life can be cruel -yvonne

Is it me? Or do the holidays make you super emotional and sappy? -more so than usual.  No? Just me?  Figures.  Well I am, super emotional and extra sappy these days.  Not really in the "woe is me" kind of way. More like, "When is it my turn?" kind of way.  What am I rambling about?  Why, life of course.  And men,  And relationships -with myself and with others.  And self-fulfillment and being happy with yourself and your life.  That's what I'm talking about.  This time of year, for me, is always about taking inventory of the past year and asking myself if I was successful?  Did I reach my goals? Or if I failed, did I learn from my mistakes?  Did I become a better person, daughter, sister, friend, lover? Oh come on, doesn't everyone ask themselves these questions?  Wait.  Don't tell me.  And oh em gee, do I get sappy!  I'm crying at the drop of a hat, everything is so sweet, so romantic, so ridiculously happy.  And that's when it hits me.  I'm alone. I'm not in a serious relationship with anyone.  I guess this time of year just reminds me of that little fact of my life.  And it bugs the hell out of me. I try to get past it because let's be serious, living your life every day in a tizzy because you're not dating anyone is just ridiculous, wouldn't you agree? Yeah, me too.  Ugh.  See what I mean?  I should go hibernate with the bears and resurface in the Spring.  Or whenever they come back out.  I don't even get this way during Valentine's Day.  But not to fret my friends, this is only a temporary bout of insanity.  I'll be fine after the new year.  

Alright.  Enough of that.  It's the first week of December and you know what that means right?  It means starting this coming Saturday, I will turn into a social butterfly until New Year's Day.  This month is always a busy one for me. As some of you may know, lawyers love to party in December. (well, pretty much all year, but in December they go into overdrive)  My boss has given me my list of parties he would like me to attend and "market" our firm, not to mention all of my own parties I plan on attending, strictly for pleasure.  So yeah, it's about to get C-R-A-Z-Y up in here.  Which leaves little time to wallow in a pity party, wouldn't you agree?

I actually feel a lot better having written down my feelings.  Sometimes, that's all you need to pick yourself up.  This is why my blog is so important to me, it's my sanctuary.  Comments or no comments, it's my reasoning in this world of confusion.

Thanks for being so great!  Do me a favor, go out and so something amazing for yourselves.

And remember, Santa's watching.

The Art of Forgiveness

It's been said that in order to be of healthy mind, body and soul, we must first let go of all that is standing in our way.  This includes forgiving all those that have in some way or another, hurt us.  And while I agree that yes, we must forgive in order to have a shot at a normal life,  if we don't forgive ourselves, then everything else, remains the same.  I don't know about you, but I struggle with forgiveness sometimes.  It's easier said than done.  But it is doable.  I was reflecting on my life over the weekend and how I've done thus far and how far I have come and how far I have yet to go.  And I realized that had it not been for me being able to forgive myself, that even if I had forgiven all those people/circumstances that wronged me, I would be a total mess right now. (more than I already am)  And that's a huge deal for me.  The hardest thing about forgiveness though, is that sometimes the ones you love the most, are the very ones that inflict the most pain.  That can be in the form of a family member, a spouse, a significant other, a friend.  Some people are just not able to forgive.  They hold grudges.  They remain angry.  And soon, their anger and negativity starts to trickle down to those around them.  I know someone that is harboring ill will towards their loved ones, and this person will not budge, will not be the bigger person, will not just forgive them and move on.  I'm fairly close to this person, someone I care for very much, but their unrelenting and unforgiving anger, is taking a toll on our friendship.  I simple do not want to be around it.  Is that wrong?  I have talked to them and given them advice and suggestions as to how to go about extending an olive branch to their loved ones.  But it all falls on deaf ears.  So what do I do?  Remain the ever supportive friend? Or bail on them?  Well I didn't actually bail on them.  I mean, I'm still very much their friend, I'm just not as available to them as I normally would be.  While some reading this may think it's a selfish move on my part, I don't.  You know, life is so short to be wasting energy and time on something that just needs to stop.  It just does.  If I continue to stand by this person's side, I will spiral down the same path.  Their anger and bitterness is a like a double edged sword, draining and contagious.  It took me a very long time, years actually, not to mention countless and countless sessions with a therapist, to forgive the person that molested me. But it took me even longer, to forgive myself.  I realized that if I kept the wounds open, they'd be susceptible to more pain.  So I closed them.  I wanted to move forward, to live my life and not carry all of the anger and bitterness that was beginning to consume me.  I was lucky, not everyone can get to that point.  Take my friend for instance, they are quickly isolating themselves from those that care for them the most.  But as many have told me, I can talk the talk and walk the walk and give them all the advice in the world, but until they are ready to let go, nothing I say or do will make a difference.

What about you? Is it easy to forgive?

I've done my share of hurting others over the years and though my actions may not have been intentional, they were hurtful.  It's not something that I'm proud of.  But I would be a hypocrite, if I didn't acknowledge this little fact about myself.  Some of those people that I hurt are no longer in my life, and yet, some still are.  It was not a good thing for my ego, when I realized that I'd been "shunned" from certain people's lives, but I got why they did it.  You see, we can forgive, but that doesn't mean you get to remain in our lives.  And I learned that the hard way.  Was it a bitter pill to swallow? Of course it was.  But in the end, I understood why it was done.  I hope my friend, realizes this, before it's too late.