Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Weekend 2012 -DONE

I have a folder labeled, "DO NOT LOOK", saved on my computer.  It contains old emails, texts, pictures, poetry, etc., from a long, long, LONG time ago.  The reason I labeled it what I did, was so that I wouldn't look -just like it reads.  And I don't look.  Like, ever.  I know better.  The last time I went through it was over three years ago!  Yeah well, so much for my three year streak.  I caved tonight.  I sure did.  See, once I start reading  and  going through what is in that folder, I can't stop.  I read everything.  I laugh, I cry, I get angry, I get embarrassed.  I feel stupid and full of regret, but most of all, I feel lonely.  See?  I get all kinds of drained, emotionally.  Ugh! I was weak. And now, I'm feeling sad.  Sigh.  I don't even know why I hold on to that stupid folder.  I should have deleted all that crap years ago.  But I haven't.  Don't ask me what I'm waiting for because I don't have the slightest idea.  Do I know it's not healthy for me to keep it? Of course I do.  But it's human nature, to do the complete opposite of what we know is best for us.  What? You know it's true!  If someone says to you, "I don't think that is good for you.  You should do xyz instead."  Your instinct is to heed that person's advice, but your gut tells you to do otherwise, and that is what you do.

Why is that?

What's wrong with us me?  Don't answer that.  Eh!  Well, after mulling about this whole folder dilemma for hours.  Yes, hours.  I had a lot to think about!  I finally concluded that holding on to that folder and all that it contained, was a way for me to hold on to things and people that were no longer in my life.  It was a way of me holding on to the  person that I used to be.  It prevented me from moving forward.  It kept me tied to the past.  But you see, I already knew that.  The difference this time though, was that I was ready to let go.  And so I did.  I got back on the computer, went to my emails, found THE folder, and hit the delete button.  Just like that.  Fast and furious. Not gonna lie, I shed a few more tears.  But they weren't necessarily sad. They were more melancholy tears.  Doing this tonight, made me feel empowered somehow.  Does that make sense? 

Enough. 

So I'm coming off a four day weekend! Can you say, woohoo!? Come on, say it.  Heh.  I was off on Friday and am off today as well.  I've had the best weekend! Fun, fun and more fun!  I've been partying like a rock star since Thursday night and had not stopped until a few hours ago.  Let me tell you something, this rock star business is exhausting!  But you know what? Doesn't matter, I have had a blasty blast! No regrets.  That being said, I plan on doing a whole lot of nothing today.  You know, relax by the pool with music and a good book.  Stuff like that.  Oh!  And something cold to drink.  Very cold.  The scorching weather has officially arrived in H-town.  It actually feels like an oven outside.  This is going to be a long summer.  In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch of the West, "I'm meltiiiiiiing!".  God help us.

Aside from my co-dependency issues and my "party like a rock star" ways, I have been working on the short stories I mentioned in earlier posts.  Which is why I have been sort of absent around these parts lately. Apologies.  I promise I will be back on a regular basis, soon.

In the meantime, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars! ----Alright, I totally just quoted Casey Kasem.  And if you get the reference, you're way cooler than I thought you were! 

It's been fun, kids! But I've got to go see a pillow about some sleep.

Be good!

11 comments:

Belle said...

Woohoo! Nice to have a 4 day weekend and I'm glad you had a great time. Good to relax before going back to work too. I'm glad you deleted the folder. They say it is healthier to not look back and not worry about the future. I guess that is right, but it is hard.

David Batista said...

That folder sounds like trouble, but I think you should hang on to it. Maybe I believe in being a glutton for punishment, eh? :)

Hey, lucky you on having such a bodacious 4-day weekend! Too bad it's time to hit the same old grind at the office tomorrow. Yeah, I know. Same for me, too. Ugh!

Well, good luck on the short stories. Sooo exciting!

Alessandra said...

Hi Yvonne, long time no see. I was really glad to read your blog today, it reminded me of how funny you are and I really need that now. Good for you on your extra long weekend and I agree on the folder thing. Hope to hear form you soon, I know I haven't been around for a long time, it's a long story, but I'm happy to have found you again.

Yvonne said...

Belle-Thanks Belle! Yes, I enjoyed every minute of this holiday weekend! Going back to work is going to suck!

David- You and I both! I'm a sucker for punishment, that's for sure! Eh, I deleted it. It really wasn't healthy for me. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but the upside? (come on, you knew I would find one) It's a short week! Have a great week! :)

Alessandra- Hey! How are you? It has been a long time! I hope is better. Glad to see again in these parts. And I'm glad I made you laugh. -I'm here all the time. Come back! :)

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Good for you for letting go of that folder! A real moving on, which I am always in favor of. We all do things like this occasionally so don't feel too bad. It's normal, I think.
Happy short work week!

Insomniac #4 said...

Yeah, four day weekend! Woo-hoo! Sounds like you need to power down after that 'rock star' excursion.

Congrats on deleting that folder! Those damn things are so dangerous, but I know how tempting it is to hold on to them. I've had a few folders like that in my life. Still do... somewhere. Never had the stones to delete them, so I just tricked myself into hiding them on unmarked discs. Remember my old blog, and all the 'A' stuff? It all came from a folder, went back into a folder (including the blog itself) and now it's... I dunno... somewhere? Maybe? At least I can't get to it. Not that I want to. I really don't!

I also have a folder of e-mails and pics from my first GF back in 1999. They're in a box, on a disc. A floppy disc! Who uses floppy drives anymore? I couldn't access them if I wanted to!

Also, I say "I'm meltiiiiiiing!" all the time but I never knew where it came from. And I do remember hearing Casey Kasem on the radio when I was a kid. Always believed he had pre-recorded that stuff years ago, like it wasn't believable that he'd still be doing the top 20 countdown every week. I dunno. I'm weird!

Yvonne said...

YRJ- thanks! I'm just glad I finally did it!

Insomniac- Eh! That stupid folder and everything that was in it -omg! But no sense in dwelling on it, it's done. I get what you say, a great bulk of my poetry and posts were centered around HIM, for a long time. Sometimes I go back and re-read them just to remind myself how far I've come. Oh and I'm impressed! You actually know who Casey Kasem is and his quote! Nice! The "I'm meltiiiing!" is what the Wicked Which of the West says in The Wizard of Oz, as she is melting away. ha! :)

Jennifer Hillier said...

It was time to delete the folder. I have folders like that, too. Just old stuff, some of it painful, that I'm not ready to let go of yet. So I'm proud of you - you inspire me!

I can't even imagine how hot it must be where you are. It's been pretty gross here, but probably nothing like what you're getting. I don't do well in the heat! I melt, too!

Yvonne said...

Jennifer- Yeah, my folder's contents were painful as well. Not all of it, but still, I HAD to get rid of it. You will too, when you're ready. Ugh! This weather is crazy! It makes you want to just walk around naked! Ha! You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. I was meant to live in cold weather!

Deus Ex Machina said...

Never take for granted how brave you were to delete that folder. Some of us will probably never be that brave.

Yvonne said...

Deus Ex Machina- It was so difficult for me to do. But I did it! :)