There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to have a "Come to Jesus" talk with yourself. Sometimes, okay, a lot of times, that conversation needs to take place more than once. I've been thinking about this all day. What I would say to myself this time. What words could I use to somehow "click" in my brain and help me realize what I'm doing to myself. The thing is, I don't have any new words. They are the same. But then, so are my infractions.
Here goes nothing...
Yvonne, you've fallen into some old patterns. You were doing so well, being positive and staying on track. Yet, you've somehow lost yourself again. Lost sight of your dreams, your goals. You've started to let life live you, instead of the other way around. I don't need to remind you that that novel is not going to finish itself. Or that the weight is not going to come off by sheer will alone. What is it that scares you into a standstill? Why do you keep sabotaging yourself? It's like the character in the movie Groundhog Day -you're living it over and over again. Maybe you're hoping for different results. But you see, in order for that to happen, different strategies must be placed. You can't keep hurting yourself like this. I know you want the best for you, I know how badly you yearn for validity and success and love to come to you, in all aspects of your life. Sometimes, I want to shake you so hard that you'll never want to revert to your old ways ever again. But we both know that only you can make yourself come to that realization. Stop pouting, stop making excuses for yourself and your actions. Own the consequences of your choices. The good and the bad. Let yourself, love yourself. Stop being your own worst enemy.
And so, that's it. I sit here, writing this as tears are falling down my face. Each tear represents how much I hate to to face the truth., My truth. I'm not perfect. I am merely someone who is currently struggling with her arch nemesis: herself. As I've said before in previous posts, no one likes to face themselves in the mirror. Not when your soul is bare, naked. With every spec, every mistake you've ever made with your life, staring you back in the face. Everyone always says we are the hardest on ourselves. And they're right. I know I struggle with my issues, my "baggage", as it were, on a daily basis. Calling yourself out is warranted every now and again. It's a way to keep you grounded and to remind you to get off your ass and start doing something about it.
I almost feel like I should apologize for this post. It's all over the place and not making a lot of sense to anyone. But I won't. -apologize. This is me.
How about you? Do you ever have a "Come to Jesus" talk with yourself? What do you say? Does it help you? Do you listen to what you have to say? Or do you just sit there and wait for it to be over?
Well kids, at the risk of scaring all of you away, I'm going to put this post out of it's misery. Thanks for dropping by and do come back!