The new year is twelve days old. Almost two weeks. How many New Year's resolutions have been broken already? Heh. Suckers. What? I didn't make any resolutions this year. I made lists remember? No? Just take my word for it.
So the words "closure" and "epiphany" have been on my mind a lot the past few days. Recently, I was starting to feel mopey and weepy about someone that I cared for very much. This someone is no longer in my life. But instead of giving in to the sadness and the tears, as I normally do. This time, I stopped myself. I reminded myself that doing that was "sooo last year" and that this year, Yvonne would not succumb to her old familiar ways. -Yes I start speaking in third person when I'm lecturing myself. I thought long and hard about the friendship that I was mourning and the reasons why. And then I got angry. At myself. At the idiot that shattered my soul. At life's inopportune curve-balls. Then it hit me. Out of nowhere it was as if a bright and shinning light appeared over my head and lit my brain up. I realized that I can't live on "what happened?", "whys?" or "why nots?" any longer. The mourning period has expired. Not just for that relationship that ended, but for all the other bullshit that took hold of my life last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. It's a new year, with a clean slate. What's done is done and what happened, happened. Move on. And just like that, my heart felt lighter and my soul felt happy. -I don't even know if that makes any sense to any of you. But it's truly how I felt. Still feel. Just today, I heard a song on the radio (yes I'm one of the few people that still listen to the car radio) that took me to a place that was going to make me very sad. But I immediately told myself to stop it. I would not go back. And I hope this frame of mind or whatever it is, continues. I want it to continue. Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I know that stuff happens and we as humans, will go through emotions, etc. So yeah, I'll cry from time to time or feel blue/sad/melancholy every now and then, that's a given. But what I will fight with every fiber of my being, not to do, is to "go back" to memories and people that do not deserve an ounce of my time or my tears or any part of me. I feel stronger and liberated and excited about what is to come my way. And I just wanted to share that with you. Who knows? Maybe some of you will even get what I'm saying. -Stranger things have happened.
Now, I've a got a favor to ask all of you, if you pray, pray. If you don't, pretend. Worship. Voodoo dolls -whatever you want. Just do it and ask the powers that be, to help the Texans kick the Ravens purple ass on Sunday. Thanks in advance! I'll love you long time. :)