November is two weeks old today. The holidays are right around the corner and soon, the world will once again, grow a year older. Time is literally flying by. What's up guys? How was the weekend? Share with me.
As for me, when last we met, I got all emotional and had a "wah" moment. I wrote about how the "monster" aka "depression", was back and how I was afraid that I was falling deeper and deeper into that "black hole" that has become more and more difficult for me to climb out of lately. Writing about what I'm feeling or going through emotionally, helps me more than you can ever know. But I understand if you are put off by it. The "morose" world is not for everyone. Heh. At any rate, I'm taking steps to help me cope with this latest "episode" of mine. But as with everything, it takes time. I wish it didn't. I wish "recovery" was instantaneous. How great would that be? Sigh, yeah, it's a nice thought anyway. Over the weekend, I had someone tell me, "You don't look depressed." I was a little taken aback. He caught me off-guard. But I told him that just because I wasn't laying in bed, under the covers, in the dark, didn't mean I wasn't sad or depressed or sick. He told me I just needed to get laid. Good lord, why is that MAN's cure all for everything??? As if that would solve all of my problems. I mean, don't get me wrong, it would be incredible wouldn't it? "Feeling under the weather? Have a little sex". "Stressed about work? Go have sex!" Ha. If only life were that easy guys. Men are so silly! I understand that some people, ok, a lot of people, cannot understand that being depressed is an illness. It's not something that we can just "get over" or "snap out of." Again, wishful thinking. And I hate that I have to defend how I'm feeling. I mean, I can be smiling and laughing on the outside, but on the inside I'm falling apart. I don't know how to explain it so you will understand. Then there are times when I am so dark and just very sad. Those are the times when I don't get out of bed. When I have to literally make myself get up, or brush my teeth. When it takes every ounce of energy that I can find, just to will myself to open my eyes. That's what most do not see. Sure, I have my crying spells too. It's sounds weird I know. But it is what it is. You know, I have good days, good months and even years, and then I have bad days that last forever -to me at least. I don't have an agenda. I can't predict when the "monster" will show up. I can only try with every fiber of my being to fight it and battle it, so it doesn't take over my life. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. Right now, I'm losing, but I know that it's only temporary. Better days are ahead for me. Bleh! So serious on a Monday! What's the matter with me?? At any rate, thanks for allowing to share this with you. I promise it won't always be so glum.
That's it bloggies. That's all I have today.
You know the drill, new week, new possibilities. Make it happen!